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Should have been a trigger - but wasn't


NotCamelot

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W and I went to a new, just opened, place for lunch today. There, at a table, was the W of her former AP with her two kids.

 

Now, it has been over 5 1/2 years since D-day.

 

I don't know if my W saw them. I am pretty sure she did as I caught her glance in that direction a couple times. I am sure that she was watching me to see if I noticed.

 

The woman glanced our way quite a few times. When they got up to leave they walked within about 5 feet of us. No one said or did anything to acknowledge the other.

 

The point of this post is that it had absolutely no effect on me at all. Nothing!

 

My W never mentioned it - I said nothing. I waited to see if she would say anything about to me. So far, nothing.

 

Now, my reaction and feeling may have been totally different if that woman had been with her H. I don't know. I don't want to find out.

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BarbedFenceRider

You think maybe you should have a moment and just ask her how she felt after seeing and experiencing that? She where her head is at....

 

You probably already know, but a little reassurance that you will not throw a hand grenade her way, might be a good thing. The fact that she hasn't said anything clues me in on this....

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Your reaction was good but your wife’s wasn’t. I understand why she wouldn’t want to bring up a bad subject. But it would be a very positive sign if she put on her big girl pants and said once again how sorry she was and thank you for staying with her.

 

Her concern should have been for your feelings and not hers. Is she afraid of you?

Edited by Buckeye2
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Not saying she should have started apologizing all over again, you know where the two of you are in R. But a you ok would have been the very least.

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W and I went to a new, just opened, place for lunch today. There, at a table, was the W of her former AP with her two kids.

 

Now, it has been over 5 1/2 years since D-day.

 

I don't know if my W saw them. I am pretty sure she did as I caught her glance in that direction a couple times. I am sure that she was watching me to see if I noticed.

 

The woman glanced our way quite a few times. When they got up to leave they walked within about 5 feet of us. No one said or did anything to acknowledge the other.

 

The point of this post is that it had absolutely no effect on me at all. Nothing!

 

My W never mentioned it - I said nothing. I waited to see if she would say anything about to me. So far, nothing.

 

Now, my reaction and feeling may have been totally different if that woman had been with her H. I don't know. I don't want to find out.

 

Both of your behaviour were normal : a mix of curiosity, and the feeling of a time that is long gone. You can't erase memories, so of course, the past flashed, but produced no effects.

 

And there was nothing else to say on this subject, so nothing was said.

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I am not certain that my W saw them. So there may have been no reason for her to react at all.

 

I saw them in a grocery store about 2 years ago. It hit me pretty hard. But this had no effect on me at all.

 

That makes me content with the fact that it is ancient history to me, for the most part, now. I will never forget. But life goes on. It is how you handle the future that determines what kind of life you will have. Ours is really pretty great now.

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  • 2 weeks later...
MuddyFootprints

It triggered you enough to post.

 

I don't think I would have been able to let it go without some kind of acknowledgement.

 

Even a look across the table, I'm aware, you are aware, we are okay, breathe, smile.

 

And, yes, an apology.

 

Even five years out, .it's okay to talk about it.

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It triggered you enough to post.

 

I don't think I would have been able to let it go without some kind of acknowledgement.

 

Even a look across the table, I'm aware, you are aware, we are okay, breathe, smile.

 

And, yes, an apology.

 

Even five years out, .it's okay to talk about it.

 

No, the post here was meant as encouragement to others. If the H and the W are both committed, the past can be overcome and good days lie ahead. I just want others to know that it can be done - if you want it.

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