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Devasted...Found out on Valentine's Day of Affair


cassandra69d

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cassandra69d

I just found out on Valentine’s Day my husband of 13 years is having an affair. I don't believe this was his first because I saw the signs and I chose not to look. I am in a state of disbelief. I had my suspicions but I was too dumb to open my eyes and admit to myself that he was a cheater. I heard the phone messages and I still denied it to myself. Finally, Valentine's weekend he had to go away on a business trip and I hired a detective. I found out more than I wated to hear and when I presented this to him he said they only kissed. They never slept with eachother. How can a man tell you and show you and your children that we are his whole world and do these things? It all started with the birth of our second child. We were very happily married until I told him I was pregnant. It was like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. A new husband appeared that I didn't know. He started treating me differently and he started developing close friendships with different women. It became like an addiction with him. He would sneak off to call them, send flowers, meet them for lunches, happy hours but he kept on telling me they were just friends. He even included my sister in law in his web of deceit. Do you think we can make our marriage still work? Is there too much damage to trust again? Any and all responses are greatly appreciated.

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brokenherted

I am truely sorry to hear your story.

I know how you must feel as I only found out about my wife's affair recently.

It's a lot of pain to deal with. I suggest you choose a good friend to talk to. Tell them what you know. Talking helps.

 

My wife claims she only ever kissed her other man. This is despite the receipts I have found for hotel rooms - double rooms, on nights she said she was staying elsewhere. And even one dated on a night I know she ended up at home.

I have read similar stories. You can't know unless your husband admits it but you are going to have to face up to the posibility that he is still lieing and they did sleep together.

 

I have heard stories - many can be found on these pages - of people who manage to make their marriage stronger after an affair has been found out. For others though it is a dealbreaker and it causes the end.

 

What worries me about your story is your description of this being how he is with a string of women. Sounds like this has been going on for a long time.

 

I can't answer you about trust. That to me is the biggest thing. People do but I dont see how it can ever be the same.

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Has hubby given indication that he will stop this behavior and try to make this work?

 

Trust is extremly hard to regain and it takes a lot of strength and discipline on both parties. I cheated on my husband, didn't complete the deed but plain and simple it was the idea behind it that I was going to...I stopped it and then hubby came home and found us. It was the first time I had ever even tried anything like this, but i was hurting so bad for him to notice me. Well he noticed me after that for sure. I had to regain his trust and it took years. I did whatever he needed to regain it back...such as calling him when I went anywhere, he calling me randomly...sometimes talking with people I was with etc. checking in when I got home if he wasn't there..etc. I was a willing participant in this almost parole like behavior because I knew what I did was WRONG..

 

I think to recoop from something like this both parties have to readjust everything. I hope that helps...

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"I found out more than I wanted to hear and when I presented this to him he said they only kissed. They never slept with eachother. "

 

That's what they all say! Get your head out of the sand. You said yourself that this probably isn't even the first time he had an affair!

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"I found out more than I wated to hear and when I presented this to him he said they only kissed. They never slept with eachother. "

 

 

That's what they all say! Get your head out of the sand. You said yourself that this probably isn't even the first time he had an affair!

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