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What's my next step??? Looking for outside imput.


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 10th November 2017, 9:56 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BroJoe762 View Post
First... I'll just say I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Second. Everyone telling him to get a paternity test needs to calm their ****ing tits. He didn't ask for your opinion about that. And regardless of if they're his, it sounds like he loves them as his own anyways.
Not starting a personal war, but your comment indicates that you
do not have much experience with infidelity. Also to come in with
your guns blazing F***ing Tits when no one disagreed with a previous
post of yours was a touch strong.

I hope you keep reading LS so you will see why so many people
advise for the BH to have a paternity test done.
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Old 10th November 2017, 10:19 AM   #17
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What I learned from my time here on LS? That the deluge truth WS is often the most honest and wants to rebuild. The trickle truth WS, not so much. She still has dopamine and oxytocin in her bloodstream from the last sexual encounter with the OM. In layman terms, "C*ck on the brain". Why in the hell, are you sending her to see the Disney mouse? WTH? She was made air-tight by your supposed friend and now wants to play house-wife yet again? Okay, maybe she does repent and is now totally faithful. She is acting like she is sweeping under the rug with 0-consequences. Can you live with that? What kind of example does that teach your kids? It would be interesting to hear her side of the story and see just how remorseful she thinks she is and what she actually is doing....
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:14 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by road View Post
Not starting a personal war, but your comment indicates that you
do not have much experience with infidelity. Also to come in with
your guns blazing F***ing Tits when no one disagreed with a previous
post of yours was a touch strong.

I hope you keep reading LS so you will see why so many people
advise for the BH to have a paternity test done.

I actually do have experience with infidelity. I also understand how the comment ****ing tits might have came off a touch stronger that I intended. I felt like people were being harsh about the paternity test and giving unsolicited advice. He hadn't asked about the children and, as a father myself, I know it would make a tough time even more difficult if people were questioning whether or not my own children were in fact mine.
No war will be started here. I just think it's important to stick to giving the advice that is asked. Some comments are not helpful. He's a grown man and if he was worried about paternity he probably already knew what needed to be done.
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Old 10th November 2017, 12:04 PM   #19
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It happened to me, I raised him for the first year of his life before I found out he belonged to her affair partner. When affairs are long term or overlap we often recommend DNA tests because cheating spouses always lie about using protection. They want you to believe that your health and pregnancy were never a risk. The fact is exchanging bodily liquids is part of the rush they get. The betrayed spouse will eventually figure this out for himself. DNA tests are now available at most pharmacy's.
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Old 10th November 2017, 3:55 PM   #20
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Thanks to all of you for your imput!!
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Old 10th November 2017, 6:03 PM   #21
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Danny, that is all you got???

Quote:
Originally Posted by Danny42 View Post
Thanks to all of you for your imput!!
How do you feel? What is the status...Fill us in.
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Old 10th November 2017, 8:30 PM   #22
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Well I feel ok, still haven't talked to her about the new info. I am about
To leave the house to work and they are A couple hours from home. I feel about the same. Have continued to consider leaving her, but it is not what I want to do. I think that over all divorce is my last resort, and I'm not quite there yet, but close. She does feel real remorse, I know that. I don't have reason to think she is continuing these behaviors now, as everything really happened around the same time. I am sure that the children are mine too, I would get a DNA test if i had doubts. I know I don't deserve to have this on my mind, but I owe it to my children to do the best I can to make it work, but if anything else comes up I'm done 100%. I will leave her if I can actually justify it. I could be called a pussy, or a "nice guy" and I might agree with either of them right now. But I will make my decision based on what I feel is the right one, when the time is right. Again thanks for everybody's input, I will continue to check for more as this is an ongoing, unresolved issue.
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Old 10th November 2017, 11:58 PM   #23
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Trust is like a four legged table. Remove one leg (Lost trust), and your rocky, with a fall at any time there's a little knock.
Your mind will be on balancing from that point on, and you wont enjoy your life like you did.


If you think you can balance the table, and keep everything from falling over, go for it. Me, and most, its off to buy new furniture....


However, if your not sure, then take some time away from her, and think hard, and for the long term. Not just for the kids, but yourself as well.
You have ONE life, and you cannot go back to restart it. We all deserve a good life and with pleasures as we grow older. Yours has been screwed. So weigh your options.






Most that get caught always say they're sorry, and if you read many of the posts on this forum, you find a tiny few actually mean it.




Ted.
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Old 13th November 2017, 3:44 AM   #24
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For you, like for many, the offense of deception supersedes the actual breach of the agreement during separation.
Quote:
I am mainly mad that she lied for so long. We made big life decisions, all during discussions that would never have happened if she had been honest with me. I feel so betrayed that I have been supporting this person who has deceived me so deeply.
You’re riddled with shock, ongoing mistrust, and outrage, realizing:
- her selfish disregard of your loyalty (despite opportunity to cheat) and your willingness to forgive each confession;
- her continued trickle-truthing;
- her admission she’d just leave in your shoes;
- and the prospect of brooding over it indefinitely,
Quote:
I feel like I can't trust her,
I am sickened by her proclivity for deceit.
I can't stop thinking / I think about it a lot
I find myself hoping my brain can get over it.
it's driving me crazy
The maze of BUTs:
BUT I remain vigilant
BUT try to move forward,.
BUT It has not been as easy as I had hoped.
BUT if it comes back as another lie, it might just be the last straw for me....
BUT I owe it to my children to do the best I can to make it work
BUT if anything else comes up I'm done 100%
BUT I will make my decision based on what I feel is the right one, when the time is right.

BUT the biggest “but” of all:
Quote:
I am terrified of leaving her [but] I am also terrified of being used by her
Reconciling under these circumstances will take its toll on YOU if you think these are separate issues -
- what's best for the kids,
- what's best for me, and
- what is a reasonable next step

You only have to worry about what's best for the kids if you continue trying to ignore the truth. And you don't have to fear being unreasonable because that's not your problem. You DO have to be careful about being true to yourself.

Last edited by merrmeade; 13th November 2017 at 4:06 AM..
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Old 13th November 2017, 1:42 PM   #25
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I get it...we all get it...

You desperately want to believe there was never PIV. And sure, the OM's story matches hers. Do you really think they didn't coordinate stories as far as that goes?

Ppl that are cheating and have the time and place to do it, DO IT. They just do. It sucks.

I think for you to truly move forward, you need to polygraph her. You'll probably get a parking lot confession and won't have to shell out the $ for it.

And again, you reeeeally need to DNA check your kids.
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Old 13th November 2017, 2:43 PM   #26
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Stop being so willing to forgive!

Do not have more kids with her - have yours DNA tested!

And stop rewarding her bad behavior! She goes on an expensive vacation?


Stop being a complete doormat! Your wife is a tramp and you're just standing there smiling saying it's all ok...it's NOT OK!

Get some help to grow a backbone man.


You stated children... how old are they now?


And what's your update - 3 days have passed now.

Last edited by S2B; 13th November 2017 at 4:01 PM..
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Old 13th November 2017, 10:16 PM   #27
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Hi Folks, some people just seem to be naturally wired for the ostrich approach. Nothing anyone else has to say will make a difference for them and only the hard knocks of real life will get some sense to penetrate to where it makes a difference in their thinking. OP falls in that category and he will soldier on till there is no more soldiering left to be done. Wish him the best.
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