Wife cheated for three years

[stargazer12]

My wife cheated on me for at least 3 years that I know of, is there any way the that she loved me, as she claimed? She would never talk about any of it. When she got caught she said that she never wanted to hurt me. She was so jealous and so affair that I would ever cheat on her, she’d drive me crazy always making sure she know were I was, also has not to catch her.

[Bryanp]

Hello,

 

This is very typical of a cheater. Since she is a cheater she imagines that everybody else has the mindset of a cheater.

You judge a person by their actions and not by their words and her actions speak volumes. She says she always loved you yet she is having sex with her lover behind your back for 3 years and putting your health at risk for STD's. She has made a farce of your marriage. How could she look at you and celebrate your wedding anniversaries for 3 years while she is screwing this other guy behind your back?

 

The bottom line is that it seems your wife is quite the manipulator and has no respect for you or your marriage. If the OM was married I hope you exposed this to his wife.

I would hope you think seriously whether you wish to remain in a marriage with a spouse who is such a liar and a cheater and who shows such distain for you. Why would you believe anything she says? She had a lover for 3 years and only stopped because you caught her. Why would you wish to live with someone like this. I would think about contacting an attorney. My guess is that if she was able to fool you for 3 years what do you think that says about her and about you? My guess is that she will do this again because she is good at cheating and lying to you. Don't you think you deserve better than this? I wish you luck.

[Guest]

My wife cheated on me for at least 3 years that I know of, is there any way the that she loved me, as she claimed? She would never talk about any of it. When she got caught she said that she never wanted to hurt me. She was so jealous and so affair that I would ever cheat on her, she’d drive me crazy always making sure she know were I was, also has not to catch her.

 

Three years????

 

 

I'm sorry but in my book, that's unforgivable.

 

I hate when people say things like 'I didn't mean to hurt you'

 

What it REALLY means is 'I didn't mean to get caught'

 

She is a bullsh*t artist, making you feel like the guilty one when she in fact is cheating!

 

She's got serious mental problems.

 

You need to leave her. NOW. For your own sense of self esteem and sanity!

[SoleMate]

stargazer, it is possible that she loves you and possible that the marriage can be saved. The only certain thing is that you have a big marital crisis on your hands and you must deal with it actively. Please see marriage builders.

 

bryanp, I have been reading your posts for years and you really are a one-trick pony. You only have one topic - cheating wives - and one point to make - "your wife...has no respect for you or your marriage...she's making a fool of you...your marriage is a farce...divorce her".

 

Why don't you vary things a little by going after cheating husbands for a while? Or better yet, bring some nuanced understanding to the realities of marriage that may contribute to cheating, and the possibilities for rebuilding?

[LakesideDream]

I don't know how many "tricks" bryanp has in him, but this time he's 100% on target. As they say, even a blind squirrel finds a nut now and again..

 

Who wants to live with a woman who banged a guy for three years while she was married to you? Heck with "saving the marriage", how about saving your self respect?

 

Imagine what this guy must think of everytime he see's the slut.

[Guest**]

Three years!!!! If this is true, there is a very big problem here.

 

Do you wish to salvage this marriage? If so, would you

be willing to try counciling.

 

You need to ask your wife if she still wishes to stay married to you.

If so, ask her if she would consider counciling.

(If she wants to stay married but refuses counciling...what would you/her

be willing to do?)

 

Are there children involved?

 

You need to, at this time, protect yourself and your children (if any).

 

Your marriage/relationship seriously needs to be evaluated.

 

If she never wanted to hurt you, why did she have an affair?

 

**

[TheSilentType]

Dump her ass now. Let her be with who she wants....you move on and live your life and find a nice girl. Avoid sluts in the future please. Good luck.

[Yamaha]

If a person can cheat for 3 years, say they love you, didn't want to hurt you and you believe them then you deserve to stay married to them.

 

Get out now. She has absolutely no excuse that you would even want to believe. That you never suspected her of cheating in the 3 years she was having the affair says you need to get as far away from her and your feet will take you. She is poison to you and you can't trust or believe her.

 

I really hope you don't have children.

[stargazer12]

I went back with her was 25 years ago, she promised it would never happen again. I never doubted her word at that time, it never did happen again. If it did I would have left, I still wasn't a jealous type, but no one could fool me again. My question in general is that if a significant other, be wife or husband wants to be with someone else, why don't they just leave. In my case with one child, that I could have still taken care of. Though I never cheated, too honest I suppose, I would have had no problem finding someone else. Actually in our brief separation I did, and my wife would call every time I was on the phone, break through with emergency calls about my daughter, i.e.: was bitten by a bee, etc. So we went back and we had two more children, she treated me great and would do anything for me. I could see that she was really sorry, though we never discussed it. We were pretty happy. She passed away two years ago, my mind seems to wander sometimes, what causes a person to resort to these things. At the time I was not the best husband, to say the least, but I know only they who commit infidelity are responsible for it.

[SoleMate]

So, now that we now your wife has passed away, stargazer, our answers need to take on a different tone. You're longing for answers and understanding that isn't truly available to you on earth any more. You can't ask her to explain. You can only ask yourself, and other, including us.

 

I'll repeat what I said with even more force now - yes, it is possible that she loved you at the same time she was having an affair. I don't agree that your marriage was a farce. It may have been an unhappy, troubled partnership - it might even be better off if it had never existed - but it did exist, and the years of love you had together were real. And the infidelity was also real. I don't have the magic formula to explain how those two things can be reconciled, but I would look for explanations in human weakness and emotions, in preference to the "farce" concept. Your wife did not have children with you while thinking, "Oh, look, I'm going to make a fool of him! I'll dedicate my life to creating a sham marriage and laugh myself sick for the next 30 years!" She probably had a lot of feelings going on, maybe including anger, selfishness, hurt, fear, and she compartmentalized them enough so that an affair became possible.

 

The idea that "LOVE" logically cannot co-exist with "CHEATING" as a matter of definition is oversimplified and incorrect. Sorry to all those who hold this as a dogma, but it just ain't so.