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Having an affair w/ a MW


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:46 PM   #16
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Very sorry you are experiencing these emotions. Everyone in marriage, husband and wife, meet others outside their marriage. The problem is when one of them entertains thoughts of lust or infidelity. Entertain thoughts too long and they can turn into actions. When this happens, you need to walk away, not giving your mind or heart a place for it. I'll assume you've had 20 years of a wonderful marriage; love your wife dearly and your kids as well. Please do not risk your marriage for something that may not turn out a great as you imagine. In the end, you and your family will loose out.

Do you have others; counselor, close, reliable friends, pastor that you can be honest with? I'll stand with you thru this; that you will pursue the right thing and turn away, resist thoughts or actions that would render your marriage weak and problematic.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:47 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
I meant to say I want to talk less and less to the OW. I donít know what Iím going to do. Iím looking for reasons to stop it in all honesty. Iím waiting on her to make me angry enough and a good enough reason to stop it on angry terms where I think I will finally not want to see or talk to her anymore.
Well, that's the easy way out... Not to be judgmental, but if you had some personal integrity you would simply say to yourself and is woman, "This behavior is hurtful to my wife and my family, and it must stop today. This, is not the kind of man, husband, father, and leader that I want to be for my family."

A really good first stop would be counselling. Good luck to you.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:56 PM   #18
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I have no one I can talk to about it.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 4:12 PM   #19
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You need to stop the affair. You are going to hurt so many people if this ever gets out. What then, how bad will you feel then and apparently for someone you wouldn't marry or leave your family for anyway. Think about that, how dumb you are being.
Your other woman is doing and saying those things to get a rise out of you on purpose, your not seeing things rationally or honestly at all.
If you want to stop then stop no one is holding a gun to your head.
Maybe it's time to respect the wife and family you have had all this time.
Put them first, prove your a good man for them.
good luck
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Old 23rd October 2017, 4:16 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
I have no one I can talk to about it.
You can talk to us here on LS ... it may be harsh what we say ... but we are frustrated for you ... for your wife ... for your children.

You know that what you have been doing for the last 3 years is despicable ... but you have a chance to put things right ... by making the right decisions. Admittedly, even if you do make the right decisions now it will NEVER excuse what you have been doing behind your wife's and childrens backs - you can never make up for that.

The way you describe your OW doesn't paint her in a very good light to be honest .... I wonder if she is just a distraction for you from whatever the void is in your marriage.

You really need to stop all contact NOW with your o/w and work on yourself.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 4:40 PM   #21
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Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
I meant to say I want to talk less and less to the OW. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I’m looking for reasons to stop it in all honesty. I’m waiting on her to make me angry enough and a good enough reason to stop it on angry terms where I think I will finally not want to see or talk to her anymore.
You say you love your family
Is your wife not reason enough then
Are żour children mental health not reason enough

You don't find her that attractive and would not marry her ?
yet are willing to have an affair that when your wife finds out destroys her. Destroys her trust in you , and your children's trust in you .
All for a woman that you don't even want to marry or don't find attractive .
Your family must mean very little to you then. And I don't say this easily but if you are willing to sell them out for this ? For sex ...are you being starved off sex at home .

These things don't stay hidden for long I accidentally caught my h affair he was 18 months under the radar .
What are you thinking is going to happen when you get caught ?
You will apologise and everyone will move on just like that

Dday is just the beginning of hell you are going to put your family through ...your wife will never be able to look at you same again .You don't get the trust back a 100 percent .And the emotional suffering of the betrayal alone is single handedly the worst exp of my life .

I am in 6 years reconciliation ...and I still have bad days where I cannot stand to look at him .because I could never understand why he would have an affair on me .or that he was capable of this kind of betrayal .For a woman who he claimed he did not even like or would marry.

That's the future you may be looking at .so take your cheating self to a therapist to find out what your issues are .And why you are risking your family sanity for this woman .

Wake up and nd cut it off ....you really dont want your children to find out that they have a cheater for a dad.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 4:43 PM   #22
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No. Just NO

PLEASE!!
The other woman SHOULD NOT have to do something to make you mad enough to end it!!! YOU. Should love your wife enough to do that !!!!
YOU!! You chose this so choose to end it!!
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Old 23rd October 2017, 4:50 PM   #23
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And be prepared...

People on here KNOW the pain of infidelity!! This group will be relentless in getting you to man up! See, The wife that you say you deeply love... She has no choice in this. You took it away from her but she will be the one, along with your children, to experience the pain of YOUR choices!! I promise, what you are feeling at this moment is NOTHING. Compared to what you are doing to her !!!
END IT!
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Old 23rd October 2017, 4:57 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
I meant to say I want to talk less and less to the OW. I donít know what Iím going to do. Iím looking for reasons to stop it in all honesty. Iím waiting on her to make me angry enough and a good enough reason to stop it on angry terms where I think I will finally not want to see or talk to her anymore.
Why aren't your wife and kids a good enough reason to end it? Do you want this to be your legacy?
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Old 23rd October 2017, 4:59 PM   #25
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I have no one I can talk to about it.
How hard have you tried to find someone to talk to about it?
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Old 23rd October 2017, 5:05 PM   #26
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We are friends with each other socially. We have taken trips together and go out all the time together. Our circle of friends are the same. There is no one I can go to. No one. That complicated things even more. Itís a sorry mess that Iíve gotten myself into.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 5:14 PM   #27
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
We are friends with each other socially. We have taken trips together and go out all the time together. Our circle of friends are the same. There is no one I can go to. No one. That complicated things even more. Itís a sorry mess that Iíve gotten myself into.
And you can get yourself out this sorry mess immediately by telling your OW that what you are both doing is wrong, has been going on far too long and needs to stop NOW .... then you delete her number and block it on your phone, block her on social media too, if applicable .... and if you MUST be with her on social gatherings you treat her as you would the others - just as a FRIEND, even though I personally don't agree with keeping her as a friend.

BUT - I also think at the same time you should man up and admit your affair to your wife .... and let HER decide what she wants from the marriage, if anything at all - at the very least she should be the one that determines your futures.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 5:17 PM   #28
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So your wife is around your affair partner all of the time...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
We are friends with each other socially. We have taken trips together and go out all the time together. Our circle of friends are the same. There is no one I can go to. No one. That complicated things even more. It’s a sorry mess that I’ve gotten myself into.
Ok. I get it. You need someone to talk to and YOU have made a mess. ( I hope Jenkins jumps on here to respond because he will understand your situation ) but you must think about YOUR WIFE and not yourself !!! Go to a counselor, a non biased person, but please pick wisely, as many won't force you to own your stuff but try to make excuses for your behavior.
END IT NOW and then try to deal with your stuff by finding someone to talk to !! Take the first step!! We are all ' talking ' to you !

And I'm sorry but you are not all " friends". Friend don't go behind your back and sleep with your spouse !!! No one needs " friends " like tgat .

Last edited by Hecan; 23rd October 2017 at 5:19 PM.. Reason: Addition
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Old 23rd October 2017, 5:23 PM   #29
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Nothing will change unless you change it.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 5:26 PM   #30
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Are you prepared for repercussions if and when the husband finds out? What do you think his reaction will be?
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