Can W get H back from OW

[Rezy]

Hi, hope you don't mind me asking, but is it possible for the wife to get her husband back from the other woman after her husband has been with OW for nine or so months.

This woman can't possibly be a normal OW, she is a complete nutcase. She and my H have split up several times, but she has told him that she will kill me if he ever came back to me. She has taken a dislike to our daughter, only because she is another female that he has feelings for. She use to ring me often and infact it was her that told me about them, I have since changed my phone number. She has come to my house at night to see if my H is here.

My H went away for work and we currently live in different cities, he is living only a short distant from her. She is terrified of losing him and I think her craziness is quite exciting for him. She was a prositute when they met and has 4 kids.

My H still tells me that he loves me, and we still do have sex together, often we have to sneak off to motels as she has followed him to our home city.

I'm not that sane myself as I really do want my H of 21 years back, and this woman out of our lives. Do you think I stand a chance? And what is it that will finaly drive the H away from the OW? ALso please tell me that her behaivour isn't normal for a OW.

[GreenEyedLady]

You should probably post this is in infidelity...

[Rezy]

Yeah, sorry seems I've posted this twice. Just knew to forums. Told by admin that title was to long. How do i move it by the way?

[Rezy]

Yeah, sorry. Seems i posted this twice as told by admin first title too long. How do I move it by the way.Not having much luck here!!!

[american-woman]

Yes its possible. First of all you need to STOP havnig sex with your husband and get tested for STD`s. Why would he work on his marriage when he can have his cake and eat it to? You need to educate yourself on how to recover your marriage there are many books out there. Then you need to have a plan.

[child_of_isis]

Why does he need to come back? He has two women competing for him. A cheaters dream.

 

I would stop the sex and cut off all contact. Let him deal with the psycho for a while (on his own) and he'll come to the conclusion that your stability is more attractive.

 

You and your H both need to be tested for STD's after he ends the relationship and comes back home. Which he will.

[bish]

A better question would be...why would the wife want him after being with the OW. I say let the OW have him...they can be each other's problem.

[child_of_isis]

I think after she goes no contact for a while and her head clears, she (W) will come to that very conclusion.

 

Either way...it will be her (W) who is then making the decisions about her life. Not H and OW.

 

This H is freaked due to how the OW is acting. He doesn't know how to handle it/her/the R. So, he runs to his W for her strength and comfort. This then allows him the confidence in himself to try it with OW again.

 

Personally, I would let this OW strip him of every ounce of manhood he has left. Then when he returned to me for a pick up, I would kick him while he is down.

 

 

A better question would be...why would the wife want him after being with the OW. I say let the OW have him...they can be each other's problem.

[LucreziaBorgia]

He will only come back when he sees that he has to make a clear choice in order to do so. In other words, you cut him off completely as long as he has anything to do with this OW. If he wants to come back to you, he has to shut out OW, get a lawyer to threaten her with legal action if she attempts to contact, and the two of you need to go into counseling. He has to chose either you or her, period. No middle ground. That is your only chance. He has to understand that as long as OW is in his life in any way, shape or form that he will never see you or talk to you again.

 

If you do not give him a clear choice: ie - you continue to allow him to see you while he is involved with OW, then that is exactly what he will do: continue to see you both.

[Gwyneth]

She sounds like a crazy lady. Get rid of her as fast as you can get rid of your husband. He knows this yet isn't going to do anything about it? Insane. I'd run as fast as I can.

 

[Rezy]

Thanks for all your advise, I know that I look like a fool for wanting him back, but he was always my rock. I'm finding it really hard to cope on my own.

Have been checked for STD's and will continue to do so.

child_of_isis, I think you really hit it on the head, I thought about what you said, you know, you are right. Two weeks ago OW tried to attack him when he told her that he couldn't see a future for them, he came straight up to me, got all the tea and sympathy he needed then went back two days later. Then he stopped ringing me for 3 days.

She is currently laying on all the charm to lure him back and now a hardly hear from him. I can't believe that she can keep this up, so.. next time I will take your advise and leave him to it.

[nadiaj2727]

Yes, sure, there are many betrayed wives who have had a husband come out of the "fog" of an affair, regretting how he ruined his life and marriage, and wanting the wife back. The problem is, it's sometimes too late -- the wife has moved on and doesn't want the lying sack of s*it. Let OW have him -- no offense but it sounds like they deserve each other.

 

I would recommend you to the Surviving Infidelity forums (survivinginfidelity.com) -- there are lots of betrayed spouses on there who have had their husbands apologize, come back or WANT to come back, and some have decided to take him back while others have decided he doesn't deserve them. Reading their stories (instead of listening to my xMM's lines of "we just aren't right together, I was born to be with *you* blah blah blah) made me realize as an OW that I had *nothing* -- just someone else's cheating husband, and I was helping him dump a bunch of hurt, pain and betrayal on her. I honestly think that both OW and BS should realize that they are BOTH better than a MM who lies to them both and strings them both on. Once both women realize this, OW should thank her lucky stars she got out BEFORE she ended up with the booby prize, and BS should kick his butt to the curb. (However, there are cases where the MM is truely remorseful and sorry -- in such cases I think the marriage can be saved if both want to work at reconciliation/ forgiveness/ rebuilding trust. It's hard but it can happen, and from what I've seen in the real world, it's a lot more likely that MM and BS stay together in some shape or form than MM leaving BS for OW. I'm sorry but that doesn't sound like your case -- it sounds like he first must realize the error of his ways before you can even DECIDE whether you want him back or not.)

 

Best wishes honey, but I agree with those who have said you are better off without him. Find yourself a real man, one who doesn't cheat. (I know that's a lot easier said than done after taking vows with someone and having hopes and dreams of a future with them, only to have it all ripped away by a selfish husband and an uncaring OW. If you really do want him back, Surviving Infidelity has help for you. They also have help to get you over him and on with your life, if that's what you figure out you want.)

[nadiaj2727]

I forgot to say -- I totally agree with what LB said above. Right now, both you and OW are allowing your husband to have his cake and eat it too! He doesn't have to make a decision because neither of you are making him. I think you should file for divorce or do something drastic to show him you are not going to put up with this. Then you will see where his loyalties lie -- I bet you anything he will be crawling back to you, why would he want a life with this crazy OW?? Take back your strength and power Rezy! Tell him to make a choice and stick to it, you are not going to share him with anyone else. If he chooses her, then you know he is no longer your rock (I'm sorry, I know that's hard to hear). You will have to be your own rock and move on without him (and all the better for you). If he does come crawling back (my bet's on that... they usually do), you can see how serious he is about doing whatever it takes to make your marriage work in the future, and you will have the power to decide whether or not you want him anymore.

 

Best wishes, I am sorry to hear this is happening to you. I know it is hard to feel betrayed by someone who promised to love you forever. You can get through this though, be strong.

[Gwyneth]

Thanks for all your advise, I know that I look like a fool for wanting him back, but he was always my rock. I'm finding it really hard to cope on my own.

Have been checked for STD's and will continue to do so.

child_of_isis, I think you really hit it on the head, I thought about what you said, you know, you are right. Two weeks ago OW tried to attack him when he told her that he couldn't see a future for them, he came straight up to me, got all the tea and sympathy he needed then went back two days later. Then he stopped ringing me for 3 days.

She is currently laying on all the charm to lure him back and now a hardly hear from him. I can't believe that she can keep this up, so.. next time I will take your advise and leave him to it.

 

 

Have you read my thread about my friend who is dating her ex husband? He betrayed her but is now redating him as he is going through his divorce from the lady whom he cheated on my friend with.

 

Also, my mom's friend remarried her ex husband whom She cheated on as well. Previously, this friend was a BS from her first husband whom she had two children with.

 

Anything is possible as long as you focus on what you want--you should get it. It's called the Law of Attraction and it works for you if you use it well

[Rezy]

Thank you so much, all of you for your kind and supportive words. I just feel like these last couple of days I have hit rock bottom.

H and OW are in business together, she was looking for an investment, so it's not that easy for him to walk away even if he really wanted to. He has offered to give everything to her but she won't wear that. They are now in debt so it's not as though I can even try and take him for anything. He has left me in a rented house and I have very little money and two kids living at home. I do get some child support off him, but it isn't that regular. He use to promise me a payout and has told me that he can't afford to now.

OW has got herself in debt personally as well, new car and funiture, I suspect H is helping her out money wise, as she gets over the top about money.

She hates my kids, even though she has never met them as she can't stand him having feelings for anyone else.I just wish that he would get away from her.

[Rezy]

Got your post child_of_isis before it got lost, thanks for info will do my best to put it into place. Saw H for 10 minutes yesterday, he had brought OW up here for night, I was dressed to the nines and made out I was going out with friends. H didn't seem to pleased.

With regards to my daughter she is 20 years old (just) she is currently not living at home, moving back in two weeks. She refuses to give H her address and will only see him at my place. OW has phoned her 6 times, says nothing then hangs up, also sent daughter two textes telling daughter to grow up and say goodbye to daddy, also alot of untrue crap about me. OW had phoned me about 25 times before kids and I changed all our numbers.

H visiting for Xmas, have feeling OW will follow him up here, wouldn't be first time. Dreading new years, first time not with H new years eve in 25 years. Think I'll need a few bottles of wine to get though that night.

[MrsHellnoFire]

She was a prositute when they met and has 4 kids.

 

 

Your hubby is gross. I really hope you use protection.

[Rezy]

Yeah, ok know where you are coming from. OW claims to be pregnant and has threaten to top herself three times. At the moment to much for me to cope with. YUk yuk yuk! Don't need this!!!!! I never asked her to break up my home.Why play the victim now. Claims to H that the only problem the ex faces is loss of income, why can't the bitch understand a broken heart and a broken family. Never hated someone so much in my life. If you don't know me don't pretned to I think you do, no one has that right to anyone.

Sorry if this is too much,totally sick and grossed out. Why can't it leave us alone and give our kids their father back.

Sorry just a vent I need, merry xmas all!!

[child_of_isis]

You need to detach yourself from miss drama queen and her lover.

 

You are going to have to cut these people out of your life to avoid pain and to protect yourself and your children. Evidently daddy is not going to.

 

Your children don't need this crap. Until these 2 can act like adults, go NC.

 

Let them clean up their own mess.

[MrsHellnoFire]

Don't you think your hubby is a little screwed up mentally for ditching his family for another prostitute with a ready-made family?? Something is not right here. Please do yourself a favor and back away from the situation. You might even be putting your family in danger with this woman.

Take care.

[buttery]

You have been given some great advice from the other posters. I would like to add that I really understand where you are coming from. I was in a similar situation so I do know what it feels like to have a controlling and manipulative woman who just will do everything and anything in her power to persuade your husband to be with her. One thing to remember is that you are the wife, obviously, there relationship is not what you think it is because if it was she wouldnt need to go through such drastic attempts to manipulate your husband.

It appears your husband is drawn by the reckless danger she represents and hasnt manage to break free from her. While she knows he is married, she is not the one you married and therefore she owes you nothing. Not even the decency to remove herself until he makes a decision. She could care less, it is a game for her. The only person who can put an end to this craziness is your husband. If he really wanted her out of his life then she would be gone. There are ways to deal with people like that. He is not ready to let her go and he doesnt want to let you go either.

You need to remove yourself from this situation and not be a part of it. You need to make the decision that you want your husband back but you are not willing to share. Continue to be nice and supportive but for heaven's sake dont sleep with him anymore. There is no reason for him to change or decide since he gets what he wants from the both of you with no effort on his part.

[Rezy]

Hi all, hope you all had a great Christmas and new year. H came home for Christmas declared his love etc, left boxing day then came back next morning still declaring his love. Stayed home 4 days until OW started n/c now H has gone back to her. He told me that I am not allowed to question him and even got quite angry when he was with me, for no reason!!

His parents contacted me, OW had being contacting them while he was away. He seems to get angry with her carry on, but will forgive her just as quickly. Told me he was bored being around me. Guess my behaviour is now to quiet for him. Still want him back, as saw a man that I fell in love with 25 years ago for a few days.

Never the less, have decided that if he stays with this freak he will have to say goodbye to kids forever as they will always be a target to her. I can't believe someone can act like this and be forgiven at every turn.

Over heard him on phone to her Christmas day, feel sure that he told her that he loved her. Of course he said he didn't. H seems to have alot of anger with women, at one stage told me he only loved me, then told me that he only came back for kids. I don't know what to believe. ( H was drunk at time ).

The sad thing is that if he satys with OW he must stop all contact with us, as OW can't cope with him having a life outside of her. Why are men drawn to such women. All the years that I have known him he was never a wimp.

I am so crushed by his behaviour, is so called winning so important to her. H told me that she is desperate for a father for her kids, but claims to not like or understand her parenting skills. Our kids thought that he was home for good, it's almost too much having to deal with my pain let alone having to tell them that he has gone back. What a crap start to a new year! I feel so old and abandoned, and so worn out by tying to be strong for everyone else.

Sorry to rant on, I really need to vent, and thanks to all who let me and those kind enough to reply.

[whichwayisup]

Rezy, the man you fell inlove with years ago, is gone. The man who is infront of you now is a complete stranger to you and doesn't deserve ONE MORE MINUTE of your time.

 

Seriously, consider speaking to a lawyer, get divorced. You need to think of your kids right now and what is best for them. Obviously he isn't capable of being a husband to you, let alone a father to his own kids. You all deserve better.

 

I am sorry for your pain, what he's done to you, and your kids, especially over Christmas, is crazy! Your husband and the OW deserve eachother, she sounds just as loopy and nuts as he is!

[Rezy]

Yeah I know, the pain is almost too much, I know in my heart that he is back in bed with her, after telling me that she does nothing for him. I also know that he withdrew from me because he was so worried about losing her. He has texted me twice tonight, says will ring tomorrow.

When he was up here I felt what she was going through, knowing you are with a man who has feelings for someone else. No wonder she is crazy but at least I didin't have to steal him from someone else. She did try the pregnacy bit by the way, but never was. He says he can't stand her kids, hope he enjoys them. He will never be able to enjoy his again or his future grandchildren.

I can't ever see me with anyone else, what man these days wants an older woman, also can't see me ever trusting a man again.