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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 29th January 2018, 7:01 PM   #16
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I can totally see why you are so attracted to him There is no point in getting back together if he has to impose conditions on you: being remorseful comes from within yourself.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sofie2013 View Post
Openness and communication is key. I really believe itís as simple as that.

Weíve talked about it a little bit already. When we first started entering the dating phase. I did what most WS are asked to do when it comes to being transparent. I made a list with all my passwords to all my social media accounts and emails. He looked at me as if I had to two heads. He told me he didnít want to be in a relationship where he had to be a ďwardenĒ. He made very clear if he felt something was off or had a bad feeling about anything, he would straight up and ask if something was up and if he didnít like my answer heís gone.

Itís really all on me, I know what heís expecting from me and I know what I need to do to make this work.
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Old 29th January 2018, 7:15 PM   #17
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I remember you! I remember that you were so contrite and wanted so much for your family to stay together. I am so glad it worked out for you. That is wonderful. I wish you much happiness.
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Old 29th January 2018, 7:17 PM   #18
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Happy for you both. Please, please, please respect him this time around.
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Old 29th January 2018, 7:52 PM   #19
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I am sincerely happy for you both! I think you both already know this but please understand how rare a gift you were both granted to be able to have the relationship youíre having now, after such horrible circumstances. Please do not waste such a gift since they are very rare in this life. All my best!
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Old 29th January 2018, 8:40 PM   #20
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I can't imagine the joy your boys will feel when they see the moving van back up to your house!. While the boundaries and respect issues are necessary, I think it is very important to show him you are happy happy happy!. Show him what your life, your love and your future will be. This is not a reconcilliation, it is a second life! Enjoy it, live it and love it.

Blessings for your family
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Old 29th January 2018, 8:47 PM   #21
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So happy for you two! It's nice to see a story with a happy ending once in awhile.
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Old 29th January 2018, 9:29 PM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cullenbohannon View Post
I can't imagine the joy your boys will feel when they see the moving van back up to your house!. While the boundaries and respect issues are necessary, I think it is very important to show him you are happy happy happy!. Show him what your life, your love and your future will be. This is not a reconcilliation, it is a second life! Enjoy it, live it and love it.

Blessings for your family
Bolded part is inaccurate. This is the route that my wife and I took. Despite the divorce and remarriage the past issues in the first marriage still have to be dealt with, this includes the affair.
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Old 29th January 2018, 9:54 PM   #23
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Smile

Quote:
Originally Posted by DKT3 View Post
Bolded part is inaccurate. This is the route that my wife and I took. Despite the divorce and remarriage the past issues in the first marriage still have to be dealt with, this includes the affair.
I guess i do not know the technical definition of "reconciliation". I guess it poses a question. If you factor in a divorce, a WS who has done the time, when does a reconciliation end, and a new life, with forgiveness and thoughts of a untarnished second
marriage begin?.

The question may be for another thread, since we have no desire to throw clouds on Sophias sunshine.

I wonder whats happening in that families household, right about now.

Last edited by Cullenbohannon; 29th January 2018 at 10:01 PM..
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Old 29th January 2018, 10:10 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cullenbohannon View Post
I guess i do not know the technical definition of "reconciliation". I guess it poses a question. If you factor in a divorce, a WS who has done the time, when does a reconciliation end, and a new life, with forgiveness and thoughts of a untarnished second
marriage begin?.

The question may be for another thread, since we have no desire to throw clouds on Sophias sunshine.

I wonder whats happening in that families household, right about now.
Divorce does not fix issues that existed in your marriage, you just remove yourself from the marriage. Once you decide to come together again then those issues still have to be resolved or else it will just be a repeat. Just like my wife, Sofie has shown genuine change since the split, I remember following her story in real time.
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Old 29th January 2018, 10:53 PM   #25
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Awww... Iím so happy for you! Itís nice to see a happy situation on here for once
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Old 29th January 2018, 11:18 PM   #26
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sofie2013 View Post
Openness and communication is key. I really believe itís as simple as that.

Weíve talked about it a little bit already. When we first started entering the dating phase. I did what most WS are asked to do when it comes to being transparent. I made a list with all my passwords to all my social media accounts and emails. He looked at me as if I had to two heads. He told me he didnít want to be in a relationship where he had to be a ďwardenĒ. He made very clear if he felt something was off or had a bad feeling about anything, he would straight up and ask if something was up and if he didnít like my answer heís gone.

Itís really all on me, I know what heís expecting from me and I know what I need to do to make this work.
Very few ex waywards understand what you two have talked about here.

Iím glad it has worked out for your family.

Also glad you were to busy to date anyone else. I donít think you would of had this outcome if you did.

Best wishes for family. There are not that many happy endings like this one.
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Old 30th January 2018, 2:34 AM   #27
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I went through ALL of your old threads...

I went through ALL of your old threads... Ok almost all, all of the first big one and huge portion of the second big one.

I want to say several things to you. First, your story is almost the classic affair, with all the standard stuff, too bad so many people will read it after they have had an affair, and ruined their lives.

You handled yourself so well after you realized, or started to realize, what you had done. Of all of the women on this board, you earned a second chance.

Your husband handled himself very well as well. He took care of business and you got exactly what you deserved for doing that to him.

But what made me cry, (and yes people I can cry) was the first time he triggered after you guy made love one night. I relived some of my triggers with my wife, and after all of this time, it hurt.

And how after some thinking, you got the first glimpse of how much you hurt him.

All of that just hurt so bad. I loved my wife the way that he loved you, so much. And the pain that she put me through, and more than affairs - believe it or not, was really just unimaginable. I actually don't think about it much lately, but there are times that the pain comes back.

I hope that everything works our for you and your ex husband.

But there are things that I really want you to know.

You will never, ever be able to "make up" for what you did to him, ever. He may choose to continue to forgive you. But that is actually a daily thing that he has to do. He may never say that, even if you ask. He may not even know that he does it himself. But I assure you that everyday that he looks at you, from now until you or he dies, he actually has to choose to forgive you.

I want you to continue to be grateful for the love that he gives you. Because you do not deserve it but that is what love and grace is about.

You are so lucky that you have the chance to put your family back together. Be grateful for that chance and don't ever squander it.

Your Ex H, should be the happiest man in to world, because you should make him that way. Take the gift that you have been given, and prove to him everyday, that he made the right choice by giving you a second chance.

If more WS, did what you have done and behave as you have, there would be less pain in this world.

If my ExW had ever done a tenth of what you have done, she would not be living in a rent house, and worrying about the rest of her life.

I have moved past all of this, I just had a lot of memories today because of your threads.

The other thing is, whether your ExH says it or not, and maybe he does not even understand it himself... he is not over your affair. Just understand that. He will trigger one day, understand that and be as prepared for it as you can be. I promise you that it will happen.

I truly hope everything continues to work out for your family...
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Old 30th January 2018, 3:38 AM   #28
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BluesPower View Post
I went through ALL of your old threads... Ok almost all, all of the first big one and huge portion of the second big one.

I want to say several things to you. First, your story is almost the classic affair, with all the standard stuff, too bad so many people will read it after they have had an affair, and ruined their lives.

You handled yourself so well after you realized, or started to realize, what you had done. Of all of the women on this board, you earned a second chance.

Your husband handled himself very well as well. He took care of business and you got exactly what you deserved for doing that to him.

But what made me cry, (and yes people I can cry) was the first time he triggered after you guy made love one night. I relived some of my triggers with my wife, and after all of this time, it hurt.

And how after some thinking, you got the first glimpse of how much you hurt him.

All of that just hurt so bad. I loved my wife the way that he loved you, so much. And the pain that she put me through, and more than affairs - believe it or not, was really just unimaginable. I actually don't think about it much lately, but there are times that the pain comes back.

I hope that everything works our for you and your ex husband.

But there are things that I really want you to know.

You will never, ever be able to "make up" for what you did to him, ever. He may choose to continue to forgive you. But that is actually a daily thing that he has to do. He may never say that, even if you ask. He may not even know that he does it himself. But I assure you that everyday that he looks at you, from now until you or he dies, he actually has to choose to forgive you.

I want you to continue to be grateful for the love that he gives you. Because you do not deserve it but that is what love and grace is about.

You are so lucky that you have the chance to put your family back together. Be grateful for that chance and don't ever squander it.

Your Ex H, should be the happiest man in to world, because you should make him that way. Take the gift that you have been given, and prove to him everyday, that he made the right choice by giving you a second chance.

If more WS, did what you have done and behave as you have, there would be less pain in this world.

If my ExW had ever done a tenth of what you have done, she would not be living in a rent house, and worrying about the rest of her life.

I have moved past all of this, I just had a lot of memories today because of your threads.

The other thing is, whether your ExH says it or not, and maybe he does not even understand it himself... he is not over your affair. Just understand that. He will trigger one day, understand that and be as prepared for it as you can be. I promise you that it will happen.

I truly hope everything continues to work out for your family...
Going back after divorce is more difficult then most people can imagine for a BS. I agree, I feel like I have to choose to be with my wife alot, I won't say daily. But, there have been times when I've thought, what the F have I done. Not many in the past year and a half or so. It does get better, unfortunately I done think it ever completely goes away.

As I said, Sofie is pretty similar to my wife in the way she handled things afterwards. I believe my wife had some conversations with her. Both totally understood the damage, both gave space but maintained open to accepting one way conversation. Even how her husband acted was similar to my own actions. I loved my wife, but forced myself to stay away even when I didn't want to. I'm human so I failed he and there and would "come around" which she was always open to. My wife stayed busy and never got involved with even fishing for the possibility of another man. Just like Sofie and her husband my way feel and I slowly started doing things together with the kids, then by ourselves, slowly engaged in some sporadic sexual activities. Then a few romantic dates. But she never pushed me past my level of comfort. She seemed to be very in tune with how I felt.

Sofie, you've done about as well as a wayward (former) spouse could do. Keep communication flowing even when it's difficult topics and you can be really happy.
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Old 30th January 2018, 9:58 AM   #29
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Nice to see a happy ending in this section for a change.
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Old 30th January 2018, 12:54 PM   #30
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I stand corrected. We spent the evening reading Sophies and DKTs threads. Reconcilliation does not end with the decision to try again.

As much strength that it takes to leave a WS that you love, it takes twice as much to come back. That is a huge risk.

The belonging of true love is the only reason a person would risk their heart again. It is also the only reason a WS would wait the 2-5 years and follow the script.

Not surprised the two women talked to each other. Loving may have given Sophie the play by play and it worked. Many could benefit from such advice. Perhaps they should write a book.
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