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-   -   is my wife cheating? (http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/636711-my-wife-cheating)

dwd36 5th October 2017 2:56 PM

is my wife cheating?
 
Is my wife cheating?
What makes me think this? My gut.
I read online that if your wife gets a new hairdo and buys new underwear she is cheating on you. Check both those boxes. If she starts having new sex moves, check that box. In over 27 years of marriage she has only performed oral sex less than a couple dozen times, and then only for special occasions, Valentines day if she got a nice gift, christmas is she couldn't think of anything to buy, birthday, etc. Last weekend not only did she suck me she let me cum in her mouth and she swallowed, never had she done this before and she wanted to, I warned her. about a month ago when she had a three day weekend on her day off I woke up to her masturbating in bed next to me, never had I caught her doing that, I suspected she did it when I wasn't around but she never admitted it. Oh she does it as part of foreplay so she is no rookie. She always like to hold hands but she does that more than ever now. She is starting to dress more risque, last weekend she went out with me without any bra on, she very, very rarely ever did that before.
There is this Black guy at work that is a flirt, he flirts with all the girls at work. My wife really likes when he flirts with her. All the girls talk about him around the water cooler. I think she fantasizes about him when she masturbates. I think she pretends she is hold his hand when she hold mine. I think she is practicing oral sex with me so when she gets with him he won't be disappointed, stepping up her game so to speak.
This morning I asked her flat out if she was messing around on me. She denied it, she was never a very good liar, but I think she is getting better at it. I don't think she was lying, but I couldn't be for sure.
What do you think? Is she cheating on me? Getting ready to cheat on me? Or am I just being paranoid?
Don't get me wrong, I love the extra attention, but I've never seen her like this.

reboot 5th October 2017 3:22 PM

Lots of red flags, but there's no proof. Don't confront her again, that will just make her more cautious, but do start digging.

sandylee1 5th October 2017 3:25 PM

No proof.

She might just be spicing thingd up to keep the flame alive ... or to rekindle the flame.

dwd36 5th October 2017 3:29 PM

maybe she hasn't already but she wants to, she's getting ready in case the opportunity arises

40somethingGuy 5th October 2017 3:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dwd36 (Post 7431419)
Is my wife cheating?
What makes me think this? My gut.
I read online that if your wife gets a new hairdo and buys new underwear she is cheating on you. Check both those boxes. If she starts having new sex moves, check that box. In over 27 years of marriage she has only performed oral sex less than a couple dozen times, and then only for special occasions, Valentines day if she got a nice gift, christmas is she couldn't think of anything to buy, birthday, etc. Last weekend not only did she suck me she let me cum in her mouth and she swallowed, never had she done this before and she wanted to, I warned her. about a month ago when she had a three day weekend on her day off I woke up to her masturbating in bed next to me, never had I caught her doing that, I suspected she did it when I wasn't around but she never admitted it. Oh she does it as part of foreplay so she is no rookie. She always like to hold hands but she does that more than ever now. She is starting to dress more risque, last weekend she went out with me without any bra on, she very, very rarely ever did that before.
There is this Black guy at work that is a flirt, he flirts with all the girls at work. My wife really likes when he flirts with her. All the girls talk about him around the water cooler. I think she fantasizes about him when she masturbates. I think she pretends she is hold his hand when she hold mine. I think she is practicing oral sex with me so when she gets with him he won't be disappointed, stepping up her game so to speak.
This morning I asked her flat out if she was messing around on me. She denied it, she was never a very good liar, but I think she is getting better at it. I don't think she was lying, but I couldn't be for sure.
What do you think? Is she cheating on me? Getting ready to cheat on me? Or am I just being paranoid?
Don't get me wrong, I love the extra attention, but I've never seen her like this.

My WW was doing a lot of the same. Squirting when we had sex, and while she knew I loved her hair 'down there' she shaved it bald which I later found out was also a red flag...she never had before and knew I loved it hairy just like she was. She bought a viberator and an anal easer. She told me it was so I can give her anal (which I eventually did but I found out later I wasn't the motivation) but that one was out of left field. How is she with her phone? Do you have the passcodes or is she changing it? Computer history? Facebook practices? It is possible (probable) that someone else is all of a sudden turning her on and she needs a warm body to take that energy out on. That is all too familiar with me.

usa1ah 5th October 2017 3:40 PM

Put a voice activated recorder in her car. Velcro it under the seat.

Check her Facebook page.

Check the phone bill for any number that comes up the most and if you know it.

If you have access to her phone check her messages.

Check her emails as well.

Check what she has been searching for on the web.

If she blew you and swallow with no problem and a smile, it's not the first time she has done it.

Decided what is going to happen if you find she is cheating on you. Are you going to tuck tail and beg, which never works in a R or D.

Or

Are you going to be a man and stand up for yourself and risk losing your marriage to save it.

Get the info you need and go from there. Read No More Mr Nice Guy.

Start the 180 plan. Easy to look up. After you have installed the VAR and are able to check her messages. This will cause her to react and call or message a gf that knows or the affair partner.

If she has new moves and the other things she learned them somewhere and it wasn't with you.

If she has a iPhone check her cloud and see if there is anything in it.

usa1ah 5th October 2017 3:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dwd36 (Post 7431449)
maybe she hasn't already but she wants to, she's getting ready in case the opportunity arises

She has already. No solid proof is true. To many red flags.

Cephalopod 5th October 2017 3:46 PM

There are very scary red flags here no doubt.


There are lots of methods to accumulate info. Voice activated recorder (VAR) velcroed under the seat of her car. Spyware on her phone and computer. Checking her cell phone bill for repetitive calls to an unknown number. Checking her browser history and social media.


If you don't know how to do this stuff, then hire a P.I.


But I tend to agree with SandyLee. She may be at that age where her hormones are changing and she's getting more sexual. This does happen to women in their 40s. It may simply be that she just wants to try new things. My FWB girlfriend is 45 and she says she is hornier now than she has ever been in her life, and way more interested in trying things she never tried before. She says she has done things with me she never did with her ex or prior boyfriends. So I'm reaping the benefits and not wanting to ruin a goo thing.


I say for now go with the flow and encourage her, but look for other signs of cheating such as secretiveness, never letting go of her phone, exorbitant spending, unaccounted-for time away from home, defensiveness, sudden withdrawal of sex from you....or increased sex like you are experiencing now. It can go both ways. Otherwise, it is too early in the game to know, and you have not gathered enough evidence.


Don't act to suspicious around her while you sleuth. It would be easy to tip her off to what you are doing.

dwd36 5th October 2017 4:49 PM

I have checked her phone. No unknown numbers or texts. Unless she deletes them immediately. She is not very tech savvy but smart enough to do that if she was afraid of getting caught, especially if it contained steamy content. I never thought about the phone bill, we still get a paper copy, I'll check that, no way to delete numbers there. But she has been insistent that she get a new phone, one that would have a lot more security for sure.
No facebook or emails that I know of.
AS far as time goes, one day she said she had an appointment to get a haircut and it took an hour and a half and she was the only customer, I finally called and asked where she was, she thought I was going to be gone. A few weeks later she had another hair appointment and they didn't do anything, she said they trimmed it a little more but I didn't see it, said they changed their mind what they were going to do. Another day I was going to town about when she should be getting off work, I text her if she was still in town and she said she was on the way home, I told her I thought i just met her on the road which I had seen a car just like hers. Then she said no she was still in town, we met for dinner, she was all giggly that evening. Why did she say she was on the way home when she hadn't left yet?

GoldenR 5th October 2017 4:54 PM

Put a VAR in her car and a GPS. Once you do this, you'll have your proof.

She is cheating. You're getting the guilt sex treatment. It's fun but sucks at the same time.

40somethingGuy 5th October 2017 5:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GoldenR (Post 7431533)
Put a VAR in her car and a GPS. Once you do this, you'll have your proof.

She is cheating. You're getting the guilt sex treatment. It's fun but sucks at the same time.

Another tactic is Google locate history. It tracks wherever her phone is. Just need her sign on email and password. She is likely cheating as she is acting different and things like whereabouts not adding up. The phone bill can be viewed online. Look at text numbers and voice calls both.

Marc878 5th October 2017 5:23 PM

Go online and check your phone bill. She can delete off her phone but the call info will be on the billing.

usa1ah 5th October 2017 6:09 PM

There are several web sites you can use. Pick one that will pull up email address.

Then run a search on her email address.

usa1ah 5th October 2017 6:17 PM

Try Spokeo.com

It will search both name and email address.

BetrayedH 5th October 2017 9:33 PM

If you want to find out, you’re going to have to play stupid and compliant. We can teach you how to investigate. Resist the urge to confront her or ask any questions or she will delete everything, take it all underground, and you may NEVER know the truth.

Even when you think you know something, shut up.

If you investigate thoroughly and find nothing, then we’ll have advice for you about your paranoia. Until then, become a PI.

My $.02


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