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I am falling for my married boss


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Old 21st August 2007, 2:17 PM   #1
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I am falling for my married boss

I really need help. I am considerably younger than this man, but I am very mature for my age. I know that falling for a married man is a HORRIBLE thing, but my heart just isn't listening to me.

I don't know why I like him so much- he does pay attention me and I like it. He has commented on my personality, my appearance, he stands close to me, touches me, the way he looks at me is so different and he has even called me to ask me a question that seemed so obvious. He even mentions that he wishes he wasn't stuck in this job forever and that he wished that he would have got a better education.

The men that I work with tend to think that I lead them on. Just because I am nice to a guy doesn't mean that I like them....and now the one I really want(the married guy), probably thinks bad things about me. I truly am a good girl who can't get over this!

I know he thinks that I am attractive, but should I be worried that he may like me too?

Is it so awful for me to like this man? It is even worse that I miss him when he isn't around....
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Old 21st August 2007, 2:42 PM   #2
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Originally Posted by lala2007 View Post
I really need help. I am considerably younger than this man, but I am very mature for my age. I know that falling for a married man is a HORRIBLE thing, but my heart just isn't listening to me.

I don't know why I like him so much- he does pay attention me and I like it. He has commented on my personality, my appearance, he stands close to me, touches me, the way he looks at me is so different and he has even called me to ask me a question that seemed so obvious. He even mentions that he wishes he wasn't stuck in this job forever and that he wished that he would have got a better education.

The men that I work with tend to think that I lead them on. Just because I am nice to a guy doesn't mean that I like them....and now the one I really want(the married guy), probably thinks bad things about me. I truly am a good girl who can't get over this!

I know he thinks that I am attractive, but should I be worried that he may like me too?

Is it so awful for me to like this man? It is even worse that I miss him when he isn't around....
Your playing with "Fire" here big time. He's your Boss! Why on earth is he touching you?

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Old 21st August 2007, 2:48 PM   #3
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He touches me playfully. He will often touch me on my back when he is telling me something.

He isn't groping me or anything.

Am I really playing with fire? Are all of his actions flirtacious, or am I making too much of this?
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Old 21st August 2007, 3:02 PM   #4
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lala,

Please do not fall for this guy just because he gives you attention! You cant fix his problems... do not think that his life would be better with you.

Yes, he is touching you because he wants to draw you in... if you fall for him it fuels his ego, thats it. There is allot of pain and suffering down that road.

You can control this... you have to! If you are interested I can tell you how.
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Old 21st August 2007, 3:26 PM   #5
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Its proven scientifically that touch, human touch, releases feel good hormones. Mainly, oxycontin, the same one released during childbirth and nursing. Its a bonding chemical.

And its the first action listed to hook a woman in the player's handbook. Don't fall for it. That's an old player's trick at that.
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Old 21st August 2007, 3:34 PM   #6
 
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Thumbs down IMO...Stop playing games

with this MM! Yeah, he sounds like a flirt, but it sounds to me like you enjoy it too...If you were to tell him in no uncertain terms to STOP behaving in an unprofessional way that IMO could be considered harrassment, he might stop...You seem to like it...He's your BOSS! He's MARRIED...You can't ask for better reasons then those to do your job and stay away from anything beyond that..Your job description I mean...
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Old 21st August 2007, 3:37 PM   #7
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1)You're young. Just starting out, so do you want to ruin your reputation and career by having an affair with your married boss?

2)You know he's married. THINK of his wife, his children, his home life. Imagine some young girl hitting on your FATHER! Wouldn't you just be pissed off at your father, and the young woman? I mean, she should KNOW better, knowing he is married...Well, that young girl is you. You are thining of having an affair with a married man and that's just wrong. He is older than you, been around the block afew more times and he won't leave his wife for you. You're putting yourself in the line of fire, will get your heart broken, let alone gain a reputation for yourself around the office that you really don't want.
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Old 21st August 2007, 5:41 PM   #8
 
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What you're contemplating is a colossally stupid idea. There are lots of reasons, but I'll appeal to your self-interest. You're young, and just starting out. Do you REALLY want to become known, this early in your career, as somebody who'll bang her boss? Things like that tend to get around, you know. In offices, and then elsewhere. Everybody loves juicy gossip.
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Old 21st August 2007, 6:57 PM   #9
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As horrible as this sounds, this job isn't my career. I am in college and still have 2 years left of school.

I am not trying to justify my feelings for this man, but I can't just shut them off like a switch. There is something about him that I am really attracted to........and I am afraid that if given the opportunity, I will cross the line.

So, it is not so easy to just let it go, even though I want to.
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Old 21st August 2007, 7:11 PM   #10
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As horrible as this sounds, this job isn't my career. I am in college and still have 2 years left of school.

I am not trying to justify my feelings for this man, but I can't just shut them off like a switch. There is something about him that I am really attracted to........and I am afraid that if given the opportunity, I will cross the line.

So, it is not so easy to just let it go, even though I want to.

Ask yourself if you really want to let this go? If you do it can be done, but if you dont really want to let it go then you cant.

I would recommend reading through the stories here about this kind of situation, to get an idea of what kind of future your looking at.

I suppose the first question to answer is .... what makes him attractive to you?
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Old 21st August 2007, 7:32 PM   #11
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The way we connect is different than most. He really shows an interest in me and my life. He expresses regret for not going to school, and that leads me to believe that he isn't happy in his life.

I don't want to come in and "save" him or anything, and I don't want to ruin his marriage if he is happy, but something is telling me he isn't or else he wouldn't say/do these things around me.

As pessimistic as this sounds, I have respect for marriage, but I do know that divorce rates nowadays are staggering.

I don't think that I will ever get married. I feel like you can be completely and totally connected/committed to someone without making it legal. I can support myself, I am a strong woman.

That is no excuse for wanting a married man, but that is just how I feel about marriage in this day and age.
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Old 21st August 2007, 7:53 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by lala2007 View Post
The way we connect is different than most. He really shows an interest in me and my life. He expresses regret for not going to school, and that leads me to believe that he isn't happy in his life.

I don't want to come in and "save" him or anything, and I don't want to ruin his marriage if he is happy, but something is telling me he isn't or else he wouldn't say/do these things around me.

As pessimistic as this sounds, I have respect for marriage, but I do know that divorce rates nowadays are staggering.

I don't think that I will ever get married. I feel like you can be completely and totally connected/committed to someone without making it legal. I can support myself, I am a strong woman.

That is no excuse for wanting a married man, but that is just how I feel about marriage in this day and age.
You are seeing what you WANT to see here. You have no reason to believe his life with his wife is unhappy. You think because he's flirting with a younger, adoring woman that his marriage is on the rocks. Not likely. Men of all ages like to flirt with a young woman. Makes them feel like they 'got it'.

You're setting yourself up for a lifetime of using people for what you want (sex with a guy you are attracted to), and being used by them for whatever their purposes are (sex with a much younger woman). You get started down this path, and you will be hurt, and it will take you a while to recover and regain self-esteem...in the meantime, you'll attract more guys who will hurt you because they'll be drawn to your vulnerability...and the cycle of vulnerability and hurt will perpetuate itself until 10, 20, 30 years later, you'll look around and realize you wasted a lot of time on guys who are bad for you.

You may not understand that you are setting yourself up for this, but make no mistake, the one thing you aren't going to get out of this is being 'totally connected/committed' to someone who feels the same about you.

Ask yourself why you are going after a married man. Ask why your boss. And ask why someone much older than you. Ask why someone who (might) lie to and cheat on the woman he committed to...generally, lying and cheating is not a sign of character or integrity.

You want someone who makes you feel good? As long as you can look at yourself in the mirror and feel good about who you are and what you're doing with your life, you won't need someone else to validate you.
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Old 21st August 2007, 7:55 PM   #13
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Married guys work twice as hard to land you in the sack than a single guy will, because the married guy has nothing real or permanent to offer and he knows it and he knows you know it, too. So... he is more romantic, more attentive - he will make you feel like the most sexy and gorgeous woman on the planet, and he will convince you that he pines for you from the lonely cold marriage bed, and blah, blah, blah. He will make his marriage sound functional, impersonal - swear that he never really wanted to marry her, swear that they live like 'roommates' - basically tell you whatever you need to hear in order for you to justify sleeping with a married guy. They have to lay it on pretty thick. A good deal of women really have to be convinced to sleep with a married guy, and sweeping them off their feet usually does the trick - just like its doing the trick for you.

Note how you are starting to think sleeping with married guys is an ok thing to do, whereas before all of this you probably wouldn't have let such a heinous thought cross your mind.

Its a slippery slope, Lala... you are already halfway there. What do you intend to do when he lands you fully? What do you want from him? What do you expect from this relationship?

Quote:
now the one I really want(the married guy), probably thinks bad things about me.
Nah. He doesn't think bad things about you - not directly anyway. That only happens if you try to disrupt his marriage when he isn't willing or ready to leave it.
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Old 21st August 2007, 8:07 PM   #14
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I am not the type of girl to sleep with just anyone. I have only been with one person, and that was after being with him for about a year.

So, I am not worried that I will sleep with him. I am worried that I will fall into an emotional relationship with him. I really want to kiss him and hold him, and I don't know why, but I am trying to justify it in any way possible and I am horrible for that.
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Old 21st August 2007, 8:09 PM   #15
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Ummm...

I really need help. I am considerably younger than this man, but I am very mature for my age. I know that falling for a married man is a HORRIBLE thing, but my heart just isn't listening to me.

I think that if you are in the work force, you're old enough to know what's good and what isn't, for you. Plus you say you are mature for your age... ha-hem.

I don't buy your story one bit... your heart isn't listening to you....oohhhhh... because you just don't want to listen... simple.

I know that IF YOU CHOOSE to stay at that place (you can always change job..right?) he will eventually have you, cause you're probably not strong enough to resist him... you're not mature enough to make the distinction between someone who value you for what you are and the one who just want to get you in bed... that's not maturity...sorry... that's immaturity and low self-esteem.

Even if 1000 people here say it's wrong, blablabla... ONLY you know what's best for you...

Good luck!
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