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How did you find out.


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 24th November 2017, 2:35 PM   #1
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How did you find out.

Long time member here.

I was just thinking yesterday about the Holiday and I noticed between this and other online forums that during the Holiday season there always seems to be an overwhelming amount of new arrivals that have recently discovered their spouse or significant other's infidelity.

For those of you dealing with this, how did you find out? Incidentally, I am the poster boy for bad reaction and lashing out upon discovery. I caught my fiance in my bed with my best friend 3 weeks before my wedding. I did the one thing that most people have revenge fantasies about, and physically attacked both my former friend and fiance without even thinking it was a bad idea.

It was. It was the worst thing I could have ever done, as it made an already bad situation exponentially worse. Suffice it to say, 2 people were in the hospital and I went to jail for a very long time. I am still paying for it nearly 30 years later, and rightfully so.

So with that in mind and The holidays seeming to be Affair Season, how did you find out and what did you do. Were you able to walk away? Fall to Pieces? Have a revenge Affair?
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Old 24th November 2017, 2:46 PM   #2
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Understandably but of course not justified.
Hopefully there is a special place in hell for people like her.
Did she want to get caught.
Whatever happen to them?

Good luck.
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Old 24th November 2017, 3:21 PM   #3
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Understandably but of course not justified.
Hopefully there is a special place in hell for people like her.
Did she want to get caught.
Whatever happen to them?

Good luck.
1)True. I can never even claim such actions were a mistake. I knew exactly what I was doing. Nothing I could ever say or do or what happened before hand justified by brutality. I only talk about it to provide a cautionary tale for anyone considering going after the participants. It certainly did not provide me any relief or feeling of vindication.

2) I look at it in terms now that at the time I was a ticking time bomb (heavy alcoholism, drug addiction, anger issues, doing criminal stuff) that if that incident didn't put me behind bars I was heading in a direction that something else would have. Back then none of this ever entered my mind. Regardless of what they did to me there was no excuse to physically hurt them. No excuse at all.

3) I don't think they wanted to get caught. But the thing that bothered me to the point of extending this madness was that once I received news during my stretch that others(friends?) knew about it and for one reason or another, did not inform me.
You would have thought after 4 years I'd have learned my lesson. Nope. Once i got out I decided I was going after those who knew and didn't tell me. And of course not only was that notion short lived, but I got shipped right back to jail when one figured out I was following him and lying in wait to eff him up.

4) Last time I heard about my ex was over 20 years ago. Last I knew she moved to Boston, started dancing, got hooked on smack and at that time was walking the streets of Boston for whatever reason. I am fairly sure my actions lent itself to her later issues

Infidelity is a gift that keeps on giving. Months, years, and decades later.
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Old 24th November 2017, 3:56 PM   #4
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I have never struck a woman and never would.

However I have beat down a poacher...and enjoyed it. Some say violence is not the answer, and that is true. But amongst men, sometimes you got to do, what you got to do.
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Old 24th November 2017, 7:48 PM   #5
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Wow. What heck of a story.
Nevertheless it seems like your head is clear
and on straight now.

I wish you luck.
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Old 24th November 2017, 8:46 PM   #6
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Old 24th November 2017, 10:32 PM   #7
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Nothing quite so dramatic, in my case. I snapped a picture of the bite mark someone put on her ass while she was sleeping using the new IPod Touch I had bought for her as a gift... She got home the next day and I had her butt filling up a 65 inch flat screen TV for her viewing pleasure The bit*h didn't even recognize her own rear end at first, but did see the bite mark. Then I told her whose ass the bite mark belonged too and threw her out. I gave the Touch away...
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Old 25th November 2017, 10:24 AM   #8
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Originally Posted by Space Ritual View Post
Long time member here.

I was just thinking yesterday about the Holiday and I noticed between this and other online forums that during the Holiday season there always seems to be an overwhelming amount of new arrivals that have recently discovered their spouse or significant other's infidelity.

For those of you dealing with this, how did you find out? Incidentally, I am the poster boy for bad reaction and lashing out upon discovery. I caught my fiance in my bed with my best friend 3 weeks before my wedding. I did the one thing that most people have revenge fantasies about, and physically attacked both my former friend and fiance without even thinking it was a bad idea.

It was. It was the worst thing I could have ever done, as it made an already bad situation exponentially worse. Suffice it to say, 2 people were in the hospital and I went to jail for a very long time. I am still paying for it nearly 30 years later, and rightfully so.

So with that in mind and The holidays seeming to be Affair Season, how did you find out and what did you do. Were you able to walk away? Fall to Pieces? Have a revenge Affair?
I found out because my spouse told me.

About three weeks later, he deployed for almost a year. We had to put reconciling on hold while he was away. When he got back, the proverbial sh@t hit the fan, and it was an absolute mess. His ex-ow became fixated on me and our kids, he had to go to his WO and explain the situation. That led to a whole new world of aggravation.

All these years later, and she is still a pest from time to time.
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Old 29th November 2017, 4:39 PM   #9
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here is a movie clip I grabbed...Be like Jack!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QaOPSX5-xM

-Wolf (1997)
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Old 30th November 2017, 2:14 AM   #10
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Ex-wife was a fantastic GF, fold out page body, and for 3 years it was sex, any where, any way. So I figured if I had to chose just one woman to spend the rest of my life, why not pick one the sexist ones in the crowd.
After we got married, the sex life died, as she put it she was my wife, not my wxxxx. She graduated from college and we moved out of state to her new job. Amongst her co-workers were a number of est members, a new age type cult, and they hooked her into taking their classes. The fights began.
On our six month anniversary, I tried to surprise her at work by having lunch with her. I was the one to get the surprise as I caught her kissing a body building guard in the parking lot. Lucky for me there was a chain link fence between us topped with razer wire.
Amongst the things I called her, I let her know it was unsafe for her to come home that night. The marriage was over. With no other place to go she when home that night with the guard.
When she came by a week later to get her things, she tried to rub salt in the wound by telling me, what a great guy her new boy friend was.
A month later, the two of them came by the apartment to attend a party the neighbor was throwing with his wife out of town. She knocked on the door claiming she wanted to spend some time with our cats, but in truth to rub more salt in the wound.
When she got ready to leave she threw her empty soda can in the garbage and discovered an empty champagne bottle. And knowing me she knew that I had not slept alone the previous nights. Instant 180, rolling on the floor, crying crocodile tears saying how she had made a mistake and wanting me back.
Too late.
As with you SR this was 3 decades ago.
A couple of years back I looked her up on the web and found a couple of photos. The years have not been kind to her, and she is easily pushing over 200 pounds. While for the past two decades I have shared my life with a granny, now a great grandma, who still has a hour glass figure

Last edited by 2.50 a gallon; 30th November 2017 at 2:16 AM..
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Old 30th November 2017, 9:07 AM   #11
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Originally Posted by BarbedFenceRider View Post
here is a movie clip I grabbed...Be like Jack!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QaOPSX5-xM

-Wolf (1997)
No, be like Lester

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hjNY4o_i5RY

How did I find out? My wife confessed 8 years after she ended her affair (lasted 3-4 months).

American Beauty came out on DVD soon after her affair (before I knew about it) and I loved this movie, especially this scene. At that time, I couldn't understand why my wife did not enjoy watching this movie with me. Now I get some satisfaction knowing that she had to cuddle with me on the couch (same couch she and OM had sex) while watching this scene.

OP, if I had discovered her affair in the moment, I would've done the same thing as you. Before I was married I worked in a rural area for a year. In the newspaper was an article about a man finding his wife in bed with another man. The BS shot and killed the OM on the spot. At that time I remember thinking, "What did the OM expect would happen if he got caught?"

Last edited by Betrayed&Stayed; 30th November 2017 at 11:21 AM..
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Old 30th November 2017, 12:33 PM   #12
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I was suspicious of something untoward but not thinking an affair. I checked WS's cell phone. Saw texts about an accidental pregnancy.

Prior to this I thought WS might leave me. Had become distant and argumentative. I thought WS was far too good for an affair. WS would NEVER do that. Might leave me but that, no way. I was sure of that.

So when I saw the texts, I about died of shock on the spot. I was totally paralyzed. Could not feel anger. Just shock and grief.
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Old 30th November 2017, 12:49 PM   #13
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I was suspicious of something untoward but not thinking an affair. I checked WS's cell phone. Saw texts about an accidental pregnancy.

Prior to this I thought WS might leave me. Had become distant and argumentative. I thought WS was far too good for an affair. WS would NEVER do that. Might leave me but that, no way. I was sure of that.

So when I saw the texts, I about died of shock on the spot. I was totally paralyzed. Could not feel anger. Just shock and grief.
Duuude....She got pregnant? Did she end up keeping it? Or what...
Sorry bud.
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Old 30th November 2017, 2:44 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by BarbedFenceRider View Post
here is a movie clip I grabbed...Be like Jack!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3QaOPSX5-xM

-Wolf (1997)


Now...if some of us BHs could have had Michelle Pfieffer waiting in the wings like that? Oooooooooh that would be gooood.
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Old 30th November 2017, 2:49 PM   #15
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I did the normal sleuthing and found texts from my wife to her OM. Then I got on her computer, did more digging and found out about the six other men she had been having relations with for the previous two years.


I printed everything out and had a stack on the table waiting for her when she got home.


When she looked through them she had no reaction. No fear, no sadness, nothing. She said "I'm sorry, I'm just not cut out for marriage". Then she left that night and moved in with her OM of the week.
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