BUTAFLY Posted January 12, 2006 Share Posted January 12, 2006 Would you want to know if your husband/fiance was having a long term affair with another women? Link to post Share on other sites
CruzinRed Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 Yes.. so I wouldn't be wasting my time "hanging out" while he does his own thing. No.. for fear of being hurt, depends on who the affair is with. In the end.. I would want to know, because if it's a long-term thing, I'd rather be on my merry little way than to be with someone that's wasting my time. In the end I would be better off without him, although it would hurt to find out, sometimes things just make you stronger. My theory: If you are "in love" with someone you wouldn't think once about cheating. If you "love" the person, sometimes it's just not enough to make everything work. You have to be "in love" for everything to go right, because with that thought, you wouldn't need to cheat, you would already be happy with the one you have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BUTAFLY Posted January 14, 2006 Author Share Posted January 14, 2006 so married men cheat when they are no longer IN LOVE with the wife? If so why do so many women accept it and stay with the husband? Link to post Share on other sites
Kat2006 Posted January 14, 2006 Share Posted January 14, 2006 Depends on the source. I would want my spouse or failing that, someone who cared about me ( family, friends) to tell me. I would question and then throw into suspect the OP's motives and truthfulness because everyone has their own version of the truth based on their own subjective opinions. IMO More’s the point they ( MM/MW) fall "in love" with another woman, OP or at least think themselves as such until it begins to unravel–if it unravels. This does not necessarily mean that a MM/MW do not love their spouse. There a big difference in my opinion of being “in love” and just loving another. The latter comes with the territory of a long term commitment– and the routines of, often times that “in love” feeling fads over time, but does not make the love shared between man and wife any less. That’s the problem with that “in love” feeling, it is destine to fad in any relationship over the course of time. It’s the beast of the common place nature of everyday life. However love can and does sustain long term marriages/ relationships, even making it possible for couples to survive the intrusion of As. “If so why do so many women accept it and stay with the husband?” Is this based on the assumption that they do not love their spouses? Most spouses do love one another or at the very least have a memory/ history of loving one another. This is what binds them together through the rough times, such as an A. Link to post Share on other sites
Author BUTAFLY Posted January 15, 2006 Author Share Posted January 15, 2006 “If so why do so many women accept it and stay with the husband?” Is this based on the assumption that they do not love their spouses? Most spouses do love one another or at the very least have a memory/ history of loving one another. This is what binds them together through the rough times, such as an A. that was nicely said...I get it now. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted January 18, 2006 Share Posted January 18, 2006 In fact, I do know. Although calling it an affair may be stretching the definition. The woman was a waitress in a local restaurant and pursued my husband relentlessly (I know from outside sources.) My husband and I were angry with each other for a number of reasons - some good, some not so good, and as a result we both made some exceedingly bad choices. I left him for a time, and in his sadness and anger, he thought this woman and he were "friends". When she moved to California to become a school bus driver they began writing (emailing) each other. This "friendship" continued for 6-9 months. At that point she started kicking up the heat. She came north (we live near Seattle) to visit him, and began attempting to manipulate him into a "relationship" with her. This infuriated him - and he decided to get even - with both of us. He was angry with me for leaving him, and with her for attempting to morph what he considered to be a friendship into a relationship. So, he proceeded to let her think that he was interested in her. (I think he really liked seeing that another woman was interested in him - I think it stroked his ego - and I hadn't been stroking it very well for awhile.) That went on for another 3 or 4 months. I began getting anonymous (hang-up) phone calls. The kind where someone is on the line, and stays on the line until you finally give up and hang-up. My husband had by that time convinced me to come back to him, but had not yet told me about this other woman. Now, she was in town again, and my husband realized that he had set in motion something that could be TROUBLE, so sat down and talked to me about it. That was hard - on both of us. Fool that I am, I felt sorry for her, and we figured that possibly a nice present would appease her till she left, so I went and bought her a very nice set of candlesticks, which he gave to her. He felt the best time to tell her that he didn't want any further communication would be just as she was getting on the plane to return to California, so went to the airport to tell her, but she was (or pretended to be) in the middle of some crisis, so he called her later and told her over the phone. (Personally, I must admit, I think he simply chickened out at the last minute not wanting to create a scene in the airport.) For months he got continuing e-mails begging him to write her, until finally he had to close his e-mail account. Meanwhile, the anonymous phone calls continued. Finally after almost a year, we gave up and changed our phone number. We've been extremely careful about who gets the number, and monitor it on the Internet to ensure that it's not listed anywhere. So. . . yes, I'd want to know - how can you forgive what you don't know about? But I really wish it had never happened at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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