officespace Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Well, i haven't been here is a few months....Events has changed dramatically. Since you all were here for me when I needed support, I thought I should provide an update on my relationship with the MM. Short summary: he was married, we started up a relationship when he was married, and as hard as this is to say, his W was pregnant with their second, who his loves with all his heart, but admits to being the "save the marriage" baby. He rode the fence for almost a year, "separated" but staying over at the estranged wife's "for the kids". i couldn't take the pain and the waiting is limbo any longer, and we broke up in march. we were apart ever since. i dated a couple guys, one i was with is a definent rebound relationship for about 2 months. it just reminded me of how special the relationship was with the MM. Anyway, we were broken up about 5 months we i started to get calls from his best friend. i knew contact was coming. i was sure i was done, that i could never be with him again, that he would never get up the strength and courage to make a decision one way or the other. about 6 weeks ago, my phone rang. it was him. we were both really nervous and it kind of freaked me out. almost the first thing he said to me was that he signed divorce papers and retained an attorney. we ended up talking that night for a long while and ended the conversation as friends. that opened the door to talking everyday again. a week later, he ended up meeting me out one night, we were both with friends. i thought i would be so strong but the second we saw each other again, it was like no time had passed. we ended up spending the weekend together. the next day, we moved him out of the apartment he was in during the in-between stage, and into a new place with a male coworker. he showed me the divorce papers. it really was true. anyway, we have talked everyday since. there was and still is alot of pain from the past, but we are taking things slowly, starting to date. again. i'm going to meet his coworkers this weekend and he is looking for some group activity where i can meet his kids, slowly. he stopped staying over at the W's house a few months ago and now (finally!) takes the kids to his house to see them. the both agreed to the divorce, but once the papers were actually filed, the W told him she's didn't want to go thru with it. he continues to be pretty resolute and met with the lawyer again. the last i heard, she was going to be served with papers. i don't ask. part of that taking it slow thing. now the W is pretty much suspecting that he is seeing someone, although she probably doesn't know it's me. she has started calling more than ever while he is with me, with almost made up reasons. last weekend, she called and demanded he come 2 hours early to get the kids, because "she had things to do, too." she kept pushing because i suspected she knew he was with a girl. when he got there, she pointed at his lips and said, "you have lipstick right there." he maybe have had a tiny bit of color from my lipstick but i honestly didn't notice it when he left my place. anyway, i sense this is just the beginning of the drama with her. she doesn't want to let go but they fight and bicker constantly. she admitted to getting pregnant on purpose so that he would stay with her. she's the one who's visa was expiring (from a foreign country) and showed up pregnant after seeing each other for just 2 months. he married her to keep her in the country and kind of went from there. it got to be very unhealthy for the kids, where the little one would scream with terror when they fought. he said tried one last time for the sake of the kids, but once he saw the effects on them, he knew there was no other reason to stay and decided to leave for good. the logical part of me says keep a big distance now until the divorce is finalized, but he calls me and asks to take me out all the time. we are going on a cruise in november. slowly, he is bringing me out of the shadows and into his life. this is what i wanted for so long and it's finally happening. it's a little surreal and scary to be honest. if this is it, it's pretty big to think about. i've never been married and i have no children. his best friend called me today and told me he was at his house last night, and that the MM (soon to be just boyfriend) told him that he would end up with me. his friend said it shocked him because in 20 years of knowing each other, he's never heard him say that about anyone. thoughts anyone? i never thought this would happen but i have to say i'm glad it did. it is tough sometimes still but i am trying to take things one day at a time. i don't feel like a ticking time bomb like i did before, when he was not filing and still staying over there. now, the pressure is off and i don't feel so impatient. i can wait for the divorce to be finalized. it totally changed the whole tone of our relationship. it's very interesting. 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GreenEyedLady Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Take everything a day at a time and see how it goes...there will probably be some drama with the W from what you've said so far, but it can be dealt with... Sounds promising...good luck!!! Link to post Share on other sites
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Hi there! You really sound very upbeat and hopeful. It is wise to take things slow. They (MMs) are known to go back to their wives even after the divorce has been filed. But he is definitely taking a step foward!! Just a side note: my MM has move out of his home with his W. But he hasn't filed for divorce yet. So I'm not going to hold my breath for him. I am just going to live my life to fullest and enjoy every moment with my children. To be honest with you, my MM told me that there would be no way that he'd ever go back to his W again. However, they've been married so long (almost 15 years) that I highly doubt that he can survive without her - even if she's brutal to him. I'm just much more protective of my heart now. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 the logical part of me says keep a big distance now until the divorce is finalized, but he calls me and asks to take me out all the time. we are going on a cruise in november. I wouldn't go on that cruise and honestly, until the papers are signed and delivered, maybe for your own mental health it would be best to keep him at arms length (no sex) and date very casually. You can't get involved in his divorce, that is just going to add more pressure on him. Take it slow and really take your time meeting those kids. There's no rush there and remember, this woman, his ex, IS going to be a part of his life forever, so the best thing to do is put the needs of those children first. Maybe meeting them right now isn't a good idea, I mean, imagine how they feel, their whole lives turned upside down. I do hope that one day ALL of you can get along well enough for the sake of the kids, put aside hurt feelings, ego and whatever else... Link to post Share on other sites
Author officespace Posted October 10, 2006 Author Share Posted October 10, 2006 Take it slow and really take your time meeting those kids. There's no rush there and remember, this woman, his ex, IS going to be a part of his life forever, so the best thing to do is put the needs of those children first. Maybe meeting them right now isn't a good idea, I mean, imagine how they feel, their whole lives turned upside down. definently, i agree...i don't think meeting the kids would happen anytime before the divorce is final, and that will be a minimum of 6 months. more realistically, a year from now. i take what he said as more of his thinking out loud for now. i didn't take it quite so literally...it just seems that he is thinking of letting me into his world more, but there is absolutely no rush in anything. absolutely, those kids come first. we are taking it slow. Link to post Share on other sites
lovernotafighter Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 office space well this a huge turn of events...I hope that it will be as painless as possible, but I know it is a up hill battle no matter how you slice it..good luck Link to post Share on other sites
PoshPrincess Posted October 10, 2006 Share Posted October 10, 2006 Office space, what can I say? I am just RREALLY REALLY pleased for you. Things can only get better. Your MM has done the hard bit so I am keeping everything xd for your very happy ending. All the best Link to post Share on other sites
yesmaybe Posted October 12, 2006 Share Posted October 12, 2006 Wow, this sounds great. The W is no doubt going to try to "keep her man." Best thing to do is to make it easy for him to prefer you - be happy, upbeat, full of life and strong. Then, no matter how hard she threatens, pleads or manipulates, he will not be tempted back. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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