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Having an affair w/ a MW


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Old 23rd October 2017, 12:07 PM   #1
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Having an affair w/ a MW

Iím married myself and have been for over 20 years. I met another woman through our kids activities. We knew each other for over a year and then began to text which led to the EA and PA. Itís been over 3 years now. I used to be a happy person. I no longer am. As an example this past weekend she told me that her kids were spending the night with her parents and that they were going out. This upset me a little. I know I have no rights and no reason to be upset but knowing this did make me unhappy. I know I need to stop seeing her for a lot of reasons. The most important of those is my own family. Has anyone else gotten to the point where thinking about them with their spouse and other things has caused you to not have fun anymore? Itís not the same as it used to be. I used to not worry about it or even care one little bit. Now I find myself getting jealous and just want it to stop. I know itís dumb and actually what Iím doing is dumber but I find it hard to let go and stop seeing her. I have tried several times and failed. This not who I want to be.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 1:01 PM   #2
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hi Bradintx,

You say:-

"... I’m married myself and have been for over 20 years. I met another woman through our kids activities . We knew each other for over a year and then began to text which led to the EA and PA. It’s been over 3 years now. I used to be a happy person. I no longer am ..."

You knew when you started to text each other that this was wrong, but you still made a decision to go ahead and escalate it in to a full blown affair - you took this decision over remaining faithful to your wife and children. Did your wife know that you two were texting each other right at the beginning? I guess not.

"... this past weekend she told me that her kids were spending the night with her parents and that they were going out. This upset me a little. I know I have no rights and no reason to be upset but knowing this did make me unhappy ..."

Correct - you do have no right to be upset over this. Your OW is partaking in family activities with the MAN SHE MARRIED.

"... I need to stop seeing her for a lot of reasons ..."

Yep - least of all due to the vows you made with your wife.

"... It’s not the same as it used to be ... Now I find myself getting jealous and just want it to stop ... but I find it hard to let go and stop seeing her ... I have tried several times and failed. This not who I want to be."

If this isn't who you want to be then take control of the situation - man up - stop it immediately ... go 100% no contact ... delete her number and block it .... and then work with your wife as to what is going wrong within your family unit.

Have you really sat down and thought about the devastation that would be created if your wife found out about your affair?

If she did find out, the chances are your MW's husband would and two families would be ripped apart - think of the impact on your and her children - could you live with this? Personally, I couldn't.

I don't mean to sound harsh ... just saying it how I see it.

Good luck.

Last edited by 1966Seahorse; 23rd October 2017 at 1:02 PM.. Reason: spelling mistake
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Old 23rd October 2017, 1:14 PM   #3
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Bradintx ----

It sounds like you have fallen in love with that woman. You have an extremely bad problem.

Everyone needs to come clean and see where the chips fall. At the least, your W and her H need to know the truth. What you two have done/are doing to them is so wrong and unfair.

And, most importantly, you need professional counseling. Your W is going to need it as well.

I really feel sorry for you and your situation. But, you knew what you were getting into.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 1:41 PM   #4
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One generic mention of family, but not one specific mention of your wife.

You obviously don't love her AT ALL. Do her a favor....come clean, tell her she deserves better, and divorce her. Because she does deserve better.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 2:00 PM   #5
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You should both inform your spouses and and let them have a say in deciding whether they want to be in the open relationship they are unaware they are a part of. It is their lives, too, not just yours and your OW.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 2:18 PM   #6
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Hi Brad, Jenkins is your guy. He has been through everything you are going through and he came out the other side. He should be able to tell you exactly how the chips will fall. Best wishes.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 2:38 PM   #7
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I appreciate the honesty. No I did not mention my wife. I do love her very much and do not want to divorce her. In fact there is less than a zero percent chance I could live with the OW. She is neurotic and has lots of weird personality traits that I donít find attractive at all. I must admit I do love her on some level but could never marry her. No way. Itís probably more of a physical thing than anything because I find myself not wanting to talk less and less to the OW. I have issues that Iím not proud of. I donít mind the honest feedback. Itís actually helping me to see who I really am. Not a very good person.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:08 PM   #8
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If you found out that your wife was in a long term affair, where she had had hundreds of unprotected sexual encounters, done things with the OM that she never did with you, bad mouthed you to the OM, snuck out to be with the OM (or texted non stop when being together physically was impossible) on all of your special days (bdays, anniversary, Christmas, Valentine's Day, kids bdays, etc), I challenge you to be honest when answering this question, be honest bc none of us know you...


How would you feel? What would you do?

And would you want to know?
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:25 PM   #9
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If you really, truly, want to end it then you tell your wife and her husband. I can guarantee you, you and the OW will be so busy trying to save your marriages you won't have time to even think about contacting each other. If, by some miracle, you do have a moment to think about it you'll also have two pairs of eyes on you to make sure you don't.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:25 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
I appreciate the honesty. No I did not mention my wife. I do love her very much and do not want to divorce her. In fact there is less than a zero percent chance I could live with the OW. She is neurotic and has lots of weird personality traits that I don’t find attractive at all. I must admit I do love her on some level but could never marry her. No way. It’s probably more of a physical thing than anything because I find myself not wanting to talk less and less to the OW. I have issues that I’m not proud of. I don’t mind the honest feedback. It’s actually helping me to see who I really am. Not a very good person.
Wow ... reading this - just WOW.

You say you love your wife very very much and do not want to divorce her ... what the Hell do you think you have been doing these last 3 years then? - I would hate to see what hurt you would inflict on your wife if you didn't love her!!

So ... what are you going to do in terms of going forward?
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:30 PM   #11
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I think you know the answers to those questions. It would not be good.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:37 PM   #12
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I have four principles I try to live my life by. Do you know the meaning of these words?

Honor, Integrity, Loyalty, Commitment

No, I don't think you do. But I do wish you well.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:42 PM   #13
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I meant to say I want to talk less and less to the OW. I donít know what Iím going to do. Iím looking for reasons to stop it in all honesty. Iím waiting on her to make me angry enough and a good enough reason to stop it on angry terms where I think I will finally not want to see or talk to her anymore.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:44 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
I do love her very much and do not want to divorce her. In fact there is less than a zero percent chance I could live with the OW. She is neurotic and has lots of weird personality traits that I donít find attractive at all. I must admit I do love her on some level but could never marry her. No way. Itís probably more of a physical thing than anything because I find myself not wanting to talk less and less to the OW. I have issues that Iím not proud of. I donít mind the honest feedback. Itís actually helping me to see who I really am. Not a very good person.
No. Sadly, not a very good person.

Have you considered that when your wife learns what you have been doing for the past three years, she may make the decision for you...

Look, it's all fun and good times in the early days with a new partner. Especially, in an affair where you have the thrill of the illicit, secretive sex. But, nothing is fun and games all the time... Eventually, reality sets in.

Your reality, you are enjoying sex with a woman with whom you would prefer not to have a conversation. That's really sad.
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Old 23rd October 2017, 3:45 PM   #15
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bradintx View Post
I meant to say I want to talk less and less to the OW. I donít know what Iím going to do. Iím looking for reasons to stop it in all honesty. Iím waiting on her to make me angry enough and a good enough reason to stop it on angry terms where I think I will finally not want to see or talk to her anymore.
I 100% don't get this!

You are looking for reasons to stop it .... um .... shouldn't your wife and your children be reason enough?? Correct me if I am wrong.
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