jesmel Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I too am glad to have found this site. I think it maybe my saving grace. I have been involved with my MM for almost two years now. We actually dated very casually 15 years ago, and he made such an impression on me, it was very difficult ot forget him. Anyhow, we are here now. This is the most rollercoaster of a relationship I have ever been in. I too am married, but we live seperatly. We have for all of our 12 years of marriage. I think so many times I need to leave both, but in reality, I am scared. I have also met someone else, and he is not married. All logic tells me to dump my MM, but I am not so sure. By the way, my husaband And I are still together for financial reasons. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I too am glad to have found this site. I think it maybe my saving grace. I have been involved with my MM for almost two years now. We actually dated very casually 15 years ago, and he made such an impression on me, it was very difficult ot forget him. Anyhow, we are here now. This is the most rollercoaster of a relationship I have ever been in. I too am married, but we live seperatly. We have for all of our 12 years of marriage. I think so many times I need to leave both, but in reality, I am scared. I have also met someone else, and he is not married. All logic tells me to dump my MM, but I am not so sure. By the way, my husaband And I are still together for financial reasons. Welcome here!!! If you're separated...then it's not an A...you can be separated, not divorced, as you say for many many years for financial reasons... I don't think anyone who see other people are 'cheating'... goshh... You are, separated or single (which is the same IMO)... so you can date anyone you want. Go with your gut feeling... who do you like most... I don't get the 'I'm not so sure' and that 'you're scared' ... scared of what? not so sure of what? Link to post Share on other sites
InfinitySymbol Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 If you are separated, not living together, but still together in a way because of financial reasons, you two are not legally separated. (Need to ask, do you and your husband have sex at all? If so, even though you're not living under the same roof, then you're still married. Unless you have legal documents proving that it is an official separation, or some written rules between you and your husband.) Maybe it's best for a while not have any man in your life. Even though you and this new single man have connected, you've had a husband, and a MM in your life - Is it healthy for you to get involved right now? Does your H know about the MM? Is your H involved with someone too? If so, then what I wrote in my first paragraph about separation should be disreguarded. Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesmel Posted August 3, 2007 Author Share Posted August 3, 2007 I think I , well actually, I know that I have been taken care of for ever, and the idea of me having to support my boys on my own scares me. I just find this whole situation amazing. I never thought my life would be this way. But, I guess we can all say that. Today is my birthday, and I am suppose to be taken out by my MM tonight. Well, let me tell you, I think he would rather be having a root canal done. Can you believe he has not even wished me a happy birthday? But on the other hand, my husband did. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I too am glad to have found this site. I think it maybe my saving grace. I have been involved with my MM for almost two years now. We actually dated very casually 15 years ago, and he made such an impression on me, it was very difficult ot forget him. Anyhow, we are here now. This is the most rollercoaster of a relationship I have ever been in. I too am married, but we live seperatly. We have for all of our 12 years of marriage. I think so many times I need to leave both, but in reality, I am scared. I have also met someone else, and he is not married. All logic tells me to dump my MM, but I am not so sure. By the way, my husaband And I are still together for financial reasons. Welcome to the forum, Jesmel, and thanks for sharing your story with us. I hope you find some answers here that you are looking for. Like Lizzie said, what you're having is not really an A (well, not on your part) as you ARE separated. You obviously have strong feelings for your MM but I guess that you don't think it's going to go anywhere. What about the SG? How do your feelings compare in relation to the ones you have with MM? I am not saying you should stick with MM even if your feelings are stronger for him as these Rs are, in the main, pretty destructive. Neither is there any point in sticking with the SG if you're not that into him, although as long as he knows where he stands and you're having fun then there's no problem. Sorry I can't be more help but I think you just have to sit down and weight up the pros and cons of both Rs. Best of luck x Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesmel Posted August 3, 2007 Author Share Posted August 3, 2007 No, my husband and I do not have sex. Well, in a year, we have once. As far as he seeing someone, I know that he was, but I do not know if he still is. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I think I , well actually, I know that I have been taken care of for ever, and the idea of me having to support my boys on my own scares me. I just find this whole situation amazing. I never thought my life would be this way. But, I guess we can all say that. Today is my birthday, and I am suppose to be taken out by my MM tonight. Well, let me tell you, I think he would rather be having a root canal done. Can you believe he has not even wished me a happy birthday? But on the other hand, my husband did. Happy birthday!! It is scary to be alone, be self efficient, but it's a good thing. It will make you a stronger person not to have to rely on anyone else, but yourself. You'll family and friends around to help, so you're not 'alone' in the sense of alone.... OK, don't waste anymore time on the MM. He isn't going to meet your needs, but if he does, he'll do it on his own time, when he feels like it...By sticking with the MM, you'll just be preventing yourself from moving on completely. The MM may make your heart feel wonder at times, and make you feel good, but think of all the bad feelings, the hurt feelings he brings out in you..Is he worth all that? Link to post Share on other sites
Author jesmel Posted August 3, 2007 Author Share Posted August 3, 2007 First of all , thank you so much for the replies. it means so much that I can actually have someone, others, to talk with. I am taking it very slow with this s man. I do like him. He seems to be wonderful with my kids, and is willing to pretty much bend over backwards for me. Something my MM will not do. Well, he is doing it tonight, and I am sure I will be reminded of it at some point. But anyway, I just wanted to thatnk yopu again. You have made my birthday knowing that yall are here. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I think I , well actually, I know that I have been taken care of for ever, and the idea of me having to support my boys on my own scares me. I just find this whole situation amazing. I never thought my life would be this way. But, I guess we can all say that. Today is my birthday, and I am suppose to be taken out by my MM tonight. Well, let me tell you, I think he would rather be having a root canal done. Can you believe he has not even wished me a happy birthday? But on the other hand, my husband did. and I am suppose to be taken out by my MM tonight. Well, let me tell you, I think he would rather be having a root canal done. Can you believe he has not even wished me a happy birthday? Why it is sooo painful for him to take you out???... I don't know why you even bother with him... really... there are tons of great guys out there. oh and... Happy Birthday! Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 First of all , thank you so much for the replies. it means so much that I can actually have someone, others, to talk with. I am taking it very slow with this s man. I do like him. He seems to be wonderful with my kids, and is willing to pretty much bend over backwards for me. Something my MM will not do. Well, he is doing it tonight, and I am sure I will be reminded of it at some point. But anyway, I just wanted to thatnk yopu again. You have made my birthday knowing that yall are here. Many happy returns Jesmel! Hope you have a fab time tonight. At least if you're going to be in a complicated R then you may as well let the man spoil you! Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Welcome to LS & HAPPY BIRTHDAY Jesmel!! Go out w/o your mm. Let him have his root canal. TF Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Why it is sooo painful for him to take you out???... Not sure that it IS a question of pain (despite Jesmels reference to route canal treatment ) They know they CAN'T come out (for obvious reasons!) but sometimes get to a stage where they feel guilty for that (usually only if they have feelings for you) but instead of being straight they start inadvertently blaming us. Twisting things to make us feel guilty. Lizzie, this is probably slightly different in your case as your MMs aren't getting any pressure from you to make things more permanent! Jesmel, I suspect he does WANT to spend the evening with you but knows that it may not be possible. He could suddenly find himself invited to, say, a school play/family reunion/surprise dinner with W who's trying to make an effort, etc and he knows, in advance, that if this DOES happen there will be no excuse he could possibly give that would be good enough! Therefore he constantly keeps all your plans on a backburner, everything is answered with a 'maybe' so he can't be accused of letting you down, saying that he never promised anything. Believe me, I've been there. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 This MM won't put your first, ever, so lessen your expectation level more, that way you won't be disappointed and hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 This MM won't put your first, ever, so lessen your expectation level more, that way you won't be disappointed and hurt. And that, basically, is the bottom line. You have to take the R for what it is, expect nothing, and then you won't be disappointed. Hard though when you've become emotionally involved, I know! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Not sure that it IS a question of pain (despite Jesmels reference to route canal treatment ) They know they CAN'T come out (for obvious reasons!) but sometimes get to a stage where they feel guilty for that (usually only if they have feelings for you) but instead of being straight they start inadvertently blaming us. Twisting things to make us feel guilty. Lizzie, this is probably slightly different in your case as your MMs aren't getting any pressure from you to make things more permanent! Jesmel, I suspect he does WANT to spend the evening with you but knows that it may not be possible. He could suddenly find himself invited to, say, a school play/family reunion/surprise dinner with W who's trying to make an effort, etc and he knows, in advance, that if this DOES happen there will be no excuse he could possibly give that would be good enough! Therefore he constantly keeps all your plans on a backburner, everything is answered with a 'maybe' so he can't be accused of letting you down, saying that he never promised anything. Believe me, I've been there. I got the feeling she's not too happy with him... since she also said that he hasn't even called her to wish her HB... her ex did... I doubt she's on HIS priority list... or maybe I'm wrong... but if it's that hard for him .. and she's not satisfied with the way it is... she should move to the next guy... who is single... I wouldn't waste my time on this MM... Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 I got the feeling she's not too happy with him... since she also said that he hasn't even called her to wish her HB... her ex did... He's man though, at the end of the day, they really don't place so much importance on these things. My ex SO didn't know when my birthday was for the entire time we were together and I have no doubt that he loved me to bits. ExMM forgot my birthday too. It wasn't that he didn't know when it was but that he didn't know the date THAT DAY! My friend spoke to him a day later and told him we were going out to lunch for my birthday. He said, "It's not [my name]'s birthday today. It's on the [birth date]". To which she replied, "Yes. That was yesterday!" Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 He's man though, at the end of the day, they really don't place so much importance on these things. My ex SO didn't know when my birthday was for the entire time we were together and I have no doubt that he loved me to bits. ExMM forgot my birthday too. It wasn't that he didn't know when it was but that he didn't know the date THAT DAY! My friend spoke to him a day later and told him we were going out to lunch for my birthday. He said, "It's not [my name]'s birthday today. It's on the [birth date]". To which she replied, "Yes. That was yesterday!" That is so typical of man! But I think that was cute.. did he get you anything though? Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 That is so typical of man! But I think that was cute.. did he get you anything though? Hah, now I'm embarrassed! No, he got me sweet fa! We were 'kind of' NC at the time and it just went downhill from there. He wouldn't come out for my birthday meal because 'people might talk', said he would just come for drinks then didn't. He eventually turned up at the restaurant to declare undying love for me as he heard I'd been really upset. Wonder why!!!! So, not that cute. Who am I kidding? He was SOOOOOOOOOO cute. Christmas and Valentines were cool but May was the beginning of the end Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Welcome to LS, Jesmel. Nice name btw. Happy birthday! May your day be filled with lots of love (since you have 3 men in your life!), happiness and laughter! As for your situation, I agree with WWIU. You should take some time out from men. It's complicated enough seeing a MM! Then there's the husband AND a SG! Take some time off and enjoy life being single... you might actually have more fun! Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Hah, now I'm embarrassed! No, he got me sweet fa! We were 'kind of' NC at the time and it just went downhill from there. He wouldn't come out for my birthday meal because 'people might talk', said he would just come for drinks then didn't. He eventually turned up at the restaurant to declare undying love for me as he heard I'd been really upset. Wonder why!!!! So, not that cute. Who am I kidding? He was SOOOOOOOOOO cute. Christmas and Valentines were cool but May was the beginning of the end Woops! Didn't mean to embarrass you, PoshPrincess!! I'm sorry to hear that but... turned up to declare undying love for you!?! Wow - that was something. I'm sorry but was it May this year? Hehe.. he was SOOOO cute hey? I'm sure you'll come across someone cuter (that is if you haven't already!) soon..!! Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 He's man though, at the end of the day, they really don't place so much importance on these things. My ex SO didn't know when my birthday was for the entire time we were together and I have no doubt that he loved me to bits. ExMM forgot my birthday too. It wasn't that he didn't know when it was but that he didn't know the date THAT DAY! My friend spoke to him a day later and told him we were going out to lunch for my birthday. He said, "It's not [my name]'s birthday today. It's on the [birth date]". To which she replied, "Yes. That was yesterday!" Most men I've been with do remember my birthday... even the ones I haven't seen for more than a year... I was surprised this year to get a bd wish from an old flame... I never thought he would remember... LOL and others as well who remembered.. I was stunned... My current MM... remembered, he was the first one to wish me HBD... I forgot his last January... oops... So in my experience, I am the one who forget... but then I am not 'in love' with any of them... when I was... I always remembered their bf.. how could I forget... it's like 'how can you forget your children's bd'... it's the same for me when you love someone you remember these things... but this is just me.. I guess it's different for everyone... oh well... Link to post Share on other sites
Cliche Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Happy birthday and welcome. I don't think you should let any man treat you as though you're not special, whether he's a married man or not. You have a right to expect the person you're involved with to take you out on a special day. And being a single mom is scary at first, but it gets better quickly. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 Welcome to LS, Jesmel. Nice name btw. Happy birthday! May your day be filled with lots of love (since you have 3 men in your life!), happiness and laughter! As for your situation, I agree with WWIU. You should take some time out from men. It's complicated enough seeing a MM! Then there's the husband AND a SG! Take some time off and enjoy life being single... you might actually have more fun! It's either that (taking a break from all) or getting as much men in your life as possible... then while having fun... you don't spend so much time wondering about each one... no time to feel sorry for yourself... LOL Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted August 3, 2007 Share Posted August 3, 2007 It's either that (taking a break from all) or getting as much men in your life as possible... then while having fun... you don't spend so much time wondering about each one... no time to feel sorry for yourself... LOL LOL - true!! Let them all SPOIL you!! Link to post Share on other sites
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