Sweetsmile949 Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Do you suggest the OW tell the MM that shes pregnant?? If in the begining there may be pressure to terminate and if its right before the due date some men freak and end up turning psycho and hurting the unborn baby and woman. Anyone experiance being pregnant as the other woman. I fear that I am and not sure what I should do...I really feel alone in this. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Depends on how badly you want the baby, and how willing and able you are to raise this child on your own. I wouldn't suggest telling until you have sought out and gotten solid legal advice. Find out what your legal options are, and make sure you know that you can support the child on your own, with CS help from the MM. Understand that there will have to be DNA testing as well. Find out about insurance, WIC, Medicaid (or insurance, if you have it - as well as whether or not your child will be covered on his insurance), and child care services. Find out about visitation, and understand that the BW will be around your child eventually. Ready for that? Arrange for some individual counseling to get you through this, and how to face the future that lies ahead of you. Above all, find out who your true friends are - who will be there for you if MM is not when it comes time to go to the hospital to have the baby? Stuff like that. Its all about getting your ducks in a row. Do all of this BEFORE you tell your MM, if you really want this baby. Do not put your MM's best interests before your child's best interests, by agreeing to 'keep it a secret' by not going through the courts. No child deserves to be hidden like a dirty secret. By going this route, you will have to face the fact that your relationship with your MM as you know it is effectively over. His wife will find out eventually, and that will change how you and MM interact. He may help you out, and come visit the child or he may not. I would definitely not plan on him being there in any true supportive capacity though. Unfortunately, an OW pretty much has to plan to be a single parent. Your MM cannot be a full time father to this child, and most won't even be a part time father. You will have to think hard about how to explain this to your child when he/she gets older, particularly if the MM has children by his wife. He/She will have lots of questions, I'm sure. Link to post Share on other sites
Enema Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 If you plan to rip child support from him, I think you should tell him as soon as you know you're pregnant. If you are ready to raise the child on your own without asking for any input from him financially or emotionally, you don't ever have to tell him imo. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Lucrezia said it pretty well. I'd be prepared to be doing this on your own. Not saying he'll back out BUT you never know. However if you want to get a look as to what can happend when the MM stays with his W plus chips in with the OW/child, there are some threads about it on here. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 some men freak and end up turning psycho and hurting the unborn baby and woman. Are you really worried about this? I mean does anything about him make you think he would hurt you if he thought that you were ensuring yourself as a permanent factor in his life or that the A will be revealed? If so, then I think I would cut all contact with him. I think its quite possible in many instances that the man would push for termination if it means that he will have to accept responsiblity for his action by living up to the consequenses. Doesn't say alot about his character but that can be expected of someone who behaves as he does. There are men though that are strongly against aborting their own child. How well do you know him? How long have you been together? Is he financially able to help support your child and does he have children of his own? I hope that you can find support from close family and friends, especially if you are unable to obtain individual counselling. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleLady Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Do not tell him anything until you decide what YOU want. Because ultimately this is YOUR decision alone which is what women have fought for! If you tell him, he will likely mentally beat you down in your weakened state and influence a decision by coercion and you will hate yourself for it for the rest of your life. This is what you have to expect. You have to expect he will force you to terminate the pregnancy. Can you accept that and live with it? Is that something YOU want? Secondly, MURDER is the number 1 cause of death with pregnant women. Not pregnancy related problems, it's MURDER. Some men will do whatever possible to keep a secret hidden from their wives. A property rehabber in chicago actually killed his mistress because she threatened to tell his wife. Not only that, but he blow-torched the skin right off her bone afterwards to conceal the body and just have bones left to stash somewhere. Men are not trustworthy.. I don't care how long you know them. When they are backed into a corner and lose control, most go insane. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott_W Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 ... MURDER is the number 1 cause of death with pregnant women. LittleLady, I'm not disagreeing with you, but I'm curious to know where this comes from and if you can confirm it with some references. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 26, 2007 Share Posted June 26, 2007 Sweetsmile, how far along are you? ... and LittleLady, you describe an interesting reaction that a MM would have when OW tells him that she is pregnant. What was your MM's reaction when you told him, or have you told him yet? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetsmile949 Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 How well do you know him? We known eachother for 8 months now. It started off by phone calls and emailing and we offically meet 2 weeks ago. How long have you been together? We arent "together" he said "time will reveal its self" but thats not what he told me in the begining. Is he financially able to help support your child Yes. He runs his own law office and invests in realestate. He also has a prenup with his wife protecting major assets. Hes only been married little over a year now. and does he have children of his own? 1 6 month old daughter. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sweetsmile949 Posted June 27, 2007 Author Share Posted June 27, 2007 It has not yet been confirmed that I am pregnant its a week to soon to tell. But I have all the symptoms icluding implant spotting. I just know somthings not right with my body. My OB said to retest in a week. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott_W Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 How well do you know him? We known eachother for 8 months now. It started off by phone calls and emailing and we offically meet 2 weeks ago. What do you mean by having "officially" met him 2 weeks ago? Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Gee and I thought lawyers only treated their clients like shi+ and railroaded them into the ground. They do the same to their wives nowadays too, huh?Honestly, this is sick. He is a sleazebag only married a year with a young child and already screwing over his wife? Disgusting. Link to post Share on other sites
IWALH Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Don't tell anyone but your friends and family and cut off the MM completely. Pretend like he never existed. Don't look back. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott_W Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 You answered my question as I was sending it. Thanks Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Since he knows all the legal ins and outs and can defend himself, I'm sure he'll toss out a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo that you won't see a dime from him etc just to scare the crap out of you. If you are pregnant, I would seek counsel pronto before I did anything. Don't let the jerk bully you around. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott_W Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 How well do you know him? We known eachother for 8 months now. It started off by phone calls and emailing and we offically meet 2 weeks ago. How long have you been together? We arent "together" he said "time will reveal its self" but thats not what he told me in the begining. Is he financially able to help support your child Yes. He runs his own law office and invests in realestate. He also has a prenup with his wife protecting major assets. Hes only been married little over a year now. and does he have children of his own? 1 6 month old daughter. He's married a little over a year and you've known him 8 months. So I'm curious: When did you find out he was recently married? Did he conceal that and surprize you? Or did you know it early on? Link to post Share on other sites
Scott_W Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Since you're not sure that you're really pregnant yet, I'm curious if this would be your first? Link to post Share on other sites
ridingthebulls Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Since you're not sure that you're really pregnant yet, I'm curious if this would be your first? I'm thinking yes.Latest she has gotten pregnant was what? 2 weeks ago when she "officially" met him? She wouldn't have any symptoms this early. Sounds like the jitters to me. Nerves seems to be about it."It has not yet been confirmed that I am pregnant its a week to soon to tell. But I have all the symptoms icluding implant spotting. I just know somthings not right with my body. My OB said to retest in a week."It's impossible to get any results within 2 weeks of conceiving and your OB didn't tell you this? I guess she's just basing on your last period. Maybe Im wrong but I'm assuming no protection was used. Link to post Share on other sites
Scott_W Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 I'm thinking yes.Latest she has gotten pregnant was what? 2 weeks ago when she "officially" met him? She wouldn't have any symptoms this early. Sounds like the jitters to me. Nerves seems to be about it."It has not yet been confirmed that I am pregnant its a week to soon to tell. But I have all the symptoms icluding implant spotting. I just know somthings not right with my body. My OB said to retest in a week."It's impossible to get any results within 2 weeks of conceiving and your OB didn't tell you this? I guess she's just basing on your last period. Maybe Im wrong but I'm assuming no protection was used. Thanks Bulls. Astute observations. My questions were aimed deeper and I'm hoping she'll still answer for herself. Link to post Share on other sites
Trimmer Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 He's married a little over a year and you've known him 8 months. So I'm curious: When did you find out he was recently married? Did he conceal that and surprize you? Or did you know it early on? And an add-on question: assuming he didn't wear a condom, did he know your birth protection status? Link to post Share on other sites
Seen_It_All Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 I'm not even going to comment on the stupidity of possibly getting pregnant by some married scumbag. HOWEVER, if you're not pregnant, you'd better let him know LOUD AND CLEAR that you don't understand how to use birth control (obviously or you wouldn't be in this mess), that you're pro-life and won't even consider abortion, and that you WON'T let him have a SAY in the matter if you do become pregnant. I'm sure he'll decide the price tag for a little side piece ain't worth it. Link to post Share on other sites
upto_here Posted June 27, 2007 Share Posted June 27, 2007 Do not tell him anything until you decide what YOU want. Because ultimately this is YOUR decision alone which is what women have fought for! If you tell him, he will likely mentally beat you down in your weakened state and influence a decision by coercion and you will hate yourself for it for the rest of your life. This is what you have to expect. You have to expect he will force you to terminate the pregnancy. Can you accept that and live with it? Is that something YOU want? Secondly, MURDER is the number 1 cause of death with pregnant women. Not pregnancy related problems, it's MURDER. Some men will do whatever possible to keep a secret hidden from their wives. A property rehabber in chicago actually killed his mistress because she threatened to tell his wife. Not only that, but he blow-torched the skin right off her bone afterwards to conceal the body and just have bones left to stash somewhere. Men are not trustworthy.. I don't care how long you know them. When they are backed into a corner and lose control, most go insane. :lmao:I do feel and understand you....i wanted you to think long and hard ..think about yourself first ,,can you handle the situation now...LL is right ...men do turn nasty especially the result will turn out to be destroy what he had...but i think some men will accept that very well but i won't count on it...i been there and done that and still ,i can not live with myself ...because of the termination is not my decision alone ..we thought we did the right thing but the end of the day its only you that had to live with it no matter the decision is ...think very hard my dear...men changed their skin in second ...its your life ahead....not his Link to post Share on other sites
new beginning Posted July 6, 2007 Share Posted July 6, 2007 Do you suggest the OW tell the MM that shes pregnant?? If in the begining there may be pressure to terminate and if its right before the due date some men freak and end up turning psycho and hurting the unborn baby and woman. Anyone experiance being pregnant as the other woman. I fear that I am and not sure what I should do...I really feel alone in this. The first person I told was my brother. The second was my best friend. The third was another close friend. The fourth was MM. This was all within a week of finding out. I was scared as to how he would react, but never in a million years considered NOT telling him or putting it off. That's just not something I could hide from him. Even before I told him (a day or so) he sensed that something was eating at me and wanted to know if I was ok and that he was there if I needed to talk... He never once suggested terminating the pregnancy, and said he would be alright with adoption only if I was. I told him I wanted to keep the baby- he supported that, and said in the end it will be alright and to focus on my health and that of our child - he would worry about the ramifications on his end. Perhaps I am insanely naive, but I have dated my fair share of guys that looking back weren't the best for me... but even at their craziest, I knew they would never physically hurt me. Are you concerned that this man will try to hurt you? If that is the case, you need to figure out what YOU want in terms of the baby- can you do it alone, without support, how will you one day broach the topic of the child's father with him/her... and do it. Get away from the MM, and stay away. If you believe that he is a good man, a good father, etc... then he deserves to know. It is, after all, his child too. No offense, but this seems a little premature to be worrying about it... unless you are hoping that you are pregnant, and/or were/are trying to get pregnant ... in either case, if you are hoping that a baby will bring him to you you are absolutely out of line- it WILL backfire- and really not ready to be a parent yourself! Best of luck in your decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
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