I cheated

[foolish7]

i have been going out with my girlfriend for some time now, she really is the love of my life and every day without talking to her tears me up inside. i recently went on holidays with some of my friends to thailand. we were there for many weeks, i went for an adventure holiday.

one day we were up at the crack of dawn after a hectic week or two and we spent the whole day travelling to a different island, i hadnt much to eat all day and we decided to go out drinking. i however ended up getting terribly drunk, i cant remember any of the night after about midnight.

later that night i woke up to find a thai girl(not a working girl) on the bed next to me, my heart sank when i realised what had happend. i immediatly threw her out. i was disgusted with myself and angry with my friends for letting me get so drunk and for not stopping me.

it was the biggest mistake of my life and i will never forgive myself for it. when i got back she was in the middle of exams, i could not tell her i had cheated. after her exams were finished i couldnt bring myself to tell her, in my stupidity i put it at the back of mind and i never thought of it again.

i then recently got a std test and it turns out i contracted chlamidya, so i had to face facts and tell my girlfriend what i had done. its after breaking her heart, and it after breaking my heart too. i feel like the biggest ******* in the world, i cant believe how selfish, ignorent and stupid i was.

shes furious with me for cheating, for probably giving her chlamidya, but she is disgusted with me even more for lying to her about it. she says the trust we had is gone, and everything we had is ruined. she makes her sick to look at me and she wont even let me touch her.

i have known this woman since we were both about 4 years old and i love her with every inch of my heart. i cannot ponder what life would be like without her. she is perfect in every way and now i have ruined it. i know she loves me too. i am not a cheater, i wouldnt even look at another woman and i never will for the rest of my life.

i need help, not critizism, i need to know how to rebuild that trust. i need to know how to tell her that i love her without it sounding meaningless.

i need to get my girl back because nobody will ever treat her as good or love her as much as i will for the rest of her life.

im sorry for my actions and swear never to hurt her again

 

help me please

[corwin]

i was disgusted with myself and angry with my friends for letting me get so drunk and for not stopping me.

 

I assume you're an adult. Don't blame your friends for your actions. Own up to what you did. Did they force drinks down your throat at gun point? You allowed yourself to get that drunk. Accepting total and complete responsibility for what happened is your first step.

 

 

i am not a cheater, i wouldnt even look at another woman and i never will for the rest of my life.

 

How can you say that like you really mean it? How deep in denial are you? You ARE a cheater... plain and simple. You cheated, you lied (Not telling is the same as lying), and you contracted an STD.

 

 

Look, I'm not doubting that you feel remorseful and guilty. But blame shifitng and living in denial won't help you. You have to be honest with yourself before anyone could believe you're being honest with them. Rebuilding trust after doing something this damaging is extremely hard. It can be done but it'll take a tremendous leap of faith on your girlfriend's part and an extreme amount of patience on yours. There is no miracle fix for this. But it all starts with owning your own sh*t.

[justice]

I'm the w of a man who cheated on me. The pain is truly intense without having the complications that happened in your relationship. The best thing you can do is to give her space when she backs away from you, but to always show her that you are serious about repairing the damages. Be loving and supportive, but also know when to back off. She needs proof right now that you are not witholding information about anything and she needs to know just how much you want things to be good between you again, counceling is a good idea. It is going to take a long time and alot of work for me to reaffirm that my H is still not lying and cheating. There are moments of sheer terror and doubt. But I'm trying. You need to somehow without pressure, make her want to try too. Good luck, the first step was in admitting it.

[foolish7]

thank you justice for your helpful comments, all i can think of is to back off, but i dont want her to think that im giving up?

you said she needs to know how much i want things to be good between us again, how do i let her know this, at the moment everything out of my mouth sounds like a cheap lie. will it just take more time, how can i reassure her.

 

@corwin, i am owning up to my actions, read the thread and i was writing in the past tense when i said i was angry at my friends...its how i felt at the time. i understand that im a cheater, im not in denial, im sorry if thats how the thread sounded.

 

i cheated and i am accepting that. but what i am looking for is help and advice to repair the situation as best i can for both our sakes. i want to do the best i can to rebuild that trust between us. i hate to see her so upset, and im not denying that im the cause

 

i know my first post may have sounded a little blunt, but my feelings of regret and remorse are genuine. i do not find it so easy to sometimes to put what im trying to say in my head into writing

[justice]

Really at this point the more simple the gestures, the better. It is the little things, thoughtful gestures:hugging her for no reason, leaving little notes telling her how much she means to you etc. Flowers are also good, don't be too extravagant though, one single rose means more to me than a whole dozen. Make her dinner, a special one when she is not expecting it. I'd also write up a contract of your intentions toward her and be sure you tell her exactly what you intend to do to make it work with her, sign it and leave it somewhere where she will be sure to see it when you aren't there, this gives her more time to think about it without your influence. There are times when I look at my H and I absolutely hate him for what he allowed and instigated to happen, then again when I see him trying his hardest to make it work, I am filled with love for him. It's a hard situation for everyone involved. Follow your heart is good advice too. Listen to her. I mean really listen. That is key in helping to rebuild. I hope you find the ways you need, she may not be willing though. Some that are betrayed, will never recover and will not work on the relationship once the lines of trust have been broken. I hope this is not the case with you. You seem so sincere about repairing things. There can be no more lies though, this hurts the worst.

[LakesideDream]

Getting drunk, "letting your friends" get you drunk..

 

You are kidding right? Everyone takes a "guys only" trip to Thailand to see the sights.

 

Please don't continue to spew the bovine scat that you did not go to Thailand expecting sex to be a part of your "adventure". If you had, you would be the only one.