LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

married 3 years


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

Like Tree112Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12th January 2018, 2:19 AM   #16
Member
 
ICEMAN69's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: THE GREAT WHITE NORTH
Posts: 86
If you see no further signs of betrayal, assume she's trying to work it out with you. But keep a very close watch on everything. She's already lied multiple times and you have every right to be suspicious. Trust takes time. It's not going to happen overnight. On the other hand if you catch her one more time being deceptive about another man, move on.

And stop with the talk about killing yourself. No human being on the planet is worth killing yourself for. There's 7 billion people on the globe, trust me, you'll find someone else if this doesn't work out.
ICEMAN69 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 9:39 AM   #17
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 1,519
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just a Guy View Post
The OP has not returned to respond to any of the excellent advice given to him. Who in such pain, would do that?
Huge numbers of people that aren't regular posters on forums?

You've seen dozens of people come by, post once or twice, and never come back. I know you have because I've seen you comment on their topics.

Sometimes they are busy dealing with their lives and don't bother coming back to the forum to see what was said, they were never regulars anyway, they may forget they even posted here. Sometimes they look at the replies, don't like the advice they're getting, and go elsewhere. Sometimes they read the replies, agree with them, and go off to act on them, but they don't tell us anything more because why should they? They have no obligation to us. We are not in a relationship with them. We are not their friends. We are just some random busybodies on the internet.

Really, it's the people who keep posting that are most suspicious, we're the attention-seekers!
somanymistakes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 9:46 AM   #18
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Just a Guy View Post
Hi Folks, I am getting a weird feeling about this thread. What is the sage saying about things of this sort? It is '............where angels fear to tread'! The OP has not returned to respond to any of the excellent advice given to him. Who in such pain, would do that? Also according to him he has been married just three years. It should still be the honeymoon phase of the marriage. His wife could not be better looked after. She is a stay at home mom by her choice, her husband earns well enough to provide her a very comfortable life, she has a small child fully dependent on her who would require constant attention so why would she rock the boat so early on in her marriage knowing she has everything to lose?

The whole thing stretches the credibility factor unless the OP comes back and gives a more detailed background as to how he and his wife got together in the first place, how long they dated before marriage, their ages and whether his wife was working before marriage and so on and so forth. He has not mentioned anything about the quality of his relationship long term and why it started going South in the first place. I should think all these pieces need to be put in place before one can take a call on what has gone wrong and where. It would help if he gave some background on what his wife's singleton days were like. If she was the partying, bar hopping type or the more serious home maker type. Just my thoughts on this. Warm wishes.
We met in highschool, we were friends for a few years but lost touch and went separate ways for a while. We reconnected years later at a mutual friends get together. We dated for about a year, got engaged for about 6 months and we had our wedding. (sorry i made a typo, 4 years married) she got pregnant right after and we had our daughter who is now 3. We are now 26 years old. Everything was amazing prior to her giving birth. After birth she became erratic. short tempered. always claiming i was not helping her even though I was doing my best. I was not the type to go out with friends. I wanted to be a family man so after each 8 hour day I would come home to them to spend time with them and take my daughter out to give my wife a break. After years of her telling me i did nothing for them we started to have a lot of friction. especially my side I hated hearing i did nothing so i started doing nothing.

She was the homemaker type but she liked to spend some time with her girlfriends once in a while. they would go for coffee, get their nails done or to a bar for girls night out. In the last year that changed. she started going out all the time. she would come home at 4 or 5am sometimes.
tomas111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 9:48 AM   #19
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by somanymistakes View Post
Huge numbers of people that aren't regular posters on forums?

You've seen dozens of people come by, post once or twice, and never come back. I know you have because I've seen you comment on their topics.

Sometimes they are busy dealing with their lives and don't bother coming back to the forum to see what was said, they were never regulars anyway, they may forget they even posted here. Sometimes they look at the replies, don't like the advice they're getting, and go elsewhere. Sometimes they read the replies, agree with them, and go off to act on them, but they don't tell us anything more because why should they? They have no obligation to us. We are not in a relationship with them. We are not their friends. We are just some random busybodies on the internet.

Really, it's the people who keep posting that are most suspicious, we're the attention-seekers!


Sorry i didnt have a chance to come back yesterday.
tomas111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 9:50 AM   #20
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by BarbedFenceRider View Post
So...Can we please STOP calling her a "stay at home mom". She wants another place, she has been drilling another guy for a LOOOOONG time. Probably when you two started the "fighting" (read: staged hate)

I am loving that she had the gall to ask for phone privacy when she doesn't even contribute to paying for it...Bwhahaha.

You need to serve her, hard and fast. Divorce papers and get her out of your home. If she ends up pregnant with the OM....Are you prepared to financially pay for it? Don't believe me? Wanna bet? Ask your lawyer.
I know, my friends wife cheated on him and had another mans kid but he was stuck with it.
tomas111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 9:53 AM   #21
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marc878 View Post
Cheaters lie a lot. Thatís all youíre getting.

Why do you think she wanted a separation?

To spend more time with her other man with you out of the way.

This isnít s one time thing. Go online and check your phone bill if you want the timeline.

Get out of your naive denial.

If your smart youíll see an attorney and file.

If you beg, plead and cry itíll just lower your status more

I know thats why she wanted the separate apartment. Thats why i want to get on her phone and find out how many guys it was with. She still goes out and exchanges numbers with guys "to be friends with them"
tomas111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 9:56 AM   #22
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by WilyWill View Post
Two possibilities:

1) She was already involved in an affair and was happy to have you finance her sex nest with the other man. She is a liar and has had sex with him many more times than she admitted, and possibly has had sex with many other men.

2) Only days after moving out, she found a man to have sex with. Someone she barely knew. This says a lot about her character. She could be carrying diseases that she's sharing with you.

Keep in mind that she's not even sorry that she did any of these things. She might even still be seeing him behind your back.

I honestly don't see what there is to save about your marriage. It would be another thing if she was begging for forgiveness, but she's not. You will never look at her the same way again.

If you plan to stay with her, insist that she get tested for STDs. Buy a home DNA testing kit to perform a paternity test on your child. Do this cheek swab in front of her and let her know why. Whatever you do, stop begging her to reconcile with you. Feel free to open her phone and see what's inside. You deserve honesty, and this is something you'll get more from her phone than from her. In fact, her phone might make a better wife.
It was funny cause after a couple years of living in our current apartment she dropped a bomb on me saying she didnt feel safe in this building. it didnt feel like home to her. so i turned around and said you went to a club, got picked up buy a random guy and went to his house to ****. where do you draw the line on feeling safe? Im waiting a month or so and im gonna go to the doctor to get tested. Her period was 1 day last month i wouldnt be surprised if she was pregnant
tomas111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 9:59 AM   #23
New Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by somanymistakes View Post
*sigh*

Yes, your wife is sleeping with another man. If she's willing to 'date' you while separated, that only means that she's not sure that the other fellow will work out. She's exploring her options. If that bothers you, then yes, file now, because you will ALWAYS know that she was willing to sleep with other men and hide it from you, you will ALWAYS know that she did not consider your marriage vows as sacred as you did.
thats what scares me now. if we have an argument is she gonna go **** someone now? i dont know if i can trust her.
tomas111 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 10:09 AM   #24
Established Member
 
BluesPower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,705
You are joking, Right????

Quote:
Originally Posted by tomas111 View Post
thats what scares me now. if we have an argument is she gonna go **** someone now? i dont know if i can trust her.
You are joking, Right????

What are you talking about? She is actively screwing multiple guys and you wonder if you should get a divorce?

Dude, You don't have a marriage.

File for divorce...
BluesPower is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 10:13 AM   #25
Established Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 4,313
Quote:
Originally Posted by tomas111 View Post
I know thats why she wanted the separate apartment. Thats why i want to get on her phone and find out how many guys it was with. She still goes out and exchanges numbers with guys "to be friends with them"
Does it really matter? Your focus should be getting yourself out of infidelity and finding a stable environment for your daughter.

At this point, your wife isn't going to change because she has no need to. You are paying her bills so all she has to worry about is spending time with other guys. Talking isn't going to work. Stop paying her bills, stop making life easy for her.

We see this time and time again, nothing will change if you're unwilling to make decisions based on what's best for you and your child excluding your wandering wife.she will continue to string you along (cuz you're her meal ticket) continue to seek attention and sex from other men.

You do know you don't have to put up with this at all, don't you?
DKT3 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 10:24 AM   #26
Established Member
 
BarbedFenceRider's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Southwest
Posts: 392
Do not start "paying" for her outings...You need to man up a little here. She is trying to take control away from you. I believe the term is cake eating... You pay the bills and hold the home fort down. She goes out on the C-Carousel. I don't know if she snapped after the birth, or she was closeted personality disorder type. It doesn't matter. You need validation from 1 person only....YOU.
Get the financials separated and get her out of the house. Let her parents or siblings deal with her. A married woman does not have guy friend numbers..Period.
As for her not feeling "safe"...SHE is not safe. For you or your kid! WS behavior dangerous and demeaning to the family structure that she obviously doesn't want to be in.

She needs to be divorced. This one doesn't look good at all.....
BarbedFenceRider is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 10:25 AM   #27
Established Member
 
Arieswoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Cheshire, England
Posts: 3,563
tomas111,

You need to put a stop to this nonsense now.

Quote:
I said ok but i need a commitment that you wont see other guys. she said no shes not going to give me a commitment
.

This ^^^ couldn't be any clearer if it was written in letters 10 feet high.

As long as there are no consequences to her actions she'll keep milking this for all she can get. You seem like a nice guy, but probably too nice for your own good.

Throw her off the gravy train that you've set up for her, file for divorce and get custody of your child.

I'm sorry it isn't working out for you x
Arieswoman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 10:35 AM   #28
Established Member
 
Marc878's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,348
The only one keeping you in this delima is you.

And only you can get you out of it.
Marc878 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 11:37 AM   #29
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 14,671
Take her ATM and credit cards away. If she wants to play like a single woman let her get a job like one and support herself. This woman doesn't love you and never will because she sees you as a weak man because you let her screw other men. You are turning yourself into a cuckold. Don't be afraid to lose her as it will be the best thing that ever happened to you. She also sounds like a piss poor mother. I feel sorry for your little girl.
stillafool is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th January 2018, 11:52 AM   #30
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 10,794
Quote:
Originally Posted by ICEMAN69 View Post
If you see no further signs of betrayal, assume she's trying to work it out with you.
tomas111, here's a very simple starting place to determine her sincerity - her phone and the phone records. Those with nothing to hide, hide nothing and there's no reason a married couple shouldn't have access to each other's phones and social media. My wife and I have been "working" on our relationship for 30 years and trust and openness are a bis part of it.

Hand her your unlocked phone, ask her for hers. The reaction will tell you all you need to know. If you want to do some further pain shopping, pull the records as has been suggested...

Mr. Lucky
__________________
"Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for." - Epicurus
Mr. Lucky is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
17 years married, 21 years together and the bottom falls out of my world. Totallyfooled Separation and Divorce 9 25th June 2015 10:49 AM
together 5 and a half years, been married, 1 1/2 years, and wife wants a divorce garetjax2002 Separation and Divorce 1 13th January 2011 3:14 PM
13 years on - I'm Married,She's now married too but I still love her. niceirishfella Second Chances 16 10th November 2007 7:31 PM
15 years married and husband cought cheating with a married woman now a baby is born terriA Infidelity 5 2nd May 2006 2:58 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 10:56 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.