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Having an affair w/ a MW


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 24th October 2017, 6:06 PM   #61
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You don't know how to stop this... It's simple, tell your wife.
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Old 24th October 2017, 6:45 PM   #62
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You don't know how to stop this... It's simple, tell your wife.
Yep! Then she has a chance to decide for her own future! And a chance to get tested for diseases!


Why do you get to decide for her?
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Old 24th October 2017, 7:37 PM   #63
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For those that say to tell my wife itís not happening. No way. You can flame me all you want for that but there is a less than zero chance I tell her.
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Old 24th October 2017, 7:58 PM   #64
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For those that say to tell my wife it’s not happening. No way. You can flame me all you want for that but there is a less than zero chance I tell her.
Then at least do the decent thing and divorce her! She deserves way better than what you're doing!

Allow her to be capable of being with a man that acts like he loves her!

Last edited by S2B; 24th October 2017 at 8:00 PM..
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Old 24th October 2017, 8:06 PM   #65
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For those that say to tell my wife itís not happening. No way. You can flame me all you want for that but there is a less than zero chance I tell her.
So you're ok with not giving her the choice to know if she's been exposed to an STD? Your mistress is a cheater. Who is to say she's not cheating on you, too? Or her husband is cheating also and passing something on to her?

Oh, but you "love" your wife. LOL!
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Old 24th October 2017, 8:09 PM   #66
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So you're ok with not giving her the choice to know if she's been exposed to an STD? Your mistress is a cheater. Who is to say she's not cheating on you, too? Or her husband is cheating also and passing something on to her?

Oh, but you "love" your wife. LOL!
That's not love- not one bit.
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Old 24th October 2017, 9:16 PM   #67
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Brad...

i am not hear to judge you...you are a smart man...you already know what's wrong...what's right...what you are willing to do...etc.

I do want to know what you are looking for? If you already know you will not tell your wife...if you already know you don't want to live with the MW...then what is it you are searching for?

None of us here can tell you how to fix this...and you know that. You know what you are doing is wrong...and if your wife finds out you stand to lose everything. So the issue becomes...how do you move on from the hell you are living in?

I dont know....I do know the right thing is to stop seeing this ow. I do know that your wife deserves a better husband than you have been. But how do you rectify...how do you do damage control? How do you salvage your relationship with your wife...knowing full well that if she finds out your life is blown apart?

Anyway...I am truly sorry you are here...I am sorry you have become the person you have become...I am sorry that many lives could be destroyed because of your selfishness...but since you don't seem to be open to doing what is right for everyone else...since you still seem to be in a mindset of self...I am not sure what the members of loveshack can offer you.

So I ask simply...what do you want? What are you looking for? and what do you want us to do for you?
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Old 24th October 2017, 11:20 PM   #68
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As someone else asked (and me also in a way).

Whats wrong in your marriage - whats your issues in not being happy with your wife?



and ya - your kids are going to really have an issue when this all comes out. It kind of sounds like you have said that OW is not the woman you would want to be married to. So when it all comes out - and it will - your marriage ends - her marriage ends - and you dont even ride off into the sunset together in a new marriage....and oh that would be special - her ex and your ex and the visitations and fights with two angry ex spouses and a bunch of kids on both sides - who all both of you.
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Old 25th October 2017, 2:25 AM   #69
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Brad,
I do hope that you answer Mrs. John Adamís question of
Quote:
what do you want? What are you looking for? and what do you want us to do for you?


If you really wanted to start to get better and do better by your family you could start on a least the two suggestions listed below:

Quote:
By Mrs. John Adams
I do know the right thing is to stop seeing this ow
Spend the next decades putting your wife and children ahead of your selfish selfÖ
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Old 25th October 2017, 2:55 AM   #70
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For those that say to tell my wife it’s not happening. No way. You can flame me all you want for that but there is a less than zero chance I tell her.
I feel desperately sorry for your wife/family to be honest.

What are you expecting us to all say?

The reason you are not going to tell your wife is that you are not man enough to face up to the consequences that you are a cheater. You are spineless in this respect.

If you found out a married daughter of yours had been cheated on by her husband for 3 years, I am pretty sure your reaction would be totally different.

How would you react if you found out your wife had been having a sordid little affair behind your back for 3 years?

This sick affair can't be bothering you too much - as you reckon it is - as you can't even say THREE words to your OW - "THIS IS OVER".
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Old 25th October 2017, 7:29 AM   #71
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For those that say to tell my wife itís not happening. No way. You can flame me all you want for that but there is a less than zero chance I tell her.
I can understand you not wanting to tell her, but these things have a way of coming out in the wash.

For example, my kids found out my husband had had an affair. We didn't tell them but they found out anyway. My friend and next door neighbor, who knew what was going on because she'd stopped by for a minute and found me really upset and i ended up opening up to her. She was talking to her husband about it, and her kids, who were friends of my girls and son, overheard and asked my kids what "cheating" was.

Lovely. Try explaining that to kids who are 4, 7 and 8, not to mention trying to explain the snarky remarks made by his-ex ow to our kids.

See, op, that's the thing. You might feel like you have the tiger by the tail, but it is no longer something you can control.

What you also can't control is how your ow acts/reacts to the situation. If she is even a little bit unstable, she may view this as rejection and, well, that can also have long term effects. In a sick way, I was lucky in that at least I knew she was out there so I could be prepared. It didn't help much, but at least it didn't come out of nowhere.

You have gotten yourself into a hole here, but there is a way out. Stop. Just stop. It's not complicated. The only one making this hard is yourself. Why are you doing that? Are all the difficult moments, the angst, the disappointment in yourself, the possibility of causing harm to your wife and children, the way it is starting to show to your friends/coworkers...is your affair really worth all of that?

I don't think you're a bad guy at all. At least you have the guts to come on here and ask for help. That is a good first step, and I expect it wasn't an easy one. Keep that momentum going. I'm hoping that there will be some former ws who will chime in here to give you encouragement and support.
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Old 25th October 2017, 11:13 AM   #72
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For those that say to tell my wife itís not happening. No way. You can flame me all you want for that but there is a less than zero chance I tell her.
Okay don't tell her .this will come out on its own as they do when you least expect it.

Instead of telling us how unexcited you are to meet her .(like you want a standing ovation of bravo for at least feeling unexcited )

Stop it. You are hurting your family they just don't know it yet .And they will sooner or later.
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Old 25th October 2017, 11:40 AM   #73
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I honestly donít know the best way to stop this. Yes I did it. Yes I take full responsibility for what Iíve done. I chose this. I own this. Iím not afraid of owning it. Thatís part of my unhappiness is my disdain for myself in getting myself in this situation. I wish I could have a do over. I would never have texted her that first time. I wouldnít have allowed myself to get drawn in. The crazy thing is I distanced myself many times from her because I thought she was getting to in love with me. I didnít want to allow her to do that. Now I find myself not wanting to let her go but I know thatís the right thing and the only thing to do.
Hello. I was married and in an affair with a married man.

Look, what's done is done. You can either wallow around feeling sorry for yourself for being such a pathetic POS that you've found yourself in a situation where you're in love with someone besides your spouse - been there done that! I know the feeling. Too deep to end it, but you know you have to.

OR.... you can just man up and cut the cord. You know this needs to end, right? You've said that you are not going to leave your families for each other. Ending it is going to suck and hurt and be miserable. So you may as well do it now and get going with the recovery and healing process - rather than drag it out for another month or 6 months or 2 years, get your emotions involved even deeper, and THEN have to go through the hurt at a later date.

Just set a date in your mind and have it be the end of things. Tell her it's over, you both know what you're doing is wrong, and you need to stop before it all blows up in your face. (Which, by the way, it WILL if you give it enough time, no matter how much you think you're in control of things. It will blow up in the most messy and life-destroying way you can imagine. Ask me how I know.....)

Then go no contact. Period. White-knuckle it through the times that you miss her and don't think you can continue. You can. Just keep doing it, and it will get easier.

I'd tell you to tell your wife, but it sounds like you are like I was - absolutely terrified of the consequences of your actions, including but not limited to deeply hurting your spouse, and willing to lie your ass off in order to avoid that.

I will say that when my husband found out, it was devastating for both of us of course, but it was also such a relief. It's very taxing on a person to keep up this compartmentalization and lies. Unfortunately, it sounds like you are in for a lifetime of that, if you don't confess. I recommend starting to see a counselor to work through all of these emotions.
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Old 25th October 2017, 7:11 PM   #74
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For those that say to tell my wife itís not happening. No way. You can flame me all you want for that but there is a less than zero chance I tell her.
Why? Wouldn't it be better for your wife to hear this from you rather than someone else? Like the OW or even your own children? (or OW's kids)? Maybe others know of this affair and could tell your wife.
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Old 25th October 2017, 10:53 PM   #75
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Absolutely no reason to tell your wife. Don't do it. Those who want you to tell her on here have absolutely no idea how you feel. They never will. You are in utter turmoil and you came here for help. You feel like none is forthcoming...

But you do need to end it with the OW. And you do need to get counseling. It will help immensely. To be able to open your heart and express all the pain and heartache that this is causing you will help so much...

And then you will be able to love your wife and balance will return to your life.

I know.
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Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 26th October 2017 at 11:44 AM.. Reason: Topical content
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