gigglesxx Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, but it has given me lots of food for thought. I am newly separated, and have been in an emotional relationship with a MM at work for about three months now. There's been no physical - just lunches, coffees, and emails. Between our casual dates and crossing paths at work, we see each other 1-2X a week, but email almost every day. I am seeing myself getting hooked, and after reading all your posts, realize I need to nip this one in the bud. His wife is beautiful, intelligent, rich, supportive - why would he leave? He says she's great - that he's the one with the problem. Anyways... I met a new guy online, and I'm going on a lunch date next week to try to bring some new blood into my life. But because there's no chemistry, it just doesn't feel right. Maybe there will be - do I need to give it a chance? Do you think I'm playing with fire? Or is my strategy of trying to meet new SINGLE men a good way to move on? Appreciate your thoughts, thanks everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I am seeing myself getting hooked, and after reading all your posts, realize I need to nip this one in the bud. His wife is beautiful, intelligent, rich, supportive - why would he leave? He says she's great - that he's the one with the problem. He won't leave. He is being honest by admitting he is the one with problem. As exciting as may seem, you will be in for a lot pain and heartache if you so choose to go down this path. Anyways... I met a new guy online, and I'm going on a lunch date next week to try to bring some new blood into my life. But because there's no chemistry, it just doesn't feel right. Maybe there will be - do I need to give it a chance? Doesn't hurt to give it a try. Go for it and post how it went. I've thought about doing that myself actually -- especially since I accidentally stumbled across a profile (thanks to my daughter) my husband (we're separated) created. Hysterical! Full of lies and he even engaged in a chat with me not knowing he was talking to me. In all honesty -- proceed with caution and do what you think is right for you. Just be prepared for the pain and heartache that goes with it. Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Moving on is just that "moving on" which is all about YOU--and not necessarily MEN. However, being newly separated--one does need some relief and to have more fun than allowed beyond any terms. However, MM are NOT fun--they are WORK and quite the hassle. The end of a relationship is work and quite the hassle so why add to your burden? You've been through enough and deserve to be single and allowed all that this encompasses--and that may be about waiting until you find someone SINGLE or two or three or five that matches your "chemistry". Waiting and anticipating is what is most fun about being single--it's not so bad, so try it for awhile Hugs to you! Hi everyone, I am new to this forum, but it has given me lots of food for thought. I am newly separated, and have been in an emotional relationship with a MM at work for about three months now. There's been no physical - just lunches, coffees, and emails. Between our casual dates and crossing paths at work, we see each other 1-2X a week, but email almost every day. I am seeing myself getting hooked, and after reading all your posts, realize I need to nip this one in the bud. His wife is beautiful, intelligent, rich, supportive - why would he leave? He says she's great - that he's the one with the problem. Anyways... I met a new guy online, and I'm going on a lunch date next week to try to bring some new blood into my life. But because there's no chemistry, it just doesn't feel right. Maybe there will be - do I need to give it a chance? Do you think I'm playing with fire? Or is my strategy of trying to meet new SINGLE men a good way to move on? Appreciate your thoughts, thanks everyone! Link to post Share on other sites
kymberann Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Please move on! Whether that means taking time out just for you or to just date SINGLE men. Of course it is a good idea! It's a great idea keeping your options open just be careful of dating on the rebound! You have two Rs right now that you are breaking and healing from. Just ease into it. There is nothing wrong with dating yourself! Take care! Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 Dating single guys is always better than MM - you already know that. Keep in mind you might not be feeling "chemistry" because you have your heart and mind engaged with MM at the moment. You have to end that and go through the break-up phase before you're truly available to the single men you date. Link to post Share on other sites
Regular Lurker Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 He says she's great - that he's the one with the problem. MAJOR RED FLAG! and that "problem" is never going to go away....he will always be looking for the next "fix" to his problem. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 He says she's great - that he's the one with the problem. If there is one thing I've learned in life, it's that people tell you right away what the facts are. Now you know. Do you want to be three or four years into this wondering why he still has 'a problem'..? Well I'm guessing no you don't. But that is where YOU WILL BE. However great he looks, and however great he is... you don't have time or energy to waste on him. IF he is anything other than he's telling you now he MAY be there a year or two down the line... free and single like you. Currently he's dragging a whole heap of baggage like Marley's Ghost.. let him rot and go and find some fresh pastures Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 23, 2007 Share Posted February 23, 2007 I am seeing myself getting hooked, and after reading all your posts, realize I need to nip this one in the bud. His wife is beautiful, intelligent, rich, supportive - why would he leave? He says she's great - that he's the one with the problem. You need to distance yourself from him otherwise you will continue to have feelings for him, letting it grow into something more. It's not right, it's not fair to his wife, his kids too. And, not to you. Why pursue a married man, when you can enjoy time alone, and date other single guys? You will find another man to click with, just not one that is married... Link to post Share on other sites
Author gigglesxx Posted February 24, 2007 Author Share Posted February 24, 2007 Frannie and WWIUp - thanks so much for your candid comments. your advice would be exactly what I would give to someone else.... need to listen to my instincts. I deserve better. And you are totally right WWIUp - its not fair to his wife and kids. I told him I didn't want to be "that girl".... so I think I'll go NC and let the silence speak volumes.... and if he wants to know what's up, I'll just tell the truth - here's my number, call me when the divorce goes through! Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 I say, go out and date...but make sure you pick ones that you DO have chemistry with...otherwise you'll just compare him to MM...and that will make it less likely that you will succeed in letting him go... And above all, HAVE FUN!!! Link to post Share on other sites
movinon05 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 I say go and date, chemistry or not. You won't know if there's chemistry with an online person til you actually meet. If it isn't there, the first time, then don't go on a second with that person. Finding chemistry, especially in online dating, is a very hard thing to do. The chemistry you might have with MM is also hard to find. So while it might be easy to compare, you at least have to give yourself a chance. The most important thing is getting out there. You'll find even with those you don't have chemistry with, at least you see you can be treated much better than anything you might have with a MM. That's all it took for me to keep going! And the best part of it all is you don't have to sneak around! Link to post Share on other sites
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