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At my breaking point


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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  • 1 Post By Marc878
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Old 4th November 2017, 8:41 AM   #1
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At my breaking point

I've been married for 1.5 years. My hubby had been very friendly with a coworker, but found out she wasn't interested in him. Then found out he was talking to another woman for 6 months. He never mentioned her to me, deleted all texts between them, and talked to her several times a day. When I found out, he swore she's just a friend. I told him if that was the case, he wouldn't have hidden it from me.
Fast forward a bit. Since I'm alot smarter than he expected, I found that he left work early one night, pulled cash from an atm, then spent about 6 hours at a hotel. He called her on the way to the hotel, and that was the last call he made for the night. When I confronted him, with proof, he said he went there but just couldn't do it. So then I confront her. She lied and said she wasn't there. Then my husband joins the conversation, so she then says she was there. A few minutes later, she starts saying she was suicidal and he saved her life. Keep in mind, this whole time, they both seem to be scrambling for answers.
He sends her a text saying he's trying to save his marriage and to not contact him again. He swears he loves me and will never do anything like that again, and swears he never slept with her. I'm having a real hard time with all this. And she dont know me, I will put a hurting on her she'll never forget.
I told the hubby our entire marriage has been a lie. He says it's not, he just made a huge mistake.
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Old 4th November 2017, 8:56 AM   #2
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No mistake it was a conscious decision on his part.

File and get out before you waste more time on this
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Old 4th November 2017, 9:03 AM   #3
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Forgot to mention

I forgot to mention, this has been the worst year. His trip to the hotel happened 7 days after my mom had a stroke. Then a few months later, my father shot himself because he was the one that left my mother to die when she had her stroke and the family knew what he had done. Stabbing me in the back like that with all that other stuff going on is a new low.
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Old 4th November 2017, 9:33 AM   #4
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First of all, I am so sorry for what you're going through with your parents. It definitely makes the infidelity worse b/c that's a time your husband should be superglued to your side and caring for you. Not meeting and sleeping with (b/c yes they slept together) with another woman.

I'm sorry you're going through this but cheating this soon in a marriage is a lot worse than cheating after years of marriage. This is how my current bf and I got together. Our affair started a month before his 1 year anniversary and continued for about a year and a half with 2 DDays. He swore he had cut me off and tried to downplay a lot of our relationship to his then-wife but eventually they just didn't work out and divorced. I'm not saying your husband will do all of this but I'm saying that he can't be trusted. He will tell you anything and his OW, if she's as dumb as I was when I was the OW, will definitely cover for him as much as she can. They will agree to go "underground" for a while until things calm down at home and then can resume slowly. And yes, OW are stupid enough to agree to this.

Save yourself and your sanity. He's not worthy of you and will likely hurt you again.
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Old 4th November 2017, 3:33 PM   #5
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Make up your mind now. You should either have him meet your demands (therapy,, cell phone access, computer access, and other demands that you set) or you get into action to put him out of your thoughts and life…Do not waffle or sit in the middle of the fence; a cheating heart can only have a chance at changing with very strong actions.


If you choose R then only actions for a LONG time will tell you the truth.
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Old 4th November 2017, 4:30 PM   #6
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The odds are so against you when you look at the statistics for marriages surviving when infidelity happens early into the marriage. If he's already dating and having unprotected sex with coworkers just 1 1/2 years into the marriage how will you ever keep him from straying for the next 40 or 50 years? The last I heard any man calling a female coworker inviting her to meet him at a hotel isn't a mistake or unintentional. It sure sounds like a planned and premeditated meeting to me. Who springs for a hotel room unless he knows for sure someone is going to show up? No one. Spending 6 hours in a hotel room with a female was no mistake.

His word and his promise mean next to nothing because just 18 months ago he swore his fidelity to you and look where you are today. Forever is a long time to feel insecure. Second chances are earned. I wouldn't commit to reconciliation until he earns the right. You busted him, he lied, he finally confessed when he saw your proof. Sounds like your everyday run of the mill cheater to me, nothing special. This is about you, take your time deciding before you commit to anything with him.
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Old 4th November 2017, 5:01 PM   #7
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Do you have kids with him?
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Old 4th November 2017, 7:05 PM   #8
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No, we don't have kids together. I have grown children from a previous marriage. My kids, family, everyone loves him to pieces.
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Old 4th November 2017, 7:32 PM   #9
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"I couldn't go through with it" is one of the most common lies in the cheater's arsenal. Right up there with "we only kissed." Once he realizes you know too much, his next lie will be "we only did it one time," followed by "it wasn't very good."

"I made a mistake" is the most common excuse. A "mistake" is when your hand accidentally brushes against a co-worker's breast. A carefully planned 6-hour hotel visit that includes full-on sexual intercourse is not a mistake.

File for divorce and explain to everyone what happened. They won't love him to pieces anymore, they'll want to tear him to pieces.

Do not attempt to reconcile with him. Your marriage should have been in its honeymoon phase where a normal man would be completely devoted to you. Instead, he's already looking for other women. What will it be like in 20 years when you're not as pretty as the young thing at work? By then he'll have had at least 10 affairs. Dump this loser.

There are good men who would never cheat on their wives and will give you the love you deserve. Take this opportunity to find one. Whatever you do, DON'T get pregnant. You'll catch whatever diseases he has and end up raising the diabolical children of a sociopath.

Don't concern yourself with the other woman. If it wasn't her, he would have found someone else. It's just who he is. Be thankful you found out so early on.

Good luck. Stay strong and stay with us.
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Old 4th November 2017, 8:43 PM   #10
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No kids makes it easy. Divorce him. He doesn't deserve you.
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Old 8th November 2017, 8:29 AM   #11
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Hi Always..


Every cheating case has an affect on the partner, and yours is no different.
Weigh yours, and determine if you first "Want" to reconcile.
Then decide, what you need to move that way, and what other forms of actions you need from him to alleviate some or all of your questions to restart the trust. Try not to fix a small timeframe, but a more realistic and dynamic time frame. Meaning, you can change it if you need too.
However, not for too long, as it can also be a deterrent.
But, you cant start without a clean slate. He will need to provide you with that. If you feel he is not, it will never work.


Ted.
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Old 8th November 2017, 10:18 AM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AlwaysTheLastToKnow View Post
I've been married for 1.5 years. My hubby had been very friendly with a coworker, but found out she wasn't interested in him. Then found out he was talking to another woman for 6 months. He never mentioned her to me, ((1) deleted all texts between them, and talked to her several times a day. When I found out, he (2)(2) swore she's just a friend. I told him if that was the case, he wouldn't have hidden it from me.
Fast forward a bit. Since I'm alot smarter than he expected, I found that he left work early one night, pulled cash from an atm, then spent about 6 hours at a hotel. He called her on the way to the hotel, and that was the last call he made for the night. When I confronted him, with proof, he said he (3) went there but just couldn't do it. So then I confront her. (4) She lied and said she wasn't there. Then my husband joins the conversation, so she then says she was there. A few minutes later, she starts saying she was suicidal and he saved her life. Keep in mind, this whole time, they both seem to be scrambling for answers.
He sends her a text saying he's trying to save his marriage and to not contact him again. He swears he loves me and will never do anything like that again, and swears he never slept with her. I'm having a real hard time with all this. And she dont know me, I will put a hurting on her she'll never forget.
(5) I told the hubby our entire marriage has been a lie. (6) He says it's not, he just made a huge mistake.
(1) Destroying evidence. Basically lying before D-day.
(2) Whitewashing. Basically lying after D-day.
(3) More partial lying after D-day, i.e., tell the truth about this part but not this.
(4) She's not your friend, has no reason to help you.
(5) No other conclusion when you have no reason to trust him.
(6) #5. Until he squeezes every drop of truth at your feet, you're right; he's wrong.
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