LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

Should have been a trigger - but wasn't


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

Like Tree13Likes
  • 1 Post By NotCamelot
  • 1 Post By BarbedFenceRider
  • 4 Post By Buckeye2
  • 2 Post By usa1ah
  • 2 Post By Alamo657
  • 2 Post By NotCamelot
  • 1 Post By NotCamelot
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 18th January 2018, 2:28 PM   #1
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 597
Should have been a trigger - but wasn't

W and I went to a new, just opened, place for lunch today. There, at a table, was the W of her former AP with her two kids.

Now, it has been over 5 1/2 years since D-day.

I don't know if my W saw them. I am pretty sure she did as I caught her glance in that direction a couple times. I am sure that she was watching me to see if I noticed.

The woman glanced our way quite a few times. When they got up to leave they walked within about 5 feet of us. No one said or did anything to acknowledge the other.

The point of this post is that it had absolutely no effect on me at all. Nothing!

My W never mentioned it - I said nothing. I waited to see if she would say anything about to me. So far, nothing.

Now, my reaction and feeling may have been totally different if that woman had been with her H. I don't know. I don't want to find out.
NotCamelot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th January 2018, 2:46 PM   #2
Established Member
 
BarbedFenceRider's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Southwest
Posts: 394
You think maybe you should have a moment and just ask her how she felt after seeing and experiencing that? She where her head is at....

You probably already know, but a little reassurance that you will not throw a hand grenade her way, might be a good thing. The fact that she hasn't said anything clues me in on this....
BarbedFenceRider is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 18th January 2018, 3:26 PM   #3
Established Member
 
Buckeye2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Ohio
Posts: 656
Your reaction was good but your wife’s wasn’t. I understand why she wouldn’t want to bring up a bad subject. But it would be a very positive sign if she put on her big girl pants and said once again how sorry she was and thank you for staying with her.

Her concern should have been for your feelings and not hers. Is she afraid of you?

Last edited by Buckeye2; 18th January 2018 at 3:30 PM..
Buckeye2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th January 2018, 10:48 AM   #4
Established Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Depends on the day
Posts: 950
Not saying she should have started apologizing all over again, you know where the two of you are in R. But a you ok would have been the very least.
usa1ah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th January 2018, 4:12 PM   #5
Established Member
 
Alamo657's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 440
Quote:
Originally Posted by NotCamelot View Post
W and I went to a new, just opened, place for lunch today. There, at a table, was the W of her former AP with her two kids.

Now, it has been over 5 1/2 years since D-day.

I don't know if my W saw them. I am pretty sure she did as I caught her glance in that direction a couple times. I am sure that she was watching me to see if I noticed.

The woman glanced our way quite a few times. When they got up to leave they walked within about 5 feet of us. No one said or did anything to acknowledge the other.

The point of this post is that it had absolutely no effect on me at all. Nothing!

My W never mentioned it - I said nothing. I waited to see if she would say anything about to me. So far, nothing.

Now, my reaction and feeling may have been totally different if that woman had been with her H. I don't know. I don't want to find out.
Both of your behaviour were normal : a mix of curiosity, and the feeling of a time that is long gone. You can't erase memories, so of course, the past flashed, but produced no effects.

And there was nothing else to say on this subject, so nothing was said.
__________________
Secret things happening behind your back = cheating
Alamo657 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19th January 2018, 4:48 PM   #6
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 597
I am not certain that my W saw them. So there may have been no reason for her to react at all.

I saw them in a grocery store about 2 years ago. It hit me pretty hard. But this had no effect on me at all.

That makes me content with the fact that it is ancient history to me, for the most part, now. I will never forget. But life goes on. It is how you handle the future that determines what kind of life you will have. Ours is really pretty great now.
NotCamelot is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 28th January 2018, 4:02 PM   #7
Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 21
Never remain married to a woman who cheats on you.
Jamess1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th January 2018, 12:08 AM   #8
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 1,875
It triggered you enough to post.

I don't think I would have been able to let it go without some kind of acknowledgement.

Even a look across the table, I'm aware, you are aware, we are okay, breathe, smile.

And, yes, an apology.

Even five years out, .it's okay to talk about it.
MuddyFootprints is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 29th January 2018, 10:20 AM   #9
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 597
Quote:
Originally Posted by MuddyFootprints View Post
It triggered you enough to post.

I don't think I would have been able to let it go without some kind of acknowledgement.

Even a look across the table, I'm aware, you are aware, we are okay, breathe, smile.

And, yes, an apology.

Even five years out, .it's okay to talk about it.
No, the post here was meant as encouragement to others. If the H and the W are both committed, the past can be overcome and good days lie ahead. I just want others to know that it can be done - if you want it.
NotCamelot is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Trigger after trigger Phoe Coping 6 19th October 2013 2:25 AM
another day, another trigger katielee Infidelity 39 15th October 2013 8:08 PM
cant pull the trigger XSpiderX Dating 3 29th July 2010 5:15 PM
Pull the trigger? Chesleyfan Dating 5 28th September 2007 12:37 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 2:12 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.