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ANY input is greatly appreciated......


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I started seeing someone 13 months after I lost my husband to a tractor trailer accident.

I opened myself up to him, and really was experiencing feelings that i thought i would never have again. Long story short, almost 9 months later, he reveals that he's married. Little flags flew up all the time that made me think that he had some skeletons. After some persistence, he admitted to me he had a g/f, then a month later, admits SHE IS HIS WIFE. I was absolutely devastated. I went back and forth with my emotions. Here I was starting to feel something with him, and hes committed to someone else. The biggest thing i fear, IM DOING TO SOMEONE ELSE!! OBVIOUSLY i continued to see him. Only to find out about 2 months later, that my g/f seen him and her at walmart to find out shes about to have a baby. We have had long talks over and over about what we should do. He tells me that when he leaves home to be with me, its all about me. He doesnt want to mix the two. Im supposedly his bright spot, and ive shown him how to love again, that I make him feel like anything is possible, etc... Where im struggling now is, we have become SO close... the time we share together is almost magical. Ive never been one to be alone, i HATE it.. Im tired of going to bed alone, and spending those evenings when theres no kids, ALONE. The holidays, or whenever...... Im tired of it. The good part is.... He doesnt think i should be saring myself with anyone else. He respects that i have male friends, and goes out with them, but doesnt understand why i should have to sleep with him. I had a friend, that eventually I came out and told him I had... he made me choose him or the friend. I chose the friend. We have parted on 2 seperate occasions over this friend, and clearly we cant stay away from each other because of the feelings we have. Its getting so good between us now, and im so scared of what going to happen. I know I deserve better than this, and i have survived MUCH worse, but i cant seem to find the strength to do something about it... Hes a good person when we are together, an excellent lover... and yes that has reeled me in also... I KNOW I KNOW im wrong in what im doing... I blame him everyday for making me fall in love with him, i even hate him especially after i revealed what i had been thru and his selfish ass never admitted to me BACK THEN...... BEFORE these feelings came about....... any advice is greatly appreciated

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Bottomline, he's married and has a child. He's a liar and led you on, making it seem like he was single. For that, you can never trust him...

 

Yes, you love him, but it's time for you to say goodbye to him forever. He isn't a good person! A good person doesn't do what he did to you. He's selfish, he's cruel and he's a liar!

 

Don't put all the blame on him, since you found out he was married, you continued to stay with him - So in a sense your actions by staying with him has enabled his behaviour to continue.

 

If you want the rollercoaster ride to end, YOU end it. He won't because he likes having two women to fulfill all his selfish needs.

 

He isn't going to leave his wife, leave his child, ever...So, if you like being the OW, don't do anything, keep going this way...But, I think you deserve happiness and a full life with someone who isn't using you, putting you second, and isn't a liar. You need more and this MM can't give that to you ever, no matter how much you love him.

 

Please, get out now, grieve, cry, get over him and move on.

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I'm sorry that you're going through this. whichwayisup is right.

, but it's time for you to say goodbye to him forever. He isn't a good person! A good person doesn't do what he did to you. He's selfish, he's cruel and he's a liar!

It's going to be very hard, but you do have the strength to get your life back on your terms.

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He's completely taking advantage of your grief and loneliness. I know the pain and loneliness of losing a spouse suddenly. He seemed like he was a good guy because that's how he presented himself to you. What kind of a guy plays these kind of emotional games with someone who has suffered such a devastating loss? He reeled you in under false pretenses and is now expecting you to reserve him a spot in your bed and keep it all a secret from his poor, pregnant wife.

 

I know it sounds harsh, but you're worth more than that. You need to cut your losses now before he hurts you more. You've been through enough pain.

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I know it sounds harsh, but you're worth more than that. You need to cut your losses now before he hurts you more. You've been through enough pain.

Show him that you won't put up with his crap any longer. Respect is the word. Self-respect, even.

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I agree with the above posters, and feel really bad for all your pain but I suggest that you see a counselor (available to most anyone, even if you don't have a lot of money...check local social services). You deserve much better treatment than he has given you, and you need to get the help & tools to make yourself strong. You don't have to go through all this crap alone. Good luck, and keep posting.

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Hey- sorry to hear about your pain.

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t109242/6

This thread is long, read the whole thing it might help you get some perspective. There is an exchange between HarleyAngel and me about how it will go when her MM's W has a baby which is due soon.... I think it might help your resolve to dump your guy.

 

Good luck, I hope it works out.

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Is it possible that after the grief of losing your own husband....that it just feels safer having a relationship with someone who wouldn't have such an impact on your own personal life if something happened to him?

 

I don't think in all extra-maritial affairs that the guy is a jerk....but in your case....it's hard to see anything but that. He just took advantage of you after a grief filled situation.....while his wife was pregnant. That is pretty damn cold.

 

I'm so sorry because I realize it doesn't make it easier to think the new love you thought you found ended up being a dead end...but I really do think you need to step back and give this one a long look.

 

There are good guys out there and you need to give a new life and a new love a chance. You've proven yourself strong to go thru one grief...and you can do it again. Just move on and find someone who can take care of you.

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