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saw pictures of him with another woman, want to hide it


PizzaMcGill

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PizzaMcGill

i guess i'll just jump right in.

 

over a year ago, i found pictures of my husband in bed with an other woman. i knew something was going on, and it was confirmed by thess pictures. very graphic.

 

i took so long to decide what to do that noww i truly believe his affair is over. i want to pretend it never happened.

 

i know i should be angry, but i am more angry with myself for pushing him into an affair. i know i'm not as sexual as he wants, but i never was, not even before i married him. he knew what i was like. and honestly, since i saw the pictures, i feel more sexual about him now than i ever did. i actually get horny for him. i haven't in a while, so why now when he did this awful thing to me?

 

do i leave him? i don't want to. i want to pretend like i never saw them and let it all go away. it seems like it is, maybe he just needed to get his rocks off and really still wants to be married to me. is this possible?

 

what do i do here exactly?

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Continue to pretend it never happened, and continue to blame yourself. That should put you in the nuthouse within a short time.

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Why don't you leave the pics on the breakfast table with a note that says:

 

This past of yours has upset me but I'm willing to discuss it so we can move forward in a positive direction for our future. Let's talk before you leave for work,

I Love You

Signed your name....

 

That would allow you to clear the air without the confrontation... in order to make your relationship better (hopefully).

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I have to wonder why he still has or had the pictures even though the A is over......or is it?

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PizzaMcGill

cal gal, that is good advice.

 

a4a, i found the pcitures a year ago, it's not that i found pictures from a year ago, though now it is a year later.both the pictures and my knowledge of them are about a year old. i don't know if he still has them or or not.

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PizzaMcGill

and yes, i do truly think it's over between him and this woman, who i know. his behavior has been different then it was at the time of the affair. and i hear stuff about her from other people, so it sounds like she's busy and wouldn't have a whole lot of time for my husband anyway.

 

maybe this should be bothering me more than it is, but i really want thios to work out. i worry though that it will all come crashing down around me. shouldn't it have done that by now, though even if not immediately when i saw the pictures? i may have been in shock, but it would have registered within a year's time, i think, and i would be hit with it. but i fee like i got hit with it and it just passed and i got over it.

 

i'm afraid if i confront him, he'll get very over- defensive and we'll end up fighting and then he'll resent me for making him feel guilty which will make us fight more., and the point is to make it work, not to destroy it.

 

i just don't really want to talk about it in detail. i don't want all the crying and pleading. i don't know how to deal wit it.

 

i don't think he has amy idea i saw them, but i don't know. i don't know if he would ask me.

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catgirl1927

I think that you are blaming yourself for something that is not your fault. I think you're worried that he will be mad at you, which is crazy, he needs to be worried that you will be mad at him. He is the one who has done something wrong, not you. You are NOT to blame for this. If you want to work on the relationship and try to heal it, then present it that way. I am so sorry you've had to live with this for a year.

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So it may have ended with this woman. How about the next? You are so nieve that you think he's has stopped cheating for good?

 

Show him the pictures his cheating has a greater negative impact on the marriage then you snooping. Spouses shouldn't hide anything from each other. You having to snoop tells alot about the marriage.

 

Give him the ultamatium, marriage counseling or it's over.

 

If you keep it inside the marriage is doomed for divorce.

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Seen_It_All

You pushed him into the affair, did you? Were you also the mastermind behind 9-1-1 and the Kennedy assassination as well?

 

The first thing you need to do is STOP assigning blame on yourself for your husband's actions. He's not a 2-year old child and you're not responsible for his behavior. He's a big boy who made VOWS to you when he CHOSE to marry you - or was your Uncle Gus standing behind him with a 12-guage aimed at his head? I guess you were behind that plot too, weren't you?

 

You husband CHOSE to enter an affair. That was HIS choice, not yours. If you want to take half the blame for the marriage being less passionate then it could have been, then by all means - own that. But do NOT own his devious lying and cheating. You do NOT own that. He does.

 

I guess if you want to continue ignoring the huge pink elephant in your living room, that is your choice. But how do you think you're going to possibly begin to HEAL if you refuse to START the journey?

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