Only time will tell

[Cheesecake]

[COLOR=black]Hi all,[/COLOR]

[COLOR=black]Currently, I am an xOW . And God, how I hate that label- Other woman. I feel like I should be branded and sent to the village square to be burned at the stake - LOL. I suspect that my situation is not unlike many of yours - he's emotionally/physically separated from his wife for 5 years, lives in the basement of their house, yet sometimes stays with his parents down the street, and was sometimes staying over at my apartment, he has two daughters which have been his excuse in the past for not leaving, has an agreement with his wife that they can see other people as long as they don't tell each other about it, etc. In fact he suspected that she was seeing some guy she works with - he's kind of hoping she still is. They have been married for 18 years, and have had problems the last 10 - they tried the marital counseling thing, didn't work, so they basically have been living separate lives for years now except when the children are involved. Of course, he initially reeled me in by telling me he was separated (and as we all know now needs to be further defined when coming out of someone's mouth from now on. - LOL) Then, little by little the other details came out and of course, it was too late for me to break away since I was emotionally attached. [/COLOR]

 

[COLOR=black]We were together for 9 months - I broke up with him about 4 times, once for a good 3 weeks w/o contact. But he kept coming back and telling me to be patient, that he was going to get out of that house and file those papers. Two weeks ago I broke down and told him that I understood how hard it must be to make a monumental change in his life like this, and that I have no right to demand him to make a decision, although it was a decision he made 5 years ago which he had yet to act on. But if he wasn't ready to take steps to change his situation anytime soon, that he was leading me on, lying to his family, and hurting us all. I think he really took that to heart.[/COLOR]

 

[COLOR=black]He responded that after his daughters, he cares about me most, and that we should spend some time apart so that he could get his act together. I was actually impressed with him for making that decision. I told him to take care of himself, and for the first time, we told each other we loved each other. [/COLOR]

 

[COLOR=black]I miss him like crazy, but as hard as it is, and as scared as I am of what the future brings, I can only feel good about it - I don't see how I can lose. If it was meant to be, he will get his act together, get out of that house, file for divorce, and we can give this relationship a real shot. If he doesn't, then perhaps he was never the right man for me, I will be heartbroken and disappointed, but I will move on (and grill the next guy I meet that says he's "separated" - LOL). You know what they say - if you love something set it free, if it comes back, etc., etc., [/COLOR]

 

[COLOR=black]One comment for you OW's out there to give you a little hope - I have several, I mean, several friends and even family that jumped right from their bad marriages into new relationships, and have been very happy and in the newer relationships ever since. So I really don't know if I believe the whole " Don't get involved with someone for 2 years after the divorce because it takes that long to heal, blah, blah - how can you quantify a statement like that? Every situation is different. And there are just certain individuals out there that need the safety net, the strength and support from a loving partner, and flat out just have trouble being alone and single, and therefore won't make that jump until there is someone there to help them through the transition. I guess the trick is to distinguish the people who are genuinely ready with the ones who will string you along and stay in a state of self serving limbo for as long as they can. The only thing you can do is question her/him,don't be afraid to face the truth, and be honest with yourself. And of course the successful couples I mention above and people like them don't have the need to come to a site like this - they're happy since things have worked out for them and therefore don't need the support. So rest assure - it does happen. [/COLOR]

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