Jump to content

Separated, headed for divorce? Spouse unfaithful?


race2space

Recommended Posts

Hello, I’m new here and thought I’d share my story. It will probably be too long for most of you to read, so I apologize for that. I’m not sure what I want out of writing this. It may be just to vent, or I may just be looking to write all of this down as a record for myself, or I may be looking for advice. I really don’t know. Well, here goes.

 

I am 32 and my wife is 34. We have been together for 16 years, married for 9. We are each others only serious relationship ever, and only sexual partners as well. We have never separated or discussed being apart before this. We have two children, a 6 year old daughter and 3 year old son. We have considered ourselves separated since the beginning of 2018, but still live in the same house. We are living in separate bedrooms, but share a bathroom. After work, we spend the day together with our children like we normally do, but when they go to bed we go our separate ways.

 

My wife and I have known each other almost our entire lives, though we didn’t go to school together. I had a crush on her since I was 13 years old, and she had feelings for me since around the same time, but we didn’t really know each other until a random meeting before she left for college and we started dating. The first six years of our relationship were long distance because we were at different universities. We saw each other once or twice a month, and much more often in the summers. We talked every day and night and besides the distance between us we were happy. After grad school, she moved home and I proposed 6 months later. We married seven months after that. We then worked together (we are both teachers, and we taught in rooms next door to each other) for 6 years and everything seemed magical. We both agree that we work very well together. However, we agreed we needed more income to save for the kids college funds, so I went back to grad school for two years and landed a job with double my old salary. I’ve now been there for six months and enjoy it.

 

My wife and I rarely ever fought, but we got in a heated argument just before going on vacation after Christmas. My wife had been pulling away from me since our oldest was born six years ago. She never wanted to go on dates anymore. We joked that going to the school plays were our date night for the semester. When we did go out we had a great time. She stopped initiating sex, but we were intimate about once every two weeks. She never showed me any intimacy at home unless I initiated it. We still could be silly and laugh and have a good time and we’ve always been best friends, but the intimacy was leaving us. Whenever I brought it up in conversation she would have some reason. She was tired, or stressed, or worried about money, or finding a babysitter, or some other excuse. I believed her because I trusted her and now I believe I was in denial. I really started to notice a big change since the school year started in August. She was distant and cold at home, but whenever I would go to her work she would be playful and smile and give me a big kiss and hold onto my arm like we were teenagers again. It was exhilarating because it was everything I wanted, but also was quite confusing because it was only at her work. She had become good friends with a coworker (he started there immediately after I left, and I’ve met him a number of times), and you can guess where this is going. I felt uncomfortable with their relationship, and this was something we argued about along with her lack of desire for intimacy with me. We left for vacation without coming to a conclusion, but it was the most serious altercation we’ve ever had (time was up and we had to go). *more about their relationship and my interactions with them in a separate post as it’s a very weird relationship*

 

After our vacation we came home, and I haven’t slept in our bed since. We had a very rough January. She wouldn’t talk to me or look at me. My wife said she was contemplating divorce. She gave the classic “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” speech, and said she fell out of love with me six years ago after our daughter was born because I pressured her for sex instead of being understanding after she gave birth. We had sex 4 months after she gave birth, and I don’t think I pressured her much beyond talking about it to see if she was interested. I brought it up about once a week after the 12 week mark, but I don’t ever remember trying to coerce her in any way.

 

She has said I am a great father and a good person, but she just doesn’t have those feelings for me anymore and hasn’t for a long time. She said she has been faking our relationship for the past six years, and she dreaded coming home every day because I was constantly pressuring for sex. After our first child was born I had stepped up around the house and did all of the cooking, cleaning, shopping, etc. She always said she was tired and stressed, so I thought I would do more to help her feel less tired and stressed. She viewed this as me trying to make her feel guilty so she would give me sex because she owed me. I’ll admit that after a month of not being intimate I would become frustrated at times, but I was never abusive in any way. I would become angry and let her know that I was upset. She viewed this as me intimidating her and making her life hell. She said every minute at home with me was a minute in hell just waiting to see what terrible sexual thing I was going to make her do next. We had sexual contact of any kind about twice a month, and nothing out of the ordinary. We saw a sex therapist who said the things I wanted are quite normal and not out of the ordinary in any way. The therapist was actually quite taken aback that my wife’s attitude towards sex was so extremely conservative. This also confused me as she was always the one pushing for sex early in our relationship, and she greatly enjoyed our sex life before she moved home from college. Because the therapist did not validate my wife’s opinion at all, we did not return.

 

She agreed to go to marriage counseling with a therapist recommended by a friend of ours. We met with the therapist once together, and then once each separately. The day before I went to my individual session I found proof of her emotional affair with her co-worker. I confronted them both, separately. She said she had only just realized she had feelings for him a few days earlier, and nothing happened beyond holding hands and having dinner together. As far as I know, they have not had contact beyond running into each other in the hallways since (I have people at their work keeping watch for me). The night after I confronted my wife, she said she wanted a divorce. I said okay and we talked calmly about some of the logistics of divorcing. The next morning she said she had changed her mind and wasn’t sure. Then after work she came home as a completely different person. She was saying she was all in on staying in the marriage and she was bubbly and smiling, and it was all very forced. She said she had purged herself of everything she couldn’t give me anymore and was giving all of herself to me. It was a very scary thing, and I don’t really know how to describe it, but I feared for her life. My wife is a very thin woman, and when she’s stressed or anxious she stops eating. She would sit on my lap and smile at me while shaking uncontrollably. For two days I couldn’t get her to snap out of it, so I threatened to call somebody to get her help (I’m not sure what I meant, but like I said I feared for her safety). I tried to be silly with her, and she said she had “killed silly because she had given it to him.” At this point I told her I had to leave, and if her silly side was gone forever then I didn’t want to be with her anymore. A few hours later I came home to find her huddled in bed with our kids because she was afraid I was going to take them. She had at least snapped out of her funk (I have no other words to describe it). She was down to a very dangerous weight and her clothes were hanging off her, and she later admitted that she was probably trying to slowly kill herself. She has suffered from bouts of depression in the past, but never like that and never suicidal in any way.

 

After this crazy incident she went to her individual therapy session, and the therapist said marriage counseling would be a bad idea at this point as she was in no way ready for that. She has been continuing individual therapy since, and she is trying to figure out who she is and what she wants/needs to make herself happy. She says she doesn’t know if she wants to stay in the marriage, and she needs to focus on herself right now as she is not ready to be in a relationship with anybody right now. I agree with her and I have been focusing on myself as well. I have started working out again, going out with friends, and generally taking care of myself. I am continuing to be the best possible father I can be. My wife has stepped up around the house and is doing more with the kids as well. She’s never done much with the kids, and she says she regrets that. She is making positive steps in her own life, though her mood is up and down day to day, and even hour by hour. For the most part, we have pretty positive interactions until the kids go to bed and then we head our separate ways. We haven’t talked about our marriage or divorce in a couple weeks now, and I don’t plan to talk about our relationship unless she brings it up. She also doesn’t want to talk about her recent individual therapy sessions, which is understandable. She just says that she feels like she’s making progress. Progress to what, I don’t know. That’s the scary thing right? For now, I’m basically in a holding pattern while she figures out what she wants with her life.

 

That’s my story. Far too long to read I know, but I just have to get it out. I desperately want to keep my family together. I love my wife with all my heart, and I don’t want to be a part-time father. I have forgiven her for the emotional affair and understand why it happened. He was there for her and listened when I couldn’t because I was the problem. However, I have made it clear that I will not tolerate any further contact between them. I would end our marriage at that point. On paper we are perfect for each other. She says so herself. She just doesn’t have those feelings for me anymore. I’m not sure what to do. I’m just being the best me that I can be, and hope that she can find herself and find happiness along the way.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

 

<snip> I really started to notice a big change since the school year started in August. She was distant and cold at home, but whenever I would go to her work she would be playful and smile and give me a big kiss and hold onto my arm like we were teenagers again. It was exhilarating because it was everything I wanted, but also was quite confusing because it was only at her work. She had become good friends with a coworker (he started there immediately after I left, and I’ve met him a number of times), and you can guess where this is going. I felt uncomfortable with their relationship, and this was something we argued about along with her lack of desire for intimacy with me.<snip>

Cheaters most often rewrite the marital history to justify their affair.

<snip> My wife said she was contemplating divorce. She gave the classic “I love you, but I’m not in love with you” speech, and said she fell out of love with me six years ago after our daughter was born because I pressured her for sex instead of being understanding after she gave birth. <snip>
Women can't love two men at once. You had to be the bad guy so she could justify her affair

<snip>We saw a sex therapist who said the things I wanted are quite normal and not out of the ordinary in any way. The therapist was actually quite taken aback that my wife’s attitude towards sex was so extremely conservative. This also confused me as she was always the one pushing for sex early in our relationship, and she greatly enjoyed our sex life before she moved home from college. Because the therapist did not validate my wife’s opinion at all, we did not return.

The therapist saw through her lies. She denied you sex because she felt she was cheating on her affair partner

 

<snip>She said she had only just realized she had feelings for him a few days earlier, and nothing happened beyond holding hands and having dinner together. As far as I know, they have not had contact beyond running into each other in the hallways since (I have people at their work keeping watch for me).
Cheaters lie a lot and that's all your getting here. If they had an Emotional Affair going with contact it's almost always a physical affair. Most betrayed spouses stay in denial because they are affraid of the truth. They were dating behind your back.

 

<snip>My wife is a very thin woman, and when she’s stressed or anxious she stops eating. She would sit on my lap and smile at me while shaking uncontrollably. For two days I couldn’t get her to snap out of it, so I threatened to call somebody to get her help (I’m not sure what I meant, but like I said I feared for her safety). I tried to be silly with her, and she said she had “killed silly because she had given it to him.” At this point I told her I had to leave, and if her silly side was gone forever then I didn’t want to be with her anymore. A few hours later I came home to find her huddled in bed with our kids because she was afraid I was going to take them. She had at least snapped out of her funk (I have no other words to describe it). She was down to a very dangerous weight and her clothes were hanging off her, and she later admitted that she was probably trying to slowly kill herself. She has suffered from bouts of depression in the past, but never like that and never suicidal in any way.

She's in an affair withdrawal. From your post they have been together for at least 6 months and it was a physical affair. You really need to wake up to reality

<snip> She says she doesn’t know if she wants to stay in the marriage, and she needs to focus on herself right now as she is not ready to be in a relationship with anybody right now. I agree with her and I have been focusing on myself as well. I have started working out again, going out with friends, and generally taking care of myself. <snip>We haven’t talked about our marriage or divorce in a couple weeks now, and I don’t plan to talk about our relationship unless she brings it up. She also doesn’t want to talk about her recent individual therapy sessions, which is understandable.
Of course she doesn't cheaters lie, hide and deny. She doesn't want you to know what's been going on with her boyfriend

 

She just says that she feels like she’s making progress. Progress to what, I don’t know. That’s the scary thing right? For now, I’m basically in a holding pattern while she figures out what she wants with her life

 

You my friend are doing the "pick me dance". Waiting on her to decide your fate?

 

<snip>I have forgiven her for the emotional affair and understand why it happened. He was there for her and listened when I couldn’t because I was the problem. However, I have made it clear that I will not tolerate any further contact between them. I would end our marriage at that point. On paper we are perfect for each other. She says so herself. She just doesn’t have those feelings for me anymore. I’m not sure what to do. I’m just being the best me that I can be, and hope that she can find herself and find happiness along the way.
She's still in love with her boyfriend.

 

If you're smart you'll inform the other mans wife immediately. Talking to him was worthless you got nothing there.

 

Better wake up to what you're dealing with. Or you'll be sorry later

 

If they work together and have any contact the affair will continue!!!!

 

Again: you'd better wake up!!!!

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix formatting and truncate quotes
  • Like 8
Link to post
Share on other sites

This thread was located in S&D but perhaps needs the special touch members experienced with infidelity can provide so will move to Infidelity

 

In the future, please use the LoveShack quote function so responses can be attributed correctly and truncate quotes down to the relevant material so our mobile users aren't endlessly scrolling to find responses. Thanks so much!

OK, thread moved, title clarified and did some cleanup. Please continue!

Edited by William
Thread cleaned up and moved
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites

She’s lying and you know how you know that because her lips are moving. Do you not trust a word she saying cheaters Lie always. Oh an emotional affair come on adults have sex sorry they had sex. So don’t lie to yourself about what they were doing, they most certainly had sex.! You know they did have sex.! Best thing to do you detach from her move on she’s a broken mess the kids will be just fine with you guys being divorced. You seem like a really nice guy don’t you believe you deserve better than this you do.?

Edited by Sparta
Spelling
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Whatnotagain

"The night after I confronted my wife, she said she wanted a divorce. I said okay and we talked calmly about some of the logistics of divorcing. The next morning she said she had changed her mind and wasn’t sure. Then after work she came home as a completely different person. She was saying she was all in on staying in the marriage and she was bubbly and smiling, and it was all very forced. She said she had purged herself of everything she couldn’t give me anymore and was giving all of herself to me."

 

Before she had a chance to tell the other man she was leaving you, she was all in on the divorce idea. Then later that night while you were sleeping she probably reached out to the OM to tell him she was leaving the marriage and did not get the response she was expecting (Yeah your leaving your husband). Now she has doubts about divorcing you because she is not really sure the OM wants her. When she sees him at work the next day, he likely rejected her and the idea that the two of them would be together after the divorce. She was a lot of fun to be with, a lot of fun to F***, but he doesn't want to be with her full time and leave his wife or girlfriend. So now she has to go back to you, Plan B, and she's in withdrawals over the affair which explains the behavior. Don't believe for a second that they weren't physically involved.

 

This may not be the exact scenario but I would bet it's more truth than fiction.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like you confronting the loverboy teacher made him crap his pants and break up with her. She's not suffering from depression bc of it. And now that he dumped her, she's no longer interested in a divorce or separation, she wants you,her backup plan.

 

You can be sure she had sex with him. Of that, there's no doubt.

 

Is the OM married? If he is, you now have a double edged sword to use against him. He knows that if the job found out about their A, that he'd lose his job. I'd use that to make him tell you the truth about what happened. Tell him you know more than he or your wife knows you know, and you want to hear it from his lips. And one hint of a lie, and you report the affair.

 

You need the truth to figure out how to proceed.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Her OM doesn't want her as a life partner so she reeled you back in as her backup plan. Don't settle for that. She gave you the "not in love with you" line because she was actually in love with him!

 

Wake up man...she had sex with him. She was planning to be with him - until he put a stop to that. And you can be sure she is still seeing him and using you to pay her bills.

 

Stop being so understanding! She's ruined your life!

 

Tell his wife if he's married! Tell your wife's family too!

 

Blow it wide open and expose her! Consequences for what they've done are essential!

 

And tell her she isn't believable anymore - because she's been lying and cheating.

 

You need to stop being so darn nice to her - she's just walking all over you because you keep allowing it.

 

Move money into your name only - hurry or you'll find she's moved it to only her name.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
"The night after I confronted my wife, she said she wanted a divorce. I said okay and we talked calmly about some of the logistics of divorcing. The next morning she said she had changed her mind and wasn’t sure. Then after work she came home as a completely different person. She was saying she was all in on staying in the marriage and she was bubbly and smiling, and it was all very forced. She said she had purged herself of everything she couldn’t give me anymore and was giving all of herself to me."

 

Before she had a chance to tell the other man she was leaving you, she was all in on the divorce idea. Then later that night while you were sleeping she probably reached out to the OM to tell him she was leaving the marriage and did not get the response she was expecting (Yeah your leaving your husband). Now she has doubts about divorcing you because she is not really sure the OM wants her. When she sees him at work the next day, he likely rejected her and the idea that the two of them would be together after the divorce. She was a lot of fun to be with, a lot of fun to F***, but he doesn't want to be with her full time and leave his wife or girlfriend. So now she has to go back to you, Plan B, and she's in withdrawals over the affair which explains the behavior. Don't believe for a second that they weren't physically involved.

 

This may not be the exact scenario but I would bet it's more truth than fiction.

 

polygraph time

  • Like 3
Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

Thank you for the advice everybody. The other man is not married nor does he have a girlfriend. I may just be in denial, but I've read through the history of texts and emails between them, and it does lead me to believe the timeline and non-physicality of the affair that she insists on. When I say that I am being the best me I can be it's not being the best for her, it's for me. I've stopped doing everything at home, and I am going out and having fun and taking care of myself and my kids. Not her. I have a lot to consider though, thanks again for the comments.

 

I do have a couple aspects about this that I would like some opinions on. They had a weird relationship, and she was always emasculating him (she did this in front of me and through texts that I have read) and she encouraged me to intimidate this man whenever we met. She would be giddy with excitement whenever I came to campus and she wanted me to go scare him, and she would make fun of him for being such a girl. I’m not sure what this was all about, she just told me that she thought it was funny. She does have a weird sense of humor that way.

 

Another weird thing is that this guy is basically a younger, less mature, less successful, weaker version of me that still lives with his parents at 28. We look quite a bit alike, though I would consider myself significantly more attractive. We also share a number of personality traits. When I mentioned all of this to her weeks ago, she hesitated for a second and had a look of epiphany in her eyes. She agreed, and said that it was really strange but didn’t elaborate. I can tell she went off and thought about this, but we haven’t talked about him since because I'm just done talking about it with her, and if it comes up again she knows it's over.

Link to post
Share on other sites

She has no respect for you. Have her take the polygraph.

 

 

I think her acting giddy in front of him was her way of trying to make him jealous. That's mean to both men! Really mean and sneaky!

 

Now she knows he doesn't want a long term thing - so she's falling back on you.

 

Is that good enough for you? Have you asked her to quit that job? Have you considered exposing them at the school? Consequences are needed for change... otherwise she will do it again and again without a thought of your feelings.

  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
BarbedFenceRider
Another weird thing is that this guy is basically a younger, less mature, less successful, weaker version of me that still lives with his parents at 28. We look quite a bit alike, though I would consider myself significantly more attractive. We also share a number of personality traits. When I mentioned all of this to her weeks ago, she hesitated for a second and had a look of epiphany in her eyes. She agreed, and said that it was really strange but didn’t elaborate. I can tell she went off and thought about this, but we haven’t talked about him since because I'm just done talking about it with her, and if it comes up again she knows it's over.

 

---Its over. She is burning the boats to try and cover up. She is damaged goods. She is seeing that you are the "provider" for her. She will do anything, to keep you in place and give her financial and security for her new found "freedom" she has experienced. The question is...What now? Do you save your own face? Or do you submit to your former wife, and accept being subjugated to her dom wishes?

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix quote
  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi race, I guess you are in a difficult situation. After all that you have written about your wife's weird behaviour and how she kept shivering while smiling and sitting in your lap, I wonder if she is suffering from some kind of psychiatric disorder? You said you were scared for her and even said you wanted to call someone to help her. Do you think she should see a psychiatrist to get an evaluation of her mental state? You would be the best judge of that. Just a thought. Warm wishes.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Regardless of whether she is/was having an affair, you need to divorce her. Please please believe her when she tells you that she is not attracted to you anymore and does not want to have sex with you. Don’t argue with her about that or try to change her mind. It won’t happen.

 

Do you really want to be with a person that told you she was miserable every day for 6 years and tormented by the thought of you trying to have sex with her?

 

I’ve been in your shoes. It’s not uncommon for women to become depressed after having kids and then lose attraction for their husband. Like you I was in love with my wife and desperately wanted to keep my family together. I tried for years to make it work, but the fundamental problems were always there even if masked. Don’t stay married to a woman who isn’t in love with you.

  • Like 6
Link to post
Share on other sites

Having you emasculate him? That's odd, but after thinking about it, she was basically making him a cuckold, as if HE was her H and you were the OM, like she's cheating on him with you.

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites

Sounds like she has been doing the same to you as the OM. She is using sex to do so.

 

You need to start pulling away yourself some, prepare for the worse hope for the best.

 

Are you sure this is the only time?

Link to post
Share on other sites

She is in love with him... but he's now made it clear he doesn't want her full time - so she's back peddling for the security with you.

 

 

Is that enough? What's your plan?

  • Like 2
Link to post
Share on other sites
DavidJoseph

If you were able to see all of your wife's emails, especially the last few, and I think you should believe it.

 

I've been reading a bit, and some things have been very cliche with your wife, and some has been very off.

 

In no particular order, several things struck me.

 

1) She wanted divorce one day, next she didn't. You've been married 9 years. The state where I live, alimony goes up if you've been married 10 years. Bright line. So maybe that's something you want to ask about an attorney for your state.

 

2) I love you but I'm not in love with you happens more times than not with an affair going on where emotions are involved.

 

3) The deadening of romance, passion, and excitement is practically universal. Look around at older married, maybe they rekindle, but ones you know long enough, see if it was continual. Usually it fades a few years after the wedding, and moreso after kids. Until you reach a roommates or co-chorer couple more than lovers.

 

4) Your wife has a lot of issues, having just come out recently, but likely existed without you identifying previously. Your lion's share of the chores and parenting. What did your wife do while you were doing all of that? Watching TV? Social media? Sleeping? The way you describe it, this never bothered you. Which is fine. But didn't it at least strike you as odd? How lopsided was it? Add to this, the sex counselor saying your wife is on the extreme side of conservative. At the time it was happening you didn't think of it as a big, big deal, but in hindsight, combining all of the other behaviors, does it indicate your wife was struggling with some type of mental/personality issue?

 

5) Resentful. Being angry that the other person doesn't respond to initiating, or flirting. Do you think your wife felt that way towards the other man? That your wife had been flirting, trying to send signals, which he ignored for a long time? And only recently actually started up with responding to your wife's signals? I have seen people get very critical of the object of their attraction when not returned.

 

I think very likely the other man knew that many of the teachers knew you personally, and possibly he did not respond to your wife because he thought it might get back to you. He took the job, just when you left, don't you think many of the teachers would have said to him, "Oh, race2space left, he's (your wife's name)'s husband, he's a great guy, you've got a big set of shoes to follow."

 

6) Did your wife initiate with him, or vice versa?

 

7) You've forgiven her, because you were the problem? Or she "thought" you were the problem? If she has some type of mental breakdown, or issue, it's tough to blame her. But is it that? She still was able to teach this whole time, and maybe even still now? In front of a classroom full of kids all day - God bless her (and you), I could not do it. At least not day in, and day out. It's tough dealing with those little people. Given your wife's shaking in your lap, not eating, behaving manic/depressive - is this a breakdown or a tantrum?

Link to post
Share on other sites

Hi race2space,

I am really sorry for what you are going through. I don’t know where to begin but it seems that something in your wife snapped six years ago. A mental issue is a possibility and the things you described about her personal safety might be a clue. Have you also considered that your approach in your early years might seem normal to you but not for her such as in asking for sex?

 

I don’t mean to offend but we can post our thoughts here and people take our side and support us especially by people who have been hurt and betrayed before. I just hope that we would be a little more considerate. I have experienced being alone and accused by everyone before even though I was innocent. Every pointing finger stabs like a knife. Its like drowning in quicksand when nobody even wants to listen to you. But who will cast the first stone?

 

You said, “I've read through the history of texts and emails between them, and it does lead me to believe the timeline and non-physicality of the affair that she insists on.” You have to make sure. Regret can be as painful, especially there are kids involved. I only advice that you take a step back and look at the whole picture thoroughly. Try stepping into her shoes. Ask someone who is truly unbiased to help you solve this.

 

Among the couples I know who went this painful path but was able to repair their marriage, there was one common ingredient: Forgiveness, the willingness to take the risk to be lied to again and go through pain again. Sure, for many people forgiving was the wrong choice, but there are some who were amazed by how much forgiving can make you grow as a person and the same time being forgiven can make her grow as well. I hope that you will be careful with what you decide.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs
  • Like 1
Link to post
Share on other sites
Have a DNA test on your kids.

 

Agreed. I will papa test any children I have no matter what. If you add infidelity into the mix your just plain stupid to not do it. So many men think thier " they look just like me! " means or proves a god damn thing. It doesnt. You see what you want to see.

 

My cousins second kid looks nothing like him and totally looks like my brother. I mean a carbon copy. I love my brother but if it's his kid my cousin should damn well know. But he just brushes it off every time.

 

It's so scary to think of raising some other dudes kids. If any women raises objection to me DNA testing my kid u will tell them it's not ****ing fair that they get to know for sure this kid is thier but I have to trust THEM that they didn't spread leg for anyone else!

 

It's somthing like 5 percent of kids are not even biological thier fathers.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It's somthing like 5 percent of kids are not even biological thier fathers.

 

When our younger daughter was undergoing some genetic testing due to an illness, the nurse took me aside and made sure I understood that the test could indicate paternity, and some families have gotten a nasty shock.

 

That wasn't an issue for us ( our three kids are all ours) but it was sobering to think of how, especially during a time that is already stressful, how hurtful it would be to find out a child's paternity in that way.

Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like your wife has some mental health disorder. Her behaviours raise question...beyond the standard cheater stuff.

 

The huddling in bed with the kids.

 

Her emasculating him...

 

She just sounds very off.

 

Her perception of you wanting/demanding sex are her own feelings. The fact that you went to a sex therapist does confirm there were issues...so I wouldn't disregard that...but she's behaving really weird.

 

I don't see her love for you coming back and at some point you'll need to discuss the future.

 

For now ... you need to be there for your children...and carry on going out and living your life.

Link to post
Share on other sites
When our younger daughter was undergoing some genetic testing due to an illness, the nurse took me aside and made sure I understood that the test could indicate paternity, and some families have gotten a nasty shock.

 

That wasn't an issue for us ( our three kids are all ours) but it was sobering to think of how, especially during a time that is already stressful, how hurtful it would be to find out a child's paternity in that way.

 

so did you ask the nurse about the paternity results?

 

there had to be a reason why the nurse pulled you aside.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...