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Suspicious Bruises on Butt


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 5th October 2017, 10:51 AM   #91
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Ok so y'all don't scream at me, but I'm going to play Devil's Advocate real quick

Last weekend, I was shooting a wedding and somehow managed to bruise a boob. No idea how, didn't even notice it. I could've bumped into someone, slammed my camera on it, had the underwire up to high, but honestly I have no idea how that bruise got on my boob and I had no idea it was there until my husband pointed it out.

It legitimately looked like a big black and red hickey on my underboob, I was horrified. Luckily my husband just laughed it off even though it was suspicious looking. Is there a possibility that she fell down on her butt or maybe bumped into the corner of a table?

I'm more worried about her being defensive, but at the same time, if my husband had accused me of getting my butt spanked because of bruising, I would be defensive too. Actually I'd be furious and disappointed with his lack of trust in me.
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Old 5th October 2017, 12:09 PM   #92
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Hi SYH, your bruise was acquired innocently enough and I guess your husband has no reason to doubt you. In the OP's case his GF cheated on her ex husband and has admitted to sleeping with a couple of married men and indulged in other suspicious behaviour. So I guess OP has every reason to worry.
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Old 5th October 2017, 3:31 PM   #93
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OP I agree with the others. Past performance is a sure predictor of future behavior. Your GF has admitted to cheating, sleeping around with married men, living with her ex in an open relationship....


Did she ever tell you the number of men she slept with during this "open relationship"?


And given the evidence of the old used condoms, she has already cheated on you once.


From my perspective, your GF is not monogamous, wants to have sex with as many men as she can, but she wants all the perks that come with marriage and a monogamous union. The two lifestyles cannot coexist. I guarantee if you marry her, very soon down the road she will be asking you for an open relationship.


This woman is indeed a hazard to all around her. I would dump her and move on. Don't look back.

Last edited by Cephalopod; 5th October 2017 at 3:34 PM..
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Old 5th October 2017, 6:50 PM   #94
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When I first noticed the bruising it was evening after I noticed condoms in her purse. I was certainly surprise, but I didn’t and haven’t accused her of cheating.
Initially, I was concerned and was asking if she fell down, was ok, etc. She then immediately went to her phone, turned away from me as usual, and started searching for possible explanations for the bruising. I can’t be sure but I thought I heard a few txts being sent as well. Very suspicious behaviour and I was listening and only trying I understand. She also suggested that she got them from a park bench b/c of the finger print sized bruises look like the holes in a bench we sat on the might before. Not possible given those bruises were high on her butt, near the top of her butt cheek and one was inside the crack of her butt. I know bruising can happen without noticing, but given the location and the amount...I doubt it.

Explanations she provided - blood disorder, malnutrition and purpura which was the one she latched onto and doesn’t even look remotely close to what was on her butt. Then she got very defensive and said... “what if I die from this...huh?”

For anyone who was truly innocent, I wouldnt expect that kind of a response. She has a go at me for the rest of the night as well as the next day. Then turns it around and said she doesn’t trust me b/c I hold things in and don’t share right away if something is bothering me...and the reason is I can’t have a normal convo with her.

Perhaps TMI, but the 1.5 months prior to the bruises, frequency of sex dropped from daily to a couple times per week. Sex the night before I found the bruises was like...”just get it over as it hurts”. I clued on to that guessing she was “sore”.

To me this is a slamdunk case of cheating. I would like her come clean it really, is there any point?!
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Old 5th October 2017, 6:54 PM   #95
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To me this is a slamdunk case of cheating. I would like her come clean it really, is there any point?!
Most of us think you shouldn't have been involved with her in the first place, so no, there's really no point in playing detective. You had your fun and hopefully you didn't catch anything. Time to move on.
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Old 5th October 2017, 6:59 PM   #96
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She has never mentioned numbers, but when we have joked about this, which typically deteriorates quickly. She has said “you really don’t want to start comparing notes, do you?”. I suspect it is healthy number.
She has a penchant for athletes, professors, slept with 20yr old when she was 39, and lots of other young guys, was sleeping with multiple guys at the same time. All this came out after we started dating. She wears it all like a badge of honour.
The latest is checking out ever good looking young that walks by. I don’t have an issue with that as we’re not dead. But as an example, going for dinner and looking away at a table with a good looking guy...15-20 times is just disrespectful. I’ve been in relationships where we both point out good looking guys and girls. No issues.
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Old 5th October 2017, 7:48 PM   #97
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She has never mentioned numbers, but when we have joked about this, which typically deteriorates quickly. She has said “you really don’t want to start comparing notes, do you?”. I suspect it is healthy number.
She has a penchant for athletes, professors, slept with 20yr old when she was 39, and lots of other young guys, was sleeping with multiple guys at the same time. All this came out after we started dating. She wears it all like a badge of honour.
The latest is checking out ever good looking young that walks by. I don’t have an issue with that as we’re not dead. But as an example, going for dinner and looking away at a table with a good looking guy...15-20 times is just disrespectful. I’ve been in relationships where we both point out good looking guys and girls. No issues.
Just be done and end this nightmare already.
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Old 5th October 2017, 9:15 PM   #98
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So when are you moving back into your own house?

This is the first step. She will cuss you out or come clean.
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Old 6th October 2017, 4:55 AM   #99
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Hi Folks, since the OP questioned my reasoning in a previous post and alluded to me as a troll for asking politely if he was a closet c and apologizing in advance if I was wrong in my assumption about that, I will not flog that issue. However, if that possibility is excluded, then in view of the last couple of posts by him all I can say is that he is definitely low on self esteem and self respect. As BryanP is won't to say, "If you don't respect yourself then who else will". The OP has overwhelming evidence of his GF's infidelity and non monogamous tendencies and yet he seems to look through it all and hope that she will turn over a new leaf. He may as well expect a leopard to change it's spots! If he changes nothing in this relationship then nothing will change. Years later, he will be back here asking for advice on how to handle his ( then) cheating wife. Even God helps those who help themselves. Warm wishes to all.

Last edited by Just a Guy; 6th October 2017 at 4:57 AM..
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Old 6th October 2017, 5:22 AM   #100
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I'm late to this thread but I wanted to give a brief experience that I saw from the outside that was similar. This was a couple we were close friends with for many years.

Wife battled depression and regrets from being a stay at home mom. They had a one sided open marriage where she could anything as long as it made her happy.

He loved her and the kids tremendously and worked hard to provide for them. He worked an off shift so didn't get a ton of free time with the family during the evening.

Even with the open marriage he found out that she had been messing around with several guys and not telling him. He found out through bruises on her butt and inner thighs, did a little snooping and confirmed. He confronted her and she admitted everything. She stopped for a while but then started fooling around with some of his friends. He finds out again and confronts her. He forgives and the pattern repeats. Meanwhile their friends including me are telling him he needs to get out. She's cheating, spending all of the money, neglecting the kids etc. he stays in it. Tries to make her happy. Doesn't want to give up on the family. Knows that divorce will hurt the kids. All of the good reasons.

She becomes more distant and pushes him away. She leaves on the weekends. Shows him videos of her and his friends having sex to try and upset him, attempts to sleep with his brother. He still hangs on.

This continued for several years until she grew up some and called it quits.

His opinion on the situation now is that he feels proud that he didn't give up. Regardless of how bad it got he kept trying. Even when it was toxic. Now the kids are older and know a lot of the situation they respect and love him even more. He says he's glad he married her because it resulted in the kids but he does admit that if kids weren't in the picture or if the kids weren't his he probably would have left. He thinks that if he would have left it would have forced her to grow up, get her crap together and be a better mom.

While my opinion would be to get out as you're not married, I can see how a person in love and when kids are involved want make it work regardless of how bad it can be.
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Old 6th October 2017, 9:50 AM   #101
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Originally Posted by Jg81 View Post
I'm late to this thread but I wanted to give a brief experience that I saw from the outside that was similar. This was a couple we were close friends with for many years.

Wife battled depression and regrets from being a stay at home mom. They had a one sided open marriage where she could anything as long as it made her happy.

He loved her and the kids tremendously and worked hard to provide for them. He worked an off shift so didn't get a ton of free time with the family during the evening.

Even with the open marriage he found out that she had been messing around with several guys and not telling him. He found out through bruises on her butt and inner thighs, did a little snooping and confirmed. He confronted her and she admitted everything. She stopped for a while but then started fooling around with some of his friends. He finds out again and confronts her. He forgives and the pattern repeats. Meanwhile their friends including me are telling him he needs to get out. She's cheating, spending all of the money, neglecting the kids etc. he stays in it. Tries to make her happy. Doesn't want to give up on the family. Knows that divorce will hurt the kids. All of the good reasons.

She becomes more distant and pushes him away. She leaves on the weekends. Shows him videos of her and his friends having sex to try and upset him, attempts to sleep with his brother. He still hangs on.

This continued for several years until she grew up some and called it quits.

His opinion on the situation now is that he feels proud that he didn't give up. Regardless of how bad it got he kept trying. Even when it was toxic. Now the kids are older and know a lot of the situation they respect and love him even more. He says he's glad he married her because it resulted in the kids but he does admit that if kids weren't in the picture or if the kids weren't his he probably would have left. He thinks that if he would have left it would have forced her to grow up, get her crap together and be a better mom.

While my opinion would be to get out as you're not married, I can see how a person in love and when kids are involved want make it work regardless of how bad it can be.
There are many reasons why a BH stays. All he will
admit to those it is for the kids.

What the BH does not say is just as important.
Embarrassed to admit in public he is divorced.
Embarrassed to admit in public his WW cheated on him.
Embarrassed that his low self esteem makes him
feel he will never get another woman and or
one as attractive as his WW.

To stay is not based on one thing it is a balance of
all the things running through the BH's mind.
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Old 6th October 2017, 11:00 AM   #102
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I'll be plain but hopefully not unkind.

If you marry this woman, you would have to be intentionally blind not to know exactly what you are getting.

So next year, in two years, in 5 years, WHEN she continues to cheat on you, you shouldn't be surprised. Hurt, yes. Surprised, no.

You are walking into a marriage with a cheater knowingly.

Honestly, it is hard to generate sympathy for that.
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Old 9th October 2017, 9:13 AM   #103
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You’re right and I do realize that I would be setting myself up for a works or hurt and sadness if I was to get married. It is a sad situation when someone pretends to love you to your face, most of the time, yet treats you like crap behind your back.
I agree, unless there has been smellier made to change, ie through counseling or other, past behaviour is a very good predictor of future behaviour.
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Old 9th October 2017, 9:21 AM   #104
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You’re right and I do realize that I would be setting myself up for a works or hurt and sadness if I was to get married. It is a sad situation when someone pretends to love you to your face, most of the time, yet treats you like crap behind your back.
I agree, unless there has been smellier made to change, ie through counseling or other, past behaviour is a very good predictor of future behaviour.
So you admit there cannot be a future with her. What is your plan then? Are you going to just deal with being a backup plan?
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Old 9th October 2017, 3:57 PM   #105
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You’re right and I do realize that I would be setting myself up for a works or hurt and sadness if I was to get married. It is a sad situation when someone pretends to love you to your face, most of the time, yet treats you like crap behind your back.
I agree, unless there has been smellier made to change, ie through counseling or other, past behaviour is a very good predictor of future behaviour.
Best of luck Brett,

It is wise to walk away from this one. You also need to get tested for STD's if you have been with her sense. Also to stop being with her until you get the results and decide what you are going to do. She hasn't stopped her doing I would wager, to much of a thrill of almost getting caught.
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