moon&stars Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 There are too many BS's on here that spout their hate at the O/W or O/M. This is a forum for them to talk, and get support, in whatever situation they are in. It is not a forum for the B/S. There is too much hatred on this particular area of this site, for the O/W or O/H, for them to get any support, most leave after just a few postings because of the hate. It is sad, because unlike other forums (TOW), the women here are truly wanting help (except for the trolls). I think most leave for more supportive forums (ie: lovingyou.com). It is sad, this area is mostly just a bashing area, when someone comes here. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 You might want to read this.. I found it pinned in the OW/MM forum.. it does address some of what you are talking about. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54546/ Also.. The forums are open for anyone and are not only restricted to OW/MM Link to post Share on other sites
magichands Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Thank you for putting everything in bold. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moon&stars Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 You might want to read this.. I found it pinned in the OW/MM forum.. it does address some of what you are talking about. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t54546/ Also.. The forums are open for anyone and are not only restricted to OW/MM And I understand it. But it talks of "helpful"....not hatred. Link to post Share on other sites
Author moon&stars Posted February 16, 2007 Author Share Posted February 16, 2007 Thank you for putting everything in bold. I did not mean to put it all in bold, I don't know why it came through that way. Link to post Share on other sites
erika2610 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Seriously? Another one of these threads? Here we go again.. When you have an open forum, you're going to get all points of view. There's nothing you can do. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 There may be harsh advice, and not only given by BS's but by other people wanting to help. Sometimes tough love is the kind of stuff that gets through and makes a difference. Most of the time the BS's and OW's are cool with eachother, from what I've seen. There might be one or two who don't get along with eachother... Starting threads like these don't help, they just piss people off. If you have a problem and want help, POST about it! And, if you find someone is rude to you, disrespecting you, USE the Alert US button and complain. Being harsh and giving tough love is alot different that HATE. Big difference... I am quite harsh alot of the time, but respectful and so are many others. Like it or not, atleast posters TAKE the time to reply...If you don't like certain advice, ignore it and concentrate on the ones you prefer. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 And I understand it. But it talks of "helpful"....not hatred. We can only control what we post ourselves.. We cannot control the postings of others or even control the temperament of those postings.. I know not helpful advice but I thought I'd throw it out there.. Link to post Share on other sites
the_alchemyst Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I have a question: What does BS mean? You know, besides the obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 BS Betrayed spouse. BH Betrayed husband. BW Betrayed wife. Link to post Share on other sites
Blue Phoenix Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 --''It is sad, because unlike other forums (TOW), the women here are truly wanting help (except for the trolls). I think most leave for more supportive forums (ie: lovingyou.com"-- Um am I the only one who thinks its strange that all of a sudden theres a ton of bran spanking new posters on here trying to stir up the OW MM pot?? Im wondering if M&S is just another wolf in sheeps clothing?? And whats with the promo of the other message bords?? I know I know im basickly brand spanking new as well but im not here to cause trouble... Link to post Share on other sites
addicted2love Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 ...and now back to our scheduled program.... i went on that "other site" and read the spew and hate that goes on over there. These "ladies" and I use that term loosely admit to ripping our post to shreds with the direct purpose of distracting all replies from the original question. It is their intention to start fights, it is their intention for OP to get defensive, they want us to justify A's so that they can mock us on the other site. They openly admit to being "moles" and "trolls" here on LS. Every post and every sincere question, problem, issue OP is fair game and a huge source of entertainment for these people. They come on LS preaching about "karma" and "decency" yet on that site there isn't a decent poster in the bunch! They spew hate, call us the most fowl things I've ever heard, all OP have "nick names" mine is addictedtodrugs (clever ladies was that the best you could do?) It is their intention for OP to give up on LS. It is their intention to get us so upset here that we get kicked off and our posts get removed. Why are we allowing this to happen? Why are we fueling their cause? I say let them rot over there in their hate. Ignore the bullsh*t from new members that come off sarcasic and rude..you know it's just another troll with nothing better to do. It's no wonder their men looked for OW. After reading that sh*t I can't blame "himbo". Have fun with your daily entertainment girls...while your busy spewing your crap day after day there will still be A's there will still be OW....adultery has been going on since the begining of time! Have fun mocking this post girls...I'm sure you can't wait to sink your teeth into it! Sincerely, Addictedtodrugs:rolleyes: Link to post Share on other sites
Jinxx Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 --''It is sad, because unlike other forums (TOW), the women here are truly wanting help (except for the trolls). I think most leave for more supportive forums (ie: lovingyou.com"-- Um am I the only one who thinks its strange that all of a sudden theres a ton of bran spanking new posters on here trying to stir up the OW MM pot?? Im wondering if M&S is just another wolf in sheeps clothing?? And whats with the promo of the other message bords?? I know I know im basickly brand spanking new as well but im not here to cause trouble... As a new poster myself I'm still trying figure out my way around here. I came here for support with respect to my part as an OW. I'm not one to cause trouble or look for it. Just want to read and educate myself about other people who are in a similar situation such as I. I don't give a rat's ass about any other board nor do I care to watch those pot stirrers engage in a battle of wits of one-upping another. What is the purpose? To see who is better than other? Since I have limited time to visit this site I guess it is time to find the time to read through some of these threads more often and get a grip on who all the players are that are contributing to this type of behavior. How very sad and pathetic that adults behave in this manner. Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 There are too many BS's on here that spout their hate at the O/W or O/M. This is a forum for them to talk, and get support, in whatever situation they are in. It is not a forum for the B/S. There is too much hatred on this particular area of this site, for the O/W or O/H, for them to get any support, most leave after just a few postings because of the hate. It is sad, because unlike other forums (TOW), the women here are truly wanting help (except for the trolls). I think most leave for more supportive forums (ie: lovingyou.com). It is sad, this area is mostly just a bashing area, when someone comes here. I would not have had the courage to come to this forum if I were fresh out of of D day. It's taken me over 2 years to be able to see things objectively and not be so judgmental and angry. You all sure have helped me...Thanks.. Link to post Share on other sites
sb129 Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 And me. I like LS. I have noticed the increased activity of the trolls. They will end up getting bored. Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 My therapist advises me this type of boards are not the best. BS are waaayyyy to bias & frankly just don't get it; You can't expect them to. When an alcholoic goes to AA are their people who are dry, telling people who go there that their lifestyle is wrong? I also think of my sister- in- law who lost her baby. She went to a support group with others who have been or are are going through the same thing. There wasn't any new mothers in the background bouncing the kid on their knee saying "This is what you need to do...things worked out just fine for me". For those who this topic doesn't pertain to, there really isnt any need for you to be here or commenting on a situation. I beg for you to leave it to the OM/OW...just as the title implies. I know i definatley don't go the infideltity room and tell you how to keep your wives/husbands from cheating on you. Return the same respect. I feel sorry for the new people on here that feel they found a safe haven to talk through their issues and are met with BS. I guess I was lucky enough to join LS @ a time when things were still civil and I got to talk with OW/OM. OW/OM, there are other sites to go to. I suggest leaving LS or seek professional help if thats what it has come too. There are too many people with multiple opinons and most of them haven't even been in your shoes. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 When an alcholoic goes to AA are their people who are dry, telling people who go there that their lifestyle is wrong? Actually there is.. the newbies who are still drinking have a tendency to do that in AA. We tell them they are still welcome that the only requirement for membership is a desire to quit drinking. The older and wiser sober people in AA will normally take the newbies aside and help them get sober... show them the ropes.. A BS has a right to post in the OW/MM forum... they just need to curb their anger toward the OW/MM. A BS has a relationship with the MM and she can be light to many posts in here There are already many BS that post in this forum without showing anger. Showing support and giving advice isn't always a hug and a shoulder rub.. Sometimes it is tough love and sometimes it is compassion.. and sometimes the person asking for support and advice has cotton in their ears and just doesn't hear anything except what they want to hear. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 butafly - i too, joined when things seemed much more civil... i do miss the comraderie that seems to have disappeared as of late. i am a BS, however when i was a great deal of confusion and pain - it helped me alot to read what some of the OW and OM had to say from their perspective. i didn't blame the other woman - i blamed my XH... he was the one that betrayed me. i doubt that i ever was mean or condescending to any of the OW here - but i did learn alot from their perspective.... Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 Wow, Butafly... I see plenty of posts from you on the infidelity board. I remember leaving the cemetary after burying my 2nd stillborn and heading straight to the hospital to congratulate my SIL on her newborn son, remember her calling everyday to check on me. Birthday parties were hard but I always attended. Also remember lots of unproductive alcoholics in AA and aftercare. I was a nondrinker (even worse) when I attended and actually my honest questions regarding the process actually ended up leading to the most productive conversations. My emotions where allowed (ie... that's nuts, how can you say you've only hurt yourself ?) <<<Now there's a common ground with OW/MM/Recovering alcoholics (mostly the ones there because they HAD to be though) Lots and Lots of denial, Lots and Lots of justifications. I respectfully disagree though I consider myself very lucky not have ever been in OW's shoes (that's a personal choice) certainly not to be compaired to loosing a child or two. Link to post Share on other sites
herenow Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I would think that it would be beneficial for an active alcoholic who hasn't hit bottom yet to see the effects that his or her behavior can have when he or she eventually does hit bottom. The best way to see that is to take a look at the people who have been hurt by someone who has already hit bottom. I also believe that there is some value for an OW to hear first hand from a BW how the effects of an affair can destroy lives. I guess you have all proved me wrong. One again, this thread proves that you don't want to see that reality pointed out to you on this forum. That's doesn't mean that the reality doesn't exist. You can close yours eyes to it, ignore the posts that you don't like, say that you're different, but in the end, someone will be devastated and more often than not, the OW shares in that pain and devastation. Also, why are you still promoting the "other site"? If it bothers you, the last thing you should be doing is talking about it. Link to post Share on other sites
TheDiva Posted February 16, 2007 Share Posted February 16, 2007 I would think that it would be beneficial for an active alcoholic who hasn't hit bottom yet to see the effects that his or her behavior can have when he or she eventually does hit bottom. The best way to see that is to take a look at the people who have been hurt by someone who has already hit bottom. I also believe that there is some value for an OW to hear first hand from a BW how the effects of an affair can destroy lives. I guess you have all proved me wrong. One again, this thread proves that you don't want to see that reality pointed out to you on this forum. That's doesn't mean that the reality doesn't exist. You can close yours eyes to it, ignore the posts that you don't like, say that you're different, but in the end, someone will be devastated and more often than not, the OW shares in that pain and devastation. Also, why are you still promoting the "other site"? If it bothers you, the last thing you should be doing is talking about it. Here Here! I know if this type of forum had been around when I found out my bf was married I wouldn't have continued. I was too young for a serious R at that time anyway, but I think hearing from both sides would have helped me... Link to post Share on other sites
mopar crazy Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 As a BW I try not to come here and spew venom. Some OW do like to hear the POV of a BW. In fact I've had plenty of OW thank me for telling them my story and most, if not all, think H's xOW was a bitch. I don't dislike all OW, only the xOW my WH had an A w/. Erika is a former OW and I think she is really sweet, kind, and gives great advice. If I dislike OW b/c they sleep w/ MM I wouldn't like Erika and that is far from the truth. If you don't like what a BS has to say then do what WWIU advices. Not to be harsh w/ this comment but some OW really need to pull their heads out of their a$$es and realize that they are being used as a f@ck toy. Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 As a BW I try not to come here and spew venom. Some OW do like to hear the POV of a BW. In fact I've had plenty of OW thank me for telling them my story and most, if not all, think H's xOW was a bitch. I don't dislike all OW, only the xOW my WH had an A w/. Erika is a former OW and I think she is really sweet, kind, and gives great advice. If I dislike OW b/c they sleep w/ MM I wouldn't like Erika and that is far from the truth. If you don't like what a BS has to say then do what WWIU advices. Not to be harsh w/ this comment but some OW really need to pull their heads out of their a$$es and realize that they are being used as a f@ck toy. Not to be harsh, but everyone has the right, no matter what situation to "pull their heads out of their behinds" at their own rate and in their own good time. Realistically: NO ONE is going to speed that process. This a forum for support, and not to make choices for another. Just as one is in control of ones' values and choices, so is another. As to HOW one arrives at that particular place is not for for any of us to decide. As to OW being a "f-toy": this is a very skewed perception which I feel little about defending. However, I will say that when one woman finds another as a mere "toy" then the one presenting is most often the one who is most knowlegable about being "toyed"... Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 However, I will say that when one woman finds another as a mere "toy" then the one presenting is most often the one who is most knowlegable about being "toyed"... POM Are you from the South? I have to ask because you have a way with words that makes an insult taste like the sweetest iced tea. That was a really nice way to say "it takes one to know one". But I know you weren't trying to insult mopar. Just an observation of your posts when you disagree.... Link to post Share on other sites
BUTAFLY Posted February 17, 2007 Share Posted February 17, 2007 Wow, Butafly... I see plenty of posts from you on the infidelity board. I do not patrol the infidelity fourm. I haven't posted their since last summer...even then, when i come on this site I select NEW POSTS and repond to interesting titles...so yes some could have been in that room as well as any other room. You may have me confused with Butafflyy? simple mistake. She has fowarded me pm's intended for me. <<<Now there's a common ground with OW/MM/Recovering alcoholics (mostly the ones there because they HAD to be though) Lots and Lots of denial, Lots and Lots of justifications. This shows me you just don't get it. I was not in anyway comparing lossing a child, my neice, to being an OW. But I think youre intellegent enough to know that. you may call that comment "tough love" but to me that's just a loaded statement begging for an angry response just so you can get your frustrations out on your H's ow. Sorry, I'm not taking that bait Why is it hard to understand someone may want to come here to talk to another who understands them, who gets where their coming from, who wants to share similar experiences? Link to post Share on other sites
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