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Question for the a current OW or XOW?


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My question is this. How many affair's do you think your mm or Xmm has had? Do you think you were his first? Last? If you are not currently involved with the mm anymore do you know how his life turned out? Just wondering. Please state if your affiar was an ea or pa. Thank's.

 

AP:)

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My MM told me that I am the first real A he ever had. He admitted that in the past that he kissed two other women and once, while extremely drunk, he almost let a girl give him a BJ. He decided against because he was drunk and driving and probably would have but by the time he got the girl to her house she had passed out. (No, he isn't a creep. He was just ask drunk as she was, she and him have known each other for years, worked together, and she had a lot of feelings for him and he didn't want to wreck that friendship)

 

I believe that he is telling the truth. For one reason: I trust him completely.

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BurriedAlive

My xMM swore up and down for the entire year we were together that he had only slept with 2 women in 20 years (me and W). Well, I guess he forgot about the $1500 charges on his company credit card to some funny company name with a classification of "bars, taverns, lounges & discos." Unless he bought drinks for an entire bar full of people, I would have to say he lied to me (again!). Also, shortly after I left work I talked someone I knew very well from work who has known and travelled in the same circles as xMM for many years. Anyway, he made a comment that will haunt me forever, he said: "after all those years, I knew MM would get caught eventually."

 

Apparently the truth is the exact opposite of what comes out of xMM's mouth.

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Freedom Now

My xMM had two other short affairs prior to me. He said that he has had many offers to have an affair with various women since me but that he has no interest in them because they aren't me.

 

Aren't I flattered?

 

Now, his wife only knows about me....

 

And, our affair was physical and emotional.

 

He just called me today as a matter of fact.

 

Boy, that boy is tenacious....

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With the guy I work with... he's been married for 20 years, they started dating when she was 14 he was 18... then married 4 years later... have been married for 24 years (he's 46)... he had an affair about 13 years ago with the wife of their friend couple. it lasted about 2 years... they saw each other maybe.... 8-10 times... maybe more... I'm not sure.. then he fell in love with me before we even got together. It is an EA for him... for me it is a PA.

 

Then my 'favourite' he's younger, 37, so sweet.. so anxious...he's so scared to get caught so everytime we get together it's planned a week or more ahead... and very well planned... I'm his first A. It is a PA eventhough he says he 'addicted' to me... and he's 'liking' me more and more every time. I used to see him maybe once every month or 2 months.. now it's every week.

 

The 'scout' father... I never asked him. I suppose he had, not sure.

 

One more, he said he had, it was a PA, it lasted for years, he would still be with her but she moved... then he found me... he said he's faithful to his OW..LOL

 

I can't tell you about all of them... unless I tell you how many I'm seeing so I'll stop here.

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greengoddess
My MM told me that I am the first real A he ever had. He admitted that in the past that he kissed two other women and once, while extremely drunk, he almost let a girl give him a BJ. He decided against because he was drunk and driving and probably would have but by the time he got the girl to her house she had passed out. (No, he isn't a creep. He was just ask drunk as she was, she and him have known each other for years, worked together, and she had a lot of feelings for him and he didn't want to wreck that friendship)

 

I believe that he is telling the truth. For one reason: I trust him completely.

 

 

Ohhh lovely not only is he a liar and a cheat but he IS A DRUNK DRIVER??? OHHH but you trust him completely. LMAO!!!!!!

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I know he cheated on his first wife with at least one woman... I know nothing of that story really though (other than he cheated on her the day he proposed to her... that is what his current wife told me). I also know he cheated on the current (soon to be ex) wife several times in the past. I am pretty sure they were all PA's.... but who knows for sure. With us it is an EA and a PA. But it's not exactly an "affair" anymore....

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whichwayisup

The thing is IWALH, now knowing his past cheating history, how could you really trust him? Wouldn't you say that his past behaviour, continuing behaviour NOW, continue into the future even if he and his wife end their marriage and he gets together with you?

 

Give this some thought because honestly my dear, I don't think this guy is worth all of your love, energy and time. I keep saying this, but you WERE better off in NC mode. Remember how happy and peaceful you felt back then??

 

Sorry for the thread jack here...

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My question is this. How many affair's do you think your mm or Xmm has had? Do you think you were his first? Last? If you are not currently involved with the mm anymore do you know how his life turned out? Just wondering. Please state if your affiar was an ea or pa. Thank's.

 

AP:)

 

I was his first, and i'm 100% sure i'll be his last. He has never cheated on anyone in his entire life, except for now.

 

We are both, PA and EA, very much both. He's planning on leaving, he's started doing "things" to get ready. Not going to say much more..........

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pureinheart
My question is this. How many affair's do you think your mm or Xmm has had? Do you think you were his first? Last? If you are not currently involved with the mm anymore do you know how his life turned out? Just wondering. Please state if your affiar was an ea or pa. Thank's.

 

AP:)

 

 

Hey AP....ex-mm is literally ex-mm (meaning he's not a mm anymore)....he had numerous "encounters" with women and would hit on many, he was always "looking". I know I was his last....during the EA he changed drastically, mostly due to the fact we were mainly good friends, he trusted my judgement in most areas.

 

Having been to a great deal of counceling, dealing with a wide variety of issues, I was able to use the great influence I had with him to basically councel him as he would speak of past abuses. To a degree his thinking began to change and was dealing with truth rather than misconceptions that we acquire after abuse.

 

Here's a brief recap of the situation....I went NC then a few months later found out mm and w split....he contacted me a little while after that....we talk almost everyday....he doesn't know what he wants and says he feels lost, I asked him why he called in the first place as he knows where my heart was...he said he had to, he can't stay away....

 

Shortly before ex-mm contacted me, another ex-boyfriend had contacted wanting us to REALLY get together for good this time....we had been off and on for several years so I didn't take him seriously, but he was much different this time stating things I'd never heard from him before.

 

I shinned him on when ex-mm called, but after almost losing what mind I have left, and seeing that ex-mm is not ready, in a sort of desparation contacted my old boyfriend and am willing to see if he is for real (man this guy is a catch....soooo intelligent, filled with insight and is just plain HOT....he resembles the actor Don Johnson). Also another guy that I have known for several years called today and asked me out for Friday...

 

It's time for me to live again and have a GOOD life......

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PoshPrincess
My question is this. How many affair's do you think your mm or Xmm has had? Do you think you were his first? Last? If you are not currently involved with the mm anymore do you know how his life turned out? Just wondering. Please state if your affiar was an ea or pa. Thank's.

 

AP:)

 

My exMM had one A before me but that was purely a PA. He always said he couldn't call it an A; it was more of a fling. His W actually caught him groping the OW (a family member - nice! Oh God, not BLOOD related!) but that's as much as she knew. I don't know how long before him seeing me that it happened but I know he was never in love with her. His W had also had one A (that he knew of) when the kids were small, prior to his first one, so maybe his was subconsciously a revenge thing or an ego boost.

 

Our R was more of an EA. We only slept together once - his decision not to, not mine. To start with it could have been a PA too but I was temporarily living back with my parents so there was nowhere to go anyway. He said he always thought too much of me for me to be a "quick grope in the back of a car" and then the longer time went on the more difficult it got for him because the more emotional involved he got with me, the more guilty he felt on his family.

 

I speak to exMM v occasionally and hear about him from mutual friends. He is still with W and, apparently, STILL not happy. I don't think he will ever have an A again though. Not because there will be no one to match up to me (unfortunately;)) but because he was never very good at cheating (hence eventually getting caught!) in that he couldn't do the sneaking around and couldn't handle the guilt. He hurt his kids SO much that I really do think he has learned his lesson. Who knows though whether him and his W will last the distance. His kids are in their late teens and I've got a feeling that once they have left home, if him and his W still haven't got back on track, he will wonder what's there for him.

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He was a serial cheater, and I knew it. I was not interested in a relationship with him, I was in the process of removing my ex-husband (who was also a serial cheater) from my heart.

 

I can't say that it worked the way I thought it would.:eek:

 

(it was a pa)

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Thank's for to you all for you insight. After reading most of the post's I now realize that most MM who cheat are repeat offender's. For those of you that had MM as one affair that's great I guess.

 

AP:)

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When I found out my xMM was married (we had been dating quite seriously for months before I found out), I asked him if I was his first affair. He admitted I was not, that when he was a LA County Sheriff that he also had a short affair with a Spanish interpreter at the jail. He explained that the only reason why it ended was because he was "disappointed" (as in, she was bad in bed). :sick: He had been married approximately 5 years when he had that affair, and 7 when he met me. Ours was both an extremely passionate PA as well as an EA - it was a completely separate life for him...complete with vacations, holidays, presents, and support through personal crises.

 

I'm fairly certain I was his last affair. His W contacted me, and after avoiding her calls for a month, I finally gave in and answered all her questions. She is a VERY strong woman, and I'm sure she has him by the balls by now.

 

I haven't spoken to him since he got caught, so I'm not sure how he's doing emotionally, but I know he's prospering professionally, that bastard ;). He started his own firm with another colleague of ours last year. Interestingly, when he ran into a friend of mine a month or so ago in court, he asked about me, how I was doing, etc. Apparently the look on his face was one of regret...not sure why though.

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my MM has not cheated before, he has been with his W since highschool. they are now in their early thirties. we have both a physical and emotional affair, it started out emotional which soon led to physical.

 

i cant say if he would cheat again though when our R is over. i think once they find out how easy the lies and deception comes to them then they are more likely to become repeat offenders. i believe MM does love me and i know he would not see any other OW while we are together.

 

i am still waiting for his W to realize what is going on here. she cant be happy like this.

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lovernotafighter

this is my MM's 3rd EA and first PA. his second EA he had a some kissing and fondeling but he never had the chance or the balls to go all the way. he was scared off because she fell in love with him very quickly and his son was a baby.

 

believe me I know he would have went all the way if he could and he has made that pretty clear to.

 

she also had 4 kids and her brother in law was his boss..yikes!

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Kwo-ne'-she

Ex OW here, which I hate. (see previous posts, he lied about getting divorced, etc) Anyway, I do believe I was his first A. From what I have heard, they are rebuilding the M and doing well. I suspect things aren't as rosy as they make them out to be, however, I don't care. I wouldn't go near him ever again.

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Love is Tragic

Well, for one, how do we ever know if they are telling the truth about any former affairs? Its so hard to know, we always take them at their word and never truly know, unfortunately. My MM, ( i am also MW), says he cheated on his wife for the first time years ago when his wife had supposedly withheld sex for a year and a half after their daughter was born. He said it was horrible and couldnt even finish. Then ill be damned if he didnt go home and his wife wanted to have sex! lol..

 

Then he says one time when he was engaged, a girl gave him a BJ on a golf course somewhere, but it never went any further. And he claims he "talked" to a couple girls during his marriage, but it never went anywhere, and they were all young, immature, and infatuated. So.. he says im the only one hes ever had this type of affair with, along with the emotions involved as well. But who knows, for all i know, he could be stringing 3 more along, i would never know-its the price we pay i suppose!

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I'm an exOW (yep, still :) ) and it was a PA with the MM for two years.

 

I have no idea if I was his first - he said I was, but who the hell knows? I have doubts that I'll be his last, infact, I'd be surprised if he hasn't already moved onto someone else. :rolleyes:

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He has told me I am his first actual affair, and I believe him. He has left her several times, and had girlfriends, but has never actually had an affair while living with her under the same roof.

 

Of course, I could totally be wrong.

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TogetherForever

Mine left his wife in 1980 something. He lived with that other girl for 2 years. He went back to his wife, left her again & is with me.

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HappyAtLast

I've only had one affair, with the woman who is now my wife. Been married to her around 30 years, have never been unfaithful.

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Ohhh lovely not only is he a liar and a cheat but he IS A DRUNK DRIVER??? OHHH but you trust him completely. LMAO!!!!!!

 

I forgot you are perfect, never ever driven drunk and never in your lifetime would you ever once think of cheating. :sick:

 

I think you should be nominated for sainthood. :rolleyes:

 

DO me a favor and take your snotty, self-righteous attitude and shove it.

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