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Just found out my gf of almost 4 years wants to sleep with her boss


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 9th November 2017, 10:16 AM   #16
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Nowhere does the OP state that she's being sexually harassed or even hit on. And her googling about wanting to have sex with her boss sure doesn't support it either. In fact it seems as if she's the aggressor.

I thought one of her searches is "my boss wants to have sex with me". The other search was about her wanting to sleep with him. The last one was about suicide. So its not healthy anyway you look at who is the aggressor.

Its depends how this started and what the situations are - but in general sleeping with a lower level employee can be against company policy. It also creates an atmosphere which may be considered sexually hostile or preferential.... "Stacy gets special treatment or because she is XXX the boss". That is even if SHE does not lodge a complaint (she wants the boss) - other employees can file complaints. The training I get is "just dont do it with someone under you"
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Old 9th November 2017, 10:28 AM   #17
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I ended up in an affair with my boss. It is true, there is a known sexual dynamic between women and authority figures. Sometimes, it is a dynamic that can be taken advantage of, too.

(I certainly never grabbed his crotch! He pursued me).

Anyway. Ironically, the way my H discovered the affair was by MY google searches ("in love with my boss", etc). He confronted me, I spilled.

It sounds like nothing has happened yet, or at least not the big deed. There may be an EA of sorts happening though. I would sit her down and tell her you are very sorry for looking at her private things, but you have sensed her behavior is off and you felt you needed to see if something was going on. And you saw those searches. Even more concerning, you saw the one about killing herself. Tell her you are there for her and you want to help her get out of whatever situation she is stuck in or feeling stuck in. That you understand people are human and we do get attracted to others, but if it stops before it gets physical, hopefully you guys can work things out.

If however she truly wants to pursue a relationship with her boss, tell her you would rather know and end things now instead of having her cheat on you.
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Old 9th November 2017, 10:40 AM   #18
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I think your girlfriend needs to start looking for another job... for several reasons.
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Old 9th November 2017, 10:59 AM   #19
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I think your girlfriend needs to start looking for another job... for several reasons.
Sound advice. If you GF wants you she has to leave this job
right after you have the talk.
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:29 AM   #20
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I ended up in an affair with my boss. It is true, there is a known sexual dynamic between women and authority figures. Sometimes, it is a dynamic that can be taken advantage of, too.

(I certainly never grabbed his crotch! He pursued me).

Anyway. Ironically, the way my H discovered the affair was by MY google searches ("in love with my boss", etc). He confronted me, I spilled.

It sounds like nothing has happened yet, or at least not the big deed. There may be an EA of sorts happening though. I would sit her down and tell her you are very sorry for looking at her private things, but you have sensed her behavior is off and you felt you needed to see if something was going on. And you saw those searches. Even more concerning, you saw the one about killing herself. Tell her you are there for her and you want to help her get out of whatever situation she is stuck in or feeling stuck in. That you understand people are human and we do get attracted to others, but if it stops before it gets physical, hopefully you guys can work things out.

If however she truly wants to pursue a relationship with her boss, tell her you would rather know and end things now instead of having her cheat on you.
Thanks, i should probably mention her boss is married and has 2 kids his youngest was only born last week... i know she hasnt done anything physical, but even if shes been having an EA it still feels like a total betrayal. I'll be speaking to her in about half an hour so hopefully i can figure out whats going on. We are in a very serious relationship, Ive been racking my brain trying to figure out what she could be lacking in our relationship, or what i'm lacking i should say and ive come up with nothing. Not trying to say im the perfect boyfriend, but im pretty sure im one of the better ones.

Shes confided in her boss a lot over the last couple of months and kind of blanked me some nights and that to me says shes choosing him over me for emotional support. She cant really run off into the sunset with him because of his situation, but im not even sure if thats what she wants. It needs to get dealt with either way, i havent slept a wink and my stomachs been churning all day with worry.
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:33 AM   #21
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I think your girlfriend needs to start looking for another job... for several reasons.
Yeah I think so too... never thought we wouldd be in this position though, everythings been great, genuinely the best relationship ive ever had by miles. I dont get it...
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:44 AM   #22
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I suggest that befor you confront her, try to be prepared and think what do you want to do next. Suppose she admits that she desires her boss even not with these specific words, she's sorry and want o fix things.

Do you agree? Do you demand her to quit her job and keep NC with him? Do you demand to see her phone messages apps logs? What if she refuses to hand you her phone?

You don't have to decide everything before you talk to her, but you should at least be in an advanced mode of controlling your options.
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:45 AM   #23
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I think your girlfriend needs to start looking for another job... for several reasons.
Yes and you OP need to start looking for a new gf. This one wants her boss.
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:46 AM   #24
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He just had a child last week... I can see he could well try and pursue a physical thing now thst his wife has just given birth.

Had she suffered from depression before?
The suicide talk is very worrying.

I hope your talk goes well.
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:47 AM   #25
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Thanks, i should probably mention her boss is married and has 2 kids his youngest was only born last week...
So her boss is horny as hell because his wife can't give it to him. He just wants your gf for sex. With this information they are pursuing each other. She may be talking suicide because she has already had sex and fallen for her boss. She probably feels guilty for what she is doing to you and hurt because she will never have her boss.
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:50 AM   #26
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Robbie, Brother you have no idea what she has done...

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Originally Posted by Robbierob View Post
Thanks, i should probably mention her boss is married and has 2 kids his youngest was only born last week... i know she hasnt done anything physical, but even if shes been having an EA it still feels like a total betrayal. I'll be speaking to her in about half an hour so hopefully i can figure out whats going on. We are in a very serious relationship, Ive been racking my brain trying to figure out what she could be lacking in our relationship, or what i'm lacking i should say and ive come up with nothing. Not trying to say im the perfect boyfriend, but im pretty sure im one of the better ones.

Shes confided in her boss a lot over the last couple of months and kind of blanked me some nights and that to me says shes choosing him over me for emotional support. She cant really run off into the sunset with him because of his situation, but im not even sure if thats what she wants. It needs to get dealt with either way, i havent slept a wink and my stomachs been churning all day with worry.
Robbie, Brother you have no idea what she has done... at all.

You don't know if they are sleeping together or not. And it does not matter if he is married it is called an affair when one or both of the people are in a relationship...THAT IS WHY THEY CALL IT AN AFFAIR.

I know that you don't want to think that she would do that, but you seriously need to wake up.

And when you talk to her, you need to take EVERYTHING with a grain of salt. That means you don't believe her at all. Cheaters lie, and lie, and lie.

Before you have the talk, take her phone away from her and ask for the PW. There should be no secrets between people in a serious relationship. You don't want her to delete the texts between him and her. That will probably tell you what you want to know.

I know you are freaked out but you are already making all the mistakes that people make in these situations.

SHE IS HAVING and emotional affair with him for sure. The only question is has she slept with him yet. I am actually guessing that she has because of the guilt that any sane person would have from cheating. That would be the reason that she looked up suicide.


And if you find out she did, you need to break up with her and move on.

You really need to rethink your whole process here, and start by assuming that she is sleeping with him and go from there...
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Old 9th November 2017, 11:54 AM   #27
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If however she truly wants to pursue a relationship with her boss, tell her you would rather know and end things now instead of having her cheat on you.
Spot on!

If we are inside the Disney channel where everybody are so honest, always tell the truth, and if you catch them, it's always a small mistake that will never happen again.

When people get caught with anything, the feel horrible. I would count on her judgment at that moment. That's why you should first prepare yourself to the situation. (I wrote a full comment on the other forum you published)
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Old 9th November 2017, 12:05 PM   #28
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Spot on!

If we are inside the Disney channel where everybody are so honest, always tell the truth, and if you catch them, it's always a small mistake that will never happen again.

When people get caught with anything, the feel horrible. I would count on her judgment at that moment. That's why you should first prepare yourself to the situation. (I wrote a full comment on the other forum you published)
I read her chat logs with her boss last night it was all completely work related... she always tells me if someone has crossed the line in regards flirting, or if someones asked for her number, even when all this started she was completely open about her boss and his advances... but now all of a sudden hes "the only person she can confide in" he gives her preferential treatment at work as well. I know he fancies her, im just hoping she feels lost i suppose. To be honest this whole situation has just torn me apart. I was about to start planning a proposal... anyway wish me luck
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Old 9th November 2017, 12:21 PM   #29
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I read her chat logs with her boss last night it was all completely work related... she always tells me if someone has crossed the line in regards flirting, or if someones asked for her number, even when all this started she was completely open about her boss and his advances... but now all of a sudden hes "the only person she can confide in" he gives her preferential treatment at work as well. I know he fancies her, im just hoping she feels lost i suppose. To be honest this whole situation has just torn me apart. I was about to start planning a proposal... anyway wish me luck
I'm copying my comment on the other thread to here:

I suggest that befor you confront her, try to be prepared and think what do you want to do next. Suppose she admits that she desires her boss even not with these specific words, she's sorry and want o fix things.

Do you agree? Do you demand her to quit her job and keep NC with him? Do you demand to see her phone messages apps logs? What if she refuses to hand you her phone?

You don't have to decide everything before you talk to her, but you should at least be in an advanced mode of controlling your options.
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Old 9th November 2017, 12:24 PM   #30
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I think your need to look for a new wife. She is apparently not in love with you anymore, if she doesn't sleep with this guy, it will be somebody else because she is looking for something that you are not giving her.
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