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Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 22nd December 2017, 4:24 AM   #1
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Purely physical

10 months ago, I discovered my husband slept with another woman 5 years prior. We had problems at that time and he swore he hadn't been unfaithful to me. He chose her for her qualities opposite of mine: big boobs, dark hair, carefree personality. I did feel jilted that he waited as long as he did to fess up.

Last month, I decided to take my "revenge" by doing what he always assumed I had done. He claimed that he did what he did because he thought I was cheating. On the record, I never strayed from our marriage bed, until recently.
I have now, on a few occasions this past month, snuck away in my free time to have casual sex with a co worker friend of mine. We are both married. He isn't getting the sex he wants from his wife. I have infrequent relations with my husband if nearly 10 years.

We are satisfying voids unfilled in our home lives. We are good friends and understand each other's situations. There is no love. Neither plans to leave our spouse. We don't go out of our way to rendezvous. Simply, when we can, we do.
My conscience is clear. I have fun with my friend, but love my husband and father of my two children. I do not know if this will continue. I'm not making plans, just going with the flow.

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Old 22nd December 2017, 5:27 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by onehalfmunky View Post
There is no love.
Neither plans to leave our spouse.
My conscience is clear.
I'm not making plans
For now!

But it is very unlikely to continue that way. It is a very rare person (and especially a woman) who can have sex regularly with the same person and not develop any feelings. It is also rare for consciences to remain clear and for "plans" not to start to play out in your mind.

We feel so in control at the beginning of an affair - so empowered, so euphoric. It soon turns to sh*t, I'm afraid - ask me how I know!

I do not write this in judgement because I had an affair myself. I write this from experience as someone who was determined that their affair was not going to get out of control, where feelings were not going to develop, where no one was going to get hurt. Guess what? It got out of control, feelings developed, LOTS of people got hurt. Two years later and we are just about starting to feel something approaching normal again.

My advice - end this nonsense now and concentrate 100% on your marriage - either end it or work hard to repair it. I’m so sorry to hear what your husband put you through, but two wrongs don’t make a right.

I wish you nothing but the best. Please turn away from this destructive path before it's too late.

Keep posting - you are amongst friends here. x
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Old 22nd December 2017, 5:54 AM   #3
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This sounds healthy to you? Or are you really checked out and hanging around cuz hubby makes good money?

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Old 22nd December 2017, 9:21 AM   #4
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Hard to see how relationships based on deception are healthy. If all of you want open marriages, then bring them into the open.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 9:40 AM   #5
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onehalf, what you are doing is wrong. There is no justification
for anyone to have an affair.

Your marriage sucks then you fix it or end it. Cheating does
neither.

You must tell your BH about the affair. Then together decide
what to do. Either way you will be best served going NC with
your OM.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 9:59 AM   #6
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This is fascinating...you say you love your husband but are willing to seek revenge...feeling justified....that's a special kind of love.

You don't mention the fact that in your haste to seek this revenge, you have now involved another innocent party of at least one but possibly more...does the OM have any children? Do you have any children?

Your husband was wrong in cheating on you 5 years ago no question however wouldn't the M be better served to work on the issues or end it instead of wrecking another M?

Not being sarcastic here just curious, it appears that you enjoy your romp but aside from that, do you feel vindicated now and as a follow up:

If so, do you plan to continue the romp

If not, at what point do you feel you've gotten your revenge?
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Old 22nd December 2017, 10:07 AM   #7
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It sounds like you are banging your co-worker behind your husbands back.

So, what's your question OP? What advice are you seeking here?
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Old 22nd December 2017, 11:19 AM   #8
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I'm confused by this thread.

What are you looking for?

A virtual high-five?

Validation that you're justified in your actions?

What exactly?
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Old 22nd December 2017, 11:32 AM   #9
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Read: "Hey guys, I was jilted of my WH cheating years ago, and we finally got to the bottom of it, he confessed cheating and is remorseful now."

"I got him back now after all these years because you know, I love my husband!"

"And now I don't care, I'm still married and plan on staying with plan B husband. Can I get a big high-five over here..."
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Old 22nd December 2017, 12:17 PM   #10
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Two wrongs don't make a right. Just because he cheated doesn't give you the 'pass' to go do it. You did it for revenge - Which actually is calculated, planned and intentional. Difference between what he did vs what you're doing is, (not a justification of course) he didn't think, he just did it! Attracted to someone else and he certainly wasn't thinking of you and the fallout.

I think you two need marriage counseling asap and for you to confess. End your A with your co worker, this is a disaster in the making if you continue to cheat. Your whole world is gonna blow up!
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Old 22nd December 2017, 4:26 PM   #11
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I could be way off op, but when I read what you wrote, it really sounds to me like you have a lot of hurt and anger towards your husband that you haven't dealt with.

Doe she know how much he hurt you?
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Old 22nd December 2017, 5:11 PM   #12
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This was my confessional.
No hi fives needed.
I am more looking for advice. I am in need of guidance. Yes this man is married. No, i don't stick with my husband for $. I make double what my husband does. I know our children love him as much as they love me. We get along well and i don't see sense in ending my marriage now.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 5:23 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by onehalfmunky View Post
This was my confessional.
No hi fives needed.
I am more looking for advice. I am in need of guidance. Yes this man is married. No, i don't stick with my husband for $. I make double what my husband does. I know our children love him as much as they love me. We get along well and i don't see sense in ending my marriage now.
I still don't see a question here. On what topic do you seek advice/guidance?
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Old 22nd December 2017, 5:45 PM   #14
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I made a statement of my situation. I know EA's are not good. Looking to see what ppl have to contribute. Similar stories, etc. I have no specific question. But I think from my description it's fairly obvious concerning my issue...lol, I'm not looking for recommendations on what ice cream to buy tonight.
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Old 22nd December 2017, 5:46 PM   #15
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I could be way off op, but when I read what you wrote, it really sounds to me like you have a lot of hurt and anger towards your husband that you haven't dealt with.

Doe she know how much he hurt you?
Yes, there is a lot of hurt. Its a 6 year old scar that was reopened a year ago.
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