MM is actually leaving.... I think....

[CallMeCrazy]

I think mine is really close.... I want to say that he's not leaving for me ~ I believe in my heart he is leaving because their marriage is and has been over for a long time. It's just bad/good luck that we met when we did.

 

Wow. This rollercoaster just keeps on going! This is hands-down the hardest thing I've ever done and it's a constant battle of emotions. I love him, I really do ~ but now that things are really happening I'm scared. I'm scared that we won't work. Statistically the odds are against us.

 

He sold his Range Rover. He sold his Harley. He told his W he is moving out on or before Jan. 1. So, he's definitely following through with all the talks/planning/etc. so that he can afford to support her and a new life on his own. He came over this morning and we talked.... I've been through a divorce myself, so I told him about how I broke the news to my exH. He broke the plans we had today so that he could go write up "talking points" so that he could tell her it's really over in the next couple days.

 

I'm a whole mess of emotions. I'm nervous because I don't know how this is all going to play out. I have no idea if he is going to tell her about me or not? If so, how will she react? Then, throw in the holidays on top and it's pretty overwhelming. I've been trying to get outside ~ hit the beach or the gym to keep my mind from obsessing about something I have no control over.

 

He's been a distant, which I know is normal. He is still grieving a little over the fact things didn't work. I know that he does love her and doesn't want to hurt her. BUT too f*cking late for that, huh?

 

Has anyone had their MM really leave? What happened? Did they tell the W about your relationship? Are you still together??

[whichwayisup]

Just give him space and put your relationship on HOLD for a while. Don't get involved in his divorce - Don't ask for details, don't make suggestions.

 

If you two want to have a real honest relationship, then cut all physical stuff off NOW and date casually once he has had time alone to deal with the loss of his marriage, and deal with emotional stuff. This isn't going to be easy on him at all, and even more so if they have children together.

 

Keep busy and focus on your own life.

[KnownTruth]

I think mine is really close.... I want to say that he's not leaving for me ~ I believe in my heart he is leaving because their marriage is and has been over for a long time. It's just bad/good luck that we met when we did.

 

Wow. This rollercoaster just keeps on going! This is hands-down the hardest thing I've ever done and it's a constant battle of emotions. I love him, I really do ~ but now that things are really happening I'm scared. I'm scared that we won't work. Statistically the odds are against us.

 

He sold his Range Rover. He sold his Harley. He told his W he is moving out on or before Jan. 1. So, he's definitely following through with all the talks/planning/etc. so that he can afford to support her and a new life on his own. He came over this morning and we talked.... I've been through a divorce myself, so I told him about how I broke the news to my exH. He broke the plans we had today so that he could go write up "talking points" so that he could tell her it's really over in the next couple days.

 

I'm a whole mess of emotions. I'm nervous because I don't know how this is all going to play out. I have no idea if he is going to tell her about me or not? If so, how will she react? Then, throw in the holidays on top and it's pretty overwhelming. I've been trying to get outside ~ hit the beach or the gym to keep my mind from obsessing about something I have no control over.

 

He's been a distant, which I know is normal. He is still grieving a little over the fact things didn't work. I know that he does love her and doesn't want to hurt her. BUT too f*cking late for that, huh?

 

Has anyone had their MM really leave? What happened? Did they tell the W about your relationship? Are you still together??

 

It seems you might be one of the lucky ones whose MM leaves W. Congrats. I would give him some space to deal with the divorce and loss. He will need time to heal in his own way. I'am sure he knows that you are there for him and will reach out to you when he is ready.

[Lizzie60]

I agree with the others... give him space.. let him know that you'll be there if he needs your support.

 

It must be nerve-wrecking for you for sure... hooooo.... good luck and best wishes for you two...

[Tomcat33]

I think mine is really close.... I want to say that he's not leaving for me ~ I believe in my heart he is leaving because their marriage is and has been over for a long time. It's just bad/good luck that we met when we did.

 

Wow. This rollercoaster just keeps on going! This is hands-down the hardest thing I've ever done and it's a constant battle of emotions. I love him, I really do ~ but now that things are really happening I'm scared. I'm scared that we won't work. Statistically the odds are against us.

 

He sold his Range Rover. He sold his Harley. He told his W he is moving out on or before Jan. 1. So, he's definitely following through with all the talks/planning/etc. so that he can afford to support her and a new life on his own. He came over this morning and we talked.... I've been through a divorce myself, so I told him about how I broke the news to my exH. He broke the plans we had today so that he could go write up "talking points" so that he could tell her it's really over in the next couple days.

 

I'm a whole mess of emotions. I'm nervous because I don't know how this is all going to play out. I have no idea if he is going to tell her about me or not? If so, how will she react? Then, throw in the holidays on top and it's pretty overwhelming. I've been trying to get outside ~ hit the beach or the gym to keep my mind from obsessing about something I have no control over.

 

He's been a distant, which I know is normal. He is still grieving a little over the fact things didn't work. I know that he does love her and doesn't want to hurt her. BUT too f*cking late for that, huh?

 

Has anyone had their MM really leave? What happened? Did they tell the W about your relationship? Are you still together??

 

 

Well the reason "stats" claim that these relationships that are born out of infidelity don't work is because people's own worst enemies are themselves. If you cannot trust yourself to trust this man then you must rethink what you want for yourself. You are scared that things won't work now? What happened to all the time you were together hoping this day will come? How come you are scared now that you are about to have him in your life? I know that now it has become a reality therefore now is when you think of it in real terms, but if you wish to have any sort of positive future with this man you need to nip these thoughts in the bud starting NOW. Otherwise you will create your won self-fulfilled prophecy. The reason these relationships don't work is because people do this to themselves.

 

I suggest what the rest suggested take time out for yourself and let him deal with his issues be there as a friend and nothing more. In time if it feels right and when you are sure you are emotionally up to being there for him 100% of the way then get involved with him and make that the 1st page of a brand new chapter.

 

PS it's not too f"ing late, they can still reconcile and this is why it is important for you to not be so emotionally close to it all right now, you need to protect yourself in the event last minute changes happen. It's not done until it's actually done.

[bestadvisor]

It seems you might be one of the lucky ones whose MM leaves W. Congrats. I would give him some space to deal with the divorce and loss. He will need time to heal in his own way. I'am sure he knows that you are there for him and will reach out to you when he is ready.

 

 

Congrats?

[GreenEyedLady]

I think mine is really close.... I want to say that he's not leaving for me ~ I believe in my heart he is leaving because their marriage is and has been over for a long time. It's just bad/good luck that we met when we did.

 

Wow. This rollercoaster just keeps on going! This is hands-down the hardest thing I've ever done and it's a constant battle of emotions. I love him, I really do ~ but now that things are really happening I'm scared. I'm scared that we won't work. Statistically the odds are against us.

 

Has anyone had their MM really leave? What happened? Did they tell the W about your relationship? Are you still together??

 

Please be careful what specifics you post, CMC...

 

I will bet you that if he is smart, he will not tell his w about you if she doesn't know...

 

Now, if she suspects she may ask and then he can either say yes or no...But be careful, she may start doing detective work if she doesn't want to lose him...

 

If he is a good partner, he will be able to assure you of his love for you, even through this difficult time...And you need to be able to be his support and ear to listen to him...

 

My experience has been that we have grown closer and more in love, each day...Statistics mean very little in real life...You both need to believe that you are right for each other, if there is any doubt, then that will undermine your R...

 

You are in for what happens in all R's: the ups and downs...But if you truly love each other and trust in that, it can work out...

 

GEL

[GreenEyedLady]

Oh and I just read about giving him space...

 

Sorry, I call bull**** on that...I'm going through the process with my partner right now and we're assimiliating into each other's lives...If he is really needing space, he's conflicted and that's a problem waiting to happen...If he loves you and is truly seeing a future with you, you the only space he will want is sharing his space with you, whenever he can...

 

GEL

[nextel]

I dont know if this is any comfort to you but.....seems like all the signs are pointing in your direction.

 

I dont know if he will tell his W about you, I think that if she asks, he might.

 

My MM told me that W asked him if he was seeing someone and he told her yes. She has told him that she does not care what he does outside the house but she is not leaving him. He on the other hand has told me that before he became involved with me, he had been seeing other women. He told me that I was not the cause of his M going sour. He said that his M to W went sour before they even tied the note. He stuck through it because he had said that he would marry her.

 

She knows that I exist, but she wants to keep him. He on the other hand says that he wants out. I have been told that as soon as the holidays are over, he intends to either move out, or she move out.

 

Yours is making some headways, now whether or not he will be with you after the fact is a different story, but right now, it seems as though he will be leaving her.

 

Good luck.

[Tony6]

Most MM do not leave for the other woman. Sorry but true. Time will tell. Let it play out. Too late for your second thoughts anyway.

[White Flower]

CMC, you need to post more so that you can get PM privileges. Anyway, it is interesting that you are experiencing fear and wonder now if you are really going to work out as a couple.

 

MM and I have discussed that a few times and it really is a mystery--as it is for all people whether in an A or not. So, is MM leaving for you or would he have left anyhow? My guess is he would have anyhow because, afterall, he was unhappy enough to begin the A in the first place. But, so many BS seem to post the idea that the OW dragged him out of the M.

[OWoman]

Has anyone had their MM really leave? What happened? Did they tell the W about your relationship? Are you still together??

 

CMC, if he does leave (and some do, despite all the "stats" that get thrown around) just be ready for some pretty rough times ahead. It's not easy for anyone, and you might find yourself wishing at times (as I do, at times) for the "old days" of the A when everything was so simple, so painless....

 

Like GEL, I disagree with the "back off until after the D is finalised" calls. I've had several friends go through Ds and they really need friends during that time. If you love your MM, why would you not be there for him when he most needs you - the way you'd be there for any friend?

[OWoman]

But, so many BS seem to post the idea that the OW dragged him out of the M.

 

If it was that simple, there'd be many more "happy endings" here on the OW board....

[mistieyed]

I think mine is really close.... I want to say that he's not leaving for me ~ I believe in my heart he is leaving because their marriage is and has been over for a long time. It's just bad/good luck that we met when we did.

 

Wow. This rollercoaster just keeps on going! This is hands-down the hardest thing I've ever done and it's a constant battle of emotions. I love him, I really do ~ but now that things are really happening I'm scared. I'm scared that we won't work. Statistically the odds are against us.

 

He sold his Range Rover. He sold his Harley. He told his W he is moving out on or before Jan. 1. So, he's definitely following through with all the talks/planning/etc. so that he can afford to support her and a new life on his own. He came over this morning and we talked.... I've been through a divorce myself, so I told him about how I broke the news to my exH. He broke the plans we had today so that he could go write up "talking points" so that he could tell her it's really over in the next couple days.

 

I'm a whole mess of emotions. I'm nervous because I don't know how this is all going to play out. I have no idea if he is going to tell her about me or not? If so, how will she react? Then, throw in the holidays on top and it's pretty overwhelming. I've been trying to get outside ~ hit the beach or the gym to keep my mind from obsessing about something I have no control over.

 

He's been a distant, which I know is normal. He is still grieving a little over the fact things didn't work. I know that he does love her and doesn't want to hurt her. BUT too f*cking late for that, huh?

 

Has anyone had their MM really leave? What happened? Did they tell the W about your relationship? Are you still together??

 

to answer your last few questions - yes he left (we were together 3.5 years at that point), then went through the rebound stage of wanting to date EVERYONE because he had just gotten out of a 25 year marriage (you think you are on a roller coaster now, just wait) - he did not tell W about the relationship and no we are not still together. if i would have allowed it, he would have continued the roller coaster ride with me, but i had enough respect in myself to walk away regardless of my feelings for him. i hope yours turns out much better.

[White Flower]

to answer your last few questions - yes he left (we were together 3.5 years at that point), then went through the rebound stage of wanting to date EVERYONE because he had just gotten out of a 25 year marriage (you think you are on a roller coaster now, just wait) - he did not tell W about the relationship and no we are not still together. if i would have allowed it, he would have continued the roller coaster ride with me, but i had enough respect in myself to walk away regardless of my feelings for him. i hope yours turns out much better.

It sounds like you went through what they call, "The Exit Affair"?

[CallMeCrazy]

As I said, I am experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions. I know he is on the way out the door, but when I know he's with all of his W's family celebrating the holidays, a tiny part of me worries a little. I shouldn't, but maybe it's just human nature? Anyway, after the events of the last say, 2 weeks (combined with the months of planning, etc) I am confident that he is following through with this.

 

I believe that he has stuck it out with his W for this long mainly because of his children, and also because of some other issues he was waiting for his W to finish.

 

We talk and text daily and have been seeing each other as much as possible. Yes, I am scared. But it's mainly because I love him so much I don't want to lose him/us/what we have. AND, like Tomcat said, I don't want to jinx things for us. I've been open and honest about all my feelings so that MM and I forge ahead with our eyes wide open.

 

I'm beginning to see that, as OWoman pointed out, we're going to have some rough times ahead and that things won't be quite as "simple" as they have been... (Which seems funny to say considering no A is "simple" ) I think I'm just coming to grips with the fact that things are finally going to get REAL. We will be dealing with OUR relationship and problems, etc. vs. planning for the day we can be together. I think so much of what we've had until now has been talking/thinking/planning for the future and less about what was going on in that moment with just us. Don't get me wrong, we've had a lot of us time ~ that is how we feel in love ~ but there has been a bit of a grey cloud following us around until he is out of his current situation.

 

All of these things are positive, and I'm sooo happy that we finally will have a chance. For our particular situation, giving him space wouldn't be good. I've realized that. We need to keep working on us ~ he checked out of his previous R a long time ago ~ so everything will be us moving forward while he finalizies things with his W.

 

She may try to hang on, but she knows in her heart that it's over. They have had several long/deep talks about their R so now it's only a matter of him saying, "I think we should divorce". He just has not yet spoken those words.

[OWoman]

She may try to hang on, but she knows in her heart that it's over. They have had several long/deep talks about their R so now it's only a matter of him saying, "I think we should divorce". He just has not yet spoken those words.

 

Even when he does, expect that she might not "hear" it - my MM's W heard that as "you don't try hard enough" and suddenly went on a diet, joined a gym, cut down on her drinking, had her hair cut and bought some trendier new clothes... and was rather put out when MM didn't move back in and "make some effort of his own".

 

Hang in there CMC! If it's worth having, it's worth working for.

[ICallsEmAsISeesEm]

She may try to hang on, but she knows in her heart that it's over. They have had several long/deep talks about their R so now it's only a matter of him saying, "I think we should divorce". He just has not yet spoken those words.

Just out of curiosity, how do you KNOW what his wife is feeling? How do you know WHAT she feels in her heart?

 

I'm always amazed when an OW presumes to know what's REALLY going on in someone else's head and heart.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

I'm amazed at the total lack of consern for the W in most of these OW posts and the over use of the word I. And it almost seams that to break them up is the golden prize in somes eye. Kinda disturbeing don't you think they will just do the same thing to you once things start getting hard in the relashionship? I'm not trying to put any one down here please belive me no offence ment. But I do find the mind set in general odd could some one please explain the draw of it?

[SpanksTheMonkey]

The letter "I" lol hmm must be sleepy

[dunstable]

There's a big danger here, IMHO, that he still has feelings for his wife that will prevent him fully loving anyone else for months or years to come. As others suggested, give him some time to get over his lost relationship before trying to build a replacement relationship with him. Just be a loving friend to him in the meantime. You say he still loves her. If she still loves him too, they may even end up back together - it's been heard of! Sometimes people break up, try to form new lives with new partners, but can't because their love is still there for each other.

[frannie]

He sold his Range Rover. He sold his Harley. He told his W he is moving out on or before Jan. 1. So, he's definitely following through with all the talks/planning/etc. so that he can afford to support her and a new life on his own. He came over this morning and we talked.... I've been through a divorce myself, so I told him about how I broke the news to my exH. He broke the plans we had today so that he could go write up "talking points" so that he could tell her it's really over in the next couple days.

 

I'm a whole mess of emotions. I'm nervous because I don't know how this is all going to play out. I have no idea if he is going to tell her about me or not? If so, how will she react? Then, throw in the holidays on top and it's pretty overwhelming. I've been trying to get outside ~ hit the beach or the gym to keep my mind from obsessing about something I have no control over.

 

He's been a distant, which I know is normal. He is still grieving a little over the fact things didn't work. I know that he does love her and doesn't want to hurt her. BUT too f*cking late for that, huh?

 

 

CMC I don't want to thrown cold water over all of this, but I'd say no, it's not too late. If he loves her and doesn't want to hurt her, he may still put that before anything he wants 'for himself'... I think so much depends on how we see ourselves, and whether we need others to need us. If he is still grieving, then there is still everything in the balance, and it may take a long time for things to really settle. As you say, throw Christmas into the mix and everything becomes very emotional.

 

In my experience, everything takes at least four times as long as I imagine, and I believe I can cope with. Time changes everything, so perhaps although things are going in a particular direction maybe it will take a while longer, more thought and more changes before you really know where it is going.

 

I think you're doing the right thing to focus on yourself and see how things go... very much better that than pushing for results.

 

I'm amazed at the total lack of consern for the W in most of these OW posts and the over use of the word I. And it almost seams that to break them up is the golden prize in somes eye. Kinda disturbeing don't you think they will just do the same thing to you once things start getting hard in the relashionship? I'm not trying to put any one down here please belive me no offence ment. But I do find the mind set in general odd could some one please explain the draw of it?

 

Are you really amazed? And do you really see a lack of concern for the W in all (?) posts made by OW? Or is it perception and bias on your own part? No, no one likes to see someone hurt in the end of a relationship, and I am sure there are not many OW who relish the pain of a W who is perhaps facing the end of a marriage. But please try to remember, this is a forum for the OW/OM, and not the Infidelity forum.

 

Over there (in Infidelity) are people facing infidelity in their own marriage, possibly separation and divorce, and it is very harrowing and upsetting to read. But that's a reality of life, something to be faced when and if it happens, and it can happen in ANY relationship, whether begun as an affair, high school sweethearts, or later in life. People drift apart, fail to meet each other's needs, change and grow and relationships end.

 

And the 'draw of it'..? The fact that you've met someone who in many cases you love, find affinity with, and want to spend the rest of your life with. Sometimes yes, 'cheating' goes on before you get together, sometimes you may never actually get together for one reason or another, but there is still that hope that one day you will, that things aren't all cut and dried, and that you may find that happy time with the person you feel so strongly about, despite prior commitments and everything else. That is 'the draw'.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

CMC

 

 

 

Are you really amazed? And do you really see a lack of concern for the W in all (?) posts made by OW? Or is it perception and bias on your own part? No, no one likes to see someone hurt in the end of a relationship, and I am sure there are not many OW who relish the pain of a W who is perhaps facing the end of a marriage. But please try to remember, this is a forum for the OW/OM, and not the Infidelity forum.

 

 

.

Yes honestly I am amazed and no I'm not bias why would I be? I've never been marryed nor involved with a marryed man. You do come off as a bit defensive and border line hostile tho why? I did say most of the OW posts not all please read. I was not trying to insult anyone just asking a question in a respectful manner nothing wrong with that is there? I personaly think if a man has cheated on his wife chances are he will cheat on the next one. That was the part I diden't get why any one would want to put them selves in that situation in the 1st place. Alow themselves to be drawen into a relashionship like that thats all no harm ment. I understand this is a forum for the OW but I thought its also a place you could openly ask questions about the mind set of the OW no?

[nextel]

I think that some people tend to express their opinions based on how they feel about the whole idea of a single woman dating a mm, or because their situation did not work out. Certainly everyone is entitled to their opinion but I dont think that it is wise to express your anger and discontent for the kind of relationship others are in.

 

Even in everyday relationship, most people already have someone they are seeing and then find another man/woman whom they decide they want to be with. Very few people find each other "single". I have know 2 people whose husbands left their wives and today they are very much still together and their husbands have not stepped out of their M. These cases might be far and between but I think that those of us in those situations know best about the characters we deal with.

 

Lets see these men in all weathers before we jump to conclusions. However, dont be a fool in the process of wanting to be with him.

[OWoman]

I have been constantly amazed as well, that some ow believe in the happily ever after with the mm.

 

Anyone who believes in "happily ever after" in ANY relationship is going to get a rude awakening. All relationships require work and effort. The difference, in Ms that started as As that I've seen, is that both parties go in with their eyes wide open, given what they've been through, and tend to work harder than in those Ms they left to be with the OW / OM. Some last a lifetime, others don't, but I've not noticed a higher attrition rate than with other Ms (which here is over 50%).