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How Do I Ask My Wife to Stop Cheating?


Aquarius Guy

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My wife is indignant and has a short attention span. So I need some short phrases to just stand on their own, as requests for Wife to stop cheating.

 

Proposed Phrases to Wife:

 

Our marriage is a Train Wreck.

 

I wish I did not have the feeling that I am in a Half-Open marriage.

 

Are there any assurances you would like to give me about the future?

 

Is there any way you can come directly home from work?

 

You and your son, do not seem to feel I have much value to contribute to the household. So is it your wish that I go join some other household?

 

Ideas?

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The following may work for you but it greatly depends if there is true conviction within you:

 

"If you no longer love me and are in love with another man, I will not stop you from pursuing your happiness and I will start the divorce proceedings ASAP".

 

How do you get this conviction? By making peace with the fact that you cannot control your W's actions and that no matter what the outcome of your marriage turns out to be, you will not only survive it but you will thrive.

 

Furthermore a needy, clingy, fearful betrayed spouse trying to emotionally twist the arm of his/her cheating spouse into staying, more often than not finds that his/her behavior actually backfires. Emotionally strong people who make peace with reality, often find their behavior becomes extremely attractive to the cheating spouse. So which is it going to be for you?

 

TMCM

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Dear TMCM,

 

My wife is eating cake. She does not plan to leave in the immediate or near future. She comes home every night, and is fairly loving to me. She shares the marital bed with me, and we have some processes worked out where I receive some fair measure of satiation of my desires for Love.

 

I have put it on the line, that if she wants a separation, that I will move out, and stand by my marriage vows until a divorce is final. I admitted that I am unable to control her.

 

Power is a Aphrodisiac. Taking care of myself is a priority for me. I am affected by the feeling of being cheated on, in that I don't have the enthusiasm for household chores, and I am dragging my feet on some projects.

 

Thanks for your reply.

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Proposed Imaginary Practice Phrases to Ask W to Stop Cheating:

 

I feel that I am part of a cover-up, and there is pressure building inside a can of red point that is going to explode, and spray read paint all over us.

 

I am feeling foolish, because it seems like there is a curtain in the corner of our bedroom, and there is another man standing behind the curtain.

 

I think you are playing with dynamite, and you have my back al loaded up with so many bales of hay, that when you put one last straw on the top, you will be surprised that my back will be broken, and there will not be a return flight from nowhere.

 

Ideas?

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20 Minuts for Editing, Maximum:

 

Continuing:

 

 

I feel I am about to risk losing my devotion to the family. I feel it is unfair to keep this secret from the children and grandchhildren. I feel they have a right to know how close we are to splitting up. If you can give me some assurances of the future and your feeling of fidelity for our marriage, I am happy to listen.

 

Ideas?

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Hello,

 

If you allow yourself to be disrespected, humiliated and having your health put at great risk why on earth would your wife not be a cake eater? No consequences to her actions equals no motivation to change. Her continuation of cheating on you and allowing yourself to suffer as her husband indicates that she has very little respect for you. If you do not respect yourself then who will? Would you want your children to grow up and accept such humiliation in their marriages? The tone of your letter indicates that you have allowed yourself to be mentally castrated. You are in an abusive relationship. Your wife continues to be a cake eater because you tolerate it. If the roles were reversed, do you honestly think your wife would accept such disrespect and humiliation from you? Enough is enough unless you are a masochist. I wish you luck.

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Why do you continue to put yourself through such turmoil that isn't a marriage ? She wants her cake and eat it too and you are allowing this type of behavior and not making a change for you..You have to decide whether or not this is the relationship you want to be in for eternity because she obviously has no intentions on stopping and that isn't fair to you!! Good luck:)

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Sometimes my wife drops a hint that she is thinking it is OK not to be totally faithful to me. In the past, I have fallen silent, when she has made some almost insignificant comment. I feel I need to have some succinct, yet not overblown, phrases prepared for a response.

 

1. Sounds like you are playing with matches.

 

2. Sometimes a train wreck happens even when people think things are under control.

 

3. Are you sure that the curtains of denial will cover the reality of the breach of trust?

 

4. Trust can be fragile like a flower vase. When the vase is juggled, and breaks into pieces on the floor, it is sometimes difficult to put the vase back together again.

 

5, Oppositional ideas, and justifications for ignoring trust boundaries can go further and further, and sometimes can't be brought back.

 

6. Sometimes when people are pushed, they turn off completely, like a light switch.

 

Ideas?

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How bout something a little more to the point:

 

"stop being a inconsiderate bitch, and ruining our marriage and family"

 

Really if she is cheating? She is being inconsiderate to the entire family.

 

Ya gonna have to be a bit more to the point........:eek:

 

a4a- bad monkeys need spankings

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How bout something a little more to the point:

 

"stop being a inconsiderate bitch, and ruining our marriage and family"

 

Really if she is cheating? She is being inconsiderate to the entire family.

 

Ya gonna have to be a bit more to the point........:eek:

 

a4a- bad monkeys need spankings

 

Totally agree with A4A quit being such a wimp and get some balls and tell her that you aren't taking it no more !!:D

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This isn't about her, it's about you. When the pain of staying exceeds the pain of leaving, you'll know what to do.

 

 

 

Exactly! so true

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Totally agree with A4A quit being such a wimp and get some balls and tell her that you aren't taking it no more !!:D

 

Add me to the list.

 

The hell with catch phrases. Be a man, for crying out loud.

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*sniff, sniff, sniff*

 

 

I smell troll...............

 

 

Something just aint right here.

 

smells like troll

tastes like troll

looks like troll

 

ummmmm must be troll?

 

 

a4a

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Dear Kenyth,

 

Not everyone is going to identfy with my thread, my pespective or my feelings. If you don't have feelings or ideas to add, then I would just as soon you took your negativity someplace else. Calling someone with a problem a troll is unkind. If you have ideas, fine. If you just want to be unkind, there are plenty of other threads to pick on.

 

Thank you.

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Dear a4a,

 

Thank you for your suggestions of wording. I am afraid of saying things in a way that comes out wrong. Sometimes words cannot be taken back. Words spoken in Anger are often overstated.

 

I don't mind being called a wimp. At the moment, I am taking a wimpy approach. But I am rehearsing my lines to express feelings I expect to arise.

 

I don't like being called a Troll. I am trying to solve a problem, and if anyone feels I am a troll, they are free to post on some other thread. If someone cares to state some logical reasoning of why they feel I am a troll, maybe that would make some sense. I have been called a Troll before, and I don't like it.

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Further Rehearsal Lines to Infidelity Aspects of Wife.

 

7. You are being careless with your children and grandchildren. Once I switch off the light, they are also in the dark. I said I would honor my marriage vows till the divorce is final. But that does not mean I am going to leave the light on for you. Feelings sometimes go beyond where they won't come back. Cheating is wrong, because you are not oly disadvantaging your self, but also your children. You seem to be asking me to go join some other family. You keep twisting the knife about you have ideas of wandering. Ihave been patient for a while, but you have been doing this over the years, and particularly over the last few monts and weeks.

 

8. If you are going to jiggle the table, the vase may fall over, roll to the edge, and drop on the floor. It is sometimes difficult to put a broken vase back together. But all you did was jiggle the table.

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I apologize also...... but you are just doing a mock run here and posting it or do you really need advice?

 

If I was cheating on you and you fed me one of those lines I would laugh.

I do not say that to offend you.

 

BTW you have the right to be angry..... hurt ...... and upset......you have the right to express it in a non violent way.

 

did your wife give you a reason why she is cheating?..... do you have a clue why she went behind your back?

 

a4a

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slubberdegullion

Whoah there, AG, slow down a minute.

 

Before you do anything about confronting her regarding a potential affair, get legal advice first. You need to have all your legal and financial ducks in a row first to lessen the chances of her transferring joint funds to her private account, changing your investments to her name only, and other stuff like that.

 

Once you have protected yourself, then have the chat; and, if possible, have a witness there with you.

 

And by no means do you have to be Mr Nice Guy about this. "You are having an affair, I can prove it, and it will stop immediately. You are never to contact him again, and if he contacts you, you are to ignore it. We will both be attending marriage counselling sessions, individually and as a couple, to try and repair this train wreck that you have created. These are non-negotiable. Are we clear?"

 

Her response will be your best guide as to what to do next.

 

Good luck.

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This is just MO, but I wouldn't say a thing to her. Get some legal advice as Slubber said first, if you have evidence/proof in hand as to what shes doing, then get your legal professional to draw up seperation papers if this is what you choose to do. And present them to her. Just a thought. I think action and the papers will speak volumes instead of trying to figure out the right thing to say. Understand though, only do that if this is what you really want and if you have the proof.

 

 

 

Jade

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I've said it on MB, and I'll say it here.

 

Quit looking for spiffy catchphrases. All you'll do is come across as condescending, or just plain silly.

 

Sit down, tell her exactly what you know, what you want, and how you feel. Don't try to come up with some kind of catch phrase...I can't for the life of me understand why you want to communicate with her this way.

 

Try just saying what you mean for a change. Short, simple, to the point. Bottom line up front.

 

And then LISTEN to what she says back, and how she says it. And as long as it isn't agressive, mocking, or otherwise negative, use that same style to communicate back with her in.

 

This isn't rocket science....don't try to make it into it. Just DO it.

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