I can't believe my luck...

[Ajwlj]

After two full blown As and one night stands with various MM I can't believe my luck to have found a place where people may understand the hole in my heart when I think about the current MM and the fact that I can't have him. Plus understand that I'm not a bad person for having these feelings.

 

Having seen so many similarities between my two MM (same name, hobby, number of children, years married, age - and I didn't even plan it!!!) it's so nice to see that some of the differences are still pretty typical. My first R with an MM started as an ea which went too far. I stayed at home on the couch pouting for two years after that! Now I've fallen again, for a man I think is WONDERFUL who as far as I know only wants me for sex.

 

I'll admit I'm at fault here - I took him back after the w found out that he was having a's with people OTHER than me. But I still wanted him...I still love him...he still makes me feel sexy, and special. But now here I am, waiting for the least little bit of attention from him, thinking about him every day when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep. Him - he's at home playing the part of the happy hubby calling me when he gets too horny or she's "not in the mood."

 

Anyway - long story short (and if you read this, thank you!) I'm just glad I've finally found a place where people understand me, I can laugh at my situation (and that of others) and I can maybe find some of the strength I need to move on.

[whichwayisup]

You're settling for table scraps and you deserve so much better.

 

If you plan on staying the OW in his life, then accept that is all you are and expect all that comes along with it. The good and the bad. You now know what you're up against though, and making choices that really aren't healthy or good for you.

 

Honestly, I don't understand how you could allow another MM into your life a second time. Especially since this MM has you just for sex. That isn't so flattering seeing as he is other OW as well.

 

If you want to end it then seek some counselling, post here and hopefully someday soon you'll gain the strength to end it and heal. And ofcourse, find a single guy who you can love openly and honestly, and he'll love you back the same way.

 

Good luck.

[TogetherForever]

Ditto.

100% Agreed With Wwiu!!

[Ajwlj]

I guess the question is who really knows what will come next. And who is to honestly say that feeling such a strong emotion, be it intense like or love, is a bad thing, regardless of the person for whom I feel it? I go back to the old saying that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all... I guess you need to feel the pain of a lost love, or loss period, to really understand what happiness is. But if I'm not ready for true happiness by giving my heart to someone who's available and who gives that love/happiness in return - which I'm not saying is the case, I honestly don't go looking for MM - then what's the next step for me and does it make sense right now to "settle" for the fullfilment that I do get from him, as tenuous as it may be.

 

I don't know - he confuses me. He tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me he wants me. I want to be wanted, by someone that I want. It doesn't make it "right" but it makes it all I have right now....

[TogetherForever]

Ajwlj,

Are you genuinely (sp) happy with your current situation?

TF

[Shades of Grey]

It just seems to me like you're almost deliberately selling yourself short...?

[Ajwlj]

Genuinely happy? No - I can't be genuinely happy with it because I can't be an every day part of his life. I want to know what it's like to wake up next to him in the morning. I want to know what it's like to sit around and have brunch and do laundry...go grocery shopping. What I know of him is the chemistry that we have, how romantic his actions are towards me and what it feels like to have him look into my eyes before he kisses me - and those things, those all make me genuinely happy....

 

I want him to want me - I want to ask him what he really thinks of me, why he really keeps me around. And I'm terrified he's going to say it's for the sex (which is what it is - I'm a smart gal, I know that). I don't think he even knows that I've got it bad....

[TogetherForever]

Genuinely happy? No - I can't be genuinely happy with it because I can't be an every day part of his life. I want to know what it's like to wake up next to him in the morning. I want to know what it's like to sit around and have brunch and do laundry...go grocery shopping. What I know of him is the chemistry that we have, how romantic his actions are towards me and what it feels like to have him look into my eyes before he kisses me - and those things, those all make me genuinely happy....

 

I want him to want me - I want to ask him what he really thinks of me, why he really keeps me around. And I'm terrified he's going to say it's for the sex (which is what it is - I'm a smart gal, I know that). I don't think he even knows that I've got it bad....

 

Have you asked him if he's going to divorce his wife?

[whichwayisup]

I don't know - he confuses me. He tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me he wants me. I want to be wanted, by someone that I want. It doesn't make it "right" but it makes it all I have right now....

 

Guys will say anything to get laid. I'm sure he DOES think you're beautiful (you don't need him to tell you that though!) but he is saying that stuff to keep you interested in him. You have insight into your own situation, yet you're choosing to ignore that and jump in with both feet!

 

You can say NO when a MM shows interest in you. One day you're going to be married and I would hope you'd want your H to say no to an OW, and you'd also hope that the OW would say NO to your H if he made a pass at her. Either way, get some counselling in. Not too sure how old you are, or how much experience you've had outside of the two MM - Just seems you're not understanding that you're putting yourself in situations that will blow up and hurt yourself, let alone all the innocent bystanders...

 

Genuinely happy? No - I can't be genuinely happy with it because I can't be an every day part of his life. I want to know what it's like to wake up next to him in the morning. I want to know what it's like to sit around and have brunch and do laundry...go grocery shopping. What I know of him is the chemistry that we have, how romantic his actions are towards me and what it feels like to have him look into my eyes before he kisses me - and those things, those all make me genuinely happy....

 

But you are not his wife! Stop creating senarios that will lead to that because this MM is a serial cheater. He's the typical badboy and has a HUGE ego. You're fantasy of what you 'want' him to be is SO UNREALISTIC. That man doesn't exist. And he won't 'become' that for you. Ever.

 

You are there for sexual purposes only. Sorry to be harsh but you need to hear it. That is NOT LOVE, that's LUST. BIG difference.

 

I want him to want me - I want to ask him what he really thinks of me, why he really keeps me around. And I'm terrified he's going to say it's for the sex (which is what it is - I'm a smart gal, I know that). I don't think he even knows that I've got it bad....

 

He keeps you around because you keep having sex with him. You know this deep down inside...He can tell you a bunch of crap and you'll eat it up because you think he 'wants' you the way you want him. Keep believing that, you'll find yourself in the same position a year or two from now. How happy will you be then? My guess is even MORE unhappy. And hurt too.

 

I wish you alot of luck and strength. You're going to need it if you want to get out of this affair.

[Ajwlj]

Asked him if he is going to divorce? No - when I first got into things, I did know where I was heading with him (having had the experience before) so I asked him directly why he was doing this (I know, how cliche). His answer, "I don't get enough sex at home." Given how quickly the tides turned when the w found out about the text messages to other ow, I'm pretty sure there's NO chance. Plus, in a case of deja vu, they got pregnant and had another child just after he called it quits on me the first time (that's another thing he and xMM have in common).

 

Who knows - maybe my existance in their lives (in the greater plan) is to make their current relationship stronger! Ha!

[TogetherForever]

Asked him if he is going to divorce? No - when I first got into things, I did know where I was heading with him (having had the experience before) so I asked him directly why he was doing this (I know, how cliche). His answer, "I don't get enough sex at home." Given how quickly the tides turned when the w found out about the text messages to other ow, I'm pretty sure there's NO chance. Plus, in a case of deja vu, they got pregnant and had another child just after he called it quits on me the first time (that's another thing he and xMM have in common).

 

Who knows - maybe my existance in their lives (in the greater plan) is to make their current relationship stronger! Ha!

 

 

You are really confused. You've had several sexual relatinships with mm.

Your current mm tells you outright that it's all about the sex.

You are sadly mistaken if you think these men will want you the way you want them.

I don't know what to say besides: YOU NEED HELP SISTER.

I am not trying to hurt you with harsh words here.

Geez. I don't know what I am saying here. Trying to offer advice but I'm not sure what advice you need.

[Ajwlj]

WWIU - you're right, I do need to hear it, and unfortunately, I've heard it before. Great insight that he's a badboy with a huge ego though - that made me smile. Gee, I thought it was only me who'd see that!

 

As a point of reference, I haven't seen him in a little over a year - we still e-mail on an almost daily basis. And this r has been going on for almost 2.5 years, if you can call it an r at all.

 

Thanks for all your advice guys....

[Ajwlj]

Geez. I don't know what I am saying here. Trying to offer advice but I'm not sure what advice you need.

 

Oh believe me - if I new what advice I needed, I wouldn't need it! Thanks for the words anyway....

[PoshPrincess]

WWIU - you're right, I do need to hear it, and unfortunately, I've heard it before. Great insight that he's a badboy with a huge ego though - that made me smile. Gee, I thought it was only me who'd see that!

 

As a point of reference, I haven't seen him in a little over a year - we still e-mail on an almost daily basis. And this r has been going on for almost 2.5 years, if you can call it an r at all.

 

Thanks for all your advice guys....

 

AJWLJ, I agree with WWIU and TF - you are selling yourself short by continuing this R. You basically want more from this man than he is prepared to give you, but at least be grateful that he has more or less admitted he is in it for the sex. At least he isn't stringing you along, pretending he's going to leave. Don't let it even get to that, hun, you're worth more!

 

Some girls here, such as TF, have happy endings to tell but most of us have ended up heartbroken by these complicated Rs. You've been there before - don't let it happen again!

 

Best of luck. Stay strong! x

[bish]

You're settling for table scraps and you deserve so much better.

 

Does she really deserve better? She stated she had 2 full blown affairs(whatever that means) and various one night stands with MM.

 

She sleeps with other women's husbands, and SHE deserves better? No. It is the wives of these men she sleeps with that deserve better.

 

If she said she slept with a MM and can't get away...that might be one thing.

But it almost looks as if she goes hunting for MM by her own words.

 

Maybe one day a wife will catch her red handed and whatever the wife does might cure her of wanting to spread'em for MM.

 

Sorry to be harsh, but when someone admits they have one night stands with VARIOUS MM.....no sympathy here. They made their own situation.

[Ajwlj]

Bish - perhaps you should check some of the postings regarding not being nasty. If you have such an issue with what's been said here, or with the people who are saying it, perhaps this isn't the best forum for you to be participating in.

 

Also - to my own defense, last I checked, as a single woman it wasn't my responsiblity to do a marraige check on the men with whom I've had "sexual relations." Perhaps promiscuity isn't something with which you agree either, but that's MY choice, not yours. If your choice is to be an advocate for those hurt in an affair, then by all means, support those people, but don't bash me because some guy got off with me and told me afterwards that he had to get home to the misses. Yes, it makes me feel like a worthless piece of meat.

 

And no - I didn't decide I wanted find a mm and desimate a marraige - it's all been something that just happens. So don't threaten me with your "Maybe one day a wife will catch her red handed and whatever the wife does might cure her of wanting to spread'em for MM." But rather, ask yourself, what gives ANY MM or MW for that matter, the right to stray from the marraige that they're in, and the supposedly sacred vows that they took, and commit what, in the end, equates to emotional abuse upon a person who's looking for love in all the wrong places. If it's not yours to offer - don't put it up for sale.

 

So, Bish - instead of being so upset with me, or any other OW, maybe you look into the root of that anger and direct it at the appropriate person - which in this case, I assure you, is not me.

[LucreziaBorgia]

But now here I am, waiting for the least little bit of attention from him, thinking about him every day when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep. Him - he's at home playing the part of the happy hubby calling me when he gets too horny or she's "not in the mood."

 

At least you know where you stand with him. He's making it clear that he is using you for sex.

 

I want to know what it's like to wake up next to him in the morning. I want to know what it's like to sit around and have brunch and do laundry...go grocery shopping.

 

Unfortunately, you'll never have this with him. May as well accept that.

 

What I know of him is the chemistry that we have, how romantic his actions are towards me and what it feels like to have him look into my eyes before he kisses me - and those things, those all make me genuinely happy....

 

It is sad that so little makes you genuinely happy. I hope that one day you will find someone who truly will make you feel genuinely and holistically happy, and not just happy with what you are willing to settle for.

[Cliche]

I think if he's told you he is only with you for sex, maybe you should believe him. And if you're not okay with that role, reconsider what you're doing.

 

Good luck.

[bish]

Bish - perhaps you should check some of the postings regarding not being nasty. If you have such an issue with what's been said here, or with the people who are saying it, perhaps this isn't the best forum for you to be participating in.

 

Why is that? You only interested in hearing people say what you want to hear?

 

Also - to my own defense, last I checked, as a single woman it wasn't my responsiblity to do a marraige check on the men with whom I've had "sexual relations." Perhaps promiscuity isn't something with which you agree either, but that's MY choice, not yours.

 

Then why the hell are you complaining about this MM?

 

If your choice is to be an advocate for those hurt in an affair, then by all means, support those people, but don't bash me because some guy got off with me and told me afterwards that he had to get home to the misses. Yes, it makes me feel like a worthless piece of meat.

 

Like you said, that was YOUR choice.

 

And no - I didn't decide I wanted find a mm and desimate a marraige - it's all been something that just happens.

 

Over and over and over again with "various" married men? Doesn't sound like it is "just happening" to me.

 

So don't threaten me with your "Maybe one day a wife will catch her red handed and whatever the wife does might cure her of wanting to spread'em for MM."

 

How is that a threat from me?

 

But rather, ask yourself, what gives ANY MM or MW for that matter, the right to stray from the marraige that they're in, and the supposedly sacred vows that they took, and commit what, in the end, equates to emotional abuse upon a person who's looking for love in all the wrong places. If it's not yours to offer - don't put it up for sale.

 

????? You know they are married, yet help yourself to these women's husbands anyway. They can "put it up for sale"...it is you that doesn't have to buy it.

 

So, Bish - instead of being so upset with me, or any other OW, maybe you look into the root of that anger and direct it at the appropriate person - which in this case, I assure you, is not me.

 

Here is the problem...you seem to find yourself (i'm sure you think you just find yourself in these situations instead of putting yourself there knowingly) in these situations.....yet complain when your MM goes back to his wife and family. I highly doubt you give 2 shi!ts about the MM's kids...and we are suppose to feel sympathy for you? Someone who knows they are married and you help yourself to them anyway? Sorry...aint happenin'

[EnigmaVariation]

Here is the problem...you seem to find yourself (i'm sure you think you just find yourself in these situations instead of putting yourself there knowingly) in these situations.....yet complain when your MM goes back to his wife and family. I highly doubt you give 2 shi!ts about the MM's kids...and we are suppose to feel sympathy for you? Someone who knows they are married and you help yourself to them anyway? Sorry...aint happenin'

 

Hi bish. I'm new to this forum and I was just reading the forum name and description which says:

 

The Other Man / Woman The other side of the story: Support and discussion for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner.

Ajwlj needs support and if you don't feel you can be supportive, I'm wondering why you are posting and being unkind to her when she's already upset.

[PoshPrincess]

But it almost looks as if she goes hunting for MM by her own words.

 

I don't remember her saying that at any point!

 

Maybe one day a wife will catch her red handed and whatever the wife does might cure her of wanting to spread'em for MM.

 

What a charming turn of phrase. You have a way with words Bish. Not.

 

Sorry to be harsh, but when someone admits they have one night stands with VARIOUS MM.....no sympathy here. They made their own situation.

 

Hi bish. I'm new to this forum and I was just reading the forum name and description which says:

 

Ajwlj needs support and if you don't feel you can be supportive, I'm wondering why you are posting and being unkind to her when she's already upset.

 

Well said Enigma. You may be new here but it seems you are already sussing people out! You will notice on here that there ARE OW who have digs at the BSs for taking their husbands back too but, each to their own, I say. When you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes.................

 

As you said, Ajwlj has come here for support. Comments such as Bish's are just going to put new people off coming here. I found LS brilliant when I first started posting. It was such a Godsend to know that there were other people out there who had been through the same thing and could give me good advice and words of warning! I would hate for others not to have that help and support.

[justice]

How devastated are you going to be when this one ends? And it will end, let's just hope it isn't a disaster for everyone involved, you included. Why don't you pick out a single guy and go for someone who is truly free to love you in the ways that you need to be loved? Place some stock in yourself. The road you are on is not the right road. Not meaning to be mean here at all, just some very practical advice. Brace yourself, the time is coming and it may not be pretty. Start working on yourself before pulling in someone who is so obviously only interested in one thing.

[VIP]

I think his wife is in a worse situation, than you. She actually has kids with this man, who is having an affair with you. Would you like to have a husband like that? If you are really really fed up with this situation, then right here and right now you will make a commitment to yourself, promise to yourself never to get involved with someone who is involved with someone else (for your own good) and never to love someone who doesn't PROVE, that he loves you back. Only then your life wiil turn around and your luck will change.

[frannie]

I'll admit I'm at fault here - I took him back after the w found out that he was having a's with people OTHER than me. But I still wanted him...I still love him...he still makes me feel sexy, and special. But now here I am, waiting for the least little bit of attention from him, thinking about him every day when I wake up and every night when I go to sleep. Him - he's at home playing the part of the happy hubby calling me when he gets too horny or she's "not in the mood."

 

Anyway - long story short (and if you read this, thank you!) I'm just glad I've finally found a place where people understand me, I can laugh at my situation (and that of others) and I can maybe find some of the strength I need to move on.

 

Hold on ... YOU took him back after his W found out he was having affairs with other OW..? What do you mean..? Are these OW you knew about..? Or were they just as much a surprise to you as they were to her..? And how did you find out she found out about all the women her H is sleeping with..?

 

Nothing about this sounds in the least bit sensible, nor real. Especially the assertion that you're there 'waiting for the least bit of attention' from him. LOL. How small a bit of attention does he give you..?