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So this is what it all comes down too!


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I NEED to move! I need to move away from this Xmm neighbor, for this is just to much for me! I struggle each day with wanting to tell his W. I know that's not right becasue I am not out to intnetionally hurt other's so I keep my mouth shut! I would love her to know just what her H is capable of. I am to close to the kid's and this whole mess that I can't help but feel this way, it's in my Freaking face everyday! Now my question is how do I tell my H that we need to move and I am serious about it?

 

AP:)

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Why can't you just tell him you want to move?

 

 

Gel, We just finished adding onto our home over the past few month's. It's also a case of he work's from his home office when he's not traveling so it's very complicated. Also, my kid's love this neighborhood! I wish I could get Xmm to move that would be great, LOL:):lmao: I told him recently that I could not stand to live nextdoor to Xmm (H know's about my ea) He said "Get over it with him".

 

AP:)

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GreenEyedLady
I told him recently that I could not stand to live nextdoor to Xmm (H know's about my ea) He said "Get over it with him".AP:)

 

It seemed like the perfect time to say,"If I am ever to get over it, we need to move."

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whichwayisup

I agree with Gel. Plus, the work you've done on your house will just help in value when selling.

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I wouldn't move. I would simply tell the wife. She deserves to know.

 

I do want to tell her! She should know what her H does behind her back. He's a sneak and a lier! Xmm's used his profession to get the best of me, I think that's just awful. I am a train reck because of this. Yes, I did choose to get involved, however In the early stage's of the ea, I had know idea what I was doing or feeling. Xmm is a very good a manipulation and I fell for it. As much as I would like Xmm to suffer like I am, I just can't bring myself to tell his W because I don't want to hurt her, for she did nothing wrong here.

 

AP:)

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Trialbyfire
I do want to tell her! She should know what her H does behind her back. He's a sneak and a lier! Xmm's used his profession to get the best of me, I think that's just awful. I am a train reck because of this. Yes, I did choose to get involved, however In the early stage's of the ea, I had know idea what I was doing or feeling. Xmm is a very good a manipulation and I fell for it. As much as I would like Xmm to suffer like I am, I just can't bring myself to tell his W because I don't want to hurt her, for she did nothing wrong here.

 

AP:)

Hurting her is better than allowing her to continue being fooled. I guess it depends on whether she's a "truth is meaningful" person or an ostrich. I'm still a little confused as to why you feel you should continue making decisions, for her own good...

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Hurting her is better than allowing her to continue being fooled. I guess it depends on whether she's a "truth is meaningful" person or an ostrich. I'm still a little confused as to why you feel you should continue making decisions, for her own good...

 

I guess I feel like why even bother! I have a strong feeling that she's been down this road before with another woman, and she stay's with him because he feed's her a line of crap blaming the OW for having all the feeling's, and then MM get's off looking like a saviour to some poor soul who need's his help. Or perhap's he's never been caught but she suspect's something? Anyway's I don't think me informing her would do any good, it would just hurt her and her children and I love the kid's so I simply can't do it! Hope I made sense here!

 

AP:)

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annabelle75

The reality of the situation is that even if you do tell the wife, how would that make living next to them any less awkward? It would make it even worse in my opinion. Whether you tell her or not, I think you should move. Your H may be reluctant, but in the end I think he will fold if he knows the only way you are going to be able to move on with your life is to get as far away from those people as possible.

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The reality of the situation is that even if you do tell the wife, how would that make living next to them any less awkward? It would make it even worse in my opinion. Whether you tell her or not, I think you should move. Your H may be reluctant, but in the end I think he will fold if he knows the only way you are going to be able to move on with your life is to get as far away from those people as possible.

 

You are right about telling his W, it would only make it worse and who need's worse at this point! I do think the only way for any kind of a chance in my M is to get away from this neighborhood. I am to much of a "head strong" person to sit around and watch this MM get away with what he does and did to me. And living here is just a reminder of what occured and how I so want him to feel the pain like I have. I realize that I could get stuck in this "Rut" forever and it will destroy me as a person and my family. I deeply regret now ever getting myself into this mess. I was so fooled by this mm and that alone really scares me that I put myself out there to be emotionally munipulated by him. One thing I am going to put an end to is his kid's literally living at my house! Sorry XOW does not feel like beign a babysitter anymore!

 

AP:)

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annabelle75
You are right about telling his W, it would only make it worse and who need's worse at this point! I do think the only way for any kind of a chance in my M is to get away from this neighborhood. I am to much of a "head strong" person to sit around and watch this MM get away with what he does and did to me. And living here is just a reminder of what occured and how I so want him to feel the pain like I have. I realize that I could get stuck in this "Rut" forever and it will destroy me as a person and my family. I deeply regret now ever getting myself into this mess. I was so fooled by this mm and that alone really scares me that I put myself out there to be emotionally munipulated by him. One thing I am going to put an end to is his kid's literally living at my house! Sorry XOW does not feel like beign a babysitter anymore!

 

AP:)

 

Good. I think for your sake you need to pull away as much as possible from the MM, even if it means having less contact with the kids. Some people may think that is unkind but what you are dealing with here is a situation that is continuing to fester after the A has ended. You need to cut off contact with he and his fmaily in order for your family to rebuild and move on.

 

I think your H will understand if you really explain it to him. I'm sure he wants a fresh start too and you need to tell him that you can't do it where you are now. He may feel its because you are still hung up on the MM and don't like seeing him with his W. You need to let him know that it is not the case. Tell him the reason is because you love him and want to rebuild your future together and where you are now is not healthy for you or the family. It may seem like a hassle but getting a fresh start will allow your family to put it all behind you and move forward.

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Good. I think for your sake you need to pull away as much as possible from the MM, even if it means having less contact with the kids. Some people may think that is unkind but what you are dealing with here is a situation that is continuing to fester after the A has ended. You need to cut off contact with he and his fmaily in order for your family to rebuild and move on.

 

I think your H will understand if you really explain it to him. I'm sure he wants a fresh start too and you need to tell him that you can't do it where you are now. He may feel its because you are still hung up on the MM and don't like seeing him with his W. You need to let him know that it is not the case. Tell him the reason is because you love him and want to rebuild your future together and where you are now is not healthy for you or the family. It may seem like a hassle but getting a fresh start will allow your family to put it all behind you and move forward.

 

I really agree with you on all point's here. I think the only way for me to move past this whole painful mess is start over in a different area. I just wish xmm would be the one to pack up and move on out, that would be great. it's a shame that we have to be the one's to move out!

 

AP:)

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I usually just read the posts on this site, every now and then, but once in awhile I get in the mood to most something.

 

I want to focus on what hasn't been discussed in this post...what it means that you desire to have your MM hurt to feel similar pain as you. I've been there so I'm not at all faulting you as a person, but still, those feelings are wrong. We, as the other, need to realize that spreading pain is not the answer in any situation. The hard part about being the other is the helplessness and just having to accept that. I know its hard, its the hardest thing I've been through, and I've been through alot of crap. You have to seriously think about your feelings with your MM if you feel that you love him but at the same time you don't respect the choices he makes regarding his marriage and you want to hurt him. I think it means the pain is consuming you. It is easy for the pain to consume you to the point that you want others to hurt too, and easy to justify some actions you think about by using the word "honesty". I think the reality though is you just have to find a way to move on. What he choses to do with his marriage is his choice. Respect his decision regardless of how much it hurts. If you need to move out of your house do it. Whatever it takes! Just don't be consumed by the pain. I struggle with that too...everyday. I refuse though to let it change what we had together. Accept it for what it was. We just have to find a way to move past it and refind the person we used to be before our hearts broke. I hope I got my point accross...not sure, but I wish you the best of luck anyhow. LUV

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I usually just read the posts on this site, every now and then, but once in awhile I get in the mood to most something.

 

I want to focus on what hasn't been discussed in this post...what it means that you desire to have your MM hurt to feel similar pain as you. I've been there so I'm not at all faulting you as a person, but still, those feelings are wrong. We, as the other, need to realize that spreading pain is not the answer in any situation. The hard part about being the other is the helplessness and just having to accept that. I know its hard, its the hardest thing I've been through, and I've been through alot of crap. You have to seriously think about your feelings with your MM if you feel that you love him but at the same time you don't respect the choices he makes regarding his marriage and you want to hurt him. I think it means the pain is consuming you. It is easy for the pain to consume you to the point that you want others to hurt too, and easy to justify some actions you think about by using the word "honesty". I think the reality though is you just have to find a way to move on. What he choses to do with his marriage is his choice. Respect his decision regardless of how much it hurts. If you need to move out of your house do it. Whatever it takes! Just don't be consumed by the pain. I struggle with that too...everyday. I refuse though to let it change what we had together. Accept it for what it was. We just have to find a way to move past it and refind the person we used to be before our hearts broke. I hope I got my point accross...not sure, but I wish you the best of luck anyhow. LUV

 

Hi Patient thank's for your reply. I am very sorry for your hurt as I can so relate.

 

"Accept it for what it was. We just have to find a way to move past it and refind the person we used to be before our hearts broke."

 

Accept it for what is was? Well I guess I am not sure what it was really since I was so munipulated by this mm. I have to get a better grip on accepting the fact that I let myself fall for this C*** with some belief that it all meant something to him. Feeling used is the worst and having him nextdoor to rub that in my face when ever he feel's it's some kind of "Thrill" for him to do so, well that suck's. It's also why I do need to move away from here, with my family.

 

AP:)

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PoshPrincess

I also agree with GEL! You need to tell your hubby that you have to move if there's any chance of making your M work. I can't believe that your H knows all this and still wants to live next door to the guy. I know I wouldn't if I were him! Does your H not feel that he's putting temptation in your way by you staying there (I know you're NOT tempted but you know what I mean!)

 

AP, you have to move for your own state of mind. This neighbour of yours sounds like a total player and will lap up any attention he gets! I wouldn't tell his W though if I were you. I know she has a right to know but am not sure that she would thank you for it. If it's happened before then it's quite possible that she has her suspicions anyway, but she may not want to know! What the eye doesn't see, and all that!

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I also agree with GEL! You need to tell your hubby that you have to move if there's any chance of making your M work. I can't believe that your H knows all this and still wants to live next door to the guy. I know I wouldn't if I were him! Does your H not feel that he's putting temptation in your way by you staying there (I know you're NOT tempted but you know what I mean!)

 

AP, you have to move for your own state of mind. This neighbour of yours sounds like a total player and will lap up any attention he gets! I wouldn't tell his W though if I were you. I know she has a right to know but am not sure that she would thank you for it. If it's happened before then it's quite possible that she has her suspicions anyway, but she may not want to know! What the eye doesn't see, and all that!

 

Posh, Thank's for your imput! Oh I am very sure that if I told her she would not thank me for it. I am also sure she has some suspicion but MM is such a GREAT lier and that he's convinced her that all along I was just a friend. All I can say is she must not be very bright if she believes that.

 

AP:)

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