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Just found out my gf of almost 4 years wants to sleep with her boss


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 9th November 2017, 12:53 PM   #31
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I find the reactions baffling, his girlfriend of four years seems to want to sleep with her boss and that's his fault? Seriously, get out of her with that nonsense. People of both genders cheat for a whole bunch of reasons and in the vast mayority of cases it's not the fault of the person who has been cheated on.

If she has issues and problems, which is something that is far from certain and is just being trotted out as an excuse it would be on her to talk about this and try to find a solution.

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Originally Posted by Guildford View Post
You say you have been with this lady for almost four years, you love her and you two have a great relationship, but has there been any discussion of marriage? Have you proposed? She may be wondering where this relationship and her life is going. You may be comfortable with this relationship, but is she? You might want to bring up this issue when you talk with her.
Grand idea. She is actively googling about sleepinging with her boss amongst other things and the reaction you propose is to take the relationship to the next level.

If she had a problem with these things after just four years, it would be on her to bring them up and try to discuss them. Rather than possibly start pursuing a career.

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Originally Posted by GoldenR View Post
suicide search makes it look like its about to go physical and she's having a hard time with the guilt.
Given that the "want to sleep with boss" seems to have come before. There is a chance that she has already gone physical and now has problems coping with it. Either way it makes the advice to sit down with her and talk about their relationship, possibly taking it to the next level that seems to be the overwhelming reaction here a tad absurd.

Last edited by Maraud3r; 9th November 2017 at 12:56 PM..
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Old 9th November 2017, 1:34 PM   #32
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Thanks, i should probably mention her boss is married and has 2 kids his youngest was only born last week... i know she hasnt done anything physical, but even if shes been having an EA it still feels like a total betrayal. I'll be speaking to her in about half an hour so hopefully i can figure out whats going on. We are in a very serious relationship, Ive been racking my brain trying to figure out what she could be lacking in our relationship, or what i'm lacking i should say and ive come up with nothing. Not trying to say im the perfect boyfriend, but im pretty sure im one of the better ones.

Shes confided in her boss a lot over the last couple of months and kind of blanked me some nights and that to me says shes choosing him over me for emotional support. She cant really run off into the sunset with him because of his situation, but im not even sure if thats what she wants. It needs to get dealt with either way, i havent slept a wink and my stomachs been churning all day with worry.
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I read her chat logs with her boss last night it was all completely work related... she always tells me if someone has crossed the line in regards flirting, or if someones asked for her number, even when all this started she was completely open about her boss and his advances... but now all of a sudden hes "the only person she can confide in" he gives her preferential treatment at work as well. I know he fancies her, im just hoping she feels lost i suppose. To be honest this whole situation has just torn me apart. I was about to start planning a proposal... anyway wish me luck
Well, this is good news that you didn't find anything there.

Please don't totally freak out yet. It's easy to hear this rush to condemn her on LS and want to go berserk and walk away.

Without evidence of even any flirty talk (unless you find something else), it almost sounds like she's built something up in her head. Sure, that still doesn't feel good for you. I get it. It wouldn't feel good if it was the other way around for her. But when a woman spends a lot of time with another man, she looks up to him as a boss/mentor, she begins to rely on him emotionally, AND she finds him attractive, that is a very dangerous combination.

If this is basically a one-sided, unrequited attraction, she sounds very conflicted. She is essentially limerent towards her boss, knows how terrible it is, and is considering ending her life over it. That is quite serious. It actually creates a lot of pain and anxiety for a person, even though I know that you are now in pain also.

Of course, there could be more going on. Him being married with a new baby unfortunately means nothing. Affairs happen all the time: just married, new babies, kids graduating, special times, nothing times.

But based on what I'm hearing...I'm concerned about her state of mind more than anything.

If nothing major has happened, and she wants help...you guys should formulate a plan for her to get a new job ASAP. No contact ever again with the boss. Counseling for her and perhaps some CC for you both, so you can feel safe. This really does seem to be something going on inside her and she needs help, not an attack and swift dumping.

Unless we don't have all the info.
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Old 9th November 2017, 1:42 PM   #33
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Yeah I think so too... never thought we wouldd be in this position though, everythings been great, genuinely the best relationship ive ever had by miles. I dont get it...

Hmmm. I guess you've just had a lot of really really crappy relationships then.
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Old 9th November 2017, 2:16 PM   #34
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not sure how much blame is on the OP if they have been together for four years, OP must have been doing a lot that is right
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Old 9th November 2017, 10:03 PM   #35
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If you had a marriage proposal clock counting down in your head, now is the time to reset it back to the start. Personally, I would dump her.
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Old 9th November 2017, 10:44 PM   #36
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Hi Robbie, sometimes people are so lucky to be afforded an epiphany like yours where they are yet to commit to a relationship, whether romantic, business, social or other and have the chance to take an informed call on it. You have been given such an epiphany. Do not squander it. Now is the time to sit your GF down and explain to her that you cannot play second fiddle in her life and that although you love her dearly, you are setting her free precisely because you love her and do not want to hold her back from achieving her destiny. Having had that discussion with her, just leave and do not get caught up in any secondary discussions with her.

The fact is that if she was really invested in you she would not be having thoughts of other men. Just that one fact should be the decider for you. If, at this stage she is entertaining thoughts of other men what will she ne doing five, six or ten years after marriage when the problems of married life rear their ugly head? Anyone who displays this kind of behaviour is an escapist, not ready for the rough and tumble of married life and not equipped to deal with difficult problems and situations. Be wise is all I can say. Warm wishes.
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:39 PM   #37
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Sorry for the rush to call it what it is. AFU

The two of you arenít even married yet and she is wanting to sleep with a married man. She is pulling away from you. This should still be the honeymoon phase of your relationship and she is wanting another man.

Pull the plug and let this ship sink.
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Old 10th November 2017, 12:16 AM   #38
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I did not suggest that he should propose at this time, but I find it strange that he would be dating the woman for "almost four years" in a great relationship and not married. Most women see themselves ending up with a husband and children, and if they feel that they have met the husband but there is no mention of marriage after a couple of years, she is likely to wonder where the relationship is going and if she is wasting her time.

I believe that if a man is dating a woman for a year (maybe two), he should decide if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. If he does, he should either propose of else ask her if she wants to continue indefinitely without marriage; otherwise he should cut her loose. I believe it is morally wrong to continue dating a woman simply because you enjoy her company but have no intention of making a lifetime commitment.
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Old 10th November 2017, 12:59 AM   #39
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You haven't done anything wrong in the relationship - SHE is pursuing another man who's married.

Her interest lies elsewhere - your relationship is done.

Since she's focused on him - you need to take your self respect and exit the relationship pronto.

No begging. No being understanding. She's planning to cheat on you.

She's flawed. I hope you end it and don't think for another minute about marrying her!


Her coworkers aren't nice to her because they know she's flirting with the boss who's married! That's just low of your GF to try and blame others for her bad behavior!
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Old 10th November 2017, 2:37 AM   #40
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I partially agree with the previous poster... 4 years together. Where's it heading to?
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:09 AM   #41
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Quote:
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I did not suggest that he should propose at this time, but I find it strange that he would be dating the woman for "almost four years" in a great relationship and not married. Most women see themselves ending up with a husband and children, and if they feel that they have met the husband but there is no mention of marriage after a couple of years, she is likely to wonder where the relationship is going and if she is wasting her time.

I believe that if a man is dating a woman for a year (maybe two), he should decide if he wants to spend the rest of his life with her. If he does, he should either propose of else ask her if she wants to continue indefinitely without marriage; otherwise he should cut her loose. I believe it is morally wrong to continue dating a woman simply because you enjoy her company but have no intention of making a lifetime commitment.
Yes, that is a good point.
No offer of commitment on the table, other man makes his intentions known, she may sees "potential" or she may just see a way out (with support)...
All very well to bash her for not being "marriage material", but the fact she does consider herself "marriage material" may be the very reason she may be thinking of moving on and away from the OP...
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:29 AM   #42
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but the boss is married, she is being a side-piece only
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Old 10th November 2017, 4:55 AM   #43
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but the boss is married, she is being a side-piece only
Yes but it may be the "support" she needs to get out.
Many women cheat as their core relationship is unhappy, going nowhere, is boring maybe, and they sometimes realise they need the support of a third party to give them the courage to finally leave.
The "exit" affair may be "the love of her life" or just some convenient man to lean on whilst she transitions from attached to single.

We don't actually know where this woman's head is at, all we know really is her internet searches and those may or may not be anything to do with her mindset in reality. Her friend may want to sleep with her boss so she is looking for insight or someone she knew committed suicide, who knows?
I guess we all search for things that if someone snooped they would draw conclusions, but those conclusions may be very far off the mark, or they may be dead right, but it would be difficult for an "outsider" to differentiate the two.
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Old 10th November 2017, 6:15 AM   #44
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Yes but it may be the "support" she needs to get out.
Many women cheat as their core relationship is unhappy, going nowhere, is boring maybe, and they sometimes realise they need the support of a third party to give them the courage to finally leave.
The "exit" affair may be "the love of her life" or just some convenient man to lean on whilst she transitions from attached to single.

We don't actually know where this woman's head is at, all we know really is her internet searches and those may or may not be anything to do with her mindset in reality. Her friend may want to sleep with her boss so she is looking for insight or someone she knew committed suicide, who knows?
I guess we all search for things that if someone snooped they would draw conclusions, but those conclusions may be very far off the mark, or they may be dead right, but it would be difficult for an "outsider" to differentiate the two.
"support" does not mean willfully planning an affair with an MM boss, no sex needed is in support, women constantly support each other with no sex involved. She is a culprit not a victim. And she could have gone for a man lower down the ranks, a single one.

Last edited by darkmoon; 10th November 2017 at 6:23 AM..
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Old 10th November 2017, 6:50 AM   #45
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"support" does not mean willfully planning an affair with an MM boss, no sex needed is in support, women constantly support each other with no sex involved. She is a culprit not a victim. See, she could have gone for a man lower down the ranks, a single one.
I never said she was a victim.
There is no proof as yet that she is sleeping with him or planning anything IRL.
Plenty "fantasies" are played out on the internet and stay there.
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