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painful affair end


Infidelity In an affair or suspect your significant other? Share your experiences and concerns here.

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Old 28th September 2017, 9:47 PM   #106
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Thingsfallapart View Post
What's with all the nasty judgements.

I'm just someone who is in a lot of pain and is reaching out for some kind of advice or help...

How do your nasty judgments help my situation at all?

I have made mistakes. But so does everyone. I just have to learn from them.

This site is basically a support group for the broken hearted and that's all it should be.

If I wanted judgments I would have spoken to other people...
Often, those in an affair eventually have to face the flaws within oneself and the flaws of the affair partner at some stage.

Maintaining the high of an affair requires double the effort to restore the early stage of the affair when the mirroring of what you both want to see and believe in each other was not questioned or challenged.

Many people in affairs set themselves up by trying to be both a saviour and rescuer. The muddle of it all really only thrives on deceit and as in your situation it's not unique. Your affair is now in the power struggle stage, the power struggle is always under the surface because people in affairs mask themselves as altruistic. A typical scenario is saying what they think they should say and presenting what they should portray and eventually as in any relationship the talk versus the walk is tested.

As for your resistance to real advice and lashing out against it by labelling it as judgemental is text book for the great majority of WS's who's spouse is in the dark.

On the bright side, though you're not getting the "support and help you admonish as being judgemental", in an circumvent irony you're helping other's with a window's view into the psyche of a typical Wayward Spouse.

I'm guessing you'll take this as "judgemental"......you've put your wife at risk for std's without her knowledge. It doesn't matter that your affair partner had sex with other men while you were briefly broken up....it's one thing to risk your own health but to risk your wife's health is beyond cruel.

Last edited by Furious; 28th September 2017 at 10:34 PM..
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Old 29th September 2017, 1:47 PM   #107
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you said it yourself.

Sorry if that sounds brutal but you said it yourself, she's the female version of you. She's cheating on you, who're having an affair with her.
She, like you doesn't believe in monogamy I guess, or at least doesn't have a black and white view of things. On the other hand you couldn't give her your 100%, so of course she's not fully committing to you. She's moving on to other guys because probably at this point she's thinking that if you can't give her what she wants she might as well have more lovers, at least there's more excitement in the novelty. Also, if it's a proper relationship what she's looking for and you can't / don't want to give her this, I don't see how you can expect her to be only yours promising that you'll leave your family. You didn't do it until now, so as you don't trust her she probably doesn't trust you. Hope I didn't offend you.
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Old 4th October 2017, 2:37 PM   #108
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You have to let her go! You can't give her the very thing she wants and deserves and that's you completely. You both are in this toxic vicious cycle and its never going to end until you implement NC for good. She's obviously broken and looking for attention in all the wrong places and you are just the fall back guy to pick up the pieces. Finally be that guy that respects her wishes and lets her be.

If you truly "love" her than you have to let her go. Your ego and selfish needs is why you still want her. If you have her happiness at heart you will consider doing this for her. Also, look at the emotional toll this has taken on you, your XAP, and wife. You are clearly unhappy so how long will you continue living this way?

I wish you the best!

Last edited by Matahari007; 4th October 2017 at 2:43 PM..
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