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Second Time Caught Same Man


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 29th October 2017, 12:27 AM   #31
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ablankslate View Post
First to each of you my deepest thanks for taking the time to respond with such insights...I just need to process and realize at this moment i am anything but thinking straight and without sleep last night. I asked her to leave last night and she is staying at a friends house...so I do have alone time for reflection and prayer.
this is a good start, for her not to be at home. Don't allow her back for a while and IF you do, she has to quit her job, go total NC with the other man, go to counseling to fix what's broken inside of her and do counseling with you (use the same person for both). But right now there's no chance of fixing your marriage because she's in shock that she got busted again and probably is figuring out what to do next. I highly doubt there's NC there between them.
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:51 AM   #32
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Don't allow her to return to the home. File for divorce and let her be with the OM.

She's made a mockery of your marriage - just let it be over knowing you can't help her/make her be faithful.

She doesn't intend to be faithful - she just intends to fool you again into believing she can.

Do your future a favor and end it as quickly as possible.

She's not the gal she lead you to believe she is. She's a liar and has stolen nearly 25 years of YOUR life by lying over and over.

Take her to the cleaners! Make sure your child knows these are consequences for consistent bad behavior and you deserve to be treated better than what your wife has done.

She's a serial cheater - there's no reason to consider one more minute with her - she's not gonna change!

Keep posting - people will help you through this when you need guidance/support.


I'm sorry it's like this - not all women are like her.

Stand firm on getting her out of your life - you deserve better!
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Old 29th October 2017, 12:55 AM   #33
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If he was closer to her age, she'd be gone.

Read what I put above. Read it a again. And again. Again.

Let it sink in.

So what happens if she finds someone closer to her own age, with all of the qualities that she likes about the OM?

Now tell me, what do you want to do?
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:01 AM   #34
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Your wife has been cheating all along.

What's she's actually asking you to do is to eat a crap sandwich and to like it.

She asking you to stay in a marriage knowing she's cheated and will continue cheating.

Why should she change a thing? She won't because she's had NO reason to!


Just divorce her. She's broken and you can't fix her.
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Old 29th October 2017, 6:31 AM   #35
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[QUOTE=ablankslate;7452329

[B[B]]I caught my wife in June 2016 having an affair [/B][/B]with her business partner...actually my daughter helped me in discovery.

I just caught her again last night cheating with her business partner and she came clean and said she has been cheating again with her business partner since last April 2017. I found out by phone recordings this was an intimate sexual affair.

He is a widow and 20 years younger than I am and 18 years younger than she is.I only say that because she does not view this a possible long term relationship in her words.


If she doesn't view this affair with her business partner as having long term potential what is she really saying to you about your relationship? She is destroying her marriage, her business and possibly her relationship with her daughter for something that she doesn't see lasting. She even went back for another 7 months of seconds. When you read on here for a while you will soon realize that there are many things worse then divorce, sharing your wife with other men is at the top of the list. You need to talk to a lawyer. She does not value your relationship as much as you do. I agree with GoldenR, had their ages been closer she would have been gone. Show her the same respect she is showing you, 180, 180, 180.
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Old 29th October 2017, 8:08 AM   #36
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[QUOTE=aliveagain;7453180]
Quote:
Originally Posted by ablankslate;7452329

[B[B
]I caught my wife in June 2016 having an affair [/B][/B]with her business partner...actually my daughter helped me in discovery.

I just caught her again last night cheating with her business partner and she came clean and said she has been cheating again with her business partner since last April 2017. I found out by phone recordings this was an intimate sexual affair.

He is a widow and 20 years younger than I am and 18 years younger than she is.I only say that because she does not view this a possible long term relationship in her words.


If she doesn't view this affair with her business partner as having long term potential what is she really saying to you about your relationship? She is destroying her marriage, her business and possibly her relationship with her daughter for something that she doesn't see lasting. She even went back for another 7 months of seconds. When you read on here for a while you will soon realize that there are many things worse then divorce, sharing your wife with other men is at the top of the list. You need to talk to a lawyer. She does not value your relationship as much as you do. I agree with GoldenR, had their ages been closer she would have been gone. Show her the same respect she is showing you, 180, 180, 180.

She went back to the OM because this BH did not do what
is required of him to kill an affair and put in place boundaries
to prevent the affair from restarting.

People here forget that affair's create highly addictive brain
chemistry. This BH by letting his WW have contact after D day
is why the affair restarted.

Do you bring cocaine home when you have a crack addict living
there?

Do you bring home beer when you have an alcoholic living there?

Do you let a WW still have contact with her OM after you discover
their affair?

The answer to all three is, no!

A marriage cannot recover unless proper boundaries are established.
This BH did not do the work and did not require his WW to do her
required work after D day.

Unless this BH puts his foot down then he will be better off divorced.
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Old 29th October 2017, 9:40 AM   #37
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Originally Posted by ablankslate View Post
Please I am not looking for judgements I am looking for help and perspective and let me say a big thank you in advance for anyones perspective.


She is the love of my life in my heart and marriage for 28 years. I do not want to divorce. But I am completely crushed and lost and need perspective.
It is because of these two quotes that I chose not to come down on you for damage already done. We were all afraid of loosing our spouses when we discovered their infidelities. Finding out that you have been in false reconciliation all this time and that their affair never ended is even worse then the original discovery. They must have had some interesting conversations about their deception between themselves. Her devotion is to the O/M and not you and your daughter, her actions are premeditated and very clear. She never took your ultimatum seriously so you need to see her actions for what they are or you will be back here one day finding excuses for her actions after her 4th or 5th chance.

Doesn't sound like she did much work in finding out why she allowed herself the approval to cheat(independent counselling with a professional who has experience with infidelity). You can't draw your line in the sand then move it every time she steps over it. It makes you look weak and that is not an attractive trait to women. She has put your health at risk, they always lie about using protection(sperm can live up to 5 days in a woman's vagina). You deserve better then this, who wants to worry all day about what their wife and O/M are doing at their office? She has proven more then once if the opportunity arises and she thinks she can cheat and get away with it she will act on it. You will never feel safe. I know what I would do in this situation but I am not you. Her word means nothing so stop believing the sh*t that comes out of her mouth.
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Last edited by aliveagain; 29th October 2017 at 9:42 AM..
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Old 29th October 2017, 11:02 AM   #38
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ablankslate View Post
Please I am not looking for judgements I am looking for help and perspective and let me say a big thank you in advance for anyones perspective.

I caught my wife in June 2016 having an affair with her business partner...actually my daughter helped me in discovery. What happened next was long story short promised to never ever do it again. I let her stay with her business partner and the business she co-founded. She said it was emotional and not physical just kissing.

I just caught her again last night cheating with her business partner and she came clean and said she has been cheating again with her business partner since last April 2017. I found out by phone recordings this was an intimate sexual affair.

She says she loves me. She says she will leave her business. She says she will do anything to save our marriage. I gave her the gift of a second chance. I gave her the gift of staying in her business with her partner.He is a widow and 20 years younger than I am and 18 years younger than she is.I only say that because she does not view this a possible long term relationship in her words.A third chance?

She is the love of my life in my heart and marriage for 28 years. I do not want to divorce. But I am completely crushed and lost and need perspective.
Here is the problem. You are not the love of her life. She would never have done this to you if you were. She might love and care for you in a way but itís not as a lover and husband.
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Old 29th October 2017, 11:22 AM   #39
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ablankslate View Post
Please I am not looking for judgements I am looking for help and perspective and let me say a big thank you in advance for anyones perspective.

I caught my wife in June 2016 having an affair with her business partner...actually my daughter helped me in discovery. What happened next was long story short promised to never ever do it again. I let her stay with her business partner and the business she co-founded. She said it was emotional and not physical just kissing.

All cheaters lie a lot. It was a sexual affair. Admitted kissing in an affair always = sex.

I just caught her again last night cheating with her business partner and she came clean and said she has been cheating again with her business partner since last April 2017. I found out by phone recordings this was an intimate sexual affair.

The affair never stopped. Cheaters lie a lot.

She says she loves me. She says she will leave her business. She says she will do anything to save our marriage. I gave her the gift of a second chance. I gave her the gift of staying in her business with her partner.He is a widow and 20 years younger than I am and 18 years younger than she is.I only say that because she does not view this a possible long term relationship in her words.A third chance?

Very naive on your part. You let her stay and have contact with her lover. Big mistake

She is the love of my life in my heart and marriage for 28 years. I do not want to divorce. But I am completely crushed and lost and need perspective.
It's obvious you want the marriage more than she does. She had no consequences so that enabled the affair to continue.

Your Mr Nice Guy attitude will just get you walked on.

You'd better wake up to where she and you have put yourself. If you don't you'll get to go through this again.

As you've seen just because you found out didn't mean it stopped.

You cannot trust her or anything she says. They are just words.
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Old 29th October 2017, 11:34 AM   #40
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I just looked back at your previous threads from years back.

Your wife is a serial cheater. They don't change.

You don't want divorce so you'll have to accept you will always be cheated on.

You've apparently accepted this so you have what you have. If you expect her to change you'll be in for more disappointment and pain. At this point it's self inflicted. Unfortunately that is your future.

She's lied, hid and manipulated you for years and all you do is take it.
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:03 PM   #41
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I just looked back at your previous threads from years back.

Your wife is a serial cheater. They don't change.

You don't want divorce so you'll have to accept you will always be cheated on.

You've apparently accepted this so you have what you have. If you expect her to change you'll be in for more disappointment and pain. At this point it's self inflicted. Unfortunately that is your future.

She's lied, hid and manipulated you for years and all you do is take it.
Spot on!

I guess this explains the first part of the thread.

If this is the life the OP wants there is nothing further to say.
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Old 29th October 2017, 1:41 PM   #42
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I think you just need to give yourself a bit of time, keep her out for the time being.
From the outside it doesn't look like she loves you or respects you or your marriage. Just the facts by her actions and then continuing behind your back all the while knowing what it would do to you, there was no mistake in any of this.
None of this is your fault or the marriages fault, it is just who she is.
I know you love her and it wasn't your choice but sometimes we just don't get a choice in who choses to do what to our lives, they just do it without any consideration for us.
I think no more chances at this point, you drew your line the last time, I would expose the affair to everyone important to her and him.
Let her take the brunt of her choices, let that reality hit her square in the face this time with no help or forgiveness from you, not this time, let her feel every thing.
I would start separating your lives to protect yourself and your children.
Separate your financials.
She needs to know you have had it. Be strong and just let her see you moving on. Mean it.
File for divorce....
If by some miracle she has proved herself over the next few years that she is worth that 3rd chance you can weigh it out then.
Don't kid yourself the OM didn't sign up to keep her permanently, he was just in it for the fun....why not, you let her keep working with him, that is step number one to proving she will change.....the OM is totally out of her world, no seeing no talking to him ever again...If she isn't willing that should tell you who she has chosen.
Your heart will break the rest of your days if you don't stand up for what is right for you and your family, this is not teaching your children anything good about marriage.
Let them see you not accepting this kind of disrespect from anyone, let them decide themselves how they feel about her....that is not your problem either now.
Your job is you and your children and protecting yourself from anymore disrespect from her on any level, you cannot trust her word ever.....
good luck

Last edited by afoolto no end; 29th October 2017 at 1:44 PM..
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Old 29th October 2017, 2:22 PM   #43
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I just looked back at your previous threads from years back.

Your wife is a serial cheater. They don't change.

You don't want divorce so you'll have to accept you will always be cheated on.

You've apparently accepted this so you have what you have. If you expect her to change you'll be in for more disappointment and pain. At this point it's self inflicted. Unfortunately that is your future.

She's lied, hid and manipulated you for years and all you do is take it.
I too went and looked at your history of being cuckolded by your serial cheating wife. She knows you will never leave her cheating a$$ so why quit? She has humiliated you and your daughter but you just keep taking it. It is clear to me that if you want out of infidelity you will have to get rid of the cause or just learn to settle for the occasional hand out from your wife. This is your life until you decide to change it. As I posted on another thread, there are 3.5 billion women in the world and this is the best you can do, really? Your friends must know and my guess is you've lost some of their respect for you because of your inaction.

Seriously friend, what you have been doing to date has changed nothing, she humiliates you. You need to change the way you interact with this woman before you catch some horrible disease. Let your lawyer deal with her because you seem unable to stand up to her. If this sounds a little harsh it is being written by one who is angry for you and not at you. You need to find the strength to blow up her dirty little world. I get the loneliness in your post, I had a very hard time describing it to others when I was going through it. Just to be clear, you have a lot of friends here who want to see you through this trauma. There is no saving this without you loosing yourself. Time to get out my friend, get your dignity back, you have suffered enough of this woman.
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Old 29th October 2017, 11:42 PM   #44
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Expose your wife's cheating to ALL family members! Hurry... before she tells them lies about why she's left the home.

She needs massive consequences to believe you are mad enough to change things!

Stand firm - don't let her come home! File divorce papers!

See IF she starts growing a conscience!

You need to show her you're not weak like she thinks you are. Get mad!!
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Old 30th October 2017, 9:18 AM   #45
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Did she ever confess about the possible affair with the man that coached the daughter's sport team?

She is a serial cheater.

File for D now.
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