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New affair... how could I!!! But, I secretly love it.


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

Old 21st May 2006, 1:15 PM   #1
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New affair... how could I!!! But, I secretly love it.

I am a woman in a relationship/marriage with another woman and we've been together for over 17 years. We met very young (early 20's ), and have never been unfaithful to each other. We also have 3 children together ( via donor ) both young. Honestly, I believe that we have had our fair share of problems for quite some time now, and have even discussed the possibility of splitting up. It's difficult because we just built a house 5 years ago, both are on the mortgage, we've been doing steady improvements like finishing the basement and adding on a deck, as well as landscaping etc...We probably still love each other, but really, I feel like my life centers around my kids, my job, the housework, feeding the family, and so on and so forth. When we fight, we fight bad. Names are called, we scream, we bring all the bad stuff back to the front burner, even if it is the most trivial thing in the world. But, what it boils down to is that I think we just fell out of love, and now are just in a convenient place.
Here's the kicker: I met another woman, actually the ex of my best friend. I have known her for a couple of months, and never really put it together that I was attracted to her, other than the fact that I enjoyed laughing with her, joking with her, and just being around her. Also, keep in mind that my partner had ALWAYS been with us, because we are all friends. Just recently, (this week) I had a dream about her, and also she is moving out of her house, having broken up with her partner of 5 years just last week. When I kiddingly told her that I dreamt about her, she came back with "how was I"? and I said that she was great. Well, come to find out, she has had feelings for me for about 2-3 months, but would have never acted on them because we were/are both in relationships. However, (and that is a big HOWEVER), we quickly discovered that we both really wanted the other one, and the very next day, met up a a local hotel and made love like I haven't in a hell of a long time. This woman... everything about her is amazing. And, the next day, we did it again, and then that night, (last night), she came over to our house, and the 3 of us had a nice relaxing evening. My partner has no idea about my infidelity, and it was very very hard not to look at this other woman in a way that would let on about what we have been doing.
She has qualities and traits that I have been looking for in a woman that my current partner doesn't have. I respect her, admire her, she's successful in her career, and in very compassionate and caring. And, might I add, very sexy! My brain says to stop it, but my heart wants to be with her. She is moving into a new home, low and behold, just a few miles away from our house, so we will be able to see a lot more of each other in the near future. And my partner, they really get along very well. She ( my partner, lets say her name is Sue ) was telling me last night after my lover (lets say her name is Diane) left that she'll probably enjoy her freedom and sleep with a lot of hot women. I was thinking...I am the hot woman. This is so hard!!!
Sadly enough, the thing I feel most guilty about is that we've done a lot to the house, and I will hate to sell my house when/if we split up. Also, my children, they will be very upset if we split and they won't have their 2 moms under one roof. Unless...we can manage to stay friends and one of us just move out of the bedroom and we become roomates in the true sense of the word. How likely is that though?
Anyway, I won't lie and say that I won't do it again, because I am 100% certain that I will. It's just a matter of how long before I get caught, probably.

Advice anyone?

thanks.
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Old 21st May 2006, 2:54 PM   #2
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Quote:
She has qualities and traits that I have been looking for in a woman that my current partner doesn't have. I respect her, admire her, she's successful in her career, and in very compassionate and caring. And, might I add, very sexy! My brain says to stop it, but my heart wants to be with her.
Ofcourse she has qualities and fills in needs that your partner can't meet. That is what affairs are all about.

Listen to your brain, not your heart. You have a stable and happy life now, maybe it needs some work, some counselling so you two (you and your current wife) can go to marriage counselling to help learn how to communicate and fix the problems...Are you sure you want to give that up for someone else who has made your head turn?

If you don't love the person you're with now, get out. Allow her the time and respect of finding anotehr woman who will only be with her and not cheat. Seems like you have your mind made up that you WILL cheat again.

And there is NO way you two can be 'roommates' and then live separate lives in the same house. That isn't fair to her, to you and mostly to those poor innocent kids. Remember, what they learn at home about love and relationships they apply later in life to how they will be in their future relationships. do you really want to teach them it's OK to cheat and then stay with someone who won't love them??? You're in a tough spot, but only you can decide what's best for everybody. Stop thinking of "just" yourself, and start thinking of the fallout and consquences of your actions. It's selfish and you're not even willing to try to work things out at home.

I feel bad for those kids.
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