LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

Update


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

Like Tree62Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 6th October 2017, 11:37 AM   #16
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by BluesPower View Post
For Luna, if they were local, are you saying that they did not sleep together? I actually find that super hard to believe that they did not.
According to the poly, they didn't. But, that was only because I sniffed it out pretty quick. I think he would have banged her if I had not discovered what was going on while we were together. Once we were separated, and she tried to contact him again, he rejected her. He wasn't looking for a relationship, nor was he even into her. He just got off on stealing some married pussy. Just a small person trying to feel like a big man after having the same **** done to him. You would think a person that had been through that would become physically ill even thinking of inflicting that kind of pain on another - let alone the collateral of the kids involved. But, like I said, I've met and spoken with him - I doubt there are very many thoughts that enter his mind.
lunarnaut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 11:37 AM   #17
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 27
Thumbs down

TBH, I’d take what he says with a grain of salt. He has nothing to gain in being honest but a lot to lose, and nothing to lose with lying. He owes you no loyalty, his two goals are to exit the conversation and say whatever gets you to go away. Maybe if he thinks or cares you’ll make a go of it with her, he will say things to spare your feelings.

Shortly after we were discovered, his wife asked both of us questions along the lines he asked you...

“Does he love you or say he loves you?”
“No.” (Lie)
“Did he talk about leaving?”
“Nope.” (Lie)
“So this was just physical?”
“Yep.” (Lie)
“Did he start it?”
“Nope, it just kind of happened.” (Lie)
“Do you regret it?”
“Yup.” (Lie)

My reasons to lie had an extra factor in it that most people had, but basically, by the time you get to a point where you’d have an affair, you’re not exactly thinking of the BS. While I’m sure not every person lies, experience has shown me I’m not in the minority.
MandoGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 11:45 AM   #18
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by MandoGirl View Post
TBH, I’d take what he says with a grain of salt. He has nothing to gain in being honest but a lot to lose, and nothing to lose with lying. He owes you no loyalty, his two goals are to exit the conversation and say whatever gets you to go away. Maybe if he thinks or cares you’ll make a go of it with her, he will say things to spare your feelings.

Shortly after we were discovered, his wife asked both of us questions along the lines he asked you...

“Does he love you or say he loves you?”
“No.” (Lie)
“Did he talk about leaving?”
“Nope.” (Lie)
“So this was just physical?”
“Yep.” (Lie)
“Did he start it?”
“Nope, it just kind of happened.” (Lie)
“Do you regret it?”
“Yup.” (Lie)

My reasons to lie had an extra factor in it that most people had, but basically, by the time you get to a point where you’d have an affair, you’re not exactly thinking of the BS. While I’m sure not every person lies, experience has shown me I’m not in the minority.
He could have had her if he wanted her.
lunarnaut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 12:06 PM   #19
Established Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 1,382
Yep he could have and now your Plan B until the next guy comes around. If your ok with that then you should stay. Me personally she would be living her life as a single woman. She wanted out. I would show her the door.
Clay is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 2:35 PM   #20
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 468
I'm going to leave you with this...

Think of all the happy and wonderful and exciting memories you could be having for the next 18 years with a partner that you are head over heels about, with a partner that looks at you and gets butterflies in her stomach bc she's so i love with you.

That's what you're missing out on. That's what you will regret.

I stayed with a cheating wife for several years bc my youngest had a severe,life threatening heart condition. I look back now and think, "What a myopic idiot I was."

Cute the cord asap.
GoldenR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 6th October 2017, 2:48 PM   #21
Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by lunarnaut View Post
He could have had her if he wanted her.
He could have, and still could. That doesn’t change that his answers could have been totally made up to get you out of his hair and he can go back to whatever he/she/they were planning.
MandoGirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th October 2017, 12:17 PM   #22
Established Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 69
i always blame the cheating spouce as the one who destroys the marriage through his/her cheating and never the OM/OW for the obvious reasons.

the cheating i think just exposes the true nature of one's partner or spouse and i dont think that it damages anything.

if one's spouse is of good character and the marriage is good, there wont be any room for cheating

because i think many people make bad choices when they marry, i think its important to make good choices before one marries, and i think its the bad choices which lead to cheating and bad marriages.

i dont consider cheating as a mistae but choices people make.

if spouse can cheat then they are also capable of other bad things.

Last edited by hammyy2k; 8th October 2017 at 12:20 PM..
hammyy2k is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th October 2017, 2:59 PM   #23
Established Member
 
sandylee1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2014
Posts: 5,854
I personally wouldn't
believe what he says. How can you take the word of someone who has dishonest character traits.

OM/OW have character flaws. They generally lie ... and they can't be trusted.

I think he was scared of you and trying to get away without getting a punch, despite you assurance you wouldn't hurt him. Knowing you've done wrong makes you rather sheepish.

He was in the underdog position and had to lay low.
__________________
'Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them not to'

'If a man wants a woman to be an angel, he must first create a heaven for her. Angels do not live in hell'
sandylee1 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 8th October 2017, 4:18 PM   #24
Established Member
 
aliveagain's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Just East of the Rockies
Posts: 3,064
These are just my personal experiences with infidelity. I have been cheated on several times in my life. The thing I realized is I felt a hell of a lot better about myself when I threw the cheaters out then I did when I attempted reconciliation. Yes I loved them, one was a fiance that cheated with a married coworker a month after we got engaged(she flew to Vegas with him for a 4 day fu*k fest, called me from the hotel room crying and begged me to take her back), I tried reconciliation with her for 3 years, couldn't marry her, she was always tainted in my eyes. I hated myself for compromising my standards just to keep her in my life. You can't compromise your standards is what I learned because you loose your identity and the essence of who you are in the process.

Another was my wife who had a threesome with two Frenchmen from Montreal just three months after we were married, never confessed but a boyfriend that broke up with her(while we were separated because she needed time to find herself) told me about her infidelities before I divorced her. The third and worst one of all had a baby with her other man(cheated with him for 2 years, I didn't have a clue), she tried to make me believe he was mine, thank God for DNA tests. You need to stand up for your beliefs and never compromise the things that took you a lifetime to build. Some may not want to hear these things but the reality is it's the truth. Respect yourself and if the key person in your life stops respecting you, get rid of them, they no longer deserve to be in your life. Cheaters lie, other men lie, other women lie, if you choose the behavior you choose the consequence.

Last edited by aliveagain; 8th October 2017 at 4:23 PM..
aliveagain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10th October 2017, 9:36 AM   #25
Established Member
 
Superchicken's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2016
Location: Farm in Australia
Posts: 422
Quote:
Originally Posted by BluesPower View Post
For me, I was a fool to stay as long a I did. I have a hard time getting over that, I think about all the years I wasted and I feel like a moron...


No Blues.. Your (And others too) not a fool.


There are some people, that try and try again to fix it, and then try one more time again, because they still believe the can fix it..




We are few and soft hearted.
Yes, we are suckers, but, we are for best of reasons..
But, like you said, sometimes, you need to let go, and let go fast..
Its just we didn't have someone to help us see it sooner..
That's where LS comes in handy, and people like us.. Hard ass old farts (Not me, I'm still young )..




Ted..
__________________
Never fear, Superchicken is here.
Superchicken is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th October 2017, 1:35 PM   #26
Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 28
It sucks giving up thirteen years together and two young children. I'm not sure how in the world some punk ass kid was worth all of this. I'd like to think I could forgive her if she confessed and was committed to me, but she lied as much as she could - probably still is to some degree, and kept contacting him. There has been so much disrespect to me and our marriage.

I feel like this whole thing has put me in an unwinnable position, and I keep trying to find a way to turn the tables, but deep down I know I can't.

I either stay with her, and live with the thought that I could be her second choice (I doubt I'll ever know for sure). Or, divorce and only get to see my children half of the time. I really despise her for putting me in this position, but I don't have it in me to feel like second place for the rest of my life. She say's I'm too proud, and maybe that's true. But, she put us in this position, and she has to deal with the consequences too.

To be honest, I doubt she'll even care that much. She'll probably be talking to this dude before the papers are even signed. Sometimes life has a way of making you feel like a real worthless piece of ****. Won't be the first time, and won't be the last. I just need to keep my head up and focus on my sons.
lunarnaut is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th October 2017, 2:04 PM   #27
Established Member
 
BluesPower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,297
Yes it sucks...

Quote:
Originally Posted by lunarnaut View Post
It sucks giving up thirteen years together and two young children. I'm not sure how in the world some punk ass kid was worth all of this. I'd like to think I could forgive her if she confessed and was committed to me, but she lied as much as she could - probably still is to some degree, and kept contacting him. There has been so much disrespect to me and our marriage.

I feel like this whole thing has put me in an unwinnable position, and I keep trying to find a way to turn the tables, but deep down I know I can't.

I either stay with her, and live with the thought that I could be her second choice (I doubt I'll ever know for sure). Or, divorce and only get to see my children half of the time. I really despise her for putting me in this position, but I don't have it in me to feel like second place for the rest of my life. She say's I'm too proud, and maybe that's true. But, she put us in this position, and she has to deal with the consequences too.

To be honest, I doubt she'll even care that much. She'll probably be talking to this dude before the papers are even signed. Sometimes life has a way of making you feel like a real worthless piece of ****. Won't be the first time, and won't be the last. I just need to keep my head up and focus on my sons.
Yes it sucks...

But let's not get down on yourself. First and foremost SHE is the one that did this not you. She chose to cheat. That is not your fault.

Second, I think you should divorce and here is why, you are second place and her behavior since she got caught shows that you are second place so you can stop wondering about that. And that comment about you being too proud, is just way, way out of line.

Third, you really don't know if she has started sleeping with him since you checked her out the last time. I mean are you sure she is not seeing him or someone else. Because for my money she acts like she is.

Forth, sometime when you have 50% custody you can actually spend more quality time with your kids that you do now. No it is not easy, but it is not the end of the world.

Fifth, having your self respect back is actually priceless. And, being with a woman that actually loves you is worth more than that. Right now, you have neither.

But don't get down on YOURSELF about all of this, yes you have to deal with it, but it is not your fault.

That should count for something...
BluesPower is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 12th October 2017, 2:15 PM   #28
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 1,578
what would she do if you had an A? file for D?

what does she want? the marriage or the OM?

will she be honest with you?

File for D. She does not sound remorseful. Have you exposed her A to her family, to yours?

are you sure she has stopped all contact with all of her OMs?
harrybrown is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th October 2017, 2:57 PM   #29
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 468
Brother, it does suck, tremendously.

But believe me when I say, there's gonna come a point in your life where you realize that your life is better than it ever was. And you'll wonder what took you so long to pull the trigger.

It does get better. A lot better.
GoldenR is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12th October 2017, 5:18 PM   #30
Established Member
 
BluesPower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2016
Posts: 2,297
Amen and Amen...

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenR View Post
Brother, it does suck, tremendously.

But believe me when I say, there's gonna come a point in your life where you realize that your life is better than it ever was. And you'll wonder what took you so long to pull the trigger.

It does get better. A lot better.
GR could not be more right. It gets sooo much better when you are away from people like this.

My biggest problem right now, deciding which girl to date, do I date, or do I just hang out and with which one and hook up. Decisions, decisions...
BluesPower is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Update of my update. Need support Upsetdan Separation and Divorce 4 1st November 2015 10:00 PM
Update from a FORMER OW mistresswchildren The Other Man / Woman 10 12th February 2009 7:12 PM
update.. sweetgirl99 Dating 1 12th February 2009 2:18 PM
Update spookie Dating 309 8th February 2009 1:19 AM
Update to an update..."Losing my marbles.." mrB2006 Dating 0 15th October 2005 4:58 PM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 9:27 AM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.