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Suspicious Bruises on Butt


Brett Hatton

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Brett Hatton

Hello, I'm new to this forum and hoping that in might be able to get some help / insight as to my partner's behaviour and bruising on her butt.

Things seemed to be off for a while and came to a head one day.

It started with noticing what I thought was men's cologne on her hair. I never said anything as she just came back from the yoga and I thought it might have have been sweat.

A couple weeks later I was looking for change in her purse, for the bus. I have a rule that I don't go into women's pursues but she was sleeping and I didn't want to wake her. Anyway, in a small wallet I found three condoms, old expired condoms, but condoms nonetheless.

That same night, when going to bed I noticed bruises on her butt. The common thing then this made me get very nervous and anxious. I asked what happened and she didn't know. She then jumped online and started trying to find reasons for the bruising. And then became very defensive and attacking me.

Then she said the following: "if I die from this you'll be sorry" "what if it is malnutrition or a blood disorder, did you ever think about that, huh?"

The best explanation as to a cause was something called "purpura" which isn't even close.

Now, she did let me take photos of the bruising to show her.

QUESTION: does this site allow photos to be posted, for feedback? It would be of her butt and I would of course be respectful.

I love this girl very much but have concerns and need to know of they are valid. She of course has denied everything.

 

On another note, she looks at her last few exes fb, IG, etc online daily. She said this is normal for women to do b/c they want to know about exes. I stumbled across this on our computer and she locked it down after I asked her about it.

She was very defensive about this as well

Help!

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CautiouslyOptimistic

I'm a woman and do not look at my exes daily, or even weekly. Every now and then maybe if I'm curious about what they're up to.

 

The last many I dated saw bruises like you described on his on and off cheating wife just before she left him for a new man. She just married him. (She also denied the bruises were anything)

 

I don't think you should post a pic, but are they on both sides?

 

Also, I never smell like men's cologne unless I've been very up close and personal with a man wearing cologne.

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How long have you been with her? Is she known to bruise easily? Is there any discinerable shape to the bruising? I'm guessing she got defensive because you were outright accusing her of cheating. I've had a bruise here and there that I can't explain and don't remember the cause of it. Not on my butt though.

 

It's not normal to look at an exes social media on a daily basis and sweat does not smell like a man's cologne.

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Brett Hatton

The bruises are like a hand prints on either side of her butt.

On the bottom crease of the butt there are bruise on either side, quite large. Then on the left side there are four small bruises high on her butt cheek that look like finger prints, and actually very the top of and inside where the butt starts. On the right side, it appears like a mark from being spanked.

I left out an important piece...she loves rough sex. I understand not posting a photo but it would certainly help. As this is driving me nuts.

Yes, I suspect it is from sex

 

She cheated on her ex husband for 3 yrs and was very open about this when we first met They then had an open marriage for 6 years and has dating multiple guys and at the same time. Yes, all red flags but I was an idiot.

 

The constantly looking at exes online seems odd to me. And it was daily, not just once a month, which I could maybe understand. Then locking down the computer and she is very protective of her phone. When we're together is is always on DG and IG. As a matter a fact she met her last bf on IG and her lived 300o miles away.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
When we're together is is always on DG and IG. As a matter a fact she met her last bf on IG and her lived 300o miles away.

 

What's DG?

 

This woman is cheating. I have no doubt. How long have you been together?

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The bruises are like a hand prints on either side of her butt.

On the bottom crease of the butt there are bruise on either side, quite large. Then on the left side there are four small bruises high on her butt cheek that look like finger prints, and actually very the top of and inside where the butt starts. On the right side, it appears like a mark from being spanked.

I left out an important piece...she loves rough sex. I understand not posting a photo but it would certainly help. As this is driving me nuts.

Yes, I suspect it is from sex

 

She cheated on her ex husband for 3 yrs and was very open about this when we first met They then had an open marriage for 6 years and has dating multiple guys and at the same time. Yes, all red flags but I was an idiot.

 

The constantly looking at exes online seems odd to me. And it was daily, not just once a month, which I could maybe understand. Then locking down the computer and she is very protective of her phone. When we're together is is always on DG and IG. As a matter a fact she met her last bf on IG and her lived 300o miles away.

 

We don't need a photo to understand that she is probably cheating on you...

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Brett Hatton

She had a bit of an anger mgmt issue. So I tried not to openly accuse her of cheating. I was just trying to understand the cause and was actually more concerned for her health.

 

The disappointing thing was she attacked me. I will be honest, I try to avoid conflict so I hold onto some things to avoid conflict. . She somehow turned it around and said that she doesn't trust me because of that... I don't see the connection other than delfecting. She is a lawyer, so she is very good at it!

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Brett Hatton

Oops...sorry, not DG, I meant FB

We were only together one year when I noticed the bruises.

As far as the condoms, she said that they were still there from before we started dating.

It has been 2.5 months since I noticed the bruises and she has become more secretive with her phone and shares very little.

It blew up last night after a day out with friends. She is interviewing for a different job which she originally said were require travel out of town maybe quarterly. When talking with friends she said there would be a "**** ton" on traval. I asked her later that night of the amount of expected travel had changed and she once again became defensive and walked, not wanting to talk about it.

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Random shapeless unexplained bruise? Probably nothing, I get them myself all the time. On my legs, 80% below the knee. But...

 

The bruises are like....hand prints on either side of her butt......there are four small bruises high on her butt cheek that look like finger prints....

 

Can't possibly be innocent. You don't even need the condoms to bolster that case (and since the condoms are old and expired they speak more to past behavior than current). It is certain somebody grabbed her ass very forcefully with both hands on either side. The logical and near-inescapable inference is that they were engaged in a sex act.

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Oops...sorry, not DG, I meant FB

We were only together one year when I noticed the bruises.

As far as the condoms, she said that they were still there from before we started dating.

It has been 2.5 months since I noticed the bruises and she has become more secretive with her phone and shares very little.

It blew up last night after a day out with friends. She is interviewing for a different job which she originally said were require travel out of town maybe quarterly. When talking with friends she said there would be a "**** ton" on traval. I asked her later that night of the amount of expected travel had changed and she once again became defensive and walked, not wanting to talk about it.

 

So tell us, why are you dating her... She has a temper, she doesn't communicate with you, she cheated on her ex husband and has proven that monogamy is not for her, and she is constantly checking social media - probably chatting up ex's or who knows how many other men... If you expect monogamy from this woman, you will be sorely disappointed... Why do you stay?

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I'm also curious to know why you got involved with a known cheater who has anger issues. What exactly is attractive to you about her.

 

If I had that many bruises on my butt and I honestly didn't know how they got there I'd being going to the doctor ASAP

 

She is clearly cheating. Her anger and defensiveness is meant to deflect and confuse you.

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Brett Hatton

All very good questions. When things are good, they are amazing!

But you are right, all the signs were there and I still continue.

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All very good questions. When things are good, they are amazing!

But you are right, all the signs were there and I still continue.

 

But, things are bad...

 

They better be damn good to outweigh the bad... Because I'll tell you, this isn't going to end well for you. And at this point, you can't say that you didn't see it coming...

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Just for the experiment, let's take the bruises out of the equation. Let's say there are no bruises. When you ask your gf anything ("why didn't you buy chees for dinner?") and she has no good explanation, then locks the computer and becomes defensive on her phone, she's 90% cheating. Add the condoms, and you get 99%.

 

Let's make another experiment - If I saw bruises like a sign of finger prints on my wife's butt, I would have brought her papers without even trying to confront her about it.

 

So' any way you look at it, your gf is cheating on you 100%. Now, take the action you think is the best.

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Brett Hatton

You're right, things are very bad.

I know I need to pull the pin and end things...just hard!

 

I'm sensing the behaviour and bruising makes it pretty clear as far as what she has been doing. I just needed some other thoughts and opinions and I appreciate everyone's feedback. Thank you!

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You aren't serious are you?

 

Let me explain then.

 

If you didn't put the hand prints on her butt then another man did.

 

Why are you with a cheater still. She already cheated in a previous relationship. Move on already.

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Brett Hatton

No I didn't put the bruises there. Right or wrong, and in this case more wrong, I was wanting to believe her when she said she didn't know how the bruising got there.

I would like to share a photo to get opinions. As I still can't figure out how if was physically possible. That said it looks very suspect and her behaviour backed that up.

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Brett Hatton

I've been around the block so not totally blind to things, or perhaps I am. I just don't understand how a person could be so loving and want to get married and then be out cheating at the same time.

Oh, she is a bit of a narcissist when it comes to social media as well.

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40somethingGuy
Re: photo. Totally understand and will not do that.

 

a woman on that is not cheating and loves you will show you her FB IG and phone as well as email on the spot with no chance to hide evidence. Just the fact that you know she checks up and likely communicates with ex's shows she is counting on your weakness to do whatever she wants and whoever she wants. Plus, a cheater that hasn't yet been exposed with evidence will always make this your fault. You could get a PI to watch her but I do think this is obvious. You're being played and she has a history of this kind of behavior.

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healing light

I've had random bruises. I had a period when I was on the verge of death and they were quite large, pooling, and all over, especially on my legs. And now I get them periodically when I change up my supplements. There is a distinct difference. They are about the size of a thumb nail, mostly on my thighs. Random distribution near veins, not concentrated like a hand or clustered like fingers. Tend to go to brown quickly, not a lot of depth, etc.

 

That being said, I think the woman in question is cheating. Unnecessarily defensive, angry, "lots of travel."

 

The only times I've checked anyone's social media daily/frequently is when I was madly in love with someone or actively, intensely disliked someone (associated with someone I was in love with).

 

Sooo... I'm not buying that she just wants to check in on them.

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