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What do I do next?


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I met this woman, we get along great, we both are married. The casual emails turned into flirting, and into a meeting after work, and a kiss. I made it clear I wanted to be friends, with benefits. I guess this kinda scared her, she initially agreed to the friends with benefits, but after a few days rethought, and decided against it. We agreed to be friends.

 

After another week or two of talking, flirting, she asked to meet me somewhere to just 'hang out', while her husband was away. We did, nothing went on, just talking, walking around lunch,and general bs'ing, but when the "date" ended, she got out and gave me a hug, talked another minute, then she initiated another hug, it seemed that she wanted more. I didn't take the chance and kiss her. All the way home I was kicking myself for not just taking the chance.

 

What do I do next? I really want to get intimate. Her words say no, but her actions say yes. I'm afraid to make a move, and ruin our friendship,but I'm also afraid to lay back, and miss my opportunity with her romantically. What should I do, say, etc? This is my first affair, and am totally clueless on what to do/say.

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This isn't a support board for cheaters / a board for giving out advice on how to screw around. You might check out that board called "The OM /OW."

 

My advice?

 

Whatever you do, it will change your life forever.

 

A stiff prick has no conscience.

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I'm sorry, the title, "Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.", I thought this topic fit the bill. Thanks, I'll take it there.

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You may find, even over there, that the community of people on these boards tend to focus more on healing after the hurt has been done. You are still at the start of the process of hurting yourself and those around you, so it will be interesting to see what kind of advice you get.

 

Here's mine: wait until both divorces are completed (yours and hers) before taking the new relationship any further.

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theantibarbie23

Wow, talk about a train wreck just waiting to happen. YIKES! :eek: Affairs rarely have happy endings, only casualties.

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whichwayisup

Did you forget your marriage vows? DO you know you have a wife? Atleast your OW (other woman) is thinking...She obviously is having second thoughts BECAUSE of her husband.

 

What is wrong with your marriage to make you want to cheat on your wife? Are you bored? Mid-life crisis? Seriously. You need to take a step back and ask yourself these questions. And find out IF you want to be married...If you would rather chase other woman, then get a divorce. Your wife doesn't deserve to be with a man who wants to have sex with other women!

 

How long have you been married? Do you two have children?

 

It's obvious you're not thinking long term or thinking of the consquences of your actions. You have NO idea what pain you'll be inflicting on your wife. That and her love, respect and most of all trust will be GONE when she finds out you've cheated on her.

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I am legally seperated, and in my state you have to be seperated for 1 year before divorce is final. So technically I am still married.

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whichwayisup

See, you didn't state that you were separated in your first post. That changes alot - BUT... Find a single woman to be with, don't chase a married woman. Does she have kids to consider? It's just not cool to lust after another man's wife. If you're looking for "fun" I'm sure you can find TONS of women that aren't married.

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Curmudgeon
I'm afraid to make a move, and ruin our friendship...

 

But you're not afraid to risk losing your wife and marriage, are you? Try philanderers.com. They'll give you all kinds of pointers and plenty of space to gloat once you "connect."

 

Them when your wife finds out and dumps you, as she should, you'll have all the support you need from persons with a similar lack of character.

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See, you didn't state that you were separated in your first post. That changes alot - BUT... Find a single woman to be with, don't chase a married woman. Does she have kids to consider? It's just not cool to lust after another man's wife. If you're looking for "fun" I'm sure you can find TONS of women that aren't married.

 

thats good advice,thanks.

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whichwayisup

You say that, but do you mean it?

 

And, do you think this MW (married woman) is going to leave her husband for you? I just ask, that's all.

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whichwayisup

Do me a favour. Go read some threads in the OW/OM section. Find out what you're in for and what she's in for.

 

Also, the pain YOU BOTH will be inflicting on HER husband. She is going end up with more pain, so will you, than you'll ever imagine.

Seriously, go read the threads and also some in this section about BS (Betrayed spouses) and how their lives get turned upside down and how they now have to deal with the pain of finding out the love of their lives cheated on them.

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I don't get why you are asking "what should I do next"?

 

* Take her to a parking ramp and bang her in the car.

 

* Rent a hotel room and bang her there.

 

* Go to her house when her husband isn't home and bang her there.

 

* Skip the condom (for added fun and excitement) and hope she doesn't git knocked up.

 

* Find some secluded woods and bang her there.

 

* Go to a crowded bar and bang her there, in the bathroom.

 

* Bang her in your own house -- no one is there but you, right? Nooners are a good way to hide your illicit time together, so says my husband.

 

* Ask her to remove any firearms and baseball bats from her home for when her husband finds out about you.

 

 

What are you waiting for? She doesn't want to leave her husband. YOu've got no strings attached / she'll make no unreasonable demands on you. (Just hope you don't fall in love with her and end up getting dumped b/c she won't leave her hubby.)

 

You should be making plans with her instead of posting on an internet chheating board. You've dated and romanced women before. Why are you asking "what's my next step"?

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Oh, here are some useful tips, courtesy of my husband.

 

* Hide condoms (or sex toys) in the area of your car where you keep the jack and spare tire.

 

* Go to her house to screw her when she "goes home for lunch." Park your car a few streets over and hike it up to her back door, entering surreptitiously.

 

* NEVER call her cell phone, or home phone. Call her work phone and leave messages on her voice mail. You two can communicate that way.

 

* Communicate via email too. Use her work email. Her husband won't have access to it and you can communicate that way.

 

* Have her tell her husband that she needs to "go in to work" at 10 pm. Then have her come to your house and screw your brains out.

 

Have fun.

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hey chump, thats all useful advice, from somebody who sounds like they are speaking from experiance.

 

I've dated before, yes. It's been 10+ years. I come on here, asking for some useful advice, because I am getting mixed signals, and wanted to know what these signals mean, coming from someone in the same situation. Now either you can simply answer my questions, or stay out of my post, because your not making me feel guilty , just making me laugh at your posts, I find them humorous.

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Do me a favour. Go read some threads in the OW/OM section. Find out what you're in for and what she's in for.

 

Also, the pain YOU BOTH will be inflicting on HER husband. She is going end up with more pain, so will you, than you'll ever imagine.

Seriously, go read the threads and also some in this section about BS (Betrayed spouses) and how their lives get turned upside down and how they now have to deal with the pain of finding out the love of their lives cheated on them.

 

Yeah, I see that point too, but if things are not great at home, and he doesn't care about her "pain", then why should I care about his pain? I'm not asking her to do something she don't want to, she's initiating 70% of whats going on. Sure, I could walk away, but why? I have this beautiful woman throwing herself at me, why should I pass that up to save some guys feelings I dont' even know?

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This isn't a support board for cheaters / a board for giving out advice on how to screw around. You might check out that board called "The OM /OW."

 

My advice?

 

Whatever you do, it will change your life forever.

 

A stiff prick has no conscience.

 

Hey Chump! A response from one of our own on OW/OM

 

yeah most people in this forum are here because we already screwed up and need help get out and over it,not advice on getting into it.

 

Wow

 

 

So what do you do? Bash us in this section and befriend us down there?

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whichwayisup
Yeah, I see that point too, but if things are not great at home, and he doesn't care about her "pain", then why should I care about his pain? I'm not asking her to do something she don't want to, she's initiating 70% of whats going on. Sure, I could walk away, but why? I have this beautiful woman throwing herself at me, why should I pass that up to save some guys feelings I dont' even know?

 

Then if things are not good for her at home, then SHE should decide to either go counselling with her husband to fix things, or END the marriage. To cheat because things are s***ty at home is NO excuse. Sure, she'll feel great, she'll be having her cake and eating it too. That's not what marriage is all about. Through good times and bad times - Better or for worse. So, yeah, maybe things for her are worse at home! And HER choice is to cheat? Real nice of her to do that her husband. I bet she would be upset and very hurt if her husband CHOSE to cheat on her.

 

It's your life, you're going to do what you're going to do. Just remember, there are tons of consquences to your actions and hers. Be ready for it when it hits.

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So what do you do? Bash us in this section and befriend us down there?

 

 

Sorry if I've offended, Movinon, really. The truth is that I have seen advice given to affair partners there regarding how to handle affairs and how to deal with the OM's wife, etc. I'm just being honest.

 

Don't take it too personally. After all, I have an (former) "OM" in my very own house. My very own bed, in fact. :laugh:

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I have this beautiful woman throwing herself at me, why should I pass that up to save some guys feelings I dont' even know?

 

 

Why don't you find some other beautiful woman with a whole lot less baggage? You seem young, virile and confident. Why not find someone with no strings / no drama? Does it matter whether you know the guy or not?

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Curmudgeon
... why should I pass that up to save some guys feelings I dont' even know?

 

You shouldn't even consider it because it's beyond your ability. That would actually take some character.

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I come on here, asking for some useful advice, because I am getting mixed signals, and wanted to know what these signals mean...

 

...they mean that she may actually have some remaining bit of moral reasoning going on, and you do not.

 

You are getting "useful advice" from people who have been through the situation you are about to create - it's just not what you want to hear.

 

Yeah, I see that point too, but if things are not great at home, and he doesn't care about her "pain", then why should I care about his pain? I'm not asking her to do something she don't want to, she's initiating 70% of whats going on. Sure, I could walk away, but why? I have this beautiful woman throwing herself at me, why should I pass that up to save some guys feelings I dont' even know?

 

So you "don't even know" this guy, eh? Well then tell me, how do you know that he doesn't care about her pain? Oh, that's right, she told you that, didn't she?

 

You want some more "useful advice" from someone with experience in affairs? That's what you asked for, right? OK, here you go: people in affairs LIE everywhere to justify themselves. They LIE to their spouses (she to her husband), they lie to their affair partners ("oh, he doesn't care about me"), and they lie to themselves. And you will tell yourself whatever you need to, to justify it to yourself ("he doesn't care about her pain, why should I care about him?")

 

It shouldn't even be about what kind of person he is, which I bet you don't have a clear or complete picture of anyway. If he were some kind of a caring person who was trying to make their marriage work, would that really make the situation any different? The real question you should be asking yourself: what kind of person are you? Look in the mirror and answer that one for us.

 

And if you can't get anywhere further than "I'm a person who doesn't care about anyone else as long as I can dip my wick," then I don't think we're going to have any further "useful advice" for you around here.

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