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Does the anger ever go away?


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 6th October 2017, 9:44 AM   #31
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Originally Posted by Ahurtgirl View Post
Staying separate is probably best for both of you. She wouldn't have cheated if she was feeling loved and adored by you. She wants more than you can give her. Let her go so she is free to find a better man. A woman does not cheat if her husband is giving her the time, attention, and affection she needs, and is providing financially for her better than any other man can.
[]Her cheating is on her. Cheaters cheat because they want to and they can. Her cheating is not a reflection on you [OP].

Last edited by LoveShack.org Moderator; 8th October 2017 at 4:03 PM.. Reason: Topical content
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Old 8th October 2017, 11:13 AM   #32
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The anger will never go away. When you stop to remember, or do remember just what they did, the anger will come back. It is also part and parcel of the "forgiving, but never forgetting" thing.

So how do you reconcile and have a loving and good marriage?

You learn how to place the anger of their past action in context. Yes, I am angry at what happened, but I also recognize your actions now, and what you are doing now. I see our marriage now, and react to that not what you have done in the past. For your actions in the past we have gone though our "working it out". I do not expect to have to "work it out" for the rest of our lives, at some point, I am satisfied with what you have done. Does not mean I am not angry about what you have done in the past, just I know that what was done, is in the past, and my anger needs to live there.

If she "slips" ever again, then my past anger will come back, and be in full force.

I wish you Luck.........
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Old 8th October 2017, 1:02 PM   #33
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Originally Posted by understand50 View Post
The anger will never go away. When you stop to remember, or do remember just what they did, the anger will come back. It is also part and parcel of the "forgiving, but never forgetting" thing.

So how do you reconcile and have a loving and good marriage?

You learn how to place the anger of their past action in context. Yes, I am angry at what happened, but I also recognize your actions now, and what you are doing now. I see our marriage now, and react to that not what you have done in the past. For your actions in the past we have gone though our "working it out". I do not expect to have to "work it out" for the rest of our lives, at some point, I am satisfied with what you have done. Does not mean I am not angry about what you have done in the past, just I know that what was done, is in the past, and my anger needs to live there.

If she "slips" ever again, then my past anger will come back, and be in full force.

I wish you Luck.........
You nailed it, of vourse. This totally works for me except for the bold. I can't see that day coming.
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Old 8th October 2017, 5:12 PM   #34
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Try to live your life. Focus on other areas of it. I felt similar I also couldn't look at her or talk to her. With years it became easier. Now I see the good things about her and can talk easily. I divorced. It became easier after 2-3 years. It will be much easier when you are ready to forgive. When you forgive it bothers you less. I think you can't rush it. It will come to you at some point. There is no magic to heal you up faster. Unless maybe if you meet some other nice woman

"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget." Thomas Stephen Szasz
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Old 8th October 2017, 5:21 PM   #35
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Originally Posted by Ahurtgirl View Post
Staying separate is probably best for both of you. She wouldn't have cheated if she was feeling loved and adored by you. She wants more than you can give her. Let her go so she is free to find a better man. A woman does not cheat if her husband is giving her the time, attention, and affection she needs, and is providing financially for her better than any other man can.
Well young lady what was she not doing for him not to be meeting her needs ?

See how that works

SMH

55

Last edited by just got it 55; 8th October 2017 at 7:28 PM..
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Old 8th October 2017, 11:50 PM   #36
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Hi Folks, what does SMH stand for? I'm sorry but I am not well up with all the acronyms used here.

On another note there is an adage in the colloquial where I live which translated goes something like this "After devouring nine hundred mice the Cat decides to go on a spiritual pilgrimage"! The message here is clear. One cannot expect a leopard to change it's spots or for that matter for a donkey to replace a horse. I think the anger that OP feels is a direct result of having been defrauded of his marriage repeatedly, by the only one he trusted with his life and having that fact rubbed in his face by her. I think that is something very hard for anyone with an iota of self respect to swallow. It also follows from the adage that I quoted that the person doing the defrauding is NOT likely to change her attitude and characteristics unless a miracle occurs.

In such a case the OP would be well advised to remove himself completely from the situation involving his WW and chart his future course without her in his life. Then and only then will there be a possibility of getting over his anger finally. To my mind a kind of negative version of the adage "You can't have your cake and eat it too" applies here. If he thinks he can and must continue with his marriage then he will never be able to fully get rid of his anger because the cause of it will always be in front of him. Just a line of thinking. Warm wishes.

Last edited by Just a Guy; 8th October 2017 at 11:56 PM..
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