LoveShack.org Community Forums

Reload this Page LoveShack.org Community Forums > Romantic > Marriage & Life Partnerships > Infidelity

in need of insight from regretful cheaters


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

Like Tree62Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 3rd October 2017, 10:41 AM   #46
Established Member
 
wmacbride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 2,881
op,

This may be way off the mark, but is there any chance your husband has come to view you as "mommy"?

Some men, especially those who are stuck in the mindset of an teenager, can come to view their spouse almost as a parent. In their mind, their spouse is somehow keeping them from being able to do something they want to do, and they rebel against that authority-the same way an adolescent will when his parents tell him not to do/ to do something.

Then, when it all blows up, they come running home to their "mommy" ( their spouse) expecting comfort and support.

It's an odd dynamic, but it can happen.

If you feel that could be what's going on with him, he may well not be able to change his behavior, even if he really does want to, without some professional help. This doesn't mean he can't change, just that it may be really hard for him, and by extension, you.
__________________
"Booooo! I am a high-priced Washington lobbyist, peddling influence! Who wants candy?"- Dale Gribble
wmacbride is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3rd October 2017, 2:03 PM   #47
Mun
Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 27
Quote:
Originally Posted by wmacbride View Post
op,

This may be way off the mark, but is there any chance your husband has come to view you as "mommy"?

Some men, especially those who are stuck in the mindset of an teenager, can come to view their spouse almost as a parent. In their mind, their spouse is somehow keeping them from being able to do something they want to do, and they rebel against that authority-the same way an adolescent will when his parents tell him not to do/ to do something.

Then, when it all blows up, they come running home to their "mommy" ( their spouse) expecting comfort and support.

It's an odd dynamic, but it can happen.

If you feel that could be what's going on with him, he may well not be able to change his behavior, even if he really does want to, without some professional help. This doesn't mean he can't change, just that it may be really hard for him, and by extension, you.
Well, the little explanation he was able to give me is that indeed he wasn't able to cut things with his past/was afraid to grow up. I'm not sure if it's a mommy thing because he was cheating on me before I got pregnant with an ex (who turned friend with benefits, even if she was in a relationship) but that was a couple of times and then he stopped when we moved in together, right after I found out I was pregnant. It is **** because he basically did it just a few days after he proposed and we signed the papers to get married. Could be fear of commitment but a very sick thing to do. After I got pregnant he never cheated physically (as far as I know) but was sexting with various people from his past, almost ended up meeting up with one but then decided not to at the last minute.
This is heartbreaking for me anyway, doesn't make much it less bad than if he did, but I see that you have a point when you talk about rebellion. Funny thing is he asked me to get married, he really encouraged me about keeping the child ( I wasn't sure). I was shutting myself too for how quickly things were going and how my life was about to change but it's not an excuse to cheat. It actually makes it worst because he abandoned me when I was feeling the most vulnerable I've ever felt in my life. He says that now, after the cold shower of my discovery and the idea to lose me and his family, he will never do anything like this again. He's starting therapy in a couple of weeks and I want to write a letter to hid psychologist, to talk about my side of the story. I get that I can't be in contact with the Doctor while he's doing therapy but I would like to prevent him from omitting things and edit the truth. Not sure if that's possible but I will try.
Thanks for taking the time to reply, and for not giving a quick opinion based on your personal bias. Very appreciated.
Mun is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 4th October 2017, 3:53 PM   #48
Established Member
 
elaine567's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 13,333
Google
"The Infidelity Megafecta" and read it, it is not very long but it is good.The article gives a list of "the non-sexual issues that rear their ugly heads in the course of an affair."


Mun likes this.
elaine567 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 5th October 2017, 8:07 AM   #49
Established Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Texas
Posts: 349
This is hard for me to understand also. I couldn't cheat on someone I actually loved. My exhusband was gay so we loved each other like sibblings do, nothing sexual. My exMM I did actually love in all the ways possible... but obviously he was married so that was a stupid decision for me but I couldn't have ever cheated on him. I was completely dedicated to him. I still feel like I don't want to be involved with anyone since what all happened. I just have no desire to date and not sure if I ever will pursue another relationship. Being alone is peaceful.
Mun likes this.
Ahurtgirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Bookmarks

Thread Tools
Display Modes

 

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
regretful and trying to move on jat0041 Separation and Divorce 1 14th March 2013 5:43 PM
Cheaters, Cheaters, Cake Eaters promises The Other Man / Woman 97 23rd February 2013 3:04 PM
Always regretful ...and Sorry. jasperlynx Separation and Divorce 22 22nd November 2010 9:32 AM
cheaters-new, former, retired, continued cheaters, do they regret? Livelovelearn Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy 10 23rd May 2010 10:37 PM
Sooo regretful... !!!!!!!!! LuvSucks Breaks and Breaking Up 1 8th May 2010 12:23 AM

 

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:08 PM.

Please note: The suggestions and advice offered on this web site are opinions only and are not to be used in the place of professional psychological counseling or medical advice. If you or someone close to you is currently in crisis or in an emergency situation, contact your local law enforcement agency or emergency number.


Copyright © 1997-2013 LoveShack.org. All Rights Reserved.