LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

Husband left again for ow, filed for divorce again


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

Like Tree54Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd November 2017, 1:02 PM   #16
Established Member
 
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 186
Stop being Plan B. Today.

You are too good to be going around picking up his breadcrumbs when you deserve the bakery.
grassisorisntgreener is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd November 2017, 1:33 PM   #17
S2B
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,324
Quote:
Originally Posted by The0neyoul0ved View Post
Iíve tried consequences. I filed the counter suit because he wasnít serving me. But was still coming back with his I love you and miss you. And I donít know what Iím doing. I tried pulling sex away. And itís all completely backfired. Heís happily going along with the divorce. Heís happy with our temporary custody agreement. His only complaint is that myself and the courts wonít allow him to act out his parenting time at the gfs house or around her. So I guess the only hope I have now is that it wears on them and causes the cracks to show.
Nothing he says and does adds up. He says he doesnít love me and isnít attracted to me. His looks and body language and physical responses say otherwise. Even just a few weeks ago when we were intimate last, he kisses me and itís just instantaneous. The physical and chemical response. Weíre like magnets.
So nothing matches up. Itís really hard to understand. Even his friends donít believe his bs. I feel like the only thing that makes sense, is he so far perfectly matched up to the ďstandardĒ limerence timeline/profile.
Ugh, it's painful to read you being his puppet.

That's never gonna work and is sure to have you feeing even more depressed.


It's time YOU started respecting yourself enough to say NO to every single thing that has to do with him.

He does sound like he may have drug issues.
S2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd November 2017, 1:59 PM   #18
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 13,582
There seems to be a trend for BSs to assume that "limerence" is the reason that their man has strayed and that the affair is somewhat temporary and that it is all due to foolishness and normal service will be resumed shortly.

I think that some affairs are like this, the man wants some "extra" sex or some excitement, wants to recreate his youth, or wishes to repeat the nostalgic feeling of being "in love".

BUT he doesn't usually leave, when the chips are down he scuttles back to his marriage having learned his lesson as to where his bread is best buttered, or he figures out a sneakier, cleverer way to have both the wife and the OW, and both the marriage and the affair continues.

I think here he is on the way out, I guess he was vacillating as he missed his child and he was never going to say no to the sex on a plate, you fitted into the OW slot rather well, but as for love I do not think you are in with a chance.
You are at best plan B.
Divorce seems to be the option of choice for him.
Sorry.

He is young, 28, and has spent almost all of his adult life with you, he probably feels he needs to spread his wings and fly.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd November 2017, 5:07 PM   #19
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Detroit Mi
Posts: 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by alsudduth View Post
Is it possible he's using drugs of some sort? I ask because your story just sound so similar to a cousin of mine who was in the throes of an addiction and followed the drugs, no matter who he hurt. He professed "soul mate" to love three women within a couple months because they were where he could get drugs.... Just something to think about.
He takes Xanax. Not prescribed either.
The0neyoul0ved is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd November 2017, 6:15 PM   #20
New Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 7
I'm so sorry for the hurt you're experiencing through all this. My daughter just went through something similar. All along she suspected there was another woman, he kept denying it, but now three months after the divorce was finalized, she finds out he's with the woman my daughter was suspicious of. It stinks.

I'm glad to hear you say you believe in the sanctity of marriage. So do I, and so does my daughter. She did everything she could to save her marriage, but he filed for the divorce and there was nothing she could do to stop it. But she's living guilt free for having done everything she could, and now that he's gone she's beginning to heal and see that he wasn't so great after all. But that's the thing. None of us are. We all have flaws, and when two people take their marriage vows seriously and feel accountable to God, they seek professional and spiritual guidance and work it out together. Both parties have to want to, of course, and I'm sorry that your DH seems to have cut the ties emotionally, spiritually, and every other way. Did the two of you ever try counseling together? Or perhaps him by himself. He does sound very confused.

Saying a prayer for your healing and finding strength and peace from the Lord. I've seen Romans 8:28 be proven true time and time again. I believe it will for you, too!
Muffet is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd November 2017, 8:15 PM   #21
Established Member
 
aliveagain's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Just East of the Rockies
Posts: 3,106
He has a girlfriend, fire him as your husband. Make the affair a bad place to be, you own half of everything you have together including the race car. Do not allow him back, second chances are earned, change the locks.
aliveagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd November 2017, 9:05 PM   #22
Established Member
 
alsudduth's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Posts: 407
Quote:
Originally Posted by The0neyoul0ved View Post
He takes Xanax. Not prescribed either.
That's what it was for my cousin too. I'd keep an eye on that. Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's good. It's a scary drug and I've seen people suffer horrible consequences from it's use.
alsudduth is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd November 2017, 10:24 PM   #23
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Detroit Mi
Posts: 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Muffet View Post
I'm so sorry for the hurt you're experiencing through all this. My daughter just went through something similar. All along she suspected there was another woman, he kept denying it, but now three months after the divorce was finalized, she finds out he's with the woman my daughter was suspicious of. It stinks.

I'm glad to hear you say you believe in the sanctity of marriage. So do I, and so does my daughter. She did everything she could to save her marriage, but he filed for the divorce and there was nothing she could do to stop it. But she's living guilt free for having done everything she could, and now that he's gone she's beginning to heal and see that he wasn't so great after all. But that's the thing. None of us are. We all have flaws, and when two people take their marriage vows seriously and feel accountable to God, they seek professional and spiritual guidance and work it out together. Both parties have to want to, of course, and I'm sorry that your DH seems to have cut the ties emotionally, spiritually, and every other way. Did the two of you ever try counseling together? Or perhaps him by himself. He does sound very confused.

Saying a prayer for your healing and finding strength and peace from the Lord. I've seen Romans 8:28 be proven true time and time again. I believe it will for you, too!
Thank you. Iíve actively been seeing a counselor for 6 months. He refuses. Partially because I believe he knows we could work, with a little effort
The0neyoul0ved is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd November 2017, 10:25 PM   #24
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Detroit Mi
Posts: 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by alsudduth View Post
That's what it was for my cousin too. I'd keep an eye on that. Just because it's legal doesn't mean it's good. It's a scary drug and I've seen people suffer horrible consequences from it's use.
Thanks thatís my fear 😔 he takes it not prescribed, he has undiagnosed depression and I fear the long life of xanax just adds to his depression.
The0neyoul0ved is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th November 2017, 12:02 AM   #25
S2B
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 3,324
Unprescribed xanax? That's risky...and you can't rely on anything predictable with him.


Would he seek help or stop on his own?
S2B is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th November 2017, 2:36 AM   #26
Established Member
 
Mr Blunt's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 407
You can only save your self and your self-respect at this time. You have allowed him to use you like a door mat so it is time for you to save yourself…You have to realize that you cannot allow him to ruin your life and to accept that your hope for him at this time is a HUGE false hope.

You are probably so devastated emotionally that you are making excuses for him and compromising BIG TIME…Face reality and focus ONLY on you and your child or you will become a permanent door mat. Millions of women have overcome this crises and so can you!
Just a Guy and S2B like this.
Mr Blunt is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th November 2017, 5:30 AM   #27
Established Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 364
I'm sure this is a terrible time for you.
When I read through your post, I felt like he was doing all the deciding and you were just tgere, taking it.
It is not all up to him.
You seem way too focused on him, rather than on yourself. You make an awful lot ofcexcuses for him-you were working long hours, poor him. You were struggling with post natal depression, poor him. Limerance. Xanax. Everything and anything to let him off.
Also, don't waste your time blaming his girlfriend. It is him who broke his vows to you and this leash she has him on? It's not real. I doubt she has him chained to a wall in the basement.
I am not trying to put you down. I really do feel your pain. I think you are having trouble keeping up with events and accepting reality and you are trying to rewrite everything that's happened in a way that will make it possible for you to go back to the way things were.
I mean, he cheated, left you, filed for divorce and tgen came back and things were good?
That sounds very strange to me. You are either in denial or scared of having things out with him. This is not something to just gloss over and pretend never happened.
I know you're young. You havea child. You thought you knew your life plan, even if things were sped up by a surprise pregnancy. I know how shocking this can be.
I think you need to regain your control, take charge of your life and get stronger. Right now, you are just enabling him to do whatever he feels like.
Mr Blunt likes this.
imsosad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th November 2017, 9:24 AM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 300
Putting all your love to him without leaving some for yourself will have an effect just like this. Usually, men/women who love like this have self-esteem issues. I am sorry for you, OP. I do feel your pain. The feeling of being abandoned, replaced, discarded for another, let alone that horrible feeling when someone you knew is after what you have succeeded, ugh I hate that feeling so much!!

But you always run away from all of these. You have an option to do so:

1.) Minimize contact with this guy (only about your daughter, financial or better yet, about finalizing your divorce)
2.) Cut him out on ALL social media. Just keep 1 communication channel which doesn't have the capability for you to see pictures or anything recent about him (Line, Viber, WhatsApp)
3.) Mention to your friends to never ask or give you update about him. If they keep doing so after you specifically told them not to, block them as well. You don't need those kinds of negativity to your life.
4.) If you have the means, change house. If not, change room and re-decorate your home completely to signify your new life.
5.) Make new circles of friends, and find an activity that you'll like. For me, what worked are activities that will boost my confidence again like hitting the gym, doing yoga classes or anything that will make you feel pretty

You will ALWAYS think about him, everyday, for like a year or so. You will miss him, daydream about him, especially at night when you're alone. This is normal. But it will pass.

Good luck! There's a bright future ahead of you. Believe.
l8estnews is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th November 2017, 1:39 PM   #29
Member
 
Join Date: May 2017
Posts: 81
No offense but why keep trying to get him, esp if he cheated, and even moreso esp if he doesn't want you? Whyyyy??? The cheating alone would be enough to tip me over the deep end. I would probably go ballistic, revenge cheat, then dump his ass. Why wait around long enough for him to dump you for HER? Or if he surprised you out of the blue with a "I'm cheating and now I'm leaving you for this girl, surprise"--then I understand you wouldn't have time to react or take the upper hand, but why even entertain the thought of taking him back? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Another thing: Have you been loyal to him this whole time, or were you out cheating and/or dating other people during the separation too? Curious. Because something tells me you were good to him this whole time when he wasn't any of those things to you. Never a good situation.
Cilantro is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th November 2017, 11:28 PM   #30
New Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Detroit Mi
Posts: 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cilantro View Post
No offense but why keep trying to get him, esp if he cheated, and even moreso esp if he doesn't want you? Whyyyy??? The cheating alone would be enough to tip me over the deep end. I would probably go ballistic, revenge cheat, then dump his ass. Why wait around long enough for him to dump you for HER? Or if he surprised you out of the blue with a "I'm cheating and now I'm leaving you for this girl, surprise"--then I understand you wouldn't have time to react or take the upper hand, but why even entertain the thought of taking him back? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me.

Another thing: Have you been loyal to him this whole time, or were you out cheating and/or dating other people during the separation too? Curious. Because something tells me you were good to him this whole time when he wasn't any of those things to you. Never a good situation.
No. Did not cheat. Have had no interest in anyone else and didnít see anyone during the separation
The0neyoul0ved is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Wife left 9 months ago, filed for divorce but wants to come back Lackadeema Second Chances 38 16th January 2017 11:52 AM
Husband on conditional green card left me i filed for divorce HelloImAmy Separation and Divorce 4 19th August 2015 11:03 AM
Filed For Divorce SamSam68 Infidelity 18 1st September 2014 8:26 PM
Had an affair; husband found out. I disclosed and he filed for divorce Sofie2013 Infidelity 1311 8th April 2014 10:11 PM
Filed for divorce Elizabrary Separation and Divorce 2 4th January 2010 10:31 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 3:50 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.