Trying to understand

[forbidden fruit]

ran into him today need I say more!!!

I ran into my xmm and we both were shocked and got nervous. I Told him do not talk to me or look at me.

I ordered and then we did not talk until I could not take it anymore and I said he was a total pr>>> and a total assh""""". Of course he said this was your idea and you told me you needed space so I gave it to you.

 

He did not know what to say and then tried to hold my hand and then said he missed me and get this starts welling up and crying over how hurt he has been. How he can't stand see to see me hurt. Okay here comes the real clincher. He says you know I would like to screw you right here.

 

He asks me what are we going to do and I will call you tomorrow. I am so mad at myself because I had to let him know how I felt and it was like he knew exactly what I was going to do.

 

I guess it is safe to say he still wants to have sex and he was so happy I cared about him. Why can't I quit him and are these just mind games. He calls me today and said see I told you I would call you and asked me what I want from him. i really don't know and he said he would like to be my friend and he would try to be a better friend. He said he has been hurting not talking to me and just shows it differently than me. Any thoughts?

[whichwayisup]

All I can tell ya is FF, when you decide to focus all your energy and thoughts on your husband and kids, that will be the day your heart will let go of MM and you'll be strong enough to not let his puppy-dog teary eyes get to you.

 

You've tried to be friends, friendly, neighbourly etc., it's just not possible. You know that all he wants is sex, even though he's offering you 'friendship'. If he truely was your friend, he wouldn't be acting this way, he would be respecting your wishes, he'd leave you alone and let you work on your marriage.

 

I guess I don't understand why you keep feeling the need to tell him how you feel when the A is over and your husband knows that you two had an affair. Unless when you told your H, you downplayed it and made it seem like it was very casual and meant nothing - But it isn't and wasn't nothing - The way you're still feeling about exMM shows that you're not really ready to close the door yet.

 

The thing you both don't seem to get is, if you don't stop and leave eachother alone, you WILL get busted and possibly lose your family life as you know it, over this. Are you really prepared for that? To sit and look in your H's eyes, tell him that you and the MM are having an affair, atleast an emotional one? Possibly ready to face his wife too?

 

Just keep venting it out, hopefully sooner rather than later, you'll realize that you're just being real hard on yourself and you don't have to react to every little thing exMM says to you, or if he looks at you. Maybe accept it as things are the way they're supposed to be, it is what it is and leave it at that.

 

Hope this helps.

[BurriedAlive]

Be strong FF!!! You can do it. You have come too far to turn back now. If you start up with him again, you will be going back to square 1. Your hurt has gotten a little better over the past few months, hasn't it? If you start up with him again, or even start communicating with him on a regular basis, the really bad hurting comes back.

 

You don't need him.

[LucreziaBorgia]

he said he would like to be my friend and he would try to be a better friend

 

If he was your friend in the true sense, he would not have deliberately murdered your marriage and your family life by engaging in an affair with you. You are an accessory to this murder. You have helped destroy your own marriage, your own family and your own future, and on top of that have helped to murder his wife's marriage, his wife's family, and his wife's future.

 

You two aren't friends and never were. You two are merely partners in crime, where sneaking around and sex are your weapons and your victims are those who you are supposed to love and protect most.

 

You could have stopped this, but instead of showing your husband exactly the extent of how you are killing your family with this gaping wound of an affair - you apparently led him to believe it was nothing more than a small scrape so that you could continue to help MM kill both of your families.

 

The blood is on your hands too. You are not an innocent victim, and neither is he. All of this 'welling of tears', this pounding heart 'loss' you feel for your MM is nothing compared to what your families are going to feel when the two of you are busted. Think that faux Dday was bad? Wait until the real story comes out. My guess is that by heaping lies and downplaying on top of cuckolding your husband, you will have accomplished nothing but a nastier divorce settlement.

 

This sounds really harsh, I know - but there comes a time where you either have to get your head out of your ass (your heart in this case) or you will lose everything. Sometimes it takes some strong words to get someone to even consider seeing things from a different perspective.

 

There was someone who once said that you have choices in this life, and sometimes your choices are between what is EASY and what is RIGHT.

 

You know what it right: what is right is to refuse to participate any further in these emotional murders by cutting off all contact with this guy, period - preferably moving away - far away.

 

I guess it comes down to what is most important to you: your sex life, or the emotional well being of your family. If your sex life is more important to you, then do your family a favor and give your husband a divorce and full custody of your children.

[mopar crazy]

Okay here comes the real clincher. He says you know I would like to screw you right here.

 

This tells me, and the rest of us, all he wants from you is sex. All the other friendship BS is to make you feel like he really cares about you. He is trying to convince you that he wants you for more than just sex. If he really wanted to be friends he wouldn't be doing this. He is just as you say he is, an a-hole!

[vivi]

FF, if you have all this at stake and you go back on it now, you are demonstrating to him that he can still press your buttons to get what he wants. It's really hard to keep yourself from telling him how you feel, but maybe you should write a letter and not mail it and keep it in a safe place. Your response gave him the encouragement to try keep things going, and that encouraged him to tell you he could screw you right there. If he couldn't stand to see you hurt ,he can do right by you, or put on his big boy pants and not see you, as you asked. The only other alternative is to want you to be the same vacation from the ordinary that got both of you involved in the first place. But that's not possible anymore, is it? Unless they are driven by revenge or pathology, few people want to see someone else hurt, especially someone they've been intimate with. But there are levels of hurt, and levels of remedy. You now know that running into him gets a certain type of result. What are you going to do with this information?

[IWALH]

It's reading stuff like this that makes me so thankful for the fact that he lives hundreds and hundreds of miles away from me!!!!

 

Though I am confident in saying that if I were to run into him I would just leave... no matter where we were. If he tried to speak to me I would go directly to the police. Period.

[forbidden fruit]

FF, if you have all this at stake and you go back on it now, you are demonstrating to him that he can still press your buttons to get what he wants. It's really hard to keep yourself from telling him how you feel, but maybe you should write a letter and not mail it and keep it in a safe place. Your response gave him the encouragement to try keep things going, and that encouraged him to tell you he could screw you right there. If he couldn't stand to see you hurt ,he can do right by you, or put on his big boy pants and not see you, as you asked. The only other alternative is to want you to be the same vacation from the ordinary that got both of you involved in the first place. But that's not possible anymore, is it? Unless they are driven by revenge or pathology, few people want to see someone else hurt, especially someone they've been intimate with. But there are levels of hurt, and levels of remedy. You now know that running into him gets a certain type of result. What are you going to do with this information?

 

I don't really understand what are you saying. could you elaborate.

[forbidden fruit]

If he was your friend in the true sense, he would not have deliberately murdered your marriage and your family life by engaging in an affair with you. You are an accessory to this murder. You have helped destroy your own marriage, your own family and your own future, and on top of that have helped to murder his wife's marriage, his wife's family, and his wife's future.

 

You two aren't friends and never were. You two are merely partners in crime, where sneaking around and sex are your weapons and your victims are those who you are supposed to love and protect most.

 

You could have stopped this, but instead of showing your husband exactly the extent of how you are killing your family with this gaping wound of an affair - you apparently led him to believe it was nothing more than a small scrape so that you could continue to help MM kill both of your families.

 

The blood is on your hands too. You are not an innocent victim, and neither is he. All of this 'welling of tears', this pounding heart 'loss' you feel for your MM is nothing compared to what your families are going to feel when the two of you are busted. Think that faux Dday was bad? Wait until the real story comes out. My guess is that by heaping lies and downplaying on top of cuckolding your husband, you will have accomplished nothing but a nastier divorce settlement.

 

This sounds really harsh, I know - but there comes a time where you either have to get your head out of your ass (your heart in this case) or you will lose everything. Sometimes it takes some strong words to get someone to even consider seeing things from a different perspective.

 

There was someone who once said that you have choices in this life, and sometimes your choices are between what is EASY and what is RIGHT.

 

You know what it right: what is right is to refuse to participate any further in these emotional murders by cutting off all contact with this guy, period - preferably moving away - far away.

 

I guess it comes down to what is most important to you: your sex life, or the emotional well being of your family. If your sex life is more important to you, then do your family a favor and give your husband a divorce and full custody of your children.

LB, you are right on and as we speak I am erasing my xmm from cell and e-mail. It is liked he died tonight. I don't know why I felt the need to tell him how I feel all the time. However, he did respect my wishes to give me space and work on my marriage, but I think only because it was convient for him at the time. I guess all he ever wanted was sex and the love thing and the best friend thing were all lies. i guess he truly never cared about me and that is a tough nut to swallow, but you are right it is not easy it is what is right.

i am sure I will not hear from him because knowing him he is regretting saying he still wants to be friends and wants to have sex. I guess I have learned a very very painful lesson and will not make the same mistake twice. Thanks

[Meaplus3]

ran into him today need I say more!!!

I ran into my xmm and we both were shocked and got nervous. I Told him do not talk to me or look at me.

I ordered and then we did not talk until I could not take it anymore and I said he was a total pr>>> and a total assh""""". Of course he said this was your idea and you told me you needed space so I gave it to you.

 

He did not know what to say and then tried to hold my hand and then said he missed me and get this starts welling up and crying over how hurt he has been. How he can't stand see to see me hurt. Okay here comes the real clincher. He says you know I would like to screw you right here.

 

He asks me what are we going to do and I will call you tomorrow. I am so mad at myself because I had to let him know how I felt and it was like he knew exactly what I was going to do.

 

I guess it is safe to say he still wants to have sex and he was so happy I cared about him. Why can't I quit him and are these just mind games. He calls me today and said see I told you I would call you and asked me what I want from him. i really don't know and he said he would like to be my friend and he would try to be a better friend. He said he has been hurting not talking to me and just shows it differently than me. Any thoughts?

 

 

FF, It's seem's very clear to me, that he is using you for SEX! He does not want a long term real life R with you because he chooses to stay married to his W. You need to get back in control here and take your power back. Ignore him and all of his attempt's to reel you back in, your not a Fish FF, LOL! I do very much realize how this is easier said than done with having Xmm right in your face. But how long are you willing to let this go on FF? What do you expect the end result to be? I would hate to see you ruin your marriage and family life. I was close to that FF and trust me that alone Freaked me out enough to stay away! Back in control is where you need to be sweetie! Hug's

 

AP:)

[forbidden fruit]

FF, It's seem's very clear to me, that he is using you for SEX! He does not want a long term real life R with you because he chooses to stay married to his W. You need to get back in control here and take your power back. Ignore him and all of his attempt's to reel you back in, your not a Fish FF, LOL! I do very much realize how this is easier said than done with having Xmm right in your face. But how long are you willing to let this go on FF? What do you expect the end result to be? I would hate to see you ruin your marriage and family life. I was close to that FF and trust me that alone Freaked me out enough to stay away! Back in control is where you need to be sweetie! Hug's

 

AP:)

 

I was just talking to a mutual guy friend of mine who is also friends with him and all they talked about last night wa xmm w weight and how upset he was over how fat she is. I so want to tell him maybe you should look in the mirror because you are not perfect after all everytime we were together I FAKED all my O's. what do you think. He said the same old sad story to me when were first met, maybe he is trying to get into my friends wife pants. Who knows I would not put anything past him. Do you think i should knock him off his pedestal this one last time?

[Meaplus3]

I was just talking to a mutual guy friend of mine who is also friends with him and all they talked about last night wa xmm w weight and how upset he was over how fat she is. I so want to tell him maybe you should look in the mirror because you are not perfect after all everytime we were together I FAKED all my O's. what do you think. He said the same old sad story to me when were first met, maybe he is trying to get into my friends wife pants. Who knows I would not put anything past him. Do you think i should knock him off his pedestal this one last time?

 

FF, The way to knock him off his pedestal is by Ignoring him! When you don't give them the time of day it' take's them down a notch big time!! Don't even look over his way. This mm is not worth your time FF. He continues to demonstrate his childish action's toward you. He has ZERO respect for himself, you or his W! Try and avoid him at all cost's and I would try to step back from speaking with mutual friend's for a while as that will only add fuel to the fire in you know what I'm saying.

 

AP:)

[child_of_isis]

bookmark LucreziaBorgia's reply and read it no less than 10 times a day.

 

I have nothing to add but to say that was one BRILLIANT post!!!!

 

 

[forbidden fruit]

FF, The way to knock him off his pedestal is by Ignoring him! When you don't give them the time of day it' take's them down a notch big time!! Don't even look over his way. This mm is not worth your time FF. He continues to demonstrate his childish action's toward you. He has ZERO respect for himself, you or his W! Try and avoid him at all cost's and I would try to step back from speaking with mutual friend's for a while as that will only add fuel to the fire in you know what I'm saying.

 

AP:)

You gotta listen to the" Scientist" by coldplay-what a perfect song for us. He sends his kid outside the minute I got home and his kid asked if mine could play. It has been months so I said yes and then he comes over to pick her up and I am in full control. He then takes both back to his house and when he drops mine off i am still in full control. I am trying to be the better person even though it is killing me. Is he happy he is back in and what if we both keep it civil will it work. What if doesn't want more and what if I can control my emotions. Can it work if we are not friends but just hi bye and is this leaving the door open for him. Any thoughts-did I do the wrong thing again?

[whichwayisup]

. Can it work if we are not friends but just hi bye and is this leaving the door open for him.

 

It can work, as long as you don't 'talk' to him outside of the hi's and bye's. There is NO real reason to have a conversation with him at all.

 

If you feel like you're in control, then you are...And, who CARES what he thinks or feels. Just don't react to ANYTHING he does/says outside of hi/bye. If he tries to strike up a conversation with you, just say, "I have to go now." And walk away. You don't owe him anything FF...If he respects you at all, he'll leave things alone completely and he won't 'try' to talk to you, flirt with you, let alone tell you he wants to have sex with you. Real and true friends don't tell eachother that!!

[Meaplus3]

It can work, as long as you don't 'talk' to him outside of the hi's and bye's. There is NO real reason to have a conversation with him at all.

 

If you feel like you're in control, then you are...And, who CARES what he thinks or feels. Just don't react to ANYTHING he does/says outside of hi/bye. If he tries to strike up a conversation with you, just say, "I have to go now." And walk away. You don't owe him anything FF...If he respects you at all, he'll leave things alone completely and he won't 'try' to talk to you, flirt with you, let alone tell you he wants to have sex with you. Real and true friends don't tell eachother that!!

 

You don't owe him anything FF...If he respects you at all, he'll leave things alone completely and he won't 'try' to talk to you, flirt with you, let alone tell you he wants to have sex with you. Real and true friends don't tell eachother that!!

 

WWIP, Well said! My thought's exactly! FF, Hi, Bye that's it! No Smiles, stares or conversation. Remain in control Girl!

 

AP:)

[bish]

ran into him today need I say more!!!

I ran into my xmm and we both were shocked and got nervous. I Told him do not talk to me or look at me.

I ordered and then we did not talk until I could not take it anymore and I said he was a total pr>>> and a total assh""""".

 

No doubt this guy is a total jerk, creep, and anything else you can call him for betraying his wife....but since you slept with another woman's husband....how are you any different?

[forbidden fruit]

No doubt this guy is a total jerk, creep, and anything else you can call him for betraying his wife....but since you slept with another woman's husband....how are you any different?

 

I am not any different. I am just doing the best I can to move on in a bad situation. Everyone makes mistakes and granted mine was a big one we have to learn from them. I am not saying I am proud of myself, but I thought I really loved my xmm and i thought we were going to somehow make it work because i believed he loved me. The difference between he and I is I really believed I loved him and I wanted to be with forever and he just wanted the sex. i would of not betrayed my H or his W if i thought this was just about sex.

I have more respect for both of them. He on the otherhand if you read my past posts wanted to get caught and wanted to have sex in his own house. I tried Nc a zillion times and wanted to know how he stood and prove to me he loved me, but it was always about him and the sex. So yes I am no different except for the fact I was wrong about the kind of person my xmm was and it made me appreciate my h more!! I cannot face his W knowing what I have done , but he can friends with my H and something about that seems pretty evil.

[Meaplus3]

I am not any different. I am just doing the best I can to move on in a bad situation. Everyone makes mistakes and granted mine was a big one we have to learn from them. I am not saying I am proud of myself, but I thought I really loved my xmm and i thought we were going to somehow make it work because i believed he loved me. The difference between he and I is I really believed I loved him and I wanted to be with forever and he just wanted the sex. i would of not betrayed my H or his W if i thought this was just about sex.

I have more respect for both of them. He on the otherhand if you read my past posts wanted to get caught and wanted to have sex in his own house. I tried Nc a zillion times and wanted to know how he stood and prove to me he loved me, but it was always about him and the sex. So yes I am no different except for the fact I was wrong about the kind of person my xmm was and it made me appreciate my h more!! I cannot face his W knowing what I have done , but he can friends with my H and something about that seems pretty evil.

 

 

FF, I do have to wonder how he can even look your H in the eye after knowing what he did with you, that seem's awful. My H has nothing to do at all with xmm after learning of my ea. H will not even speak to him and I'm glad for that. I know how tough this is for you and you have tried pretty hard to put your best foot forward with all that this xmm has done. NC as much as possible FF it's the only way IMOP. Hug's!

 

AP:)