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I'm going to kill him...


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He lied to me. He told me that he wouldn't see her again. D-Day was 3 weeks ago. I found an email that she sent to him last week. And I found a document that he's writing to her about showing her a part of himself and loving her and such. I'm so angry.

 

He's not home now. I think he's with her right now. What should I do? If I call and confront him, he'll get defensive and angry and just come home and pack his things. I'm not sure if I can wait until he gets home though. Should I just wait? I feel so crazy.

 

What should I do?

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Pack his things.

Call a locksmith.

 

Get a bottle of wine, or whatever you prefer.

Fill the bathtub, light candles.

 

Throw whatever you packed for him outside.

Lock the door with the new locks.

 

Take a nice long bath, cry, laugh, sob and whatever you need to do,

Get into bed, cry, laugh, sob.....until you fall alseep.

 

Tomorrow, he'll be begging for you to open the door.

 

But will you want to????

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I agree with getting an attorney... But you CANNOT change the locks on a marital residence.

It is as much his house as hers.. until a legal seperation happens there is nothing you can do to keep him out.. he can break in and there is nothing the police will do.. since you can't be arrested for breaking into your own house.

 

Changing the locks with do nothing but throw more fuel on the fire.

 

Seek legal advice and retain an attorney

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Walking away

Be good to yourself. Cry, scream, let it all out. You have been betrayed and every emotion you are feeling is okay. Go with those emotions. You need to let them out.

 

I am so sorry for your pain.....I know it is incalculable. Keep posting. We are here for you.

 

Big hugs to you.

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mopar crazy

I'm so very sorry you are dealing w/ this. It's probably not the right thing to do but if it were me I would be calling him and finding out where he is. If he reacts the way you think he will, let him, at least you will know the truth. If he has nothing to hide (not being w/ the OW) then he shouldn't be angry. I wouldn't jump on him immediately but I would ask where he is and when does he plan on coming home. You'll know how he reacts if he is w/ her or not. If he leaves the house, let him. At this point he doesn't deserve to live there.

 

I would seek legal advice. When my H was having an A I hired an attorney. He told me I could legally change the lock on the house and that was b4 we went to court. I never did change the locks but he never came over w/o first talking to me about coming over to see the children. I knew he wasn't coming over to the house b/c I was a SAHM and was home all the time. I was never concerned about him coming over when I was running errands b/c he was either out golfing or he was w/ the exOW. If he would of been coming over w/o asking me first I would of changed the locks.

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RecordProducer

Did he show up? What happened? You don't even know where he went, but the point is: he still loves the other woman so your relationship is over... for now. There's not much you can do but break it off with him and let him get his sh*t together and decide whom he wants, if YOU still want him.

 

Being married to a man who is in love with another woman must be humiliating. If he asked for forgiveness and doesn't care about the other woman, I'd say you have a chance to work things out. However with his heart in another place, I don't think it's healthy to work on your marriage, even if he wants to stay married for whatever reasons. I'm sorry you're going through this.

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Blind Illusion

You cannot live in a way that everytime you ask a question or confront him about something, he'll threatens to pack his bags. First of all, he is going to sense your fear about that and we can't have that, right :)

 

Second of all, this is something you just discovered a mere 3 weeks ago. He should be on his best behavior and if this is it, then he isn't doing all that much for you.

 

Good luck with everything.

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He said that she knew he was job hunting so she sent him the job post email. He said that if I looked closely...there was no hint of affection or anything there. He also said that they don't have any contact at all and haven't since D-Day and if i don't believe him, then I can check his work email too. And he said that he'll start bringing home receipts from when he's out so I can make sure that he's been where he says he has.

 

I didn't mention the partial letter I found because of where I found it. And it could very well be his way of coping. You know...writing a letter to someone even if they'll never receive it?

 

When I called the second time after I posted, he wasn't angry. The sound in his voice was weary and fatigue from being asked questions everytime he's out. And I do, do that. I'm uncertain everyday. But I have to learn that regardless, he's still here and I can't control where he goes and what he does.

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Moper Crazy - OMG I love the doggie on your avatar.

 

Now, when I finally threw my ex out, I also threw out his clothes onto the front lawn. He didn't pick them up quickly enough - so while I was watering my flowers - I watered his clothes as well.

 

Immature - yea, but it felt damn good!!!!!!!

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Funny that I read this now as "I will survive" plays on the radio..

 

Confront him with this evidence that you found and see his squirm..my ex got real defensive when I would trap him in his lies..plain and simple they get defensive because they know they screwed up and got caught...

 

To heck with him if he packs his stuff and moves out..say see ya later aligator you let me know if that grass is greener...my ex and I split partially from infedelity and now he sits at his parents and struggles with life..

 

I like the bath and wine idea...just surround yourself with happy things for a while until you can cope with the loss...right now your pissed..but the sadness does come eventually...

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mopar crazy
Moper Crazy - OMG I love the doggie on your avatar.

 

Now, when I finally threw my ex out, I also threw out his clothes onto the front lawn. He didn't pick them up quickly enough - so while I was watering my flowers - I watered his clothes as well.

 

Immature - yea, but it felt damn good!!!!!!!

 

 

OMgosh too funny!!! I should of done that. Maybe immature I wouldn't care. I did some pretty immature things when my H was messing around during our seperation but now that I look back I was pretty darn nice to him.

The thing I caught he!! for (being immature) was driving past his place (when we were seperated) and threw out his ear plugs he left in my van into the yard. When I spoke to him the next time I asked him if he found his ear plugs laying in the yard as I threw them out. He wasn't happy and said that was pretty immature. If that is the worst thing I could of done he was pretty lucky.

 

Thanks for the puppy compliment. It's my sister's pup. She breeds German Sherpherds for a living. I can't wait to get another one, been waiting too long.

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MrsHellFire

So he still loves her (as you stated you read in the unfinished email) and you are willing to only have a part of him in this marriage?

 

Affection or not, why the hell do they still have email contact? I'm sure she still wants to show him more than just last sundays want ads!

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whichwayisup

No contact is NO CONTACT so she should be following that rule ... And he should be inforcing it too, big time! Even a cold or non-threatening email is STILL breaking the laws of NC. There was NO need for her to email him. New job posting or not! If it was important to her for him to get it, she could have easily asked someone else to email it for her or she could have written an annoymous note...

 

You are right, you can't control his reactions and what he feels, all you can do is trust yourself and try your best to trust him at his word.

 

He feels and says he's fed up with you checking up on him? Well, he was the one who decided to cheat, he lost your trust, so therefore, he should be able to suck it up and take the heat as it's his fault the trust is broken. He has to make it WORK, not complain. He should be much more aware of your feelings and prove to you that he is trustworthy again. Not get mad about it all.

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EndoftheRope
No contact is NO CONTACT so she should be following that rule ... And he should be inforcing it too, big time! Even a cold or non-threatening email is STILL breaking the laws of NC. There was NO need for her to email him. New job posting or not! If it was important to her for him to get it, she could have easily asked someone else to email it for her or she could have written an annoymous note...

 

It can't be said enough: NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT means NO CONTACT. NONE.

 

Any reason for contact is just an excuse to have... contact... the contact he PROMISED not to have.

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