wmacbride Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 This is a thread for bs... If you are a bs who's A had ended, how do you view your spouse's former ap? I vacillate between seeing her as a twit who can't get her sh@togtehr, and feeling incredibly bad for her, as she hasn't had an easy life. heard a blurb form her again the other day. Nothing noteworthy, just a " no matter what you did to me, I am happy" photo through social media. Se she had an very brief affair with my spouse, did her best to cr@p all over my life for nearly a decade since, and I'm the one who is keeping her from being happy? What a tool! I showed it to my husband, he hugged me and apologized. this isn't his fault. If , almost ten years after an affair that lasted a few weeks ) not even six) she can't get past trying to irritate me and keep a lid on herself, she has a problem. Anyway, enough about me and HH ( the initials of a rude moniker my friend and i made up for her..don't ask what it is as its rude) how about you? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 (edited) I go back and forth too. One one hand I see her as a child becsuse she was only 20 when they met and at that age whobreally knows what they are doing in the grown up world? Then on the other hand,she didn't show any remorse or any hesistation or anything when I spoke to her about how this was hurting me and my kids and if she'd back off we could figure it out and if it ended it ended. And I think about how she texted my son. I think about how she left obvious artifacts of the affair on my doorstep for my kids to see and I think about how she never once respected his wishes to stop contacting him. And I think about how h was her second 40 year old married man and I think about how she told me to go **** myself when I let her mom know she said she was going off to kill herself and where to find her. And I think about punching her in the face at least once a day. And I'm ok with that. As Springsteen once said "you gotta learn to live with what you can't rise above". And I just can't rise above hating her right now. But as time goes on I'm sure that will lessen. Already I'm so sick of having the affair aftermath be a daily thing we deal with Edited September 19, 2017 by aileD 4 Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted September 19, 2017 Share Posted September 19, 2017 Wow! A six week affair 10 YEARS AGO and there is still crap going on? Do you have friends in common? Why do you see her social media? How do you know that comment was directed to you? Me? My husband had a brief affair, about the same amount of time.... And gees, was about 7 years ago. How do I feel about her? Now and then? Eh, it was never about her. My husband lied, told her all sorts of nonsense like we were divorced and still living together (yeah okay) I remember being quite annoyed that I had to chase her off repeatedly - lucky for her I never unleashed on her - I felt more like she was an annoying mouse to chase off with my broom - and I resisted stomping her. She moved on, we moved on. Out of curiosity years ago I looked her up - she had just gotten married - good for her. She was 8 years my junior (early 20's at the time), and compared to me, a timid thing - I always felt more powerful than her... And took mercy on her (never called her names, or took jabs at her which I could have easily done). Again, she was just a girl who believed some lies from charming guy (the best was when she was telling me how wonderful he was - I was saying yeah, I know he has those qualities, that's why I said yes when he asked to marry me). I had to remind her about all the lies she already believed and remind her that there are many more. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
seren Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 I feel nothing but indifference, I know from friends who live in her area that she is now on her umpteenth affair. At the time of D Day, I felt sorry for her as she was and is married to an abusive man, I helped her to get into a refuge when her H found out, it seems she went back to him, but still continued to have affairs. You have to feel sorry for someone who has such low self esteem. I would be lying if I said I felt indifference to her at the time, TBH if it wasn't for my job that required me to have a squeaky clean personal life, I would have unleashed hell on her, yes it was H who betrayed me, but she was complicit in that action. In the years after she stalked me, not him, and did some unspeakable things that further showed me how damaged she was. We moved over 650 miles away simply because I wouldn't trust myself to not kick off when her games began, glad I did as we now live in a beautiful area. As a detached person I think she uses her A's as a way of getting affection and making her feel she is still a woman that men want, I just hope that in her life she finds peace, as the XBS, I know their A was destructive and not what I would call a relationship by any stretch of the imagination, but that was then, now I rarely think about her, more about me and H and how we have moved along from that time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
GoldenR Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 I kicked her out upon discovery. That was 13 years ago. We divorced. I still see him as a dip****. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 I go back and forth too. One one hand I see her as a child becsuse she was only 20 when they met and at that age whobreally knows what they are doing in the grown up world? Then on the other hand,she didn't show any remorse or any hesistation or anything when I spoke to her about how this was hurting me and my kids and if she'd back off we could figure it out and if it ended it ended. And I think about how she texted my son. I think about how she left obvious artifacts of the affair on my doorstep for my kids to see and I think about how she never once respected his wishes to stop contacting him. And I think about how h was her second 40 year old married man and I think about how she told me to go **** myself when I let her mom know she said she was going off to kill herself and where to find her. And I think about punching her in the face at least once a day. And I'm ok with that. As Springsteen once said "you gotta learn to live with what you can't rise above". And I just can't rise above hating her right now. But as time goes on I'm sure that will lessen. Already I'm so sick of having the affair aftermath be a daily thing we deal with I agree. I can understand about her ( the woman in your situation) age being problematic on one hand, but on the other, I don't buy into that. At 20, you are considered an adult in the eyes of the law. You can drink, vote, sign a contract, join the army, get married etc. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 aileD - she texted your son?! o.O 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 op - how did the pic get to you? she contacted you? Link to post Share on other sites
40somethingGuy Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 This is a thread for bs... If you are a bs who's A had ended, how do you view your spouse's former ap? I vacillate between seeing her as a twit who can't get her sh@togtehr, and feeling incredibly bad for her, as she hasn't had an easy life. heard a blurb form her again the other day. Nothing noteworthy, just a " no matter what you did to me, I am happy" photo through social media. Se she had an very brief affair with my spouse, did her best to cr@p all over my life for nearly a decade since, and I'm the one who is keeping her from being happy? What a tool! I showed it to my husband, he hugged me and apologized. this isn't his fault. If , almost ten years after an affair that lasted a few weeks ) not even six) she can't get past trying to irritate me and keep a lid on herself, she has a problem. Anyway, enough about me and HH ( the initials of a rude moniker my friend and i made up for her..don't ask what it is as its rude) how about you? I hope he has a stroke and dies if his obesity doesn't catch up to him first 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pheonixrisen Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) I fluctuate too ...on one hand I feel really sorry for the pain she must feel for having the love of her life my h within reach but Some one she can't have I can only imagine the pain she must suffer that she bought on her self . On the other hand I want to pumel her to the ground ...which if I see her ever I would not hesitate to do (not even kidding I really would) Yes i blame my h 100 percent for the affair . but it's approaching 6 years women move on ...if only naked pics of your ass and tits could get a man ...she msged him that from a changed number when it came in I had his phone in my hand If only Making different accounts on social media to get on ours could get you him .(I keep blocking all her accounts ) it's a ****ing constant reminder of the affair and her ****ing sad quotes about how she was his getaway from me his happy place but not forever home .or how she lost pieces of her self so she did not have to loose pieces of him .or loving him makes all the pain worth it because apparently the alternative is boring and that she would find him in any lifetime and choose him .which delusional psycho world love is this? She is not living in the real world Her life is a stand still my h moved on we had a child and he is currently insisting on a 2nd child She is older than us has reached 42 /unmarried /And at an emotional standstill .while he refers to her in the most degotary manner you can call a woman everytime she tries to contact . He even called her degotary names on phone .but I think she thinks of him as a magical unicorn. Edited September 20, 2017 by pheonixrisen 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NotCamelot Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 The least rude thing I can say is: if he were on fire, I would not pizz on him to put it out. I hope he dies lonely, broke, hungry and miserable! 4 Link to post Share on other sites
road Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 I was trickled trothed before there was the internet and forums to smarten me up. So I do not know his name or much of what had happened. So who do I get mad at? What, who, when, why where, which, and how am I to get angry at? I do know now that recovery without the truth does not work well. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 op - how did the pic get to you? she contacted you? She posted it on my business's twitter account, but, being the insomniac that I am, found it late at night and took it down pretty quickly. I really do believe she has some mental issues, as I said above, she had a hard time as a little girl. No matter how annoying she might be, I cna't help but think of the little girl who's still somewhere in there and who was wounded and needs help. I tried before. It's a long and stupid situation, and to be honest, I really wish she could be enjoying a happy life. I'm not going to pretend to be noble and say I wish that for her sake. I wish it for mine, as if she was happier, maybe she would leave me alone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 I fluctuate too ...on one hand I feel really sorry for the pain she must feel for having the love of her life my h within reach but Some one she can't have I can only imagine the pain she must suffer that she bought on her self . On the other hand I want to pumel her to the ground ...which if I see her ever I would not hesitate to do (not even kidding I really would) Yes i blame my h 100 percent for the affair . but it's approaching 6 years women move on ...if only naked pics of your ass and tits could get a man ...she msged him that from a changed number when it came in I had his phone in my hand If only Making different accounts on social media to get on ours could get you him .(I keep blocking all her accounts ) it's a ****ing constant reminder of the affair and her ****ing sad quotes about how she was his getaway from me his happy place but not forever home .or how she lost pieces of her self so she did not have to loose pieces of him .or loving him makes all the pain worth it because apparently the alternative is boring and that she would find him in any lifetime and choose him .which delusional psycho world love is this? She is not living in the real world Her life is a stand still my h moved on we had a child and he is currently insisting on a 2nd child She is older than us has reached 42 /unmarried /And at an emotional standstill .while he refers to her in the most degotary manner you can call a woman everytime she tries to contact . He even called her degotary names on phone .but I think she thinks of him as a magical unicorn. Forever home? I see that phrase used when talking about animals at the shelter waiting to be adopted. I have never seen it use about a human being. She sounds kind of weird. Actually, she sounds very weird. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 The least rude thing I can say is: if he were on fire, I would not pizz on him to put it out. I hope he dies lonely, broke, hungry and miserable! I can't help but pity the woman in mine. It was a really short affair. How come after all these years, she can't let go? It isn't as if she is even contacting my spouse. She's contacting me, and what's worse, when she does so on my social media, my daughters see it. They know about he A, so it's not like she's spilling the beans to them. A while back, I got sick of it all. she'd sent me something about her and her new husband. I was able to contact him and asked him to talk to her and make her stop. She did for a while, but it didn't stick. I know this is an awful thought, but part of me hopes she cheats n her husband so she can glom onto someone else and leave me alone. Of course, I'm not serious, as I wouldn't want someone else to be hurt by her. Mind you, she has a preference for married men, and had lots of A's after the one with my spouse. At the time, we were living in a very small town where everyone works together and knows one another, including, whether they want to or not,everyone elses business. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 I was trickled trothed before there was the internet and forums to smarten me up. So I do not know his name or much of what had happened. So who do I get mad at? What, who, when, why where, which, and how am I to get angry at? I do know now that recovery without the truth does not work well. I don't mean to offend you, but if you had been able to meet with him face to face and let all this out, do you think it would have helped you heal? Reconciliation isn't right for everyone. For some, divorce is the better option. t sounds like it was for you. You put the trash out from your life that was dragging you down. Link to post Share on other sites
Whoknew30 Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 I absolutely think nothing about her. No good or bad, I'm at a 100% indifference. I've seen her & she has run (literally) in the other direction & it makes me feel sad for her really. Woman to woman, my H screwed her over as much as me & I feel bad that she's still not a 100% over it like we are. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 It's been almost 4 years since my WH's A ended with MOW and this was after 3 years of False R. At this point I see the xMOW as someone who was at a very low point in her M and sought comfort in my WH's arms. I do believe they loved each other or their A wouldn't have lasted 3 years. I think my WH took advantage of her because he was her boss and a decade in a half older than her. He had an advantage. I feel sorry for her to a point, but both her and my WH saw me unravel and lose my mind to the point of having to be hospitalized 2 times. So I do hold them accountable for further damage to me. All I wanted was to D or R, but neither happened Link to post Share on other sites
Starswillshine Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 Some days I hate her; others I feel completely sorry for her. My husband worked her over pretty bad, it's an inhumane thing to do. But she has some mental instabilities as well. And I only feel so sorry for her, she knew the deal. He was never going to leave, she was a fun thing on the side. She continued it on. It is her own fault she is so hurt. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
dichotomy Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 (edited) how do you view your spouse's former ap? A womanizer, selfish, crude, and poor family man - long since divorced and remained single since then. Maybe he is happy to be free to F all the women without the hiding, maybe sad without a strong relationship with his kids. dont know dont care. Edited September 20, 2017 by dichotomy Link to post Share on other sites
aileD Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 aileD - she texted your son?! o.O Yes. My 12 year old son at the time because she was worried H was going to commit suicide. She claims she thought it was me. Funny (not funny) because he got the text while me and H were in MC and texted me a screen shot. I told him not to say anything back but he had already tested her back some "stay the F away from my dad, he's married and you are ruining our life" stuff That was an interesting therapy session. Now I want to punch her more. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author wmacbride Posted September 20, 2017 Author Share Posted September 20, 2017 Yes. My 12 year old son at the time because she was worried H was going to commit suicide. She claims she thought it was me. Funny (not funny) because he got the text while me and H were in MC and texted me a screen shot. I told him not to say anything back but he had already tested her back some "stay the F away from my dad, he's married and you are ruining our life" stuff That was an interesting therapy session. Now I want to punch her more. I wouldn't waste my time. She sounds like she thrives on drama. It won't be long until she finds another mm to add that spice to her life. :sick:The cycle will start all over, and she'll never clue in that it's all her own doing. Link to post Share on other sites
KatieLaw Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 I hate her and resent the fact that she intended to steal my H. She's now an assistant principal but too stupid to know that men don't tend to see drunken sluts as marriage materiel. My stupid H saw her as a drinking buddy with boobs, but now calls her a fat, ugly skank. She got hers though when after a night of bar hopping, he was grossed out by her behavior and probably appearance and insisted he let him escort her to her room. She wanted to go to his room. She fell along the way so it must have been quit the morning for her, bruised, hungover, embarrassed in front of her roommates. I hope she had a bumpy flight home. Though she made very clear she wanted a husband, more than 11 years later she's still single and has gained an astonishing amount of weight. Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 I don't wish her well, I don't wish her ill. I do periodically google her to see where she is. Link to post Share on other sites
merrmeade Posted September 20, 2017 Share Posted September 20, 2017 All I wanted was to D or R, but neither happened ??? If you didn't D or R, what did you do? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts