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Any Mad Hatters here? [Revenge affairs]


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 5th November 2017, 6:56 PM   #16
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Hmm, this thread makes no sense to me. Really confusing because of the conflicting views. How can you have an open mindset yet check your husband's gps location?

Nah, what going on here is you believe your husband cheating mean YOU no longer hold yourself to traditional monogamy yet you expect your husband's fidelity.....maybe short term you see some benefit, I'm sure you played the guilt trip "I only did because you did"

Good luck, cuz there is not much of a foundation under your marriage
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Old 5th November 2017, 7:03 PM   #17
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Hmm, this thread makes no sense to me. Really confusing because of the conflicting views. How can you have an open mindset yet check your husband's gps location?

Nah, what going on here is you believe your husband cheating mean YOU no longer hold yourself to traditional monogamy yet you expect your husband's fidelity.....maybe short term you see some benefit, I'm sure you played the guilt trip "I only did because you did"

Good luck, cuz there is not much of a foundation under your marriage
giving someone consent to have an open marriage also means honesty, which is where checking the GPS comes in, to ensure that he's on the road to improving his honesty (which in general has never been very good before recently). Also, a lot of couples' "open" marriages involve limiting the openness to swinging and other activities where they engage in the openness TOGETHER, as in, not behind each other's backs or one without the other. No, verifying honesty of whereabouts but having permission to sleep with other people do not have to be mutually exclusive.

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 6th November 2017 at 6:38 AM.. Reason: rude ~T
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Old 5th November 2017, 11:52 PM   #18
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Really? THAT'S what you "gathered" after (hopefully)reading my entire long letter??

On the contrary. The revenge affair has given me a large degree of closure. I am able to let go of most of the anger, resentment, and the obsessive martyr complex I had through all of last year due to the unfairness of the situation. I took a crap situation and made do with it by giving myself a few free passes and evening the playing field. My husband is not condemning me or divorcing me over my affairs. If anything, my affairs helped him to finally open up and be honest when I questioned him about it the other day. Instead of using my usual pre-revenge affair approach--acting accusatory, vile, and super confrontational and bitter--I was more calm and level headed when I asked him point blank. My approach was, "come on, it's silly to hide anything, we've BOTH done each other dirty at this point so it's not like we've done anything the other hasn't done." If anything, my post-revenge affair demeanor has been more nonchalant, same, and effective. When he admitted, I then admitted what I did, just enough without getting into TMI detail unless he asked (which he didn't probe). Not sure why you think I landed in disaster doing what I did, unless you're assuming or predicting bad in my future.
It just doesnít sound like much of a marriage. Even you described it as a partnership and that any romantic notions are gone. I donít mean to be coarse. It just seems to me that you exchanged a short term gain for a long term loss. I can relate. Iíve been there.
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Old 6th November 2017, 12:33 AM   #19
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It just doesnít sound like much of a marriage. Even you described it as a partnership and that any romantic notions are gone. I donít mean to be coarse. It just seems to me that you exchanged a short term gain for a long term loss. I can relate. Iíve been there.
I think everyone is seeing something different then OP. This isn't a foundation that one could be a healthy relationship on.

Not to say that "open" marriages can't work. They can and do. Those that do have a foundation of truth and honesty. That doesn't exist in this marriage. So it's merely a ticking time bomb.
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