Shades of Grey Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Can anyone please help me to understand this situation: I had a session with my counsellor today. I have been going for almost 2 months now but to be honest have not found it very helpful to me. However today I did manage to actually have at least a proper conversation with him which I was pleased about. At the end of the session. I said right thank you, I remembered my cheque book today and got it out of my bag. (because the last month I paid in cash) He said (rather indignantly) "But you haven't written the cheque!" I said "No i'm sorry I just grabbed it on my way out this morning. Could you clarify the spelling of your surname?" He said "But i've given you a bill" I said "Yes i'm sorry but I didn't absorb all the details. I just noted the amount" He said "The time has run out and you expect me to..." I said "I'm sorry it will take 2 seconds" He said "Don't you see what you're doing here? You're expecting me to parent you" I was like "No i'm sorry I don't." He said "How do you think you spell it?" I just said i'm really not sure xx, signed the cheque, left the space for him to put his name, gave it to him and walked out in tears. I feel like i've totally missed something here. I cried all the way to work because I felt so upset. (Obviously not just because of this, but the icing in the cake) Was it me? Have I missed something? Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 I would have walked out right away, no check... what an *ss... You should tell him that HE needs to see a psychologist himself... Very few councellors are GOOD... I would never go back to this jerk... try to find another one if you can. He obviously wants to keep you in councelling a$ much a$ he can... $ee what I mean! Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Shades, That was very unprofessional of him. If there is another incident where he makes you feel that way, you have every right to tell him how unprofessional he is & to request another therapist. That is just not acceptable! TF Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shades of Grey Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 He obviously wants to keep you in councelling a$ much a$ he can... $ee what I mean! Lol thanks Lizzie Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 He said "But i've given you a bill" I said "Yes i'm sorry but I didn't absorb all the details. I just noted the amount" He said "The time has run out and you expect me to..." I said "I'm sorry it will take 2 seconds" He said "Don't you see what you're doing here? You're expecting me to parent you" I was like "No i'm sorry I don't." He said "How do you think you spell it?" When he asked how you think he spells it, you should have said "uh....P-R-I-C-K" Is this therapist on a power trip or something? I would have looked at him, paused for 3 seconds after giving me crap and said, "do you want your f#ckin' check or not?.....cuz if not, then just ask one more stupid demeaning question and the checkbook goes by by" Link to post Share on other sites
vivi Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 a therapist who hectors you like that violates not only the letter but the spirit of his profession. Find another one. I dropped a therapist because she would pretty much sit there and go "uh huh" while I spilled my guts out, and when I took out my checkbook she stared at it and looked at nothing else in the room, including me. While I was talking. NEXT!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shades of Grey Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 When he asked how you think he spells it, you should have said "uh....P-R-I-C-K" Thanks Bish, Made me smile for the first time today Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shades of Grey Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 Shades, That was very unprofessional of him. If there is another incident where he makes you feel that way, you have every right to tell him how unprofessional he is & to request another therapist. That is just not acceptable! TF I don't think i'm going to go back TF, it's just it was hard enough telling my story the first time.... sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
TogetherForever Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 I don't think i'm going to go back TF, it's just it was hard enough telling my story the first time.... sigh. Don't stop going altogether though. Ok. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Find another therapist. The one you have now is TOO much of a clock watcher and is MEAN. Sometimes it takes abit of time to find the right person to open up to, but i can promise you, once you find that therapist - You'll know. Don't give up! Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 When he asked how you think he spells it, you should have said "uh....P-R-I-C-K" Is this therapist on a power trip or something? I would have looked at him, paused for 3 seconds after giving me crap and said, "do you want your f#ckin' check or not?.....cuz if not, then just ask one more stupid demeaning question and the checkbook goes by by" Well said Bish! I was thinking much the same but the insult was worse! Shades, get rid of him. Someone like that isn't exactly going to do much for your self-esteem. What an a***hole! Talk about try to make you feel small. I really would report him if I was you. People like him shouldn't be able to get away with that. I have to deal with people like that at work but he's supposed to be your therapist, FFS! Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Wow, that's awful. Yeah, it's probably time to seek another therapist, especially because you haven't felt like you've been able to talk to this one, even though you've been seeing him for two months. It shouldn't be so difficult. I think, though, that to really help you understand what was going on in the scenario you described, you might need to give a little more info about what went on in your other sessions - the history leading up to this. It sounds like he was drawing on stuff you've been talking about; e.g. the "parenting" comment. I'm not saying he's any good as a therapist or that you should stick with him under any circumstances, but is it possible he was trying to make a point with you that wasn't so much about the money or the time? Just wondering. Link to post Share on other sites
bish Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 When he asked how you think he spells it, you should have said "uh....P-R-I-C-K" Thanks Bish, Made me smile for the first time today No problem. If you go back to him and he pulls it again, do ask him if he wants his damn check or not. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 I had gone to a marriage counselor before my divorce and although my marriage ended I really liked what he had to say. So after my whole debacle with the MM (whom lied to me about being divorced) I was very depressed and went to a therapist in the same office as my MC thinking I would have the same sort of experience. At the time I was also dealing with the loss of a major group of friends who although knew the circumstances of our relationship felt that even though the MM was a liar and had completely screwed me over, he was some sort of hero for coming clean and staying with his wife. Having me around was a reminder of a bad sitaution, so they cut me out for his wife's sake. I was devistated. During our first and only meeting the therapist told me that the MM did the right and honorable thing and I was wrong to hold ill will against him for making the choice he did. He said the fact I didn't know he was married when we fell in love and he proposed to me, didn't matter. I was selfish for wanting him to divorce his wife and follow thorugh on the promises he made after I discovered the truth. I came out of the session feeling ten times worse than before I went in. He told me he had to brake me down in order to build me back up again. I told him I had no interest in continuing to see him and left. I haven't been to couseling since and I am much happier now. I'm sure if I had continued looking I could have found a therapist I was happier with though. It was unfortunate I ended up with such a jerk. You should not go back to that guy, but I think you should look around and see if you can find some one else. I believe it could really help to have some one to talk to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shades of Grey Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 Wow, that's awful. Yeah, it's probably time to seek another therapist, especially because you haven't felt like you've been able to talk to this one, even though you've been seeing him for two months. It shouldn't be so difficult. I think, though, that to really help you understand what was going on in the scenario you described, you might need to give a little more info about what went on in your other sessions - the history leading up to this. It sounds like he was drawing on stuff you've been talking about; e.g. the "parenting" comment. I'm not saying he's any good as a therapist or that you should stick with him under any circumstances, but is it possible he was trying to make a point with you that wasn't so much about the money or the time? Just wondering. It was just the way he said it SM, like he was actually quite angry about the fact that I hadn't written his stupid cheque. The parenting comment maybe had some context in what we had been discussing or rather what he was trying to tell me but just the overall tone of the exchange was awful. To be honest I was slightly preterbed in the first session when I was filling him in on the background of my situation and we hadn't finished by the end of the allotted time. He suggested we run over to finish up which I agreed to, thinking hey thats nice he's prepared to give me a few minutes extra time and then at the end he meticulously calculated the extra value of the session and charged me for every minute. Re: the parenting thing he keeps insisting that the reason I am having so much trouble coming to terms with the ending of my relationship with MM is because my parents divorced when I was 5. My MM is much older than me, the therapist thinks that the level of pain I am feeling and the difficulty I am having coping with the experience is because I am grieving for his abandonment of me as well as the fact that my father "abandoned" me when i was a child. And the reason I got involved with MM in the first place was because I was looking for a father figure. Of course it's something that is probably an obvious thing to explore, however I have real difficulty in buying it. The fact is that yes my parents did divorce when I was 5 but I have never had any issues surrounding that. My father did not "abandon" me in my opinion. He has maintained a relationship with me throughout the whole of my life. He left my mother because he no longer loved her and did not want to spend the rest of his life with her. I actually understand that. I respect it. The marriage didn't work, yes it's sad, but far sadder in my opinion to spend the rest of his life with someone he didn't love. He continued to take on the responsibilities of parenthood. I have a brilliant relationship with my fathers second wife and I adore their son. I feel I don't fit into the therapists textbook answer of the situation. He keeps banging on about my subconsious feelings blah blah blah. Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 I feel I don't fit into the therapists textbook answer of the situation. He keeps banging on about my subconsious feelings blah blah blah. This guy sounds like a hack. Instead of actually addressing your situation he would rather give his "ready made" text book answers and collect a check. Time to cut him loose. You'll be letting go of an unhealthy relationship and negative influence in your life. Isn't that why you went to him in the first place? Maybe he is helping. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shades of Grey Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 This guy sounds like a hack. Instead of actually addressing your situation he would rather give his "ready made" text book answers and collect a check. Time to cut him loose. You'll be letting go of an unhealthy relationship and negative influence in your life. Isn't that why you went to him in the first place? Maybe he is helping. Yep. Except I went to get rid of 1 and now I have 2...! lol Link to post Share on other sites
annabelle75 Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Yep. Except I went to get rid of 1 and now I have 2...! lol Such is the way of life. Boys suck. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Boys suck. Yep:p! Call him back and tell him that you think he's right that you do have father figure issues and that you have been told that any decent male therapist who realized that would have referred you to a female therapist. Link to post Share on other sites
serial muse Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 Ok, now that I know a little more, I totally agree - he's a jerk. Definitely find a new therapist - this guy doesn't sound flexible enough to listen to you and really try to help you sort out your personal situation. Most people don't fall into the "textbook" answer; it should just be a jumping-off point, not something for an inept therapist to cling to because he doesn't have any ideas or insight of his own. If you wanted textbooks you could just buy them yourself. I'm sorry you had that crappy experience this morning, but now you can have the satisfaction of cutting this guy out of your life!! Good training for you. This sort of thing really burns me up... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Shades of Grey Posted July 19, 2007 Author Share Posted July 19, 2007 I'm sorry you had that crappy experience this morning, but now you can have the satisfaction of cutting this guy out of your life!! Good training for you. Indeed! lol Thanks SM, and thanks everybody! You know I feel I have had more therapy from all of you guys then anything he could ever offer me. The thread that I started yesterday for example re: should I tell, there is no way that I felt i could discuss those feelings with him. Yet that's what he should be there for right? However I have had some amazing advice from you guys which whilst some of it was very difficult to accept I have taken on board and am fully using it to figure things out. You're all so right again in this instance. Now that I realise I wasn't being completely hypersensitive or stupid i'm not going to let this experience deter me and will consider finding someone new. Link to post Share on other sites
BurriedAlive Posted July 19, 2007 Share Posted July 19, 2007 This guy sounds like a retard. Run for your life! I have been in coucelling as well but I have found it very beneficial. My councellor tells me how amazing she thinks I am which is the way it should be! Anyway, I would be looking for a new therapist if I were you. Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 Maybe you should look for a different therpist who isn't a psychotherapist...they always believe that childhood issues are at the root of everything, and while they play a part to some extent I think that psychoanalysts overemphasize their importance...Forget him anyway...You shouldn't pay for someone to treat you like sh**...report him if you need to... Link to post Share on other sites
WithOrWithoutYou Posted July 21, 2007 Share Posted July 21, 2007 If you haven't figured out that your therapist is an arse, an that you need to find a new therapist, then yes, you have missed something very important. Link to post Share on other sites
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