mzlove78 Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Ok thanks for the input you all.... I am very naive, and this I already know... Im still looking to see what im to do now.. Im sure you all have heard these lines before.. I dont know how to break away from something that seems so TRUE... I have to say though, all he has ever done was made me feel as if i were the only woman... Never once has he tried using, or taking advantage of me. We met on a dating site, yes i know... and he admitted that i was supposed to be just a piece of a**, but we turned out to be more than that. Like I said, i thought we were getting somewhere, until i found out he was committed. His daughter is now 7 months old, nothing has changed as far as our timing together.. The expectation of our relationship has never been that he plans to leave his w. I just feel like im stuck, because i care so much for him now.. I went into this whole hearted. Yes after I found out about w, i stayed and im guilty I KNOW... We talk everyday, if not see each other every day.. i just dont know what to do. I love him, but i cant go on like this... i know i cant continue to want to give 100% and cant get the same in return. Ive never done this before, im so torn...... I sometimes think its easier for me to be with him BECAUSE i know hes committed now, and theres no way that he will become anything more in my life than what we are now... Im young(28) and rediscovering who i am after losing my husband.... Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 Geeze....maybe you should read the post over on the Cheating Forum from the lady who's husband keeps going on dating sites....even though she is pregnant. He keeps promising her he will stop....but yet....he hasn't. I said all that to say this....you and her are in the same boat. I'm not sure if these guys have some psychological problem that makes them so needy until they relish in the fact of keeping two women hanging on to their empty promises or not. I won't say they are bad guys....but they definately have a problem going on somewhere in their head (no pun intended). I'm not saying it's only a sexual quest....cause any guy can get laid if he really wants to without involving someone emotionally in their life. Maybe it's more like they need all this drama. I don't know. What I do know is this....neither you or the wife will ever be happy or feel safely in love. You will end up playing a game with someone who can't commit and can't love in the right way. He needs help....and you are only feeding into his dysfunction by letting him use you as a love pawn. It's a no win situation for everyone involved. His wife doesn't have him and you don't have him. If she or you were out of the picture.....he would simply replace either one of you with someone else....because he has this need to goof around with people's hearts. It gives him a wierd power he is apparently lacking in his life. Link to post Share on other sites
HennyPenny Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 This man went on dating sites while his wife was pregnant looking for a "piece of ass." Then he met a young widow trying to cope with life after the death of her husband. He was able to gain her trust by lying about his situation. Now he has her convinced that sleeping with him is somehow a good thing, even though he has a wife and a baby at home. If you're trying to rediscover who you are after losing your husband, how is this situation helping you? What is this situation helping you discover about yourself? You really need to ask yourself these questions. Link to post Share on other sites
sadbuttrue Posted January 22, 2007 Share Posted January 22, 2007 mz, i know how you feel. i feel that i am also stuck in my R with MM. i love him and i dont want to be without him. and i always knew from the beginning that he was married, and yet i continue. we were friends first and then fell in love. it is such a tough situation to be in. i know everyone's advice is to get out as soon as you can, and that would be the best thing. these R only cause misery for everyone involved. knowing all of this, i still cant extricate myself from MM. i dont think i really want to. i think eventually the good times just wont be worth all the bad that you have to put up with. if he is never leaving, then you have nothing to gain by being with him. you are just a temporary diversion for him. you are worth more than that, we all are. Link to post Share on other sites
puddleofmud Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Please accept my sincere condolance regarding the loss of your husband. One cannot imagine your suffering nor the reactions to such a loss... Please understand that I am gently prodding you to understand that a man's wife may would also feel such a loss as yours. I know it may seem that I am being terribly cruel to you as you are feeling a re-awakening as to your emotional and physical self--deservedly so! But please do take care of yourself and do not become fragile once again where loss is the definition of your being. Best wishes and all my love and prayers towards your well-being and happy future! Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 This man went on dating sites while his wife was pregnant looking for a "piece of ass." Then he met a young widow trying to cope with life after the death of her husband. He was able to gain her trust by lying about his situation. Now he has her convinced that sleeping with him is somehow a good thing, even though he has a wife and a baby at home. Yes. He's treated both you and his wife apallingly. I know you love him and all that, but take a step back and look at the facts here. You have a whole life ahead of you. And that stuff on the other thread about him being unhappy if you have sex with someone else..?? Not only is he a cheat who lied to YOU and showed you no respect in the way you got together, but he is putting restrictions on you like that..? What kind of man is he..? I know there are people who dismiss anyone who has an affair as 'a cheater'... but there are degrees of a-holeness and this man is off the scale. Link to post Share on other sites
norajane Posted January 23, 2007 Share Posted January 23, 2007 Im young(28) and rediscovering who i am after losing my husband.... And what have you discovered? That you are not ready for a real relationship? That's understandable, and it is to be expected. You still have much healing ahead of you to get over your terrible loss. You'd be doing yourself much more good if you ended this relationship. You can see he's using you. You can see he's treating his wife and child with disregard, disrespect, and without concern or loyalty or care. Why would you attach yourself to someone who is so callous? Don't enable him. He may go back online and find a "piece of ass" to take your place, but you don't have to be the one who is helping him cheat on his wife. If you aren't ready for a relationship, don't be in one. A bad relationship isn't better for your than being on your own and finding your own strength. Don't compound your loss of your husband with a loss of self. Link to post Share on other sites
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